by Layla Hagen
Cole
I left the hospital thinking I could just bury myself in work and get my mind off everything, but one block later, it became clear that I was in no mood for the office, clients, or deadlines. No, I needed my family.
Taking out my phone, I called Tess.
“I need company,” I said the second she picked up.
“Right now or tonight?”
“Right now.”
“Oh. Okay. Lunch? Drinks?”
I chuckled. My sister was in detective mode again.
“Drinks wouldn’t sound bad.”
“Ugh. Day drinking. Shit hit the fan. I’m your girl,” Tess said immediately.
“Thanks.”
Not for the first time, I was deeply grateful for my family—that we were ready to drop whatever we were doing when one of the group needed anything. Sometimes it was a serious problem, sometimes it was just moral support, like now.
“Want me to see if anyone else from the family has time?” she asked.
“Sure, why not?”
“Where are we meeting?”
“My place? I’m not really in the mood to see other people.”
“Yeah, I agree. Plus, we won’t get all those judgy looks for day drinking.”
I laughed, already feeling marginally better. Honestly, I could have skipped the drinks part. I just needed my family.
I arrived at the apartment half an hour later. My first instinct when I walked in was to look around for Laney. Fuck. Maybe coming here hadn’t been my best idea. I was suffocating.
I saw her everywhere. The couch, the kitchen counter, the table. I didn’t even want to think about the bedroom. My best memories here were with her. I swallowed hard, staring at the floor.
For an excruciating second, I imagined what it would feel like to come home if Laney told me she couldn’t see us having a future together, and I couldn’t bear the thought. I had to focus on something else because that sensation of suffocating was intensifying. It was like a physical weight on my chest, spreading up my throat. I leaned against the mirror at the entrance, feeling completely lost for the first time in my life.
I swept my gaze over the apartment again, zeroing in on the kitchen island that also dubbed as bar. Fuck it, no! I couldn’t stay here tonight. I called Tess the next second.
“Changed my mind. Not my place,” I said.
There was a pause before my sister answered.
“Okay, how about mine? We can take the party there.”
“I like that.”
“So Skye can’t come, but Ryker and Hunter are game.”
“Perfect.”
Yeah, this was sounding better by the second. I’d be surrounded by my gang.
I Ubered to Tess’s place, in no mood to face the trains during rush hour. Sure, being stuck in traffic wasn’t a pleasure, but I preferred it. To take my mind off everything, I conversed with the driver during the entire ride, listening intently to his life story.
Tess was already at her apartment when I arrived. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail. Her brown eyes were focused on me. The worry in them slayed me.
“Come on in, brother. The boys are on their way, and I asked them to buy some reinforcements, but look what I found. Remember?”
She held up a bottle of Jose Cuervo, a big grin on her face. Despite my deep misery, I burst out laughing, remembering that evening. We’d all helped Tess move in, opening boxes and shuffling around furniture. At around seven o’clock, I’d declared that I wanted some reinforcement from Mr. Cuervo, and then I’d carry on.
Famous last words.
The rest of the gang had a drink with me. We were so tired that after two shots, we fell asleep.
We woke up the next morning with stiff backs and necks, and still a bunch of boxes to open. It had been a fun night, though.
“Are you sure it’s not past its expiration date?” I teased. After all, she’d moved in four years ago.
She waved her hand. “It’s alcohol. It’ll be good anyway.”
Stepping in, I took a deep breath. “Thanks for making time for me.”
“That’s what family is for.” She held the bottle even higher, wiggling it a little. “Early dinner first or should we jump to Mr. Cuervo right away?”
“I had a late lunch.”
“Yeah, I’m not really hungry either.”
I sat on the couch in her living room, still feeling like shit. Ryker and Hunter arrived within minutes of each other. Ryker brought a wine bottle, Hunter champagne.
Tess sighed. “Thanks for the supplies, boys, but wine and champagne aren’t enough tonight. This is a job for tequila.”
They all stepped in the living room, zeroing in on me.
“What are we drinking to?” Ryker asked.
Hunter just observed me, narrowing his eyes. I was sitting on a corner of the couch. “I don’t think we’re here to celebrate. Is this a pity party?”
I groaned. “No.”
Tess gave me a small smile. “It kind of is, though. But don’t worry, I can make any kind of party fun.”
Turning to Hunter and Ryker, she pointed a finger at them.
“You’re not allowed to hassle him or prod him with questions,” my sister declared, voice stern.
Ryker laughed. “You mean to tell me you didn’t do that already?” A few seconds later, his smile faded. “Oh, shit, you didn’t.”
“Okay, clearly we’re out of our depths here. Tess, you’re running this show,” Hunter said.
My sister nodded in satisfaction. “Excellent plan.”
“We’re good drinking buddies though,” Ryker said. “So let’s start doing shots and not talk.”
One hour later...
“Well, shit, cousin. Wouldn’t want to be in your shoes,” Hunter said.
“I don’t want to be in my shoes either.”
Sometime between the third and the fourth shot, I had spilled my guts. To my dismay, they all started to give me advice.
I didn’t want advice. I just wanted to forget about it.
I turned to Tess. “Please make them stop.”
My sister jutted out her lower lip. “I don’t think I can. Lost my authority after the third Jose.”
“Look, man, having someone to share everything with... it’s life changing,” Ryker said.
“Definitely,” Hunter added.
“Wait, wait, wait,” Tess said loudly. “I think he knows all that. Don’t rub salt on wounds.”
Hunter nodded slowly. “Yeah, right. You’re right. I knew there was a reason I was appointing you captain of the ship.”
I could taste tequila on my lips, and my throat was burning. It had dulled the mind and the senses, which was good. It did not, however, lessen this strange pressure in my chest that only appeared when I was thinking about Laney.
“Don’t know what ship that is, because mine just went down,” I declared.
Tess clasped my right hand, looking straight at me. “Brother. She is special to you. Some people search forever for someone to look at them the way you look at Laney.” Her voice was uneven on that last syllable, cluing me in that she was referring to herself. “And she looks at you the same way.” She pouted, shaking her head. “I don’t like this. You need us to cheer you up. I vote we rehash some stupid things we did in our youth. That’s always a lot of fun.”
Ryker stretched on the couch, grinning. “If only we’d known years ago that our stupid ideas would be useful eventually, I would’ve had a reason every time Mom asked, Why did you do this?”
***
Next day, I woke up with a remarkably clear head. Then again, we hadn’t had too much to drink yesterday, just a few shots each. I was in Tess’s guest room. Hunter and Ryker had left late last night.
Looking at my phone, I discovered three missed calls from Laney, and about ten messages. I shut off the screen quickly, without reading them.
Fuck, I was turning into a coward.
Well, no. I was afraid of what she wrote back. I c
ould own up to that.
I got out of bed, heading straight to the living room. Tess was there, lying on the floor on her belly, typing on her laptop with one hand, holding the phone to her ear with the other one.
“I’ve got to go. I’ll call you later,” she said the second she saw me.
“Tess, you don’t have to drop everything for me. Go back to your call.”
I was already feeling guilty for basically hijacking her day yesterday.
“Mmm, no. Operation: Taking Care of Cole is still going on.” Rising to her feet, she smoothed her pink dress, pointing with one thumb over her shoulder to the dining table.
“I woke up early and made banana bread. Want some?”
“Sure.”
“Let’s dig in. I’ve already had breakfast, but you can never have enough banana bread. Wait a second. There’s something different about you today.” After we sat down, she parked her chin in her hand, looking at me intently. She was in detective mode again. And while I didn’t doubt she would guess eventually, I felt like opening up.
“Woke up to a few missed calls and messages from Laney,” I said.
“Oooh. What does she say?”
I swallowed a mouthful, buying time. “I didn’t look.”
She gave me a sympathetic smile. “Too afraid?”
The best thing about Tess was that she had this uncanny feeling that told her when to tease someone or offer genuine sympathy. All I could do was nod. I wasn’t ashamed to admit it. This was not a business deal that I could judge based on numbers and facts and leave emotions at the door.
“Want me to read them for you?” she offered.
For a few seconds, I actually entertained the option, before deciding it was a terrible idea. If it was bad news, I sure as hell didn’t want to see it on my sister’s face first.
“No, I’ll man up and deal with it.”
“Have some coffee first. Nothing worse than trying to make sense of a situation while half your neurons are still asleep.”
After drinking two cups of coffee, I finally looked at the messages.
Laney: Call me when you see my missed call.
Laney: Just tried to call you again
Laney: Pleaaaaase call.
Laney: If you’re ignoring it on purpose I will do BAD THINGS.
I chuckled, knowing Laney only used caps lock in extreme circumstances.
Cole: Just now saw this. When is your shift over?
“That’s a smile right there,” Tess said, finger pointed at me. “I take it as a good sign.”
“She wants to talk to me.”
“Another good sign,” she said excitedly. Was it? I wasn’t so sure. Some fears I didn’t want to voice. I had no doubt my sister could sense my unease in that scary way she always seemed to guess things. I pinned her with my gaze. Even though last night was a bit of a blur, one particular moment stood out.
“Tess..., about what you said last night..., is there anyone’s ass in particular that I have to kick?” I kept my voice firm so she knew I wasn’t joking.
Laughing, she put her hand over mine on the table. “You don’t get out of brother mode even when you have so much on your plate, huh?”
“One thing doesn’t have to do anything with the other,” I assured her.
“Don’t worry, if you need to kick ass, I’ll let you know. I always did.”
“Yeah, except the last time was when I was in high school.”
Tess beamed. “As I recall, I didn’t ask that time either. You just decided to take matters into your own hands.”
“Seemed like the right thing to do.”
Tess chuckled. “Well, I see the caffeine kicked in. Your memory is sharp; your instincts too, especially the protective ones.”
I nodded. I was ready to face the day.
We both left afterward, sharing an Uber into Manhattan. Since Laney still hadn’t answered, I dropped Tess in Soho first. I couldn’t postpone going to my apartment. I needed to change. I was still wearing yesterday’s clothes, and it was obvious I’d slept in them. I needed a shower and to brush my teeth.
Once I’d freshened up and changed into a new shirt and suit, I felt massively more optimistic. When I checked my phone, I discovered she’d texted me.
Laney: My shift ends at two. I can come to your apartment after that? Or do you have a meeting?
Cole: I’ll see you after your shift ends.
The last thing I had on my mind was meetings. I couldn’t focus even if I wanted to.
I called Hunter next.
“Hi!”
“I won’t make it to the office today,” I told him.
“Figured as much. Tell me it’s not because your pity party is still on.”
“No. Changed and showered.”
“Good. I was going to apply some tough love otherwise.”
“I thought you were mellow last night.”
“You don’t hit a man when he’s down. You needed time to regroup, get things out of your system.”
“And twelve hours are enough?”
“There’s nothing a good night’s sleep can’t solve.”
“Can you take over any meetings I have? I’m seeing Laney at two, and I’m just not in the right headspace to be at the office. I’ll ask my assistant to reschedule everything she can and tell you if anything is urgent.”
I prided myself on memorizing my schedule, but I drew up blank. I had Laney on my mind today.
“Get your woman, everything else can wait.”
“Thanks, man.”
As soon as I hung up, I started pacing around the apartment. Fucking hell, I couldn’t stand being inside here until two o’clock. It was barely ten now.
I didn’t have a game plan, but I needed to get out. Stat.
The second I left my building I knew what my destination was: the hospital. Why, I had no idea. I couldn’t exactly storm inside and throw her over my shoulder, even though the thought was tempting.
I went to the back, where I’d waited for Laney the first time I saw her back in New York, sitting under the shade of the huge oak tree. I was just going to wait here until two o’clock.
Last night, I might have wanted to forget everything—needed it, even—but today, I wanted the opposite. It wasn’t in my nature to run from anything. I took challenges head-on, doing whatever was needed to come out on the other side.
The pity party was over. One evening had been enough. Today, I was in winning mode.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Laney
I drew in a deep breath as I stepped in the cafeteria. My legs were a little wobbly. My back was hurting. This had been a long shift. After the surgery with the chief yesterday, I had to take over for a colleague who was sick. I ended up sleeping most of the night here, but this morning, I’d had to go straight into another surgery. Chief had been happy with me yesterday.
I bought a chocolate croissant and an espresso and was now sitting at my favorite table in the corner, right next to the window.
I kept glancing at the clock, willing it to turn to two so I could leave. I’d spent all of last evening trying to convince someone to take today’s shift, but I’d been unsuccessful.
My heart was heavy, my hands jittery.
Now that I didn’t have a surgery to demand my entire focus, I couldn’t stop thinking about Cole.
I needed to talk to him. My heart was breaking just remembering the anguish in his eyes yesterday. He didn’t deserve that, and I had to set things straight. Biting my lower lip, I glanced out the window at the spot where he usually waited for me after a shift.
HOLY SHIT.
Was that Cole under the tree?
I blinked rapidly, standing up so quickly that I pushed the table forward a few inches. It made a screeching sound.
With an apologetic grin at the other patrons, I darted outside, leaving my half-eaten croissant and untouched espresso behind.
I only had fifteen minutes until the mandatory afternoon meeting, but I planned to mak
e the most of it. My heartbeat intensified with every step. My legs felt lighter; my whole body did. I took in Cole as I approached him. He hadn’t seen me yet. Sitting on the bench, he was staring at the small fountain in front of the entrance. He looked freshly shaved, and to the untrained eye, he seemed his usual self. He definitely was wearing one of his ready-to-take-on-the-world suits.
But he was a little pale, and I detected a few creases in his brow that were very unlike him. God, I loved this man. So, so much. I didn’t want him to hurt, least of all because of me. He was too wonderful to deserve that.
“Hey,” I said, then I realized it came out stifled because my throat was clogged. There were so many emotions bubbling up inside me.
Clearing my throat, I tried again. “Cole.”
He snapped his head in my direction the next second, rising from the bench.
“Since when are you here?” I asked at the same time he said, “I couldn’t wait at home, so I just came here.”
I beamed, putting a hand on my belly, suddenly feeling self-conscious. I was in my scrubs, my hair still twisted in the strict bun I always wore during surgeries. I reeked of disinfectant. Cole didn’t seem to care about any of those things. He just watched me intently, without saying one word. I felt my heartbeat in my throat. I knew I was the one who needed to talk. Stepping closer, I took his hands in mine, looking down at them, my grip tight.
“I am deeply sorry that you’re hurting. That you had all that on your chest. I love you, but you already know that. Seeing that white dress in the picture made me nervous, but in a good way. Cole, I can see myself with you in ten, twenty, thirty years. You’re my future. I didn’t... I didn’t think I could feel this way again, that it was possible to get over my fear, but you did it, babe.”
I pressed my lips together, drawing in a deep breath. What was he thinking? I wanted to know.
“Laney, look at me,” he said. “And maybe let go of my hands. I think you’re stopping blood circulation.”
Laughing, I freed his hands, clasping mine behind my back. My palms were sweaty.
“That’s not how blood circulation works,” I croaked out.
Cole laughed, putting a hand on my tail bone, pressing me closer to him. I loved it when he touched me there, all possessive.