by Marina Epley
“Be brave, my darling,” he says. “Everything will be over soon.”
Strangely enough, some compliant part of me wants to relax and stop fighting. But a nasty angry part wants to live, refusing to give up. So I kick at the floor behind him, my shoes sliding on the stone surface. I frantically grab at his shirt, my hands brushing along his side.
“Easy now,” he whispers. “We’re almost done.”
My right hand brushes something. I feel the metallic handle of the knife Gabriel wears on his waist. I pull it out and stab him, still unable to see. His grip on my throat weakens. Gabriel releases me, producing a strange gurgling noise. I take a few deep breaths and push him off. My vision begins to normalize and I see Gabriel now on his hands and knees, a blade sticking out from his side.
I scream, stepping away. He grabs my ankle, pulling me in closer. A surreal horror enfolds me, because for a moment I believe that Gabriel must be immortal. No matter what I do, he will kill me anyway. I let out another hysterical scream and kick him in the head. He falls over, lying facedown on the floor. I pull the knife out of his side and stab him in the back. Gabriel stops moving.
I stand in front of him, feeling like I’m about to break down. But instead, I begin laughing insanely.
“I’ve killed you,” I say, kicking Gabriel one more time. “You were right all along. Killing is easy.”
Then I look over at Amy’s body and stop laughing just as abruptly as I began. The room becomes blurred as tears flood my eyes. Only now, I fully realize what’s taken place. My friend is dead and I’ve just killed my master. I’ve committed the worst crime possible. I’ll be burned alive or hung from a tree should anyone discover me here.
I wipe away Gabriel’s blood from my face. Holding the knife in a shaky hand, I exit the basement. I walk along a corridor in some sort of daze, not even bothering to listen for guards. I suddenly think of Gabriel’s gun, wondering why I left it behind. But there’s no time to go back now. I have to leave this place as quickly as I can.
Turning a corner, I almost bump into Tanya. She stares at me wide-eyed as I freeze, holding the knife in front of me.
“What happened?” she whispers.
“I killed Gabriel,” I say. “I must escape right now. Amy is dead.”
Tanya’s mouth falls open upon hearing the news, then she smiles.
“You killed him!” she utters in admiration. “Take me with you. I want to be free too. Please.”
I know I shouldn’t involve this little girl in my troubles, but right now I’m too scared to be completely alone.
“All right,” I whisper, motioning for her to follow.
We make it almost to the front door, when I hear guards approaching. I grip Tanya’s arm, leading her away in a different direction. We conceal ourselves under a staircase. The guards shine flashlights, checking the hall. Somebody touches my shoulder. I turn instantly, holding the knife tightly. The house maid with scars on her face stands in front of me. She looks at my blade, my clothes soaked in Gabriel’s blood and puts a finger to her lips, signaling us to be quiet. She leads us along a corridor to a small hidden room. There, she opens a window, takes a look outside and gestures for us to climb out. We never exchange one single word and I’ve no idea why she’s helping us. I nod, mouthing a thank you before jumping outside.
Tanya and I jog through the dark garden and come to the tall brick wall surrounding the residence. I jump, catching the edge of the wall, and pull myself up. Then I help Tanya up and we both land on the other side.
With no definite plan or destination in mind, we jog along the deserted streets of Central Settlement. I’m not a slave anymore, I suddenly realize, I’m free.
CHAPTER 15
I’ve been dreaming about freedom for a long time, but suddenly having it now is terrifying. I have no idea what to do. It’s the first time in my life I haven’t had a master. There’s nobody giving orders and controlling my life. Only now can I fully understand what Samantha meant in saying that the thought of freedom was scary to her. How are you supposed to feel safe when you don’t know how you’ll feed yourself or find shelter? When there are numerous decisions to make yet nobody ever bothered to teach you how to make proper choices. When the world seems so big, you’re on the run and an entire army will soon be hunting for you.
Tanya and I jog down the dark empty streets of Central Settlement, passing large mansions and tall fruit trees. We finally come to a bayou where I push through the reeds, kneel on the wet sand and begin to vigorously wash my face and hands. I feel dirty, my clothes and hair still being coated with Gabriel’s blood. The night air is humid, and sweat drips down my neck and back. Washing off doesn’t bring any relief so I crawl into the bayou and poke my head underwater. Then I just close my eyes and take a moment to think over everything that has transpired.
Amethyst is dead, I repeat in my mind. My friend is gone. I let Gabriel kill her.
The thought hurts so much that I want to scream. It seems like Gabriel chose the strongest, most beautiful person amongst us and destroyed her. I can still see her falling, her blood flowing from the gunshot wound on her face.
I reopen my eyes, running my hands through my wet hair. Tanya sits on the sand a few feet away. I can’t allow myself to fall apart right now. I have to pull myself together, be brave and think of what we do next. Unfortunately, nothing good comes to mind. I’ve never faced a situation so desperate.
“What are we going to do?” Tanya asks quietly.
What is one to do when you’ve just committed the worst crime possible? What can you do when your entire life is crumbling around you? I don’t share my frustration with Tanya. I must be strong or at least pretend to be strong, because I now feel responsible for her too. Tanya is only in this mess because of me.
“We must leave Central Settlement,” I answer in a steady voice, putting my hair up in a pony-tail. The cool water drips down my neck.
“I agree,” Tanya nods. “But where will we go?”
“To Bastion,” I offer. “Or we can try to find Jingfay. Have you ever heard about her?”
Tanya nods again. She remains surprisingly calm, as if nothing unusual has happened.
“I heard Bastion is far away and it’s always cold in that part of the country,” she says. “We don’t have warm clothes or food.”
She’s right. We wouldn’t last long in the wilderness without provisions.
“Do you know how to hunt or catch fish?” I ask, although I already know the answer.
“No,” Tanya sighs. “How about you?”
“Me neither,” I admit.
I realize that our odds of making it all the way to Bastion are less than slim. We don’t even know exactly where it is.
“We could gather food and clothing back in our village,” Tanya suggests.
I have to think. I realize it’s dangerous, but the possibility of seeing my mother makes my chest ache. I’ve been missing her so badly.
“All right then,” I agree. “But we can’t stay because they will come searching for us. We may stay only for the night.”
“I understand.” Tanya rises to her feet. “How will we get there?”
“Garbage trucks,” I say. “We’ll have to hide inside and hope it will carry us all the way back to the Recycling village.”
“I know where the transfer station is,” Tanya smiles. “I think we can make it there before morning.”
“How do you know that?”
She shrugs. “I asked around and then walked there on my day off. You know, in case I might have to escape.”
“You mean…” I pause, frowning. “You had already been thinking about running off?”
Tanya nods again. She motions for me to follow and we proceed down a deserted street. I walk a couple of steps behind, dumbfounded. I would never believe this little girl was capable of fantasizing about escape. And in doing so, she collected some important information.
The walk through Central Settlement seems endless. I’m w
orried that Samuel’s guards will catch us before we reach the transfer station. But several hours pass and we’re still free. I can now detect a familiar rotten smell in the air. We approach a fenced section and I hear a truck engine and voices up ahead.
“We’re here,” Tanya whispers.
Holding my breath, I peer through a small crack between boards of the fence. I see piles of garbage, numerous vehicles and workers bustling around the machinery. The transfer station never stops operating, I guess. Waste from all different parts of Central Settlement arrives here first, before being transported to the Recycling village.
The sky is already growing lighter. I decide that we must wait until the following night, because the trip to the Recycling village will only take two or three hours. We can’t risk jumping off the truck in broad daylight. But staying in this brush is also dangerous. Samuel’s guards will come looking for us or a city patrol officer may notice us. So I jump as high as I can and grab the top of the fence. I pull myself up and extend an arm for Tanya. I help her up and we both jump down on the other side. It’s still dark enough to not be easily noticed. Although this area of the transfer station is restricted, it’s not well-secured. There’s nothing to steal here so security isn’t considered necessary. Holding Tanya’s hand, I lead her further into the littered wasteland.
We spend hours hiding amongst the piles of trash, waiting for the sky to darken again. My stomach growls in hunger and my throat is dry. The hot air reeks of chemicals, rotten food and a dozen other disgusting smells. I’m tired, but too wired to sleep. Tanya holds Gabriel’s knife, looking it over with curiosity. She turns it different ways, stabs at the air, then smiles shyly at me.
I recall my rejecting Tanya and a feeling of shame makes me squirm. I know Tanya is nice enough to let the incident slide, pretending that nothing happened between us. But I also know I can’t remain silent.
“I’m sorry I was ever mean to you,” I mutter, averting my eyes. “I was just…” I will myself to shut my mouth. I’m not going to offer any excuses. “I’m very sorry,” I repeat.
“You weren’t so bad.” Tanya shrugs. “The other girls wouldn’t talk to me at all. Most of them completely ignored me and some even threw dirt clods at me.”
I bite the inside of my mouth, remembering Samantha and her friends trashing my dress and calling me names.
“I’m so sorry,” I repeat because there’s nothing else to say.
“I always hated being a servant,” Tanya confesses. “I always thought it was wrong. I heard how everyone was free in the past. Servants and masters didn’t exist. That’s how things should be, I think.”
I watch Tanya, feeling surprised. She’s much different from what I originally thought.
“I so wanted to leave our village,” the girl continues. “I thought life would be different here in Central Settlement. But things only became even worse. Nobody wanted to be my friend because I’m ugly. They were always calling me names and hating me…” She smiles unsurely. “Only one guy, a racer with funny eyes, was ever nice to me. He brought me food from the racer’s dining room a few times.”
“You mean… Sandro?”
“He didn’t tell me his name. But I saw him and another guy with you and Amy.”
I didn’t know that Sandro was Tanya’s friend. He hardly ever spoke, always being shy and a little distant. Thinking of him, Dennis, Trent and Martha makes me want to cry. What will happen to them now? Will they survive the next Terror Race?
“I was very scared of our new master,” Tanya sighs. “Walking past me, he’d always pinch, kick or slap me. I was washing the floor in the mansion the other day, and Gabriel kicked the bucket with mop water. And then he blamed me for making a mess. He grabbed my hair and threw me against the wall. I hated him. I’m so glad you killed him.”
Tanya stretches her lips into a wide smile. She doesn’t sound like a child and there’s no self-pity in her voice. I can distinctly see the fresh purple bruises covering her arms.
“I should have killed Gabriel much earlier,” I say.
If only I hadn’t hesitated back in his bedroom, if I only pressed the pillow against Gabriel’s face, if I took his knife and stabbed him… Amethyst would be still alive.
“Will your family hide you for the night?” I ask, changing the subject. “I mean… they wouldn’t call for the guards, would they?”
“No, they won’t rat me out.”
“Do you miss them?”
The little girl looks away, frowning. “Well… I do miss them. But I don’t really think they miss me.”
“What do you mean? Of course they miss you. They’re your family.”
Tanya doesn’t say anything for a while, then turns to face me. She points a finger to the burn scars on her cheek. “These are my mother’s doing.”
“What?!”
“I broke a cup. I was washing dishes and a cup slid out of my hands. My mom said I was clumsy. She had some water boiling on the stove. She threw a pan of it in my face.”
I’m speechless. I can’t possibly imagine a mother doing something like that to her own child. I realize Tanya was an outcast even within her own family. I could at least feel safe at home.
“It’s ugly, isn’t it?” Tanya asks, turning her face away. “I love my mother anyway. And I’m not angry.”
“Your scars are hardly noticeable,” I lie.
Tanya smirks, obviously self-aware of her appearance.
Several hours later the sky finally darkens. We manage to climb undetected inside one of the overfilled trucks and conceal ourselves between bags of rubbish. The truck lurches forward, proceeding slowly toward the Recycling village. Tanya cuddles in close to me, closes her eyes and quickly drifts off to sleep.
I remain fully awake, too nervous and edgy to relax. I continue envisioning Gabriel shooting down Amethyst every time I try to shut my eyes. My thoughts are racing. I think about my new friends whom I left behind in Central Settlement. I worry about the guards who must be out looking for us already. I squeeze the handle of the knife, remembering the stabbing of Gabriel. I don’t feel any regret or remorse. It seems to me that back in the basement Gabriel gunned down part of me along with Amy. A part of me certainly died, yet something else inside me has been awakened. I feel like I’ve crossed some invisible line the moment I stabbed Gabriel. I felt so powerful and strong as I was watching him lying at my feet.
I touch the sharp blade of my trophy. The handle contains a few precious stones. An odd determination grows inside me. I know I’m not going to allow the guards to capture Tanya and myself without putting up a fight. Having killed once, I know I can do so again if need be.
I wake Tanya as the truck approaches our village. We jump out, hitting the ground hard, and hurriedly jog toward nearby piles of garbage. Once the vehicle is out of sight, we begin walking toward the village. It’s late at night so hopefully there won’t be any people meandering outside.
“Would you like to come to my house?” I offer, stopping several yards from the shacks. Tanya shakes her head no. We agree to meet before sunrise at the same place.
After Tanya leaves, I wait for a few minutes and start walking toward my shack. A feeling of unease overwhelms me. Everything is so wrong. This is not how I planned to return home to my mother. I hoped to be free and wealthy. I wanted to rescue her from her hard, unhappy life. And now I’m returning, being even more beaten down and miserable than I was before. I’m a runaway slave and wanted criminal. How can I be sure my mother won’t become disappointed and angry with me? What if she demands I leave? What if she rejects me?
I stop before the door to our shack, too nervous to open it. I stand, shivering and arguing with myself. I feel silly and worried at the same time. I won’t survive if my mother rejects me.
I finally open the door and walk into the darkness of my home. The floorboards squeak under my feet. My mother sits up on a blanket, looking bewildered.
“Kora?” She stares at me blankly. “Is that you?”
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“It’s me.” My voice quivers. “I’m in trouble.”
CHAPTER 16
My mother holds me in her arms, and I feel something softening inside. My tension goes away. I begin crying for the first time since escaping. I attempt to hold back my tears as this is no time to cry and I must be strong. But they flow freely anyway.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter. “I’m so sorry.”
My mother pulls me tighter. She rubs my back and gently runs her fingers through my tangled hair.
“There… there… don’t cry. What’s happened, Kora?”
I press my face into my mother’s shoulder. I don’t know how much I can tell her. How to explain the inexplicable? How to describe what it’s like to witness your best friend being shot in the face while you’re standing at her side?
My mother seems to understand well enough without an explanation.
“You can’t stay here, Kora.” Her expression becomes decisive and her voice firm. “Guards will come looking for you. Your home village will be the first place they check.”
I look up at my mother, my fingers clutching her shirt tightly.
“I’ll leave as soon as you say,” I promise.
She sighs, eyeing my filthy hair, stained clothes and hollowed out face.
“We’ll need to feed and clean you up first,” she says.
Our eyes meet and her gaze is sharp and cold as a razor. I don’t recognize my mother. I lower my head.
“I’ll go now if you want me to,” I say quietly.
“Kora!” My mother hugs me again, stroking my hair with her fingers. I close my eyes, crying even more. She has never been so gentle and loving toward me before. I feel ashamed of having doubts about my mother. “This is your home,” she says. “You may stay here as long as you wish.”
She finally releases me and quickly lights a lamp. I sit on the floor in near total exhaustion, taking a look around. Each board in the floor is familiar to me. The low ceiling, walls askew, the blankets spread in the corner and self-made table seem like home. The home I recently abandoned. My heart aches.