by Marina Epley
Amy is still running beside me, her breathing easy and stride smooth. Topaz and Martha are now pulling away, and I realize I’m slowing Amy down. She doesn’t seem to want to leave me behind, running slower than she really can. I know I must increase my speed but I have no energy to do so. Samantha runs on my left, red-faced and also breathing heavily.
“Who wants to get one between the eyes?” Gabriel threatens, pointing his gun at our group as we pass by.
The last lap! I’m desperate. I can’t keep up the pace, slowing now and gasping for air. My throat closes, messing up my breathing even more. My entire body is in pain and I feel like I’m about to pass out. Amy throws a panicked glance my direction as we fall further behind. Only Logan’s friend, the one who bothered us on the beach, and Samantha are still running even remotely close by.
“I’m so sorry,” Amy sobs, taking off and leaving me alone in her wake.
I push myself harder, trying to keep pace with her. But I’m too tired. Logan’s friend also increases his speed, putting some distance between us. Samantha and I are now running head to head, and we’re the last two runners.
She suddenly shoves me, knocking me off balance. I stumble and nearly fall. By the time I regain my balance, she’s already moved several yards ahead. I follow, running as fast as I can, which is clearly not fast enough.
I’m losing. I’m going to die. It’s all over.
The realization sets in and I have a strong desire to just give up, because there’s no point in running any further. No matter what I do, I won’t be able to overtake anybody. But some part of me holds onto the senseless hope that I’ll still somehow survive, so I continue running. I watch as Samantha passes Logan’s friend, and realize he’s struggling as well. Maybe this is my chance. Maybe I can still outrun him.
It’s too late. I can see the finish line. I sprint faster than I thought possible, but the guy is still ahead. Everything becomes a blurry haze as tears fill my eyes. And then something strange happens. About fifty yards from the finish, he stumbles and falls. I run past him, disbelieving my good fortune. It’s something surreal. He scrambles back to his feet, desperately sprinting, but I’ve already crossed the finish line.
And suddenly, the race is over. Groaning and sobbing, I kneel on the ground. My lungs hurt. The world swirls around me. I see faces, hear voices but can’t comprehend anything. All sounds seem muffled and objects blurred, as if being underwater. I’ve survived, the first thought comes to mind. I’m not last. I won’t be killed.
Amy puts her arms around me, crying. “I’m so sorry I left you behind! Please forgive me!”
I just stare blankly at her.
“It’s not my fault, master!” the guy exclaims behind me. “I’m faster than her. I know I stumbled but I’m faster.”
“I know,” Gabriel sighs. “I saw everything. And I do find it unfair, believe me.”
“Please, master. I’m a good runner. I’m hardworking.”
“You shouldn’t have fallen. I truly wish you hadn’t done that. It was a really bad decision to fall right before the finish.”
I turn around. The guy is kneeling on the ground with Gabriel holding a gun to his head. The other racers stand aside, eyes downcast.
“I’m sorry,” Gabriel says. “You’re fast and much better than the girl who outran you. But you don’t leave me any choice. I did promise to kill the last runner. So I’d be a liar should I spare your miserable life.” He frowns. “Do you think I’m a liar? Answer me!”
“No, master,” the guy mutters, fully on his hands and knees now. “You’re not a liar.”
“I’m glad you understand what has to be done.”
I watch in a daze as Gabriel fires the weapon and the guy collapses onto the ground. I hear a few astonished sobs. Somebody screams, probably Martha or Topaz. I also want to yell, but know better. I cover my mouth instead. A few days ago I really hated this guy now lying on the ground, but right now I feel like crying for him.
Gabriel slowly approaches me.
“Back away from her,” he orders, firing a shot above Amy’s head.
Amy gulps, scooting away from me. I sit on the ground, slack and defenseless.
“Just look what I had to do on your behalf,” Gabriel says, pointing at the body. “This boy was a better runner than you, yet I had to kill him. He took your bullet. How are you going to live with that?”
I look up at him.
“Why aren’t you answering?” he spits. “I asked a question and yet you choose to remain silent? What the hell is wrong with you? Don’t you know how to answer when your master asks a question?”
He presses the barrel of the gun to my forehead. I force myself to speak.
“Yes, master,” I mutter weakly.
“Then speak up, girl! How are you going to live with yourself after killing this innocent boy?”
I swallow hard. “I didn’t kill him, master. You did.”
Gabriel raises his eyebrows in surprise. “What did you just say?”
I feel chilled. I have definitely said something wrong.
“It’s not my fault he fell,” I add, my voice trembling.
“But you didn’t stop, did you? You knew he was better than you. You surely realized you should be the one to die. Am I to understand you chose to keep running, knowing how unfair it would be to do so? Speak up!”
“I did!” I blurt out, realizing I can’t win. Whatever I say will be turned against me.
“Yes, you did,” he states accusingly. “You didn’t think to worry about what’s right or wrong.” He glares at the other racers. “Why does nobody care about what’s the right thing to do? Why do I have to lose a good racer only to let the slowest, most worthless rat live?”
His words sting me like a whip. I snarl. I’m so sick of hearing people call me a rat. I’m so tired of being submissive.
“I’m not worthless!” I exclaim. “You didn’t have to kill him. You killed him only because you wanted to!”
Gabriel lets out a soft laugh. He’s going to shoot me, I think in terror.
“So you know how to speak after all.” He smiles. “What’s your name, girl?”
“Kora,” I mutter.
“Very well, Kora. Why don’t you and I have a private conversation?”
He grabs me tightly by the arm, yanking me to my feet, and half leads, half drags me toward the mansion.
CHAPTER 9
I know for a fact that many young servant girls are frightened that their masters may take advantage of them. But I believe no master in his sane mind would use a servant in this manner. To them, we’re not so much human beings as filthy barnyard animals. So should any master ever choose to use a servant in such an inappropriate way… well, he’d be shamed and shunned by his fellow aristocratic society. But unfortunately, the beating or torturing of servants is considered acceptable behavior.
Gabriel grips my bare arm so hard that it hurts. I obediently walk beside him. I know I can’t escape, and even if I could I wouldn’t dare try. There’s no fight left in me anyway. Only fear at the moment.
He leads me inside the mansion. We cross the foyer and ascend a massive staircase up to the second floor. A housemaid strolls along the corridor, carrying a stack of towels. Upon seeing Gabriel, the girl shudders and hurriedly steps out of our way. She stands motionless, her back pressed against a wall. I notice several fresh scars on her face, probably inflicted with a knife. Only now I truly begin to realize how bad my situation is.
Gabriel smiles, obviously pleased by the girl’s reaction. We pass by and enter a huge room filled with antique furniture. He closes the door behind us, releases my arm and looks disgustedly at his hand, wincing. He pulls out a white handkerchief, wipes his palm and puts on his gloves. I stand in front of him, fighting uncontrollable shakes. He directs me to a table with food and orders me to sit. I force myself to take a seat, beginning to panic.
Gabriel sits in a chair beside me, with a distant expression.
“Eat,”
he orders.
There are several plates of food on the table, probably left over from lunch. I remain frozen. I think about Amy, Topaz and Martha still training outside. Far away from Gabriel.
“Go on, eat,” he repeats calmly.
I must do whatever he says.
I grab a cupcake and take a bite. With all my fear, it tastes more like wax paper. I chew slowly and make myself swallow, fighting back a gag reflex.
“Good girl,” Gabriel says as if talking to a dog. “Have some more. Finish your dessert.”
I imagine from this point forward I’m going to hate desserts.
I force myself to eat, following his command. There’s a fork on the table, a bottle of wine, a knife… I envision myself grabbing the bottle and smashing it against his head. I think of taking the knife and stabbing him deeply into the chest. But no, I can’t will myself to really do something like that.
Gabriel pours some wine and places a glass in front of me.
“No, thank you, master,” I shake my head.
“For God’s sake,” he groans. “One glass isn’t going to kill you.”
Actually, it might.
“I have an intolerance to alcohol,” I say.
“Drink,” he orders.
I hold the glass in trembling hands. The wine is thick and dark like blood.
“Drink it,” Gabriel commands.
I take a long sip. The wine burns my throat and stomach, affecting me instantly. My heart rate increases. I begin breathing through my mouth. My skin turns bright red. I never become relaxed or even truly drunk when I consume alcohol. It only sickens me. My blood pressure drops to the point I may pass out at any moment. So in my case, it’s similar to drinking poison.
“Finish the glass,” Gabriel commands.
I must obey. I swallow more of the bitter liquid, feeling lightheaded and ill. Gabriel grins with approval.
“Why do you think I killed that boy, Kora?” he asks.
I don’t answer.
“Because he allowed me to kill him,” Gabriel explains. “And because I have the power to kill any of my servants. I don’t necessarily like it. But this is just the way things are. I didn’t really have a choice in the matter.”
I don’t understand what he’s getting at. I feel nauseated. My unfocused gaze keeps shifting from Gabriel to the knife, and then back to him.
“We live in a hard world, Kora,” he sighs. “And the biggest problem is that none of us have a choice. You, me and everybody else for that matter, have to follow certain rules. We’re all raised and taught to be what we are. So none of us achieve real freedom. Not you, not me, nor the boy I killed.”
His voice sounds tired and sad. I remain motionless. Although I think about many things I could do, I know I won’t do anything. I’ve been conditioned to be submissive.
“How can one human being own another?” Gabriel wonders. “How can that ever be right? What’s the difference between us, Kora? Do you know the only reason I’m your master and you’re my slave? It’s because I was born into an aristocratic family while you were born amongst garbage pickers. Yet we’re both human beings, aren’t we? So on some level we must be equal and have the same rights to live and do as we please. Yet you’re just a thing I own. Doesn’t it seem wrong to you?”
He pauses, waiting for my answer. I can’t say anything. I feel like I’ve lost my voice.
“Everything is wrong,” he continues bitterly. “And nobody seems to notice. People just go through their daily lives, doing whatever they’ve been trained to do, not thinking, not wondering. And they’re all too stupid or blind to realize the wrongness of it all.”
I watch him carefully, scared to move. I wonder why he brought me here. What does he want from me? Just to talk? No, I don’t think so. He must have something else on his mind.
“My father is the high master,” Gabriel sighs. “And one day I’ll have to take his place. It’s unavoidable because I must follow a set of rules like everybody else and do what others expect. And nobody ever cares what I really want. Would you like to know why it’s a bad idea for me to become the high master?”
I remain quiet. I can hardly breathe, let alone speak.
“I kill people, Kora,” he says flatly. “I’m not really proud of the fact but I can’t help myself. Killing is just so easy. That’s the biggest problem with committing a murder, you know, is that it’s so damn simple.”
He leans forward and gently touches my face. I don’t move.
“Have you ever done it, Kora? Have you ever killed anybody?”
I shake my head no.
“I wish you had,” Gabriel says, looking disappointed. “You’d be able to understand me better then. How am I to explain to you that human life, supposedly the most precious thing in the world, is really worth nothing? It takes years of caring and teaching and nursing to raise a human being and yet I can undo all this effort within seconds.”
The blood seems to freeze in my veins. I realize where this conversation is leading.
“Do you understand me or not?” He glares at me.
I open my mouth to speak, close it and open it again. The words get stuck in my throat. Gabriel pierces me with an icy stare. A sneer spreads slowly across his face.
“You brainless piece of trash,” he says calmly. “Why did I bother bringing you here if you can’t even speak? If you’re the same as everybody else and have no thoughts of your own.”
He grabs the bottle of wine and smashes it against a wall. I shudder, startled, causing him to smile.
“You do realize how easily I could kill you, don’t you?” he asks, rising from his seat.
I look up at him, thinking for a split second about running for the door. But I remain still.
“Stand up,” Gabriel orders, and I get to my feet. “Kneel down,” he commands.
I obey.
He unholsters his gun and presses the barrel between my eyes.
“You’ll do anything I say without question, won’t you?” he laughs gently. “I wonder whether I can blame you for what you are, Kora. I guess it’s not your fault that you’ve been trained to be so brainless. But you can’t blame me for what I am either. Because I can’t help being what I am.”
I stop breathing. Gabriel smiles, his thoughtful sharp eyes locked onto mine. I can’t look away. I feel like a rabbit being mesmerized by a snake. It seems I have no free will left in me. But even in my half-paralyzed state, part of me is still searching for a solution. I imagine slapping the gun away from my head and charging into him. I think about clawing and kicking him.
But I remain frozen. Sixteen years of obedience overpower any desire to resist.
Gabriel scowls, saying, “I’ve never liked firearms. They’re too loud and messy.”
He lowers the gun from my head and places it on the table. He then slaps my face so hard that I fall backward. I let out a miserable startled cry. I’ve never been hit like that before.
“Don’t do it, Kora,” Gabriel winces. “Please don’t cry. It hurts me more than it hurts you. Trust me.”
He gets on top of me, sitting on my stomach, crushing me with his weight. I squirm, trying to crawl away, and he slaps me again.
“Don’t move!”
I freeze. He pulls a knife and touches my cheek with the long steel blade. I close my eyes for a moment, feeling my heart pulsate in my throat. When I open my eyes again, he’s grinning.
“No, I don’t think I should really do this to you,” he says, obviously enjoying my fear. “What’s the point of ruining your face, when there’s not much to ruin anyway? Carving up faces only works on beautiful people.”
He puts the knife away and wraps his hands tightly around my neck. I gasp and choke, losing my vision. I fling my arms up, pushing him away, and my palm touches his face. Gabriel flinches, releasing my neck, and wipes his face.
“Don’t touch me with your filthy hands,” he spits angrily and slaps me lightly, the way you might slap a misbehaving pet.
His hands squeeze my throat again. I grip both arms, trying to pull them away. It’s useless. Gabriel is so much stronger than me.
“It’s all right,” he says soothingly. “Everything will be over soon. You’ll be free.”
His fingers press deeper into my skin. The room darkens. I don’t feel scared or anxious anymore. My body relaxes. And during my last conscious moment I can only hope my mother never learns what happened to me. It would certainly kill her too.
CHAPTER 10
When I come to, I’m still lying on my back, unable to see. I hear two voices speaking above me.
“What were you doing with her?” an unfamiliar voice asks.
“What’s wrong, father?” Gabriel answers. “It seems you’re upset about something. Why don’t you take a seat and have some wine?”
“Answer my question! What were you doing with this servant?”
“I’ve been teaching this poor soul a lesson about wrongfulness in our world. It was merely for her educational benefit, father.”
“Damn it, Gabriel! You nearly killed her.”
“And so? Do I not have the right to do as I please with these servants? Isn’t that what you and dear mother have been preaching my entire life?”
My vision returns. I sit up and look around. I’m in the middle of the room between Gabriel and a tall mid-aged man with light-brown hair. He must be Gabriel’s father, the High Master Samuel. They have similar features. Samuel is handsome and his eyes the same icy blue. I hunch my back, trying to appear smaller.
“They’re too expensive to waste,” Samuel says. “If you don’t stop wasting them, I…”
“Yes, father?” Gabriel calmly interrupts. “What exactly will you do if I don’t stop?”
Samuel sighs, shaking his head. He opens his mouth to speak, but Gabriel motions for him to remain quiet.
“Don’t threaten me, father,” he says in a menacing voice. “You’re well aware how I may suddenly forget what differentiates servants from masters, should I stop killing. And you must think of the consequence of my forgetting.”