by Ruth Harrow
Even though it is barely past eight in the morning, the day is already hot and the walk has left me sweating. My t-shirt clings to my back, warm. I lean gently on the flimsy wooden fence that lines the border of the property as I cool down before heading back and look over to the farmhouse.
The whole building has fallen into a similar state of disrepair as Reg's house. Single-glazed windows face me, gaps have been worn in-between the old red bricks and weeds poke their way through here and there.
A faded burgundy pickup truck is parked haphazardly near the front of the house. From the amount of mud and dust covering the rear of the vehicle, it looks like it is long overdue a clean.
Dylan must be the same age as Will, so it isn't like he isn't able to look after his property. It makes me shiver inside to think that my husband spent time here yesterday. I know the rumour about Dylan might only have been gossip, but it still makes me uncomfortable. Will didn't exactly rush to vouch for him either. Why did he come back here?
A sudden dark shape rushes into my range of vision.
It is a large German Shepherd.
Head stiff and high, it moves forward a few paces, keeping me locked in its gaze as it moves closer.
I freeze too.
It isn't attached to a lead and there is no one else around to call it back. There is a gap in the fencing to allow driveway access.
A loud booming bark comes from somewhere else and a second dark dog comes running at full pelt out of nowhere. It sets off the first German Shepherd and the pair of them bark loudly.
I don't need telling twice.
I turn and walk as smoothly I can away from the farm. It is only when I am about to round the corner that I look back up the lane and I see the two dogs watching me, making sure I leave. It is a while before the barking quietens.
On the way back, I choose to take a slightly different route so I can walk casually past Reg's house. Knowing him, he will certainly be up and about by now. If he happens to be outside, I will try and suggest getting some support again.
The whole village may have all but washed their hands of him in that respect, but I feel like I could try and make a small difference before I leave this place. Especially since I have no intention of coming back.
I pass the railway station. As I look across the platform, I remember the last time I saw the village. I got on the train to University and never looked back. I so wish I could do that now.
Will is right, we can't leave soon enough.
As I round the corner onto Reg's street, I immediately feel the pull of dread.
An ambulance is parked outside his house, engine off. A police car is parked behind it.
As I approach, I see the front door has been smashed off its hinges and has been placed carelessly against the crumbling exterior.
A flushed-cheeked paramedic sits on the low wall in front of the garden. He takes a sip from a can of cola before he spots me.
'What's going on?' I say, realising I sound breathless.
'Oh. Are you related to the householder?'
'Yes. Well, I've known him since I was little. He is a friend of my father's. Is he all right?'
'I'm very sorry, but he has passed away.'
26
There is a pause as I stare at the paramedic as I reel from the shock. 'What happened?'
I shake my head in disbelief. 'He was fine yesterday, I was in his living room talking to him less than twenty-four hours ago. He made me a cup of tea ...'
The paramedic looks at me with sympathy. His grey whiskers crease with a sympathetic grimace. 'I understand,' he says, delicately. He glances at the police car. 'But if you aren't family, I can't tell you much more than that. I'm very sorry.'
I seem to arrive back at Dad's house all too soon. My feet carry me there automatically.
Will and my father are just sitting down at the table with plates of sausages and bacon when I arrive. For a moment, I am reminded of my nightmare. Eva walks in just after a new wave of dread rushes over me.
Will gives me a questioning glance as we sit down, but I look away and try my best to put my news into gentle words for Dad before he finds out through other means. The village rumour mill may already be whirring down the hill. And I know all too well what it is like to be told such news over the phone.
I'll never forget the phone call from Dad when he told me April was gone. I'd have much preferred to hear it in person.
*
Dad is in shock. This is the last thing he needed. He retreated into the garden after breakfast. Penny arrived shortly afterwards. She told us she had heard the news from someone in the village, although it wasn't clear exactly who.
She swept outside to comfort Dad, and for the most part, it seems to work. Maybe seeing a close friend puts a better perspective on the situation than the rest of us can.
I still get an odd feeling every time I see Penny with my father. I just can't put it into words how it makes me uncomfortable.
Dad remains somewhat distant for the rest of the day. He is lost in his thoughts and Will and I try our best to keep him looking forward to the future. Will makes all sorts of promises to visit that I know we won't keep. I can almost imagine which excuse Will might select to dodge the Bonfire night outing he comes up with or the invite to our local winter parade.
Eva hangs about the house all day, looking awkward. It is clear she does not know what to do with herself now another person she barely knew has gone. She seems to be torn between wanting to video-chat with her friends and be on hand for her family. In the end she ends up in a compromise of moving from chair to chair, flitting from one channel to another on the television and periodically offering to make coffee.
Will and I do our bit by looking after the house. We do the dishes after dinner and I still have a view of Penny and Dad outside. Now they have a glass of wine each and are basking in the beginnings of sunset. If it wasn't for the subdued tone of their movements, anyone would think they were on a date.
'I can't believe old Reg is gone,' Will says, abruptly. 'He's always been there. Like he was part of the village or something.'
'Yes, I know what you mean. I was talking to him yesterday. I sat in his living room.'
'He seemed perfectly healthy at the wake last weekend too. I was surprised at how together he was.'
'Well, he wasn't all together,' I say.
'What do you mean?'
'He was making mistakes. He got confused over what year it was. He seemed to think for a while that it was the nineties again and the Wakefields were still around. It was creepy.'
I glance at my husband as he dries and puts away Dad's china.
'Will,' I say quietly. 'Do you think Reg had something to do with … with Paige Wakefield's disappearance?'
Will doesn't look at me, just rubs the tea towel vigorously around what I'm sure is an already dry plate.
'I don't know,' he says shortly. 'Let's not talk about that, Hannah.'
Would it really hurt my husband to give me a direct answer for once? I want to ask him about the text from April's phone, but I don't dare. I'm not sure what the consequences of the truth might be. I bite my lip instead. Soon we will be gone from this place and I will make sure that none of us return.
We continue the dishes in silence. Outside, the dark figure of the woods seems heavy in the distance between us.
Vibrant orange light washes over everything. Even the small band of cloud along the horizon has its edges painted gold. It looks to be a spectacular sunset; I just wish we could enjoy it.
Penny sweeps through from the garden with a second empty wine bottle. 'We're moving onto the Merlot,' she announces bouncily, opening the fridge door.
'It's getting late, Penny,' I say. 'It's been quite a day for Dad. Maybe it is time you went home.'
A characteristically raucous laugh bursts from Penny's lips, but it contains less humour than usual; even seeming forced.
'Oh, Hannah,' she says loudly. 'Relax a little bit. I'm helping your D
ad unwind after a hard day. This hasn't been easy on him, you know.'
'I'm well aware of that,' I say, draining the sink and standing to face Penny. 'We are staying here to support Dad. And I think he has had enough to drink for one day.'
I've never known my father to move onto a third bottle when sharing with only one other person. He is usually quite strict about it.
Will hovers in the corner, saying nothing. Just sometimes, I wish he would step in to back me up.
Penny wheels around to face me, a bottle of Merlot clutched under her arm. 'You are so bossy, Hannah! Since when does the child order the parent around? Well, I'll tell you something,' she says haughtily. Her ruddy cheeks constrict into an unpleasant smile. 'You can't order me around, that's for sure!'
I turn away and start filling the kettle to make coffee. The way Dad has been going, he will certainly need some.
The sound of smashing glass has me spinning around again. Penny has only moved a few paces away towards the conservatory and she stands looking down at a pool of wine and broken glass distributed far over the terracotta tiles.
She looks up at me with a strange look on her face, as though waiting for my reaction.
'I'm so sorry, Hannah. It must have slipped.'
Dad appears behind her and looks down at the mess. 'What's going on?'
'I'm so sorry, Tony, Hannah and I have had a little accident.'
'Don't worry, Penny, Love. These things happen. Go and put your feet up outside and I'll clear this lot up. You can tell me all about the sunset afterwards if I'm not out in time, eh?'
'You're an angel,' she says, patting him on the shoulder and winking at me, before moving into the garden and settling onto a patio chair.
Alone outside, she pulls out her phone, reminding me strongly of Eva.
I rush around getting kitchen towel and Will fetches the dustpan and brush.
'Here Hannah, let me,' Dad says. He sways a little on his feet.
'Dad, please sit down,' I say. 'I'll do it. You don't want to cut yourself again.'
Dad reaches out and strokes my cheek. His hand is hot and clammy. 'You're a good daughter, Hannah. You really are. I know it was only an accident.'
I glance across at Will pulling out a jar of coffee. 'Actually, Dad,' I mutter. 'I don't think it was an accident. I think Penny might have dropped it on purpose.'
'Eh? What are you talking about?'
'Dad, I don't think you should have any more to drink, OK? Have some coffee instead. Maybe we could watch a film or something, just the four of us?'
I'm hyper-aware of Will watching me as though his eyes bore heat into my cheeks.
'Oh, I see, Hannah,' Dad says, nodding his head. 'Penny said you don't like her. But she is lovely, really. You just need to get to know her as I have.'
'When did she say that? It isn't true. It is just that I have never seen you drink like this. This isn't good for you at your –'
'Don't go telling me I'm too old again, Hannah. I'm just as fit as I always was, you know.'
Will takes a tray of coffee out and sets it on the patio table and I watch from the kitchen as everyone takes a cup, even Eva. Penny takes the prime seat of the group, as though she is my mother.
A halo of amber sun highlights Penny's dry fringe as she raises her mug and makes some sort of toast, no doubt about Reg. Everyone joins in with a rumble of out of sync murmurs and they drink.
I suddenly understand what a true loss the day has been as I realise that I will never know what grievance Reg had against Penny.
He had wanted to tell me yesterday, I'm sure. But now he can't.
He will keep his silence forever.
The buzzing of my phone makes me jump. I pull it out of my pocket and find my chest tightens at the sight of April's name.
There is another text.
Seeing a pattern in people who have done wrong? They all get it in the end.
Who is next, Hannah? Maybe you should go home.
After all, you are guilty too ...
27
Now I want to leave. I need to get out of here today. We could tell Dad anything. We should never have come back here.
I've been thinking about it all night. Last night was one of the most restless of my life, barely gaining three hours of precious sleep.
As soon as Will wakes in the morning, I show him the texts, cringing as he reads the first one; I don't quite know why.
Will stares at them for a few minutes before he says anything, rereading the words with a frown on his face. 'It's just people messing around, Hannah. You must know that. Especially with all that has happened lately.'
'That's it? This isn't just some kid from one of the towns, this is serious, Will. They have April's phone!'
'That is unusual. But all that means is that she misplaced it and someone found it. Probably her co-worker to support her story that your sister had a stalker. It doesn't have to be anything sinister, Hannah. You are starting to sound like your mother.'
I groan in frustration. I wish I hadn't repeated Mum's conspiracy theories to Will. He is always so eager to hide away from problems. It is always down to me to take action, make decisions. Why won't he understand how serious this is?
'Will, you need to pay attention to what is going on here. This affects you too. Perhaps even more than me.'
Will's face contorts into a look of rage and he is quick to snap at me. 'What are you suggesting we do?'
'Calm down. I'm not suggesting we go to the police or anything. I just think we should leave, cut our visit short.'
Will says nothing for a moment. He is clearly torn between agreeing with me and getting out of his father-in-law's house a week earlier than planned.
He is red-faced, but nods. 'All right. We will go home. We can drive back after lunch. Your Dad has already bought all the meat for this barbecue of his.'
'What do you think we should tell him?'
Will shrugs. 'Anything, it doesn't matter. Tell him I had a work emergency. An urgent job that will take a while.'
'Is that what you do with me?'
Will looks up sharply. 'Of course not. You're tired. You look really tired, Hannah.'
'Thanks a lot,' I say, sitting down on the bed with him. 'So who do you think really sent the texts?'
He shakes his head. 'I already told you. No one we know. Just delete the messages. Block the number. We don't need this, Hannah.'
I nod, although I have no intention of simply dismissing the messages. That would surely be foolish when there is someone out there who clearly knows more than they should. Will may be able to plant his head firmly in the sand, but I just can't. Someone has to face reality. I just feel disappointed that it always has to be me.
I take a deep breath before I voice to my husband what has been bothering me all night.
'Penny was on her phone just a few minutes before I got the latest text,' I say.
The way phone reception is out here, there is often a delay of a few minutes between messages. Eva has been complaining too about the lag in her SMS messages.
Will sighs. 'So? Eva was too. People are on their phones all the time. That doesn't mean a thing any more. You know that.'
'But Penny knows a lot about us. Goodness knows what Dad has told her. She has access to a lot of information from the villagers too. I bet all the old dears love to gossip to her when she is popping around to clean various places … What if she has pieced things together?'
'You have to be thick-skinned, Hannah. No one knows anything for sure. And even then, they wouldn't be able to prove it. Never forget that.'
Something tugs at my memory. The day Paige went missing. The idea we had been watched. The sense that eyes were upon us. The feeling comes back to me as though I am eleven years old again. This suspicion I have never spoken is on the tip of my tongue, but I can't bring myself to tell Will. He will only dismiss the idea. But perhaps I would like him too on this occasion?
I say nothing. Instead, I kneel on the bed behind
my husband. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, feeling his strength. He isn't eighteen any more. He isn't just about to disappear again and leave a gaping hole in my life.
Things are different now.
We have Eva to think of. We have to get her away from here. I wish she had never been tainted by this place at all. I am just grateful that nothing happened to her at that party. Now nothing will happen because we are leaving in just a few hours. Weight should be lifted from my shoulders at the thought, but my chest is still heavy with something.
I guess I will only feel the relief once we are out of here.
As I allow myself to be enveloped in Will's warmth I feel as though I forget time a little.
I am very abruptly torn from my lapse in thoughts by a sudden noise that fills my heart with dread.
It is Eva. She is screaming.
28
Saturday 24th July 1993
Will drives us into Telford town centre and we amuse ourselves visiting a variety of shops, including ones April and I are never usually allowed in. I've never been out of the village without either Mum, Dad or Gran before. They seem like proper grown-ups. Somehow, with Will as our chaperone, it just feels different. Cool.
Each of the buildings in the town is almost bigger than the entire high street of the village. Somehow though it never seems as much fun when Mum takes us shopping for school uniform.
In an electronics shop, we peruse the selection of CD players and Walkmans. We pop into Woolworths and Will buys April the latest UB40 album on cassette, insisting we can all listen to it on the way home. I get a sinking feeling when I think of going back, and hope it won't be soon. Mum never set down an expected curfew for today before we left.
Before we leave Woolworths, April selects some pick and mix, putting all my favourites into the bag and hands it to me. I thank her guiltily, guessing she hasn't missed the money I took from her last week yet.
Next, we go to the games arcade. Will drops a coin into the air-hockey table and April and I play against each other frantically. She inevitably beats me and plays against Will who is the victor.