by Joss Wood
How dare she play with her safety? How dare she place herself in danger again?
Levi opened his mouth to blast her but knowing he didn’t have the right—his ring wasn’t on her finger—he dropped his head back to stare at the ceiling. His sisters were always on him about being too protective and he knew that if he ripped into Tanna, she’d shut down and this conversation would end.
Knowing it was smarter to keep his mouth shut, he gritted his teeth. It was hard but he managed it. Just.
He folded his arms and dug his fingers into his biceps. “Okay, so you joined this specialized team...”
“I finally felt like I was where I was supposed to be. I started in emergency medicine because I wanted to give something back and I joined HART because I felt like I had a bigger part to play, because the work is relevant. I guess I needed to prove to myself I was more than a PR person, that I was more than a broken body lying in that hospital bed,” Tanna added.
“Of course you were more,” Levi protested, unable to believe she’d felt that way.
“No, you don’t understand!” Tanna pushed both hands into her hair and gripped the long strands in her fingers. “Before the accident, Levi, I lived this charmed life. Sure, I lost my folks young, but I had three gorgeous, strong, dedicated brothers who made me their entire world. School was easy for me. I was pretty, rich, smart and popular. I got into an Ivy League college without trying very hard.”
“You also had an accident that nearly took your life.”
“But it didn’t,” Tanna said, her eyes bubbling with raw emotion. “I should’ve died but I didn’t. I should not have been able to walk, but I did. I even, somehow, managed to find a handsome, gorgeous man, who stood by me and then proposed marriage. Who does that happen to?”
“You, apparently,” Levi pointed out.
“I realized I’ve never really been challenged, that everything came to me so easily.”
She’d nearly died and had endured months of pain after many surgeries. Why did she keep forgetting that part?
“Before the accident I’d never stood on my own two feet, never had to make a hard decision, never faced anything difficult at all.”
Wasn’t the trick to life to enjoy the good times and avoid the hard? Or had he missed something?
Tanna put her hands into the back pockets of her jeans and rocked on her heels, looking young and vulnerable. “Becoming an EMT was tough. There were so many times I wanted to give up. But it’s good work, Levi, important work.”
She stared at her feet, her face pale. “And I think Addy would like the fact that I’m doing something worthwhile, contributing.”
Levi leaned forward, seeing something in her eyes suggesting deep sadness and an ocean’s worth of guilt. “What do you mean by that, Tan?”
“She’d appreciate the fact that I’m no longer some little rich girl who needs her burly brothers or sexy fiancé to take care of her. Addy was so independent, she’d applaud me for making my own way. That I’m doing something important, something to make the world a little better. After all, she’s not here to do it herself.”
Levi held up his hand, shocked by the suspicion forming in his brain. “Tan, it’s not your fault she died.”
Tanna glared at him. “Oh, please, of course it is. She was driving my fast, powerful car because I was drunk. Because I had too much of a party, too much fun. She died because of me, Levi.”
It had been an accident, an unfortunate series of events, and if Tanna had gotten behind the wheel drunk, she could’ve killed herself and a dozen other people. His heart ached for her; she’d thought she was doing the right thing by not driving under the influence, but the evening still ended in someone dying.
How utterly, profoundly sad was that?
“Honey, you’ve got to give yourself a break.”
“Life didn’t give Addy a break so I’m not entitled to one either.”
Tanna took a step back and Levi knew she was regretting her words, that she’d said too much. Before he could push her for more, to talk this through with her, to make her see how tough she was being on herself, she abruptly spun around and left the room. Thirty seconds later he heard her footsteps running up the stairs.
He started to go after her but quickly remembered he couldn’t follow her up the stairs.
He was so over being injured. If he could, he’d rip his cast off with his bare hands.
* * *
“Can I get you something to drink?”
Thankfully, Tanna wasn’t one to sulk and she was back downstairs in thirty minutes, her eyes red but her expression composed.
Levi rubbed his hands over his face, wishing she had a bit more color to hers. He’d do anything to strip the exhaustion from her expression and the haunted look from her eyes. She wasn’t as together as he’d thought she was, and neither was he.
His plan for revenge, a little payback and keeping his distance had gone to hell.
And that might be because they were digging too deep, picking at sores long healed. The past was the past and couldn’t be changed or fixed, and he wasn’t the type to look back. Neither was he the type to look forward, not when it came to relationships.
He had to remember he and Tanna had a past but they had no future. They only had the present and he didn’t want to spend their time together arguing about things that couldn’t be changed.
He—they—needed control and they needed it now. It was time for a reset.
“Come here, Tan.”
Tanna crossed the room and when she was close enough, he reached for her arm, gently wrapping his fingers around her delicate wrist and tugging her toward him. Tanna looked down at him and he smiled at her defiant, proud expression. “Honey, I don’t want to fight with you.”
She didn’t look convinced.
Levi’s thumb traced the soft skin of her inner wrist. “You’re here for another few weeks and I don’t think rehashing the past is a productive use of our time.”
Amusement tinged with relief touched her eyes and her lips, and Levi knew he was gaining ground.
“And I suppose you have a couple of ideas of how productive we can be?”
He patted his thigh. “If you sit down, I could show you what I had in mind.”
Tanna flipped her legs over his hips to straddle him, her hair falling down the side of her face and tickling his chin.
“Looks like you have some ideas of your own,” Levi said, his hand tucking her hair behind her ear.
Tanna nibbled the side of his jaw, her teeth scraping his three-day beard. “Oh, I have a few.”
“I’m happy to consider them.” Levi ran his hand down her back, cupped her butt and squeezed. This was all that was important, the here and the now of being able to touch her. He wanted slow, he wanted sexy, he wanted to wring every ounce of pleasure from her.
But, like before, they didn’t have any condoms. They’d taken a hell of a risk earlier and he wasn’t about to spin the barrel of that loaded revolver again.
He also couldn’t, wouldn’t, let there be any misunderstandings between them. Gripping her biceps, he gently pushed her up and back, to sit her on his thighs.
Confusion flashed in Tanna’s eyes. “Problem?”
“We need condoms.”
Tanna slapped her hand against her forehead, obviously embarrassed she’d forgotten about protection again.
“What the hell is wrong with me? Okay, condoms.” She wrinkled her nose. “I don’t have any. Do you?”
Yeah, he had a box upstairs. Levi told her where to find them but, as she started to climb off him, he gripped her hips to keep her in place.
Tanna sighed her frustration and lifted her eyebrows to give him a what now? look.
When she’d strolled back into his life with her lithe body and gorgeous face, he’d wanted revenge, payback, for her to beg for h
is forgiveness. Now all he could think about was protecting himself, making sure he didn’t start to fall for her again.
Because he could only be that stupid once.
Levi stroked her arm from shoulder to wrist, making sure to keep eye contact. “We always found it easy to talk to each other, Tan, but it’s not a good idea.”
She immediately caught his drift. Nobody could ever accuse Tanna of being slow. “Because it feels a bit too real, huh? Too much like what we had?”
Levi nodded. “I can’t go back there, Tanna.”
Tanna’s shoulders slumped. “Me neither.”
“I want you, but I don’t want you thinking we can go anywhere with this,” Levi added.
“I know. I’m the one who is leaving, remember? As soon as I—” She stopped talking abruptly and stared past him.
As soon as she what? Levi started to ask and cursed himself when he remembered what he’d said not a minute before. He had to stop asking her questions that led to deeper conversations.
Tanna waved her comment away. “Forget it. It doesn’t matter.”
It did. Everything she thought or felt was important. He didn’t want it to be, but it was.
“I still want to sleep with you,” Levi said. Sex was all they could have.
He expected her to retreat, to slide off his lap, but Tanna just looked at him with clear eyes. “I still want that too.”
Levi released the breath he’d been holding when Tanna finally climbed off his lap. Okay, good, still on the same page.
At the door, Tanna turned and her smile was a brain-stopping combination of sweet and seductive. “You said the condoms are on the top shelf of your bathroom cabinet?”
Thank you, baby Jesus. Sex he could do, but this emotional BS? Not so much.
Or at all.
Ten
Carrick stood at the entrance to the viewing room and watched as Tanna directed the maintenance staff on how to hang the huge photographs of Raeni in dresses very similar to the ones on sale. He had to admit that Levi’s idea to link the sale with his stepmom and have Tanna wear Raeni’s dresses was fantastic. Murphy’s was now expecting a bigger crowd than before.
Excellent news.
Somehow, without managing to upset his head of PR, Jane, or any other staff, Tanna had taken over all the arrangements for the presale cocktail party. Her antipathy toward Murphy International seemed to have vanished and Carrick often found her about the place, in this viewing room or in Jane’s office. Or on the phone to a potential buyer or chatting to a vendor.
When he asked her why she was spending her vacation time in Murphy’s, working, she blithely told him she liked being there and she needed to find something to fill her hours while Levi was at work. He might’ve believed her if she’d been able to meet his eyes while speaking.
Tanna was lying about being back in Boston on vacation and he would, eventually, find out why. And Levi spending more and more hours at work worried Carrick. He was pretty sure Levi shouldn’t be so mobile yet.
He was also sure Levi and Tanna were getting naked. If Levi was up for sex, he could handle going to work.
Carrick was glad someone was getting lucky because he as sure as hell wasn’t.
Sadie Slade’s stunning face flashed into his mind and Carrick closed his eyes, thinking of a math equation to stop him from embarrassing himself.
Damn, now he was getting turned on at work? He’d had a couple of X-rated dreams about the art detective and he’d woken up sweaty and disorientated and needing, literally, to take himself in hand.
That hadn’t happened to him since he was in his teens and it annoyed him that Sadie had that much power over him. Until he got his craving for her under control, he was avoiding her.
Because, apparently, he had all the maturity and sophistication of a fifteen-year-old.
Carrick pushed his hand through his hair and, realizing standing around wasn’t productive, decided to return to his office where he could, he was sure, still smell Sadie’s perfume in the air.
Carrick felt a hand on his shoulder and whipped around to see Levi behind him, still on crutches. He smiled as they exchanged fist bumps.
“Tanna asked if I would send a driver to fetch you,” Carrick told him, looking at his watch. “But in an hour or so.”
“My orthopedic surgeon had a cancellation so he could see me earlier. I caught a taxi here.” Levi nodded to Tanna, who was on a stepladder, holding a huge photograph of her mom. “Is she being as bossy as hell?”
Carrick grinned at the affection in Levi’s voice. “She is.”
Levi looked around the room, his gaze bouncing off the massive arrangements of flowers, and frowned. “Where are the dresses, the items that are going to be on sale?”
“Ah, well, my bossy sister decided that, instead of using mannequins to display the dresses, she would hire live models to parade the clothes and the jewelry. The clothing is presently being allocated to models and there are about a dozen in the conference room, half naked.”
Levi grinned and grabbed his crutches. “Remind me where the conference room is?”
Carrick smiled. “Ha ha. Anyway, Tanna has blown the budget to hell and back.”
“I know you and you’re not even a little annoyed. Why not?” Levi asked.
“I suppose that’s because I’m so damn happy to see her in Murphy’s, having fun.” Carrick sighed. “And she’s also persuaded at least ten of the world’s biggest collectors to personally attend the cocktail party and the auction. Because they are coming, we’ve had a lot more interest in the sale. Their presence will drive the prices up, so how can I complain about her being over budget?”
“Your sister has a way of overturning apple carts,” Levi commented.
“Is that what she’s doing to you?” Carrick asked.
Levi stared at Tanna, who was still up on the ladder, before turning to face Carrick. He shook his head. “Get that idea out of your head, Murph. It’s not going to happen. We’re just friends.”
Pfft. Sure they were. Just like Carrick didn’t want Sadie Slade with his next breath.
And, talking about the good doctor of art history, he turned around to see her approaching him, dressed in another of her bohemian business outfits. Today she wore a tiny, Aztec-inspired miniskirt and a flame-colored jacket skimming slim hips over a bright cobalt blue silk shirt. Her heels showed off her gorgeous legs.
Yep, tonight would be another long, long, night.
Sadie smiled at him and he was certain his heart stopped, just for a minute. She gestured to the viewing room and, after greeting Levi, asked whether she could look inside.
Carrick stood aside to let her pass and she stared at the large room, disappointment on her face. “I really wanted to see the dresses and the jewelry.”
“Come to the cocktail party tomorrow night,” Carrick impulsively suggested.
Excitement jumped into Sadie’s eyes and Carrick felt heat invade his veins. Yep, it was official; he’d do just about anything to see her smile. After his marriage fell apart, he’d vowed to keep his love life uncomplicated and surface based. Sadie was testing that vow.
“Are you sure?” she asked.
Carrick nodded. “I’ll email you an invitation.”
“That’s great, thanks. I presume it’s formal?”
“Black tie,” Carrick confirmed, unable to pull his eyes off her sexy, wide mouth. He was vaguely aware of Tanna approaching him and he finally yanked his gaze away, helped by Levi’s elbow in his ribs.
“God, you are so pathetic,” Levi muttered out of the side of his mouth.
“Pot. Kettle. Black,” Carrick retorted as he watched his sister and the woman he wanted to sleep with exchange greetings and knew he was in for a world of hurt.
So, judging by the look on Levi’s face, was his best friend.
* * *
On Friday morning, Tanna drained her coffee and turned to Levi, who’d just finished his daily call to his marina manager. Or one of his managers as there were many calls, every morning.
“I have an appointment in the city,” Tanna informed him. “Then I have a hair appointment this afternoon so I’m not going to be around a lot today. And tonight is the Murphy cocktail party.”
A small frown pulled Levi’s eyebrows together. “This is the third appointment you’ve had this week. Are you sick or something?”
Please don’t pry, Tanna silently begged him. I don’t want to lie to you but I’m not ready to talk about this, not yet. Probably not ever.
“I’m fine.”
Levi sent her his patented you’re-BS-ing-me look. “What’s going on, Tanna?”
Tanna picked up her phone and swiped the screen, hoping he’d take the hint that she didn’t want to discuss this further.
Levi’s hand caught her wrist and she was forced to look at him. Tense and annoyed, she returned his hard look. “Why are you pushing this, Levi? It’s not relevant to...us.”
Levi released her and annoyance flashed across his face. “Tanna, you have bad dreams. I hear them. You wake up often and you talk in your sleep. Something is going on with you and I want to know what it is.”
After telling her that there was no point in rehashing the past, why was he pushing her? And if she had to answer, what would she say?
I’m suffering from PTSD and my career is on the line. I’ve been placed on medical leave and I might lose my job—the job I need so I can live with myself—if I don’t get myself under control. This isn’t something you or anyone else can fix. And I will fix it. I’m not the girl you used to know who needs her big, tough fiancé to solve her problems.
So, no, that was far too personal and she couldn’t share any of that.