by L H Whitlock
Grave pulled himself off of her and held out his hand. Nora looked up at him, propped on her elbows, with her hair falling around her face in messy waves, the hair tie having fallen out. Her blue eyes were dark with desire, her lips swollen and pink.
He groaned and rubbed his eyes, trying to fight off the images that tormented him. He needed to get away fast before he acted on his growing desire. What he needed was a cold shower and a long perimeter check where he was alone to pull his thoughts back to a safer place.
Nora took his hand and stood. “Grave…are you okay? I’m sorry if you think I wasn’t being serious. I am, I swear. I just… I got a little…um…carried away.”
Grave pushed a tuff of hair away from her eyes. “You have nothing to be sorry for. It’s getting dark and the night grows cold. I must start my walk, and you need to meet Lit-ta and Deon for dinner.”
“Or…” Nora bit her lip and looked away, her cheeks pinkening And her body rocking back and forth. “Or you can come to my house, and we can have the night to ourselves.”
She refused to look at him while she awaited his answer, but even so, Grave could see the redness creep up her entire face to the tips of her ears.
“I would love nothing more, Nora. But I am not my best self right now.” He chose the truth because it was the only excuse he could give without hurting her.
Still, uncertainty and pain filled her eyes. “Will you have dinner with Lit-ta, Deon, and me at least?”
He hated that he wasn’t able to do this for her. No matter what he said, she would think he had turned her down, and he knew she would spend the evening pondering it. But Grave couldn’t. He couldn’t risk it, and he didn’t particularly enjoy other people’s company. What he needed was to be alone to control the rush of emotions pulling him in two very different directions.
Grave caught Nora’s chin with his curled finger and angled her face so he could press a long, deep kiss to her lips. She melted into him, and it twisted his gut to have to pull away from her again.
“I am not ready, Nora. I will work on it for you, but tonight will not be my night.”
Nora’s eyes glossed over. She nodded and pressed her lips tight.
“I will stop by later this evening, and we can walk together. If you’ll be willing.”
She grinned. “Of course, I will.”
Grave returned her smile, retrieved his cloak from the tree branch, and put it on. After covering his face, he said, “I’ll see you in a bit. Get some food, you’ve worked hard, but we need to keep you strong. You need many, many more lessons before I will trust your security to yourself.” He winked as she gaped at him. “I’ll see you soon, Naleje.”
Grave turned, a smile plastered on his face, the darkness inside him retreating. He thought of the next time he would see her, and couldn’t wait for the hours to pass.
A weight jumped onto his back, and arms laced around his neck. He reached behind him and threw his assailant off then crouched, preparing for his attack. As he watched the small form collide with the ground, his heart jumped into his throat, and horror twisted his gut.
20
Nora didn’t know what exactly to think as she watched Grave turn away from her. He just rejected my invitation to come home with me. To have sex with me. Maybe I wasn’t clear… I’m just not good at this kind of thing. What do people say? Do you want to have sex? Hey, let’s do it. Heat rushed up her face. Oh! I have no clue what I’m doing.
Then, he had refused to have dinner with her, too, but he was going to see her later. Damn that man’s confusing! Desire pulsed through her, and an unfulfilled desire swept through her body, bringing on despair.
She wanted so badly to kiss him again; to jump him and ask for him to come home with her. To persuade him to say yes. She knew he worried about the consequences, or, maybe he wasn’t ready to have sex with her? No, that couldn’t be right. She felt his readiness pressing into her leg while he lay on top of her. No, he was just scared he would hurt her.
Well, she wasn’t scared. Meek little Nora was ready to handle any of the consequences that came from being with Grave.
Turning, she leapt onto his back and instantly found herself flying through the air and landing hard on the dirt path. The air rushed out of her chest, and spots danced in her eyes. Her hip throbbed, and the back of her head hurt, but she didn’t lose consciousness.
She groaned and pulled herself up to her elbows, then made a move to try and stand, her body still swaying and her back aching and stiff.
Grave pulled her up, his hands cupping her face and tracing through her hair, looking for blood and injury.
“Nora…I–I…” his hands shook, and his muddied eyes were full of worry. Nora pressed her hands to her stomach and felt nauseous. Oh no, oh no, oh no. Is–is my baby okay? Worry had her vision narrowing and bile rushing up her throat. Or maybe it’s something else… What if… What if… Tears blurred her vision, and she felt them rush down her cheeks and fall on her chest.
“Nora, Nora. I’m going to take you to the medic.” He picked her up and Nora pounded on him, panic filling her. No one can know. No one can know! They’ll send me right back to Mighton!
“Put me down, Grave. Put me down!” She heard herself shriek and Grave immediately complied.
“Nora, I–I... Please tell me what hurts. I’m so sorry. I just… I thought…”
Nora nearly ran away from him once her feet were on solid ground, then mentally cursed herself when she saw the pain in his eyes. The hopelessness. The heartbreak. She knew he didn’t mean it. She had been a moron for jumping on a trained killer’s back without warning. He had acted instinctively. That’s what he was trained to do. That thinking was what kept him alive all those years in the arena.
She knew all this, yet she still shook and took another step back when he took one forward.
“Nora, please…” he begged.
“It–it’s fine, Grave, I just need to be alone right now.”
“Nora, you need a medic. Just let me take you so they can make sure you’re all right. I threw you. I thought…” He trailed off and dropped his face into his hands and rubbed hard, then looked back at her. “Just let me help.”
“I don’t need a medic. I just need to be alone.” And to make sure my baby is okay.
“Will you let me take you home?” Grave’s voice sounded so unlike him, so defeated.
“No!” She shrieked before she could calm herself. She looked for the words to explain herself, but she couldn’t find them. In reality, she didn’t want Grave seeing or feeling her growing stomach. She hid it well beneath baggy clothing, but it had the distinctive hardness and shape of a growing child, and she wasn’t sure how she would tell him. Or if he would want her if he knew she carried a monster’s child.
Grave nodded solemnly and took several steps back. He lifted his hood to cover his face, and she ran past him, her tears falling freely.
***
As Grave watched Nora run from him, the dark cloud hovering over him grew. He looked down at his hands, cursing their betrayal, cursing his mind for its inability to process. How could he have done that? How could he have hurt her?
The planet around him whirled, his demons cried out, rising and rising until they threatened to consume him and take him to the nether regions, roaring their victory.
He didn’t deserve her. He didn’t deserve her bold acceptance of him or her gentleness. He knew that, yet he still felt he had found happiness. But this…this was unforgivable. He could have killed her; he could have—
“Grave,” Rikar’s voice pierced through his thoughts, sounding distant and far away at first, then growing increasingly closer. His mind refocused, and he opened his eyes to see his friend standing in front of him, a few arm’s lengths away, a safe distance as his friend must have sensed his turmoil. But no one was safe anymore.
“Grave, what happened?”
Grave stood paralyzed in the dark forest. How much time had passed? “Nothing happened.” H
e said, his voice sounding dry and raspy.
“Something happened. Is it Nora? Is she okay?”
He blames me. He thinks I hurt her. He now sees me for what I really am. But even as those thoughts traversed through his mind, he only saw concern on his friend’s face.
“Where is she?” Rikar asked.
“She ran home.” He dropped his heads, staring at his muddy boots.
“Grave, it’s okay. Tell me what happened?”
“I… We were,” He rubbed his face as he thought how to word it. His stubble had grown longer and now looked more like the beginnings of a beard. “I was showing her some self-defense moves, and things got…heated, so I ended the demonstration. When I was walking away to do my perimeter check, she jumped on my back and wrapped her arms around my neck.”
“That’s not your fault, Grave. Of course, you would react and toss her off, that’s ingrained into your very bones. And, in her defense, she was probably just being playful.”
“It doesn’t matter if that’s in the core of my training. I’ve hurt her. The only woman who ever dared get close, the only woman—hell—one of the only people to actually look me in the face. And now I’ve hurt her. I’m too far gone to be around people, especially Nora.”
Rikar groaned and rolled his eyes. “By the God who wrote the scrolls, you are a glum fellow. What have I told you about brooding.”
“I don’t brood.”
Rikar raised an eyebrow. “You’re the exact meaning of the word. Now, my brother-in-arms, are you just going to stand there and mope, or are you going to go after Nora and have a chat.”
“I am not moping. I’m being responsible and understanding of what people want, and of what’s no part of me.”
Rikar made a big show of rolling his eyes. “Go after her, even if she said she wants to be along. She’s likely confused and needs you to show her your softer side.”
“I don’t have a softer side!”
“She needs to know you would never hurt her on purpose, and she needs to understand your boundaries, what your triggers are. Attacking from behind, especially the thought of strangulation is a massive trigger for you. And rightfully so. She needs to understand that so you guys can work on it together. Make a list, so mistakes like this don’t happen.”
“Who made you a matchmaker?”
Rikar crossed his arms. “Well, I do a much better job of it than you.”
Grave groaned. “Fine. I’ll go talk to her. I want to make sure she isn’t injured.”
“Call me if you need me.”
“Thank you.” Grave turned and walked down the path toward Nora’s house. He couldn’t recall a time where he had been this nervous about anything, not even when building up hype for a battle or awaiting his next lashing. He knew how to handle those situations. What he didn’t know was how to handle the woman that turned his insides out. He didn’t know how to handle her tears, and if he had to see fear or betrayal on her face again, he would be brought to defeat. And he wasn’t a man who was defeated often.
When he got to Nora’s house, the lights beamed around the curtains. He pounded on the wooden door and immediately winced at the force he used, then repeated his knock with a gentler tap of his knuckles.
He waited, staring at the door, anticipating it to open at any moment, and he still didn’t know what he was going to do when Nora appeared on the other side, her face twisted in hatred.
After waiting several moments, he rapped the door again. “Nora, please open the door. You don’t have to let me in. I just want to talk to you. To see you and make sure you’re okay.”
Silence came from behind the door. One house over a hinge creaked, and Grave looked over to see Deon and Lit-ta peeking out from the cracked door. Great.
He knocked again. “Nora, I can’t begin to explain how sorry I am.” He hissed to keep his voice low, but his words came out harsh and jarring. Great. “Your friends have started to take notice. I would like to avoid speaking with them; may I please come in?”
Still no answer came from the other side. Grave assumed Nora was standing next to the door listening to him, so he started his monologue.
“Nora. I would never harm you. Please know that. I have…a lot in my past and certain things… Certain things can set me off. I should never have agreed to train you. I knew how dangerous it was engaging in combat, even if it was light and meant to be studious.”
He took a deep breath and rubbed a hand roughly over his face. “You bring out things in me that I don’t know how to handle. You have to know how much you mean to me. I haven’t been great at showing it or telling you. I’m not well-versed in how to handle the more emotional things in life.” Even he thought that sounded idiotic.
Still, there was nothing but silence from the other side, and he glanced over at Lit-ta’s house where Deon and the red-haired woman now stood outside the door, the light from their house spilling into the night from their open doorway. No one else showed their faces, and he was grateful Nora lived on the outside of town where most of the homes around hers were still vacant. Of the ones that were occupied, other than Deon’s and Lit-ta’s, the people either didn’t have the stones to come outside and see what he was doing, or they weren’t home, another thing Grave said a silent thanks for.
He leaned against the door and rested his forehead on his arm. “It–it’s been so long since anyone looked at me the way you look at me. I um… I don’t mean anything weird by that.” He could really use Rikar’s help with this. “What I mean is, most people are afraid of me or keep clear of me. Whether they think I’m a monster or scary or hideous or a mixture of all three, I can’t be sure, and I don’t blame them.
“I know the crazy stories that go around about me, too, and I haven’t done anything to prove them wrong. So, what are people to think?
“Anyway. Please, Nora. I don’t want to have to see you look at me like that. I—” He inhaled a deep breath of fresh night air, taking a moment for the smell of burning timber and wet grass to ground him and give him strength.
“I know I probably ruined things. Whatever was happening between us, I know it’s no more. But I beg you to talk to me and allow me to ease your fears. Then I’ll leave you alone, and you won’t have to fear me any longer.”
Nora still didn’t speak, and the door didn’t open. Rage swirled in his chest. What else did she want?! That was the best he could do, yet she expected something different? Something more?
Damn Rikar. Grave knew he should never have come after Nora. She was making it clear that she wanted her space and had tossed him out of her life. His muscles tensed, and his hands closed into a tight fist. Just as quickly as the rage had come, dread replaced it, a feeling he couldn’t remember ever truly experiencing.
She was gone. Just as quickly as his Naleje had entered into his life, she was gone.
A shriek tore through the air and Grave reared back and kicked the door down and was halfway through Nora’s living room in three steps. A door in the hallway was closed and another, though fainter scream sounded from within. He tried the handle first, but the door stopped against the deadbolt.
“Nora!” He called out, then stepped back and kicked the door down.
Nora whipped around and stared at him in shock. Her wet hair appeared a more plum color and clung to her back, shoulders, and collarbone. Her blue eyes were wide. Her pearly skin was just as flawless and silky as he imagined, and his breath caught as his eyes slowly traveled down her small body. Her shoulders, the delicate collarbone, her small, perky breasts, her pink nipples. His eyes traveled lower and stopped at her belly.
His heart slammed as he saw what should be her flat stomach rounded and swollen, the beginnings of two pink stretchmarks curved along the underside, stopping right before her belly button.
“Fuck, Nora.” His eyes jumped back to her face. “You’re pregnant?”
21
Nora spun as the door to her bathroom, slammed to the ground. Grave stood in the doorway, his bod
y tense and ready for action. Oh, seven moons! Why was he here!
I screamed, that’s why. He must have heard me and worried that something was wrong.
She squeezed her eyes shut in embarrassment, hoping that when she opened them, Grave would be gone. All of this because she was being a little baby and screamed when she was trying to kill a large bug that had crawled out of her toilet. She flushed it first, and the darn thing hadn’t been fazed. It just crawled out and attacked! Okay, so it didn’t attack, but it looked like it was going to crawl toward her! The thing was nearly the size of her face, what else was she supposed to do!
Grave’s eyes skimmed her body, and she knew the moment he realized that something was not as expected. His gaze stopped on her belly, and horror filled his ever-widening eyes.
Sudden tears threatened to spill. This was why she didn’t want him knowing, not yet.
“Fuck, Nora. You’re pregnant?” His eyes met hers, and she swallowed.
“Grave, I… I’m so sorry. I should have told you.”
“Shit!” His curse was harsh and had her taking a step back. She thought he was going to yell at her for being a whore or for keeping the secret. Or tell her he didn’t want anything to do with her. Who would? No one wanted a woman pregnant with someone else’s child.
“We need to get you to the medic and make sure I didn’t harm the baby.” Grave grabbed a towel, threw it over her and was drying her hair before she could protest.
“Grave…what?”
Before he could respond, Lit-ta’s voice drove between them.
“You get away from her, Grave!”
“We mean it!” Deon said, though it didn’t hold the same determination as Lit-ta’s.
Nora yelped and hid behind Grave. Great. Now the number of people who had seen her naked just quadrupled.
“Get out,” Grave growled, his arm jutting out protectively to block Nora.