by Mark Tufo
“Just kill me,” he said, raising his gaze to look at me.
“And miss out on all the fun that we’re having? Naw, I’m going to get the hell out of here. Your buddies are going to see the footage of you getting your ear chewed off by a bitch….” I started laughing. I couldn’t help myself.
“Something funny?” he asked, a small sliver of blood running down his bottom lip.
“It’s just that, even in an apocalypse, some things never change.”
Gary’s gaze never wavered from the intense ache and fury he was feeling.
“You’re about as fun as an undertaker,” I told him. “I’m talking about a woman chewing your ear off. Although in this case, it’s literal. Come on, man, that shit is funny! No? Buzzkill. Okay, not that this hasn’t been a barrel of laughs, but I should be getting out of here now. Which way?”
“Go fuck yourself.”
I turned on him savagely. “I have woman parts! How in the hell am I supposed to do that?” I covered his face in a frothy layering of spit.
“Go sit on a grenade for all I care!”
“Well that’s a visual. I was going to let you enjoy the turning process but you’ve been pissing me off these last few minutes.” I shoved the pole into his mouth, breaking out his two front teeth and at least chipping the bottom ones as well. I tripped the trigger, sending voltage into his mouth and body. He convulsed, flopping around like a fish out of water. Agony did not convey what it looked like he was going through. “They’re going to play this tape over and over again I bet! You’re moving around so much it almost looks like you’re overacting!” Blood was running out of his mouth in runnels. I smelled frying bacon, pretty sure I was cooking his tongue. I pulled the stick free. Fucker was out! I could not help myself, I yanked his jaw down and grabbed his tongue, which was indeed a nice golden brown as if I’d been slow roasting that thing for the last four hours.
It took considerably more than seven pounds of pulling force to remove that thing from his head. For a few seconds, it looked like a Three Stooges routine. It had come out so far, like a giant rubber band. Must have been close to a half a foot outside of his head when I heard tearing sounds in his jaw and throat. Wherever he was at the moment, it wasn’t far enough away, as he was doing more moaning and groaning. I actually staggered back when it snapped free.
“Shit, this had better be worth it.” I popped it into my mouth and chewed for a bit. “Meh. It’s kind of like you, Gary, a little dry!” Yeah, then I guffawed again. I really was my own source of entertainment.
I was going to do some serious protein intake when I noticed that the sound of fighting seemed to be winding down. There was an outside chance that my brothers and sisters in teeth had scored a major victory, but there was a bigger chance the army had not only held their own but won outright. I needed to get out and now. My clothes were coated in all manner of nasty substances. Blending in was going to be difficult. I took one more look at Gary. Blood was now pouring freely from his mouth. I’d had no idea a tongue could cause that much damage. If he didn’t bleed out soon, he’d probably choke on the copious amounts of fluid. If that didn’t do him in, Hugh or Manny or whichever entity the virus decided to adopt would. I was pissed I was leaving such a bounty of meat.
“That would help.” I was looking at the jacket. I stepped onto Gary’s head as I leaned over the desk to reach for the lab coat.
“Sorry,” I said demurely. “I’m just too short to reach it on my own.” In my defense, I don’t think he felt it. Like I gave a shit anyway. I put the jacket on, happy to note C. Rose and I were nearly of the same size. She might have been a size smaller, bitch. “Whoa that was catty; where the hell did that come from?”
“Are you women really that petty?” I asked a clearly upset Scarlett. “Oh come on, I barely tore him apart.”
“You … you ripped out his tongue,” Scarlett said in a daze.
“Oh, you saw that? I figured you stopped watching after the first ear.”
“I should have, I just umm…”
“Like watching a train wreck?”
“No, I need to see how deep your depravity goes. Just exactly what you will do in just about any situation. You have no limits that I can tell, and that makes you dangerous.”
“Why, thank you.” I thought about giving a bow.
“But predictable.”
“What?”
“I’m going to kill you, Tim, that’s just a fact. When I have my chance, there can be no mercy because you will not show any.” After a moment of silence, she continued, “Oh, look at how that shut you up. And yes, we can be jealous of another woman’s frame size. Remember, we share information both ways. I can see you’ve had bouts of jealousy in you when you viewed bigger cocks than yours. Didn’t keep you from jacking off, though, did it? Did you hate yourself when you finished up? Maybe had a batch of tears mixing in with the semen by the end?”
“I’m not gay!” I roared.
“Never said you were. In fact, I never hinted at it. Seems to me you’re the one with the problem there, little fella. I just assumed with how large of a man that you were that everything would have been proportional. Must have been a major disappointment for those poor women you conned into going back to your apartment. You sure didn’t win them over with that charming personality of yours. I have to imagine it was the promise of a package that rivaled the rest of you.”
“Just shut up!” I hit her with a backhand hard enough to send her spinning away. “Gosh, that never gets old. Really, you think it would, but you show surprise each and every time I hit you. Like you’re not expecting it or something. With all that watching, one would assume you had picked up some extra knowledge by now.”
“I need to eat.”
“Oh, the peanut gallery is in full swing now! You do realize I’m trying to get our asses out of this particular predicament don’t you Manny?”
“I don’t care. If you cannot do it, I will.”
I was not liking Mister Self Aware. If he wanted the controls back, he’d take them easily enough, and then he’d get us killed and that was unacceptable. I was as powerless to stop him as Scarlett was to stop me.
“All right, all right.” I’d opened the door to make sure the coast was clear, my intention being to finish off Gary before the zombie virus even now coursing through his system took over. Although my guess was he was going to die before that became a problem, but still, I don’t like being a cannibal. Just a matter of perspective, I suppose. I had no problem eating people because I wasn’t one, is what I’m saying.
“Yeah, keep telling yourself that.” Scarlett had stood and was wiping the corner of her mouth. She’d gotten up much quicker than I would have expected.
“I didn’t say that out loud.”
“You can’t be that thick, can you? We’re sharing the same space.”
Now I was concerned. Could she access every thought I had? And if so, why could I not access hers? And maybe a little more unsettling: She would have known I was going to hit her and didn’t care. I needed out of this body and fast.
“EAT now, slave!” Manny demanded.
“I fucking hate it here!”
“Doctor! Doctor!” Oh shit, there was a soldier running down the hallway hailing me. My grip tightened on the pole. I was convinced I could have surprised him, but not likely with two other soldiers tailing him.
“What do I do?”
“Die would be nice,” Scarlett said.
“Food,” was Manny’s contribution to the discussion.
I was trying to shut the door while Manny was attempting to go through it. We were stuck in a wrestling match. At the moment it was a stalemate, but I was already beginning to flag; Manny would be able to do this indefinitely.
“Not yet, Manny,” I grunted. “Soon, I promise.”
The promise seemed to seal the deal. I pulled the door shut with enough force to rattle the frame. I quickly engaged the locking mechanism.
“It’s okay, Doctor.
” There was urgent knocking on the door.
“You’re in a bit of a spot now, aren’t you?” Scarlett asked as the door handle twisted back and forth.
Gushing Gary was making a mess; soon his running blood would reach the doorway and would begin to seep underneath. Of all the directions the damn building had to be sloping, that it was toward the door was pissing me off. Can’t imagine that would bode well if blood began to leak out into the hallway.
“Doctor Rose. It’s okay, I’ve been ordered to get everyone to the cafeteria, where we can make sure everyone is safe.”
“I’m safe here,” I said through the door.
“Doctor Rose, you’re not. More zombies have escaped, and they’re all over the place! I need to get you to a central location!”
“What about my research?”
“It’ll be fine. Please, Doctor, we don’t have much time before they come. If you don’t comply, I have the authority necessary to break through the door!”
“Shit, shit, shit,” I said softly.
“You’re about as quick on your feet as a sedated sloth,” Scarlett chimed.
“When I kill you, it’s going to be spectacular.”
“Doctor? No one’s getting killed. Please come out now!”
“I have got to stop talking out loud.” Of course I said it out loud again, just not loud enough this time to be heard. The soldier was becoming more forceful. He’d be coming in soon enough, and at that point he couldn’t miss my latest victim.
“DOCTOR! They’re coming!”
I quickly opened the door and immediately shut it behind me. If the soldier had been looking my way, he would not have been able to miss the body. My zombie brethren had once again saved my bacon as they had distracted him just enough. He grabbed my arm and started dragging me the way I had been going. Gary had been leading me in the wrong direction the entire time. Not that I had been feeling bad about ripping him partially apart, but now I was actually happy for it. Aw shit, who the hell was I kidding? I’d been happy about it all along.
The two other soldiers that had been tailing my personal guide were nowhere in sight. I imagine they had continued on to the battle. That was fine with me. My personal bodyguard, Private Gallstone—I’m not even making that up—was so focused on his goal, he’d lost all his observational skills. My hands were filthy with blood, gore encrusted on my fingernails. I did not have a mirror, but I had to imagine there were telltale signs of my gluttony all over my face, not to mention my clown make-up.
“Almost there, Doctor.” He was pulling me faster, my guess to be done with the baby sitting duty and back to the action. “Here we go. You should be fine.” He reached for his badge to swipe it on the card reader. His neck passed right in front of my face. Even if by some strange twist of reasoning I wanted to spare him, I didn’t. I bit down onto his outstretched neck. I ripped through the skin into the muscle. When I pulled away, veins and arteries ruptured as I tore them in two. I was like a loosed animal that had been caged most of his life. Gallstone tried to mount a defense, but he could barely bring his arm up as I kept digging deeper into his neck, pulling thick ropy sections of muscle from him. The meat was so fresh it was still wriggling as I swallowed whole pieces in a rush to fill my cavernous stomach.
I pulled a Hugh; I just ate, oblivious to everything around me. If a toddler with a BB gun had strolled up at just that moment, they could have kept repeatedly shooting until the small steel projectiles finally penetrated the soft tissue of my temple and started to send the small pellets into the side of my brain. I just didn’t give a shit. I was starving! Cramps had nearly split my stomach in two. I ate as Gallstone feebly fought back. I ate as Gallstone’s electrical impulses kept his body twitching for long seconds. I ate while Gallstone finally released his bowels and bladder. I ate long after Gallstone’s soul departed. I ate Gallstone even after I ate what I think was a Gallstone, which was sort of like a sour jawbreaker; I cracked right through and proceeded on. I ate until that gnawing, cloying pain subsided from me. It didn’t completely retreat, but it pulled back far enough that I could think clearly again. There was a puddle of Gallstone left on the floor. “Have you lost weight?” I asked as I stood up and looked down at the rumpled clothes. “Whatever you’re doing, it’s working wonders for you!”
“You’re truly a sick fuck,” Scarlett informed me.
“Oh come on, is that the best you can do? That’s so cliché.”
She gave me a steely gaze, maybe in preparation for some retribution. “You’re inhuman, and I don’t mean heartless or more like an animal. I mean you’re not a human anymore.”
“I don’t want to be, Scarlett. Humans can’t live forever. Humans can’t mend themselves with superhero speed. You know who can, Scarlett? Zombies can! I can!”
“Zombies can’t love!” she shot back.
“Love? Who gives a shit about that overrated emotion? What’s that ever got anybody? Certainly not laid. Lust, now that’s an enviable emotion; that’ll get you some. Hate, that’s a good one, can cause some serious damage with that one. Envy works pretty good, makes you take what you covet from others.”
“Your momma must have been a saint.”
The contempt and sarcasm that she used to deliver those words required an immediate and painful reaction on my part.
“She wasn’t actually a saint, but it’s not your job to talk about her. Why do women just never know when to shut up? You push and you push.” I started the mighty backhand delivery system, trying not to show any concern when it felt like my arm was moving through thick sludge. The closer I got to striking her, the more difficult it became to move my mind-driven appendage. I was three inches from her face when I struck something. Felt like I’d rapped my knuckles off a hunk of rusty iron.
“What’s the matter?” she asked with a smile pulling up the corners of her lips in a predatory manner.
I looked to my right hand, which had been bruised and may have been bleeding. Then without ever thinking about it, going completely on instinct, not giving her the time to react, I shoved my left fist into her midsection, folding her neatly in half as she winced to suck in air. I brought my knee up just as she was coming down. The impact was glorious, shattering that righteous nose and high cheekbones into oblivion.
“Don’t fuck with me, bitch,” I said to her sobbing body. Hindsight can kiss my fucking ass, but oh I should have crushed her skull right there and then. Whatever she’d done to prevent me from initially striking her was pause for concern. Lucky for her, I’d already tempted fate for entirely too long eating Gallstone and the chances I was going to stay undiscovered for much longer were slim. I bent down, retrieved his rifle and magazines through the slop, cleaned off the important parts as best I could, and was two steps down the hallway in an effort to get out of the place when I had an epiphany. I guess that’s one word for it, but it was more like a white hot anger. I realized what this place was and what it stood for and, more importantly, what it could potentially do. Basically destroy my kind.
“They are not your kind!” Scarlett railed. She had not yet got up from the floor, but she’d turned her head so she could see me.
“I’m more them than I’ve ever been you.”
“Tim, stop,” she pleaded. “I know what you want to do. You can’t. You can’t seal all of man’s fate because of a parasite.”
“Parasite? The zombies aren’t the parasite. Man is. That greedy, corrupt, twisted being that destroys everything in its path, including itself. Zombies are purity; they are restoring order back to the world. They have one purpose, to rid the planet of the scourge. We’re doing great and wonderful things here!”
“Even you, even you, Tim, cannot be that lost. Zombies don’t have a purpose other than to completely strip life away from this planet. They’re not going to stop at people. They’ll just keep going until there is no animal life left. That’s all they know how to do!”
“How’s that so different from your beloved man? How many species h
as man hunted into extinction? How many habitats have been destroyed killing all the animals there? You make it sound like man is such a glorious creature. He’s a debased aberration that must be brought to heel.”
“Don’t do this, Tim, please.”
“Well, since you said it so nicely and you added a ‘please,’ I’ll tell you what: I won’t tell you to fuck off.” I passed my badge over the door to the cafeteria. It was a spacious room with large, white tables and chairs of varying colors all around. Nobody paid much attention to me at first, as they were all busy, talking animatedly in their little cliques, I’m sure spreading gossip about who kissed who next to the beaker locker. They were a little older and it was all nerds, but this could be high school all over again. There was a gasp, and then fingers began pointing as they finally began to take notice of the bloody woman standing in the doorway. I held the rifle by my hip and just started spraying a full magazine into the crowd. It was glorious, fucking orgasmic, as the vibrations sent waves of pleasure through my pussy. My god, it was intense. If I’d been born a woman, I would have had sex all day, every day. Sure, blowing a load is a fantastic experience, but it can’t even begin to compare to what was happening right now. I was shaking so badly I could barely get the next magazine into the magazine well.
“This is, fu … fu … fucking fantastic!” I just kept shooting, blowing holes into the backs of the staff as they tried desperately to get away, my knees threatening to give out at any moment. “How long does this go on?” I could feel my eyes threatening to roll up into my head and my toes curl into tight knots within my shoes. Screams, begging for mercy were masked by my shrieks of ecstasy. I couldn’t tell you how much time had elapsed from when I’d fired that last round until I stopped trembling. Bits of body parts and bodies littered the floor. Some did escape unscathed, out a door by the back, but the rest lay broken and bleeding by my feet. It was the most visually stimulating sight I’d ever seen in my life, so many of them taken down by my hand. I got it now, I got why people went on mass shootings.