by Allie Burton
Not my business. I needed to get the job done before my blonde hair turned green with all the chlorine in the air.
With a kink on one side of the new filter cover, I struggled to make it fit over the hole. Holding the cover down with my forearm, I worked each corner into place. Then, I tightened the screws. The filter cover looked, well not like new, but good enough. I returned to my scrubbing.
“Pearl.” Chase’s voice echoed around the empty pool.
I stiffened and my heart picked up its pace. His voice alone interrupted my normal rhythm. Now I understood why his kiss had thrown me like the Loop-to-Loop ride.
The kiss should never have happened. I’d been weak and foolish. Even more foolish-looking the way I’d run off.
“Where’d you go last night?” His angry voice bounced announcing my foolishness to everyone.
Maybe I could ignore him and he’d go away. I didn’t want to analyze what had happened between us. I’d done enough of that last night.
Maybe, just maybe, I could be friends with Chase. After nearly dying I deserved some type of relationship. But it could never be more than that.
“I was worried you wouldn’t get home.”
My heart raced at the thought of his concern, but I couldn’t show my emotions. He couldn’t learn how he affected me. I dropped my arm holding the brush and turned around, firming my mouth. “You offered to help me find my sweats. They were gone so I left.”
End of story. There couldn’t be more hand holding or kissing. My life was way too complicated. Running from the circus owners, staying below the radar of the law, hiding my secrets.
Chase’s lanky body leapt over the railing with the yellow caution tape. He climbed down the ladder. “You ran like a frightened rabbit. Again.”
I stuck my chin out. “I don’t run.”
Okay I do run, but not from guys like Chase. I run from overbearing circus owners who’d taken advantage of me for way too long. I’d been on the run for over six months now. The wariness had lightened but I didn’t think it would ever go away.
“You don’t run, and you don’t make excuses.” He counted the points on his fingers. “I’ll have to start keeping a list.” He stopped right in front of me, a serious expression on his face.
“Why would you want to keep a list about me?”
He reached up and tugged the blue mask from around my mouth and nose exposing my lips. “I thought I’d communicated that last night.”
My heart ba-bumped in my chest. “I’m nothing special.” Nope, just your average-runaway-from-the-circus-because-I’m-tired-of-my-freak-abilities-being-taken-advantage-of-type-of-girl.
“I think you are,” very-kissable lips only inches from my own said. “Special that is.”
The ba-bump in my heart squeezed tight. Special? My breath hitched. No one had ever called me special before. Weird. Strange. Different. Maybe a uniquely-strange now and again. But never special in a sweet way.
Our bodies were so close. Only within inches of each other. If I leaned toward him I could thank him for the compliment. Instead, I tilted back to remove my mouth from temptation.
Guess I leaned too far because I lost my balance and stumbled.
He grabbed my arm to stop me from tumbling. His strong fingers wrapped around my arm. “You okay?”
“Must be the fumes.” I waved a hand in front of my nose, hoping it appeared I was trying to clear the air, but really I cooled my flushed face. “Toxic stuff.”
I couldn’t let him see how much he affected me. Affected me because he acts like he’s interested in me as a person, not a freakish performer. Tells me I’m special and makes me feel special.
Or does he suspect something? My skin tingled in a suspicious way. He’d been around when all of my weird incidents had happened. Was he being nice to learn my secrets?
“I’ll help.” He bent over to dig in the cleaning bucket for a brush offering a nice view of his backside in clean khaki shorts.
If my suspicions are correct, I didn’t want his help. Or his nearness. The temptation was too great. I’d get to know him and like him more and then when he disappointed me, like everyone else, I’d be hurt. “Don’t you have other work to do?”
Rejection flashed in his aqua-blue eyes before they sparked with anger. “Yes. I do.” He dropped the scrubbing brush and it hit the brackish inch of water with a splat. “I won’t bother you anymore.”
The blackness of loss hit me first. Then, a twinge of surprise that I felt such loss. “Chase. Wait.”
He halted but didn’t turn around. His shoulders were stiff, unbending. He was waiting.
Waiting for me to make the next move. The next overture. “I’d love help.” I swallowed the fear in my throat. I didn’t want to hurt him and I didn’t want to be hurt. But I’d decided we could be friends, and friends help each other out. “From you.”
Turning to face me, his feet squished. Pain still shown in his soft gaze, coupled with an uncertainty. “You’re sure?”
“Yeah. Sorry I—”
“No need to apologize.” He picked the scrub brush up. “Besides, you need help. The police are coming to inspect the lagoon later today and this needs—”
“Police?” Air whooshed out of my lungs. I stayed well clear of the cops. They tended to ask way too many questions. “Why?”
He took a mask and slipped it over his face making it more difficult to read his expression. “Routine. A kid almost drowned, so they need to write a report.”
“Oh.” I slipped my own mask back on wanting to hide any fear displayed. “What time is the, um, inspection?” Cause I planned to be miles away.
“Around four.”
The sooner I got this done the sooner I could get out of here. Now, I was glad for Chase’s help.
He grabbed a brush. “Tell me what to do?”
I liked how he asked, didn’t act like he was a know-it-all manager. The circus owners had been dictators. Their way or the highway. I chose the highway, although it had taken me sixteen years to gather the courage.
After giving him a quick run-down of what still needed to be done, we got to work. We worked in silence for a bit and even though we didn’t talk, it was nice not to be alone. Since running away, I’d been alone a lot.
Who was I kidding? Even before running away I was alone. I’d lived with the circus owners, Bill and Carlita, and no one else under their employment came near me. Only a few brave souls approached and then the need was dire. It was like I carried an infectious disease.
Like the kids at the dunk tank. Once they’d realized what I was they panicked.
“Get out of the water! Get out of the water!” They swam and ran and scrambled to get out of the pool. One girl in her haste slipped off the ladder and fell back into the tank. Her panic-filled screams sounded like she’d been murdered.
I’d never forget the fear on her face when I swam over to help. “Don’t touch me.” As if she could catch my weirdness.
Seconds later, the twelve of them stood around the edge of the dunk tank while I floated in the middle. Alone. Like a leper island.
Their expressions accused me of ruining their fun. Of possibly infecting them.
My lower lip trembled. I couldn’t show them how much they’d hurt me. I gave my show biz signature salute, an undulating hand like an ocean wave, and sunk to the bottom, staying there until they left.
“Have you been to Mermaid Beach yet?” Chase had moved to a spot near where I scrubbed.
My eyes burned from the chlorine not from the memories. “I thought this was Mermaid Beach.”
“Well, there’s the Mermaid Beach Boardwalk, the town of Mermaid Beach, and then the actual beach. It’s got a great campground…”
That, I knew about.
“…where you were last night, more wonderful sandy beaches and some real neat coves and tide pools.”
“Sounds cool. I’ll have to explore on my next day off.”
“How about after shift today? You clocked in pr
etty early. We could have a late lunch and go swimming.”
Having Chase help me clean the lagoon was one thing, spending time with him, especially at the beach, was too risky. I couldn’t chance the exposure of my skills. “I don’t swim.”
“You’ve said that before, yet,” His eyebrows rose higher above the mask. “I saw you dive like a champion and you survived last night’s whirlpool.”
My brush stopped scrubbing. “With your help.”
“You seemed to know what you were doing.”
I jerked the hair away from my face. My stomach turned over. Did he suspect I was different? “Can we forget about the whole thing? It’s over.”
“Sure thing. Didn’t realize how touchy you were.” His own touchy tone sent a warning to my natural protective instincts.
“I’m not touchy.” But I was. I needed to blow both incidents off by acting less jumpy and sensitive. If he was curious, I needed to deflect that curiosity. “Sorry.”
He raised his hands in mock surrender. “I wanted to get to know you better.” His gaze lost their humor, seeming almost disappointed. “If you’re not interested…” He shrugged and turned back to scrubbing.
I bit my lip. He seemed sincere. And I was coming off like a world-class cow. Doubt warred with wistfulness in my chest. “I’m not using you to help me clean the lagoon.”
“Could’ve fooled me.” The hurt in his tone cut across me.
Hanging out was normal. Dating was normal. Kissing was normal.
I wasn’t normal, but I wanted to be. Wanted to pretend if only for an afternoon that I could hang out and not worry.
But I had so many secrets to hide.
* * *
So this is what it was like to have a fun day. Sitting on a blanket on the beach, watching the waves roll in, my body relaxed like it never had before. Soaking up the sun, listening to the surf, and smelling the salty air.
Maybe it was Chase and his laid-back attitude. Maybe it was being near the ocean. Maybe it was because Mermaid Beach seemed like home, or as close to a home as I’d ever get.
“This is great after the cleaning we did this morning.” Chase lay next to me in longish blue swim trunks, his arms crossed behind his head, his eyelids closed against the brightness of the sun.
He’d been a trooper, helping me finish scrubbing the lagoon. He’d been sweet and nice and entertaining and… The list went on, even though I tried to erase it from my mind.
“I still stink like chlorine.” I’d taken a quick shower at the campground bathrooms, and then met Chase back at the Boardwalk an hour later. I’d thought about backing out, not showing up, but then I remembered how he’d called me special.
And I so wanted to feel that way.
I didn’t know where he’d cleaned up, but he’d definitely showered because I smelled the fresh spicy scent of his shampoo. He’d changed into long board shorts and a white T-shirt that hugged his buff chest, and he’d brought a blanket and cooler filled with sandwiches and sodas.
He rolled to his side and his face moved in next to my neck. His breath whispered against my skin causing tingles of delight.
“Let me check.” He sniffed obnoxiously. “You smell ocean fresh, with maybe a bit of chlorine on the side.”
I slapped his chest and hot sparks singed through my veins. Whoa, was that the cleaning solution from this morning or did we have some type of personal chemical reaction? It’s like we were combustible. Or toxic.
I was attracted to Chase, but one of us was bound to get hurt.
He sat up and tugged my hand. “Come into the water and we can get rid of that chlorine scent.”
I shook my head, even though I longed to dive into the ocean. If possible I’d spend every waking minute in the water. I loved it that much. But the water could betray me. I’d get excited, forget people were watching, and do something stupid.
“No, I’ll watch.” I took a sip of orange soda and observed a lifeguard blowing a whistle at some kids jumping on top of each other in the waves.
“How about tossing a Frisbee?” He fidgeted something fierce and then glanced at his watch.
Bored? My stomach flattened like air being let out of a ball. “If you don’t want to hang out with me, it’s cool.” A touch of hurt sounded in my voice no matter how hard I tried to disguise it.
“I can only lie around for so long. Let’s walk over by the tide pools.” He stood and held out his hand and then put them together begging. “Please.”
Laughter bounced out of my chest and I couldn’t stop the smile from slipping onto my face. He wasn’t bored with me. He didn’t like lying around. Guess he wasn’t a completely laidback type of guy.
“Since you said please.” I stood and brushed off my red, white and blue bikini bathing suit. The swimsuit featured a large, gem-studded star design. A bit flashy for my new stay-out-of-the-limelight role but it had worked theatrically in the circus and he’d seen it the other night.
We walked through the sand toward the cliffs surrounding the beach area. The cliffs stood tall protecting the beach. The waves crashed over the larger rocks. A love-hate relationship, similar to mine with the water.
I loved swimming and loved what I could do in the water, but because I could do those freaky things I was picked on, spotlighted, forced to perform. The circus owners had taken away my ability to feel completely free in the water, and with other people.
“How do you like working at The Boardwalk?” He pronounced the last two words with an echo effect.
“It’s a job. How about you?”
“It sucks, but it’s…a job.” His laugh sounded forced. “I’ve been working there every summer since I was eight.”
“Is that legal?” Maybe he was getting paid in cash, too.
“Who knows.” He shrugged. “While I love summer, I’m looking forward to going to college this fall.”
He was a college freshman, while I should’ve been in high school. He was smart, while I’d been taught to read by Carlita and done most of the homeschooling myself. He had plans, while I didn’t even know if I had a future.
He was two years older than me. Not that I gave my real age on the Boardwalk application. They thought I was eighteen. And I would be soon, in less than two years.
I’d love to go to a real school. “Do you know what you want to study?”
Nodding, he bent over and picked up a small, smooth stone. “Business and journalism.”
“Two majors? I’m impressed.” Now I felt real dumb. I didn’t have a clue what interested me. Up until this point, I’d only known the circus. Thought it would be my life. That I didn’t have a choice.
But once I learned the truth, I couldn’t stay at the Poseidon Family Circus. I didn’t have to anymore.
He threw the stone side-armed and skipped it across the water. “My aunt insists on the business major, but I like journalism. I’ve got a job working for the school paper.”
I missed a step. “Doing what?” Please, let it be advertising, or public relations, or a paperboy.
“Investigative journalism.”
My stomach vaulted up my throat. Curiosity was part of his personality. He’d been asking questions since the moment we met. I swallowed past the sudden lump and tried to respond. “In-interesting.”
“I need to break a big story wide open to prove to my aunt reporting is the right career for me. Got any leads?”
“L-l-leads?” My lips tripped over themselves. My heart plopped like the stone he’d thrown earlier. So, that’s what he’d meant by stories last night. Journalism stories.
I hated reporters. One reporter, specifically. Ben Collins, a reporter in the local town where the circus was based, wanted to break out nationally with a big story. Just like Chase. My breath caught in my chest.
Ben had decided I was that story. He’d hounded me, peppered me with questions, and dogged my every move. One time I found myself alone in the big tent. After glancing around to be sure no one watched, I strutted onto the music stage
where bands would perform during intermission.
I bowed to my imaginary audience. Then, I started singing and dancing like I was a famous pop star and not a circus freak. Flipping my hair and shimmying, I danced around the stage pretending like all thirteen-year-old girls do.
My voice screeched the lyrics. My body jerked the dance moves. But at that moment, in my mind, I was marvelous and free.
Clap. Clap. Clap. The sound interrupted my impromptu performance. I froze. My heart pounded like the bass of live music.
Ben stepped out from behind the dunk tank. With a video camera in his hand. “I guess musicality isn’t one of your talents.”
My face flamed. My entire body heated like a volcano. I wanted to die on the spot. “What are you doing? You’re not supposed to be in here.” My voice whispered no real challenge in it at all.
“I’d planned to secretly videotape you practicing your show but this performance was so much better.”
I knew I was a terrible singer. My voice sounded like a whale’s mating call. I was klutzy out of water, so I couldn’t dance.
“W-what do you mean?” I hadn’t heard his sarcasm at first.
He tapped the camcorder. “This will make a laughable internet video. I bet you get a ton of hits.”
I scrambled off the stage. “No.” I’d be laughed at by millions. Carlita would kill me.
“I tell you what.” He strolled oh-so-casually over. “I’ll give you this disc in exchange for information. Tell me how you do your underwater tricks.”
I didn’t know the answer to that myself. Breathing, super strength, and seeing clearly underwater came naturally. No one taught me how to do it, just like no one had ever taught me how to swim.
This mega-embarrassing internet video would haunt me for the rest of my life. I couldn’t give him an answer and I couldn’t let him blackmail me. “I’ll show you.”
My legs shook climbing onto the edge of the tank. He followed. The red light of the camera blinked on.
“Get closer to the edge.” I beckoned him forward and then leaned over the water. “Do you see that?”
“See what?” He leaned a bit further.
“That.” I swung my arm around and shoved him hard on the back.