by Robin Lovett
Wanting her way to be as lubed and easy as possible, I grasp myself and stroke myself into another orgasm—which isn’t difficult considering how much I’m longing to insert my cock where my fingers have been immersed in her strong, gripping tunnel. I pour my come onto her ass, and my erection not waning, ease myself through the slickness of my orgasm into her.
To say it’s good would be lying. To say she enjoys it would be a fallacy.
To call it an experience from the gods would be more accurate.
I withhold my rhythm. I don’t pound her the way I can when I’m in her tender sex. I set a pace more sensitive to the overwhelming sensations gripping us. Our eyes lock in the mirror, watching each other in our joined ecstasy.
I can’t help pouring my Exstare into her this time, setting off orgasms that have her muscles pulsing around my cock and me coming until she is so wetted from my come, I can no longer stay in her and slip out.
I step back, stunned. Unsteady on my feet.
She rolls over, and the chaise longue changes again, the cushions morphing and molding to her position. Her expression is an unfathomable mixture of heavy, intense things I don’t have names for, and her aura is a combination of colors I don’t recognize and can’t read.
I wonder what it is she’s feeling, and I inhale to ask.
She opens her arms before I can. “Lie with me?”
I crawl onto the cushions beside her, pulling her into my arms, urging her cheek against my chest, wrapping my arms around her back, and kissing the top of her head…
Beep…beep…beep…
An alarm starts inside my head. I don’t know where it’s coming from; all I know is I would do anything to stop it if I could. I would move the stars in the universe with my Exstare, if it meant I could lie here and hold her for just one more moment.
But I can’t. No matter my Exstare, time is a force I cannot alter.
I’m jerked awake and assaulted by the pilot’s console alarm blaring at me. I slam the alarm switch to off and hide my face in my hands. A communication message just came in. But I can’t think enough to listen to it yet.
I struggle to breathe and pull my senses back together.
My heart is hammering with a strange urgency in my chest, like it’s trying to tell me something, and I don’t understand what it means. It hurts. It’s a bitter kind of agony. The only thing I can think that would ease it would be falling back asleep, lying next to Jenie, and never getting up.
I could. I could so easily shut my eyes and be back there.
But a lance slashes through my gut—a fear, a horrible frightening fear—that if I go back, I’ll never be able to leave her.
The sex between us has become so much more complex than I ever imagined it could be. The intricacies of her and who she is and how we work together—how we make love together—are interwoven so tightly, I can’t separate the source of how this happened.
It’s like I can feel her beneath my skin, sinking inside of me. It’s strange and suffocating.
What is it called when a sexual relationship shifts to as enriching an experience as this one has? Maybe it’s because she’s human and Ulreya. Maybe it has to do with how much effort I’ve put into helping her. Maybe it’s because…
It doesn’t matter. I am Fellamana. She is alien. She’s on a mission. I’m on a mission with her.
But that dream…
I still feel her, not just where I touched her, but inside myself. It’s how I imagine it feels for others after they experience the Exstare I fill them with—like my internal self has received as much pleasure as my external satisfaction. Though sex brings me relief, too, I see the euphoria on my lovers’ faces, and what I experience is not the same as what they do. I’ve never experienced someone returning the favor to me. It’s part of the curse of me alone possessing the Exstare.
Until now. Until Jenie. But it can’t be the same. It feels impossibly better than what I imagined.
Something else is happening beyond just sexual pleasure. To me. To her. To us.
I hope it’s not what I feared and this is what it feels like for her to “fall for me.” I wonder if this is part of why she’s so strict with her boundaries while awake. I wonder if I’m getting a taste of what is happening to her.
I look up and see the blinking light on the console denoting the new message received. I see what she means now, that this relationship stuff can cloud a sense of duty or a mission’s goals. I’m an emotional riot of confusion. When it’s just sex, it fogs nothing. But this…this emotional thing she’s doing to me, it’s overwhelming me.
There could be more to her medical condition than merely losing her heart to a lover she accepts into her body. It wouldn’t surprise me if she has siren-like abilities as well, an ability to ensnare and enthrall a lover.
I don’t know what this feeling is. I just know I have to break myself free of her spell somehow. These new feelings are uncomfortable; I don’t like them.
I have to ignore them.
Chapter Fifteen
Jenie
He leaves me in my dream—alone, with empty arms.
Pangs of loss strike me in the heart. I struggle to breathe without him here to help regulate me.
I shake myself and stand away from this chaise lounge, more like sex furniture. I disappear it and the mirror with my imagination. I cleanse my skin, wiping away all of his fluorescent come sparkling on my skin, forcing myself not to regret its removal or notice again how stunningly beautiful it is. The loss of him makes me want to erase all trace of him.
I clothe myself in my uniform, pin up my hair, and will myself to another place. I land in a vacant, antiseptic room, like the cold metal shelters of the Ten Systems, but I don’t experience the sigh of relief I expect.
I can’t erase the memory of the feelings he left me with or the changes he created inside me. Because that’s what happened. This shredding of my inhibitions, I know what it feels like now. And I’m not going to forget when I wake up.
Which is disastrous.
He better uphold his promise. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to look at him and not want an endless repeat of everything we just did. I don’t know how I’ll be able to keep my thoughts and proceed with this mission.
All of this logic seems too much like a normal thought process to be a dream, and I sense myself waking, the environment around me fading into darkness, my view filling with the dark insides of my eyelids.
“Jenie?” His voice penetrates my consciousness, though it’s faint.
I open my eyes to the clear ceiling of the Fellamana ship, the expansive view of the stars. I’m weighted down by artificial gravity on a luxurious bed. I stretch, noticing that at least the physical sensations left over from him inside me haven’t carried over to my consciousness.
None of it was real.
Not him inside me, not him coming in me or on me. Not him answering my every need and filling me everywhere I needed him. Even him reaching inside me with his Exstare…
Gods, I will never forget it. Even if it wasn’t real. It feels like it was real, in my mind.
I doubt any of it meant anything to him but another pleasurable encounter in his extensive list of lovers. He’d said sex is a game to him. Sex is an obligation to share his Exstare. This isn’t something he’ll remember with any lasting significance.
I will. Even though my mating bond has not formed for him, it doesn’t stop me from growing feelings for him. Feelings which, right now, I won’t name because they’ll go nowhere, never be reciprocated, and will only hurt me in the end if I can’t just forget them.
At least my mating bond urge is gone. My body is no longer hurting. I’m no longer aching with the painful demand for sex radiating to my every nerve. I say a prayer of gratitude to the gods I haven’t believed in since childhood, not since I lost my entire family to war, that the mating urge has stopped.
With the desidre toxin cleansed from my system from the orgasms Koviye gave me when we fir
st arrived on the ship, my body has returned to normal. I am in control of myself again, as though I never landed on the sex planet. Physically, at least. I wish my heart and my mind could reverse back to the pre-sex planet, pre-Koviye state.
“Jenie, there’s a message from Nemona. Sent from the Hades.” He’s not in the room, but his voice pipes through an intercom.
Nemona is aboard the Hades? That, I need the answers to.
“Coming,” I say back, not knowing if there’s an actual microphone to communicate my response. I didn’t undress. I re-pin my hair in five seconds. There’s nothing to delay me from going out there, except not wanting to see him, but a message from Nemona is more important than my fear of seeing him.
I stand up and press the button that opens the door and releases the gravity regulator.
I float upward into weightlessness and push off the doorframe, propelling me through the air to the cockpit. “What’s her message?” I pull myself into my seat and strap myself in, leaning over the vid screen.
He doesn’t say anything; we don’t look at each other. He just presses the replay button.
Nemona’s vibrant, now-golden face appears on the screen. She looks good, more relaxed than I’ve ever seen her. I breathe a sigh of relief just seeing the easy lift of her mouth. She doesn’t have to say a word. I already know by her expression everything is fine. Assura is fine. They commandeered the ship. They conquered Dargule.
I let out a triumphant, “Yes!” and go quiet to listen to her message.
Nemona says with all the authority of her earned Ten Systems rank of general, “This message cancels the previous distress call sent from the Hades by Special Ops Assura.” She gives the date, time, and official number of the message. “The Ten Systems warship known as the Hades has been rechristened the Liberator. Myself and Commander Oten of the Ssedez have assumed co-captaincy of the ship. Her former Ten Systems crew is being sorted for rebellion sympathizers. All prisoners aboard have been freed. All communication channels with the Fellamana and the Ssedez are open. We expect re-arrival to the Fellamana orbit in eight hours. General Nemona out.” The screen goes dark.
Impatience for more details, especially about Assura, reels in my brain. “Are we close enough to open a live communication feed?” I forget not to and look at Koviye.
But he doesn’t forget. He only stares at the console and taps the information screens. “I think…yes, we are. Hailing the new Liberator’s frequencies now.”
There’s a waiting signal on the screen for a brief moment, then a Ten Systems communication officer—or I guess, former Ten Systems officer—appears. “This is the Liberator. Go ahead, please.”
I adjust myself to the center of the camera. “I need to speak with Special Operative Assura or General Nemona immediately. It’s Lt. General Jenie of the rebellion camp on the Fellamana planet.”
“Special Ops Assura has left the ship. I will connect you to General Nemona. Hold please.” The screen goes dark again.
“Assura left?” I can’t help saying it aloud.
“I’m sure she’s fine,” Koviye says evenly. “She must have gone on a separate faster ship back to Fellamana.”
I shake my head. “The reactors aboard the Liberator are stronger than any individual fighter ship on board. She wouldn’t do that; it would make her slower.”
The screen lights up again, and Nemona’s face reappears on the screen. “Jenie! How are you? Where are you? Are you on your way here?” Her face is light with excitement to see me. Her old, stoic professionalism from our days with the Ten Systems seems to have disappeared.
“I’m aboard a speeder with Koviye. We’ll be to the Liberator in…” I glance at the radar. “Two hours.”
“We have a big problem we could use your help with. You’re on a Fellamana speeder, right? Does it have their anti-cloaking technology?”
I really want to know about Assura and why she’s off ship, but it has to wait, I guess. “I don’t think—”
“Yes.” Koviye sneaks his head into the camera’s view. “The ship has full invisibility stealth capabilities that no known Ten Systems tech can track.”
Nemona smiles even bigger. “Good to see you, Koviye.” She clears her throat and inhales to speak, but I cut her off.
“Is Assura okay?”
“She’s fine!” Nemona explains. “I’m sorry, Jenie, I should’ve said that first. She and Gahnin took down Dargule. He’s in a prison cell. Oten and I arrived yesterday to take command of everything.”
I’m relieved to hear it, but I feel the need to see Assura to believe it. “Can I talk to her? The communications officer said something about her not being on the ship.”
“She, uh…” Nemona pinches her lips and hesitates. “You know she and Gahnin were lovers, right?”
“I figured it out when the distress message came through, and she was all Ssedez-gold like you.” I try to keep the annoyance from my voice. I don’t want to judge my friends for their choices, but it’s hard when I don’t understand their decisions.
“Well, she and Gahnin formed the Attachment for one another so—”
“The Attachment? Like…” Oh gods, please don’t let that mean what I think it does.
She leans forward and says with sensitivity, “They’re mated, Jenie.”
I have no idea what shock looks like on my face, but it’s too strong for me to hide it. “How—what—I don’t understand.” My heart is beating faster, fearing the worst, my brain struggling to grasp how this could be true. “She met him last week!”
“Oten and I knew each other for mere days, and it happened. It’s the way of the Ssedez. I wish I could explain it.” She lowers her voice and says gently, “I’m sorry it’s so shocking, Jenie, really. I wish in both our cases we’d had more time to warn you.”
I sit back and breathe, willing my heart to slow down, trying to convince myself this is not a tragedy. Assura is safe. Nemona is safe. This was their choice. They have not been taken hostage or forced by the Ssedez. Nothing is wrong. They’re just having lots of mad, crazy alien sex, which is really no different from what I’m doing.
Minus the whole changing my DNA to be merged with the person for life thing.
My gut reaction to that thought twists my stomach to the point of sickness. I’m so afraid for them. Terrified of what happened to my mother, where she formed the mating bond for my father, and he left her. I’m sick with fear that the same thing will happen to my friends.
Koviye steps in for me when I’m not able to speak. “Is there a way Jenie could talk to Assura? Wherever she’s gone.”
Nemona’s brows tighten, and her mouth turns down at the corners. “Assura’s been through a lot. Being back aboard the Hades, seeing the prisoners she was forced to torture, and fighting Dargule drained her. She needed a break.”
Oh, Assura. I remember her going through that—the horrible things Dargule forced her to do before we escaped and freed ourselves from the Ten Systems regime. I remember comforting her when it was at its worst. “She deserves to rest.”
Nemona nods and seems relieved at my agreement. “She and Gahnin asked for a military leave, and we’ve granted it. They’re headed back to the Ssedez planet for a holiday of indeterminate length.”
It stabs me like a knife through the ribs. Assura is…gone? “Will she be back?”
“I hope so, but I’m not sure.”
I’ve lost her.
My friend, my lover, my partner in so many ways. It was she and I who Nemona first approached when proposing our rebellion and escape from the Ten Systems. Assura orchestrated the plan of our escape. The three of us—we were the lead unit of this whole operation. “What are we going to do without her?”
“We’ll survive,” Nemona says with certainty. “We have things to do, Jenie. I need you.”
I force myself to take a breath. My friendship with Assura is getting in the way, again. We have work to do. “What do you need from me?”
“Dargule sent a message
to the main Ten Systems hub notifying them he’d found us and where.”
I run a hand over my face. “Of course he did.” We’re screwed. That’s not pessimism talking; it’s the truth. If the entire Ten Systems military comes after us, we’re dead. And our new Fellamana and Ssedez friends along with us. We may now have the Liberator, and she’s formidable, but against a fleet of ten warships or more—hopeless. We’d never fight them off.
“It’s not over,” Nemona says, and her voice takes on that stiff, authoritative but somehow inspiring tone that drew so many of us to risk our lives and follow her in the crazy dream of rebellion. “The communication transmission is slow moving, and it has to be forwarded through a transition hub between this solar system and the next.”
I sit up, suspecting what she means. “You want us to try to intercept it.”
She nods, sternly. “Oten and I have been analyzing the speed of the frequency matched with our available means of travel. Our system’s star is giving off a fast-moving solar wind. If you can catch it, you may be able to intercept the transmission before it’s relayed to any other Ten Systems warships.”
Her plan is making sense. “The solar wind is moving faster than the message frequency.”
“And the transition hub it’s headed for is—”
“Lolly Galactic.” That’s the nearest hub. It’s notorious for mismanagement and lag time, hence the name. Communications have been known to get lost in its system for days before moving onto their destination. “It could work.”
“I’m glad you agree.” Nemona’s smile of anticipation is contagious. “Koviye, you need to agree to this, too. Do you accept this mission?”
I hold my breath. He could so easily say no. If he did, we’d have to turn back around. This would never work with a Ten Systems individual fighter ship. They wouldn’t be able to go fast enough. Koviye has to agree.
He hesitates, and I have to convince him. There is no choice.
“If the Ten Systems fleet comes after us,” I warn him, “they’ll destroy the Fellamana, too. Your shields that worked against Dargule won’t be enough against an invasion. And you know it.”