Rebecca stopped rowing and frowned anxiously. ‘No, do you? I know he was angry with us but he soon came round. He wouldn’t have asked you to stay for dinner and agreed to talk to you afterwards if he was really upset.’ She pulled on the oars to continue their trip downriver. Trixie had expressed the wish to see something of the river, and feeling the need to stretch herself after being stifled by Alex’s possessiveness for so long, Rebecca had jumped at the chance and suggested a trip to the King Harry Ferry.
Rebecca’s thoughts were never far from Alex these days and she added, ‘Alex needs something, or someone, to help lift him out of his moods, to help him put the past behind him for good. That could be you, Trixie. You knew him when he was injured. You nursed him. You’re a figure of authority to him. Perhaps you could help him to get things into some sort of…’ She searched for the right word.
‘Perspective?’ Trixie asked, trailing her hand in the ripples of water the oars were making. ‘It’s not as easy as it sounds, Rebecca, but you seem to have made significant inroads into breaking the awful pattern he’s obviously been controlled by since he lost his unit. Shell-shock is a terrible thing. We medics saw it in many forms. Some men suffered, and still do, from the sheer physical shock of an explosion or their wounds. Others were ground down by the relentless daily noise and carnage, which finally shattered their nerves. Men like Alex are sometimes the most difficult to help. They suffer mainly from guilt. He wasn’t too badly hurt and all his men were killed. If he’d lost a leg or been disfigured or something, if even just one of his men had survived with him, then he would have coped a lot better.’
‘Poor Alex. It’s hard to understand how much he must have suffered.’ Rebecca stopped rowing again. ‘And my father. He became bitter and turned to drink. He was injured and he lost good friends. He couldn’t bear to think of the way Captain Trevallion ended up.’
‘The chap Alex inherited the estate from?’
‘Yes, they were cousins. The Captain lost his legs and his mind. He lived, well, if you can call it living, in a nursing home, having all his needs attended to until he died this year.’
‘It would have been hard for your father, Rebecca. He not only depended on the Captain for employment but he probably looked up to him and respected him. I imagine your father felt safe while the Captain was in charge, but when he was injured he would have felt at a loss.’
Tears stung Rebecca’s eyes. ‘Things might not have been so bad if my mother hadn’t run out on us while he was away fighting. Coming home to the creek and finding she wasn’t here must have been the final straw.’
‘It’s hard not to see them as no more than the men they’ve become, Rebecca. It’s all they see themselves as most of the time.’ Trixie bent forward and took Rebecca’s hand. ‘Come on, my dear. You’ve got nothing to blame yourself for. Where would the Major and your father be without you, eh? Or is that half your trouble?’
Drying her tears, Rebecca smiled. ‘I don’t really mind but the responsibility weighs me down at times.’
‘Of course it does. They’ve both asked a lot of you. But perhaps I’ll be able to help a little with Alex before I go.’ Trixie looked along the river. ‘Is that the ferry up ahead? You live in a beautiful part of Cornwall. Why don’t we forget Alex and your father for a little while and just enjoy ourselves?’
* * *
The dining-room table was laid in Trevallion House that evening and sitting round it were Rebecca, Alex, Trixie, and, because he wanted to show his nephew he had meant what he’d said earlier, Alex had invited Stephen, who had been taking his meals with Tamsyn. Abigail was in Truro at a social engagement.
The talk was rather stilted to begin with but they were soon chatting comfortably, mainly to Stephen about his school, which made the boy feel wanted, as Alex had hoped. Stephen was delighted when Alex suggested the ladies leave them while they remained at the table. Stephen wasn’t allowed to have any port but he did manage to secure a small glass of wine.
When Stephen retired to look over his homework, Alex joined Rebecca and Trixie in the drawing room. They were talking about the Trevallion estate in general and Rebecca rose to leave when he entered; it was time Trixie and he were left alone for their talk. He was nervous and he squeezed Rebecca’s arm as she walked past him.
‘I don’t know what I’d do without Rebecca,’ Alex said, shuffling his feet about in embarrassment. ‘I don’t tie her down,’ he hastily defended himself
‘Sit down next to me, Alex,’ Trixie said softly. ‘Try to relax. I’m not strict Sister Eddington now. I’ve looked up a number of my old patients since the war ended. I know what you all went through. It might be a comfort to learn that you’re not alone in how you feel.’
Alex sat down beside her. There was no need to tell her about the events that had led up to the death of his men and his stay in the field hospital. There was no need to tell her about the hell he had lived through since. She knew. She understood. She cared. His throat became choked with tears.
He put a shaking hand to his brow. ‘I… I’ve wanted to kill myself so many times.’
Trixie placed a hand firmly on his shoulder. ‘I expect you have.’
‘The nightmares… I can’t stop them, they keep coming back.’
‘They will, Alex, until you acknowledge what happened. Your men are dead but it wasn’t your fault. You were fighting a war. It wasn’t you who gave the order to take your men over the top. That came from higher up. You were only doing your duty. Your men wouldn’t have wanted you to be maimed or killed, would they?’
‘Rebecca said something like that.’
‘And you’ve got to believe it.’ Trixie stressed her words. ‘You’ve got to realise that you won’t ever forget the horrors you went through, but you have to think about the future too. Believe that there is one. Reach out for it, try to grasp it. Believe that you can do it. When you are faced with a bad memory, acknowledge that it’s there, then replace it with a pleasant thought. Do something positive. Get out on the river. Or get involved with the running of the estate. You had men who relied on you in the past, Alex. They’re gone. Now you’ve got people relying on you for their present and future.’
‘I know.’ Alex let his hand fall from his head and he clasped it tightly in his other one. Trixie prised them apart and held them in hers. For a moment he grasped her hands as if he was afraid he was going to fall from a great height. Then his grip loosened and his body sagged, as if the years of stress, fear and failure were slipping out of him. Trixie stood up and gathered him against her. Alex wound his arms round her and sobbed gently.
‘Things will get better if you try,’ she whispered, her voice hoarse with tears of her own. ‘You’ll see.’
* * *
The trip to Perranporth took place the following afternoon. It was a very noisy outing. Tamsyn was thrilled that Motley was allowed to go this time and he barked all the way there with his head sticking round the side of the car. He knocked off Rebecca’s straw sunhat and instead of putting it back on she allowed the wind to whip her hair in a long black stream. When Alex started to sing, they all joined in.
They settled the picnic basket and rug on the same spot as on their last visit then walked a mile along the clifftop in the direction of Perranporth beach.
‘Can we go beaching later, Major?’ Tamsyn asked, tugging on his hand as Motley rushed past him on the narrow path.
After struggling to keep his balance, Alex said they could. When their legs had been stretched and Motley was satisfied that he had sniffed out all the strange and wonderful scents, they returned to the picnic spot. Stephen and Tamsyn drank some lemonade and went off to play, eating an apple.
‘You know the safety rules, Stephen,’ Alex reminded his nephew. ‘I’m trusting you to look after Tamsyn.’
Rebecca watched the boy’s broad back as he strolled off with the little girl and the scruffy dog. ‘Stephen looks so much more settled now you’ve made friends. There’s a more responsible a
ttitude about him.’
‘I feel much better now that we’ve got things sorted,’ Alex said, breaking off bits of rough heather and twirling them in the palm of his hand. ‘I think you’re right, Becca. Stephen does seem more grown up. I hope he doesn’t encourage Tamsyn to do anything silly though. It would break Loveday’s heart if she lost Tamsyn. I always feel a bit unsettled looking after other people’s children.’ He was silent for a while then he looked at Rebecca with a twinkle brightening his dark eyes. ‘Mr Drayton has called at the big house twice this week. Loveday has the best-kept garden on the estate and I’ve had so much advice on business lately I can’t keep up with it.’
‘Aren’t you the lucky one,’ Rebecca said, passing him a flask cup of tea.
‘I was rather thinking Mr Drayton was. Loveday always just manages to be in the vicinity of his motorcar when he leaves. I don’t know why he doesn’t just ask her out properly and be done with it.’
‘Some things can’t be rushed, Alex. Loveday would run a mile if things happened too quickly, and Mr Drayton’s not a brash man.’
Alex looked as if he was about to say something but changed his mind. Rebecca was sure he’d wanted to compare Mr Drayton to Neville Faull. They had talked about many things in the ten days she had worked at Trevallion House but, even though Neville had called there again, not once had he been mentioned. Rebecca had managed to snatch a few moments alone with him and he’d told her to look out for him at the end of the following week. She wondered how Alex would take it if she told him she wanted to see Neville again. Alex had changed remarkably since moving into Trevallion. Dr Pearn had been pleasantly surprised and put it down to the fact he felt settled at last. He looked stronger and stood straighter and there had been no nightmares. Rebecca knew Trixie Eddington’s visit had had something to do with his newfound peace.
‘I think it’s terribly romantic,’ Rebecca said. ‘But I don’t know what Tamsyn would think if Mr Drayton became her stepfather.’
‘I don’t think she’d mind too much. I’ve noticed that she seems to like him. It’s a pity we can’t think of something to help bring her mother and Mr Drayton closer together.’
Rebecca had a sudden thought. ‘What would happen if Mrs Fiennes wanted to get married again? How would it affect things at Trevallion? Stephen may not take kindly to a stepfather.’
‘It wouldn’t matter to me if she wanted to move a husband into Trevallion, as long as he was a good man. I don’t intend living there for good. It still belongs to Miles. The study is Miles’s, the boats are his. The Kennickers respect me but they will always think of everything as belonging to Miles.’
‘I see.’ Unaccountably Rebecca felt disappointed. She had baulked against feeling trapped and had privately blamed Alex. But now she didn’t want him to go away. She was used to being with him. She realised she felt a little hurt. ‘You mean you’re going back to Berkshire?’
‘I haven’t made up my mind yet, but not necessarily. I’ve had another idea.’
Alex paused to allow Rebecca to ask him what this other thought was, although he was sure she wouldn’t. She thought of him more as her employer than a friend of whom she had the right to ask personal questions. After she had dug out the hidden will from under the chest in the study she had left the room to fetch them some coffee and had not asked him a thing about it.
He was right; she asked about something else. ‘Does Mrs Fiennes know that you have other plans?’
‘It’s none of her business. All that woman should concern herself with is getting herself decently married,’ Alex said harshly.
‘Why say it like that?’
‘No one is unaware of Abigail’s goings-on with Joe Carlyon. They’re like a couple of blasted rabbits. Up in the stable loft, in the fields when they’ve been out riding. She even sneaks into his cottage in the dead of night. They probably used Trevallion when it was lying empty.’
‘That’s not a nice way to talk, Alex.’
‘I don’t approve of such loose sexual encounters. Abigail left Berkshire in fear of Stephen finding out about her reputation. He knows now, thanks to me, that he isn’t Ralph’s son. How’s the boy going to feel if he knows she’s with the groom at every opportunity?’
‘I understand your point. Sometimes I feel sorry for Stephen.’
‘Well, at least I’ve made things up to him a little.’ Alex looked at Rebecca closely. ‘You had an infatuation with Carlyon once, didn’t you?’
Rebecca smiled at the memory and blushed a little. ‘It seems a long time ago now. How did you know about that?’
‘I noticed the way you used to look at him.’ Alex threw the dregs of his tea away and lit a cigarette. ‘It must be nice for a man to be looked at in that way by you.’
Rebecca was flattered by his last remark. She studied his profile, his hair, dark and grown long over his collar, his strong brow, proud nose and square jaw, finishing at his wide firm mouth. She realised how attractive he was. Actually he was more. He was gorgeous. He turned and gazed at her. Reaching out he pushed back a thick tress of hair from her face.
‘Are you thinking that if I don’t have my hair cut it will soon be as long as yours?’
Unable to tear her eyes away from his, she murmured, ‘Something like that. Next time you go down into the creek you could ask Jossy Jenkins to cut it for you. He’s always done it for the creek men.’
‘I’ve rather fallen in with the slower-paced Cornish way of life. I think it’s time I made a trip into Truro. I’ll get myself smartened up at a barber’s there.’
‘Why not Falmouth?’
‘Because I’ve been to Falmouth often but only once to Truro since I stepped off the train.’
‘Could it be because Miss Bosanko doesn’t live in Truro?’ she teased.
Alex turned away to draw on his cigarette and blow smoke up into the air. ‘That’s another factor, I admit. I replied to her letter and put her off but I’ll have to see her soon. You can come with me.’
‘Do I have to?’
He put his face close to hers. ‘Yes. I feel uncomfortable being with her alone. If she were a lot younger you might have had to look out for my chastity.’
Rebecca’s face took on a look of disbelieving shock. ‘She doesn’t feel like that about you, does she?’
‘Does that surprise you, Becca? That a woman could find me attractive?’
‘No, of course not. You’re a very attractive man, Alex,’ she blurted out and immediately felt embarrassed. She looked away. Only a moment ago she had been ogling him.
‘But not to all women?’ he went on.
‘I didn’t mean that. What about that American nursing aide Trixie Eddington mentioned?’
‘Val Hendrikson. Boy, was she full of grit!’ Alex smiled. ‘Our VADs were rather jealous of the Americans, and not surprisingly so. They had much more freedom, less petty rules and were even allowed to go to parties. Val brought me back a half-bottle of whisky once. I promised I’d only take a few sips a day but I drank the lot to get drunk and annoy Sister Eddington. It worked like a dream.’
Rebecca felt her stomach tighten. She told herself she couldn’t possibly be jealous of this American woman in Alex’s past, but she had to admit she didn’t like the thought that another woman had been close enough to him to give him comfort.
‘Do you keep in touch with this Val Hendrikson?’
‘No.’
‘Have you never thought of looking her up like Trixie did you?’
‘It’s passed through my mind.’
Rebecca picked up the flask cup he had used and screwed it back on the flask. ‘Trixie’s visit did you good, didn’t it?’ she said stiffly. Damn it, she was even jealous of the ex-sister now!
‘We talked for hours after dinner. I think she’s helped me come to terms with my morbid obsession.’
Rebecca said nothing more and he got up and walked towards the edge of the cliff where he tossed away his cigarette end. Rebecca felt disappointed again, that he had
moved away from her. She watched him as he gazed at the sea’s horizon then turned and scanned each direction of the clifftop. He came back to her quickly.
‘I can’t see the children or the dog. Where on earth could they have got to?’
Chapter 32
Rebecca stood beside Alex and scanned the cliff. She pointed to the mine ruins. ‘There’s Stephen and Motley but I can’t see Tamsyn.’
They exchanged a fearful look and ran to Stephen and the dog.
‘Where’s Tamsyn?’ Alex demanded, clutching the boy’s arms.
Stephen pointed to a small black opening gaping from an overgrown grassy bank. ‘She wanted to look in that hole. I told her not to.’
‘What?’ Rebecca screamed, running to the opening and shouting Tamsyn’s name.
‘You were supposed to be looking after her,’ Alex shouted furiously before following on Rebecca’s heels.
‘Wait, Uncle Alex—’
‘Stay put,’ Alex shouted back over his shoulder. He was more concerned about Rebecca now and called her to stop. If she went in after Tamsyn with nothing to light her way then both of them could end up lost or hurt.
‘Come back, Becca! We can’t do anything without the right equipment.’
Rebecca heard him shouting and Stephen’s voice crying after him in the background but she could think only of Tamsyn. Loveday had entrusted her precious daughter into her care. She would never forgive her if anything happened to Tamsyn and Rebecca would never forgive herself. She should have been watching the children, not making eyes at her employer. If Tamsyn was lost she must be terrified in the dark. Perhaps she was hurt, had fallen thousands of feet and was… Fear clutched Rebecca’s heart.
She eased herself through the small black opening. The inside was low and narrow and she edged her feet along uneven stony ground. Her own body was shutting out the fight and with each awkward step it was getting darker until the light was gone altogether. She took several steps into pitch blackness, calling Tamsyn’s name. The tunnel widened and soon she found she could not touch the walls. She began to feel vulnerable.
Trevallion Page 32