by Marina Epley
“Samuel will kill you all!” Tanya exclaims.
I close my eyes, unable to comprehend everything. Why won’t they escape? What’s wrong with these people? What’s wrong with all of us?
I recall Gabriel’s words. He said nobody truly has freedom. We all do as we’ve been taught. Years of obedience can overcome any desire to be free or even a fear of death. We’re all slaves to something.
I feel sick.
“Leave!” I hear my mother’s voice. “Don’t let Samuel kill you.”
“Kora, let’s go,” Tanya pulls at my arm. “More guards are coming!”
I can’t leave my mother behind. I love and need her too much. Gosh, I know I can’t just leave her here.
But I do.
Samuel’s guards are coming, and a survival instinct forces me to my feet. I grab Tanya’s hand and we run along the dark street toward the Field. Once we’re far away, I collapse to my hands and knees. Tanya sits down beside me, quiet and gloomy.
“Why wouldn’t she leave?” I repeat over and over. “The door was open. Why not get away?”
I lie on my side and pull my legs to my chest, rolling into a fetal position. I’ve lost my mother forever. Samuel will execute her for aiding the killer of his son. I’ve killed my mother by returning here.
***
A couple hours before dawn I leave Tanya concealed in the Field and head back toward the village. I stay hidden behind the piles of trash, lying flat on my stomach and watching as Samuel’s guards gather all the villagers outside. The servants look terrified yet nobody tries to resist, all heads lowered in complete submission. Everything happening here is because of me.
The guards herd the servants toward the meeting square. I wait several more minutes after everybody is gone before following. I realize how dangerous it is. I know someone could spot me. But how can I worry about my own safety when my mother is about to be killed?
Approaching the square, I conceal myself behind an abandoned shack. Samuel’s voice causes me to shiver. I recognize the voice, although I’ve only heard it once before. He informs the servants about my brutal attack on his son, demanding they reveal my location. The people in the crowd remain silent. They don’t know where I am. Samuel accuses my mother and Tanya’s relatives of aiding and concealing runaway slaves. Their punishment is to be death by fire.
I bite nervously at my lip till it bleeds. My head is dizzy. Everything happening seems surreal. I risk a quick glance from behind the shack. My mother and Tanya’s relatives are bound with rope to an old oak tree. The guards place more dry wood around them and splash them with gasoline. Tanya’s sisters and mother begin to cry. My mother is quiet, her face distant and relaxed. I don’t understand how she can remain so calm and indifferent. The horror makes my throat squeeze shut, and I feel as if Gabriel’s fingers are pressing into my neck once again.
“Where is she?!” Samuel asks, lighting a long match. “Where’s she going?”
Nobody answers. My mother smirks, looking directly into his eyes.
Samuel tosses the match onto the soaked wood and I watch in shock as my mother begins to burn.
I close my eyes tight and for a moment I feel as if I’m asleep. I just need to awaken and I’ll find myself back in my home together with my mom, safe and sound.
Their anguished screams force my eyes open. I turn my back on the meeting square and begin walking away. I stagger down a dark street, not seeing the road ahead of me or even bothering to watch for guards. I really don’t care if somebody discovers my presence. I have no fight left in me. I’m done.
A strong hand grips my wrist from behind. I turn to find Dimitri standing in front of me. He reaches an arm around my shoulder and covers my mouth. I don’t resist.
CHAPTER 18
Dimitri half leads, half drags me toward nearby brush, keeping his palm tightly pressed against my mouth.
“Keep very quiet,” he whispers.
I remain silent. I don’t really care so much what happens to me now.
Dimitri leads me into the brush, stopping often to check our surroundings. Nobody has noticed us so far. He approaches a long ago abandoned shack at the edge of the village, opens the door and leads me inside. I drag my feet, broken and indifferent. Dimitri closes the door behind us and takes me down to the basement, which seems to be too big and deep for such a small shack. My legs finally give and I sag to the floor like a rag doll.
Carrying me in his arms, he opens a door in the back of the room leading to an underground tunnel. I remember hearing rumors about secret entrances under the master’s mansion, so I’m not overly surprised. I’m too exhausted and devastated to feel anything. I let Dimitri carry me, my body sagging in his arms and my feet dangling. He holds a small flashlight in one hand, illuminating the way ahead.
Several minutes later Dimitri opens a heavy metal door and carries me inside yet another basement. It’s huge and reminds me of the place where Amy was killed. We ascend a staircase, pass through several passageways and enter a small room with a bed, table and dresser. Dimitri carefully places me on the bed and quickly leaves. I lie unmoving, staring into the high ceiling. I guess I’m inside the master’s mansion.
I wonder how I can remain alive after everything I’ve witnessed. My mother is dead, I think obsessively. I failed to rescue her. Grief swells inside, suffocating me, and I struggle to breathe.
The door opens and Lady Augusta runs toward the bed, Dimitri trailing behind her.
“Poor child!” She sits on the edge of the bed, touching my hand, but I don’t react. “Don’t be scared. You’re safe here. Samuel won’t find you inside our home.” She turns to face her husband. “Where’s the other girl? Go look for her right away! And don’t return until you find her!”
Dimitri mutters something and leaves, closing the door behind him. Augusta wipes her tears.
“I’m so sorry about everything,” she says.
I remain motionless, staring blankly back at her.
“Don’t worry,” she offers a warm smile. “Samuel is staying in a different part of the house. He wouldn’t ever suspect my husband and I were hiding you here. He will leave in a few days.”
I don’t have anything to say. I don’t care whether Samuel and his guards find me or not.
Augusta leads me inside a bathroom. I stagger along unsteadily on shaky legs. She runs me a bath and helps me undress. I sit motionless in the bathtub, vacantly gazing into the water, while Augusta washes my hair. I can still see my mother enveloped in the raging flames, her mouth open in a silent scream.
Augusta dries me with a large soft towel and brings fresh clothes. I dress and she helps me to bed, as I can hardly walk.
“You should rest now.” She covers me with a blanket and kisses my cheek. “I’ll bring you some food when you awaken.”
After she leaves, I pull the blanket over my head and roll into a ball. I close my eyes to the world, instantly passing out.
***
The days drift by, gray and filled with grief. I spend most of the time in bed, getting up only to stagger to the bathroom. I can’t eat or speak. I can’t even sleep normally because each night I watch my mother burning alive in my dreams. I awaken several times during the night, sweaty and anxious. I lie still, waiting for the room to lighten although the mornings bring no relief.
I think constantly of my mother. I recall her sitting on the blanket inside our shack, smiling at me, her eyes tired but filled with love. I want to cry. I realize I’ve never really known my mother. I’d always been so selfish, concentrating only on my own problems, only worrying about myself. I never thought my mother might have her own dreams, scars and secrets. I never tried to get to know her. I should have been more understanding and loving toward her. I should have done so many things differently…
It’s too late now to be having regrets. I will never get to see my mother again. I will never get another chance to make her happy.
I turn over on my stomach and press my face against the
pillow.
Master Dimitri found Tanya in the Field a few days ago. She often comes inside my room and sits on my bed, watching me sadly. We don’t speak but share a mutual understanding without words. We’ve both lost our families. Tanya’s face looks hardened and stoic. I see no tears in her large dark eyes.
Lady Augusta runs my bath and brushes my hair each day. She kisses my cheek before saying goodnight. I’m being mothered and taken care of. I feel like I’m a little girl again, all weak and helpless. Augusta brings my meals and coaxes me to take a few bites. I have no appetite but try obediently, chewing the food methodically. The gag reflex is almost unbearable and I have trouble swallowing the food. I quickly give up and lie back in bed. Augusta sighs, looking concerned. I leave most of the food untouched.
“Would you like me to read to you?” she asks.
I nod, still not feeling like speaking.
“What would you like me to read?”
I shrug. I don’t really care.
Augusta brings an old book with fairy tales, lies down beside me and begins reading. I close my eyes, listening to the stories about witches, dragons and trolls.
One day Master Dimitri comes to visit. He sits on the edge of my bed, remaining silent for a time.
“Samuel and his guards have left,” he says. “You’re safe now. My guards won’t report you. They’re all very trustworthy and reliable.”
I don’t answer.
“I’m very sorry for everything that’s happened.” Dimitri gazes away, his expression mournful. “I feel it’s my own doing. I knew I shouldn’t have sold you. I knew that nothing good would come from it.”
I watch him, unmoving and quiet. I don’t blame Dimitri for anything. He didn’t kill my mother. Samuel did.
“I wish I could somehow change everything.” Dimitri frowns. “I wish I could set all my servants free. But I have to obey Samuel. He’d execute me and send another master here, should I break the rules.”
He finally turns to face me, having a strange look. I remain frozen. He gently strokes my hair, saying, “Augusta doesn’t want to bear her own children. But she has a lot of love in her. I know she enjoys taking care of you and Tanya.” He pauses, studying my face. “Do you think you’d like to stay with us here? You’re already like a daughter to us. And you’d be safe in our home.”
Something warms inside my chest. I’ve never had a father. I feel tears forming in my eyes. I crawl toward my former master and wrap my arms around him, pressing my face into his shoulder. He’s big and warm.
“It’s all right,” Dimitri sighs, patting my back soothingly. “You’ll be all right.”
But I know nothing will ever be all right again. How could it be when my mother is dead?
After Dimitri leaves my room, I continue thinking about what to do. Should I stay here? I would be safe and loved. I wouldn’t have to worry about food or clothes. I wouldn’t have to be on the run. Giving up any responsibility and letting others take care about you is so tempting. I can envision myself living in this beautiful mansion, wearing long dresses and eating delicious food. But is this what I really want? Is it freedom? I wouldn’t even be able to walk outside because the villagers could see and report me.
I turn onto my side, troubled.
I want to leave. No, I don’t want to leave. I don’t know what I really want. I don’t know what I should do.
I walk into the bathroom, splash my face with cold water and stare at my reflection in the mirror. Dark circles beneath my eyes look like two large bruises. Scabs cover both my lips because I can’t stop biting them. My face seems hollower than normal, and I’ve definitely lost some weight. I look miserable, scared and weak. I feel an urge to smash the mirror.
I return to bed and force myself to sleep.
***
“Is Jingfay real?” I ask Lady Augusta as she’s brushing my hair.
“It’s hard to tell,” she answers. “They say she lived in Central Settlement long ago. But that was even before I was born.”
Amethyst wanted to find Jingfay and my mother was looking for her as well. I can’t stop thinking about this mythical person.
“Who was she?” I ask.
“People say she was the last of Amazons. Have you ever heard about Amazon warriors?”
I shake my head no. Saying much is still a little hard for me.
“There’s a legend about a group of women who refused to be servants,” Augusta explains. “They were skillful fighters who lived apart from the others. The masters from Central Settlement took over their village and captured them. They all refused to become servants and were killed, all except Jingfay. She became a servant in Central Settlement. But a short time later she killed her master, initiated a riot amongst servants and led them away.”
I listen quietly, imagining Jingfay, a tall blonde girl with sparkling green eyes. I realize I’ve just envisioned Amy.
I ask Augusta about Bastion.
“Bastion is a city in the north,” she says. “It’s as large as Central Settlement and has a strong army. Bastion’s masters would like to take over our land, but it would lead to a brutal war, of course. There’s no telling who’d win.”
I think about the road to Bastion, the Dark Land where roamers kill any trespassers.
“Are the roamers really that dangerous?” I ask.
Augusta shrugs. “I’ve never met one. But I’ve heard they’re merciless killers. I know they killed the previous high master of Central Settlement along with his family.” She sighs. “He was a very kind man.”
I look at Augusta with interest. “Did you know him?”
“Of course I did. Dimitri was his right hand.” Augusta’s eyes become distant. “Master Christopher and his wife were good people, completely unlike Samuel. They were preparing a great reformation, including the emancipation of the servants. Many masters were against it. Dimitri and I had to leave Central Settlement after Christopher and his family were killed.”
So I was right. Augusta and Dimitri are in exile here.
Once left alone, I continue thinking about my future. Should I stay or leave?
I also think about Trent, Dennis, Sandro and Martha. I worry about them. I’m even concerned about Samantha and the other racers. But what could I do to help them? I can’t even take care of myself.
If you killed Gabriel, you can kill his father, an odd thought comes to mind. Samuel murdered your mother. How can you let him go on living?
The next morning I wake feeling restless. I pace the floor, biting my lip and thinking. After much hesitation, I finally come to a decision. I can’t remain locked away inside this mansion any longer. I can’t continue to endanger Augusta’s and Dimitri’s lives. Samuel will kill them if he finds out they’re hiding me here. So I walk to Tanya’s room to tell her that I’m planning to leave.
“I’ll go with you,” Tanya offers.
I don’t try to change her mind. How can I tell her what to do when she’s free now too?
The same evening we approach Lady Augusta and Dimitri and tell them about our plan. I couldn’t just run off, because they have been so kind toward me. They remain silent for a time, thinking over my words.
“Well, we certainly won’t keep you here against your will,” Augusta says with a sad smile.
They bring us warm clothes and hiking boots. They also provide us with a map, matches, food and even a handgun. Dimitri returns Gabriel’s knife to me, which I had dropped while he was carrying me through the underground tunnel. We decide to leave the next night.
Dimitri explains how to get to Bastion, and once it’s dark outside, leads us out of the village. I thank him for everything, fighting back tears.
“Please remember that Augusta and I will be always your friends,” he says, hugging me tightly. “We’ll always be here for you.”
Tanya and I leave, beginning our journey into the unknown. I have no idea where this road might lead. But one thing I do know is that I’ll never forgive Samuel. Sooner or later I’m g
oing to make him pay dearly for my mother’s death.
CHAPTER 19
Tanya and I slowly walk down an old broken road. Dense woods surround us on each side. I hear birds whistling and the bustling about of unseen wild creatures. Everything feels strange because I’ve never before had a chance to walk in the woods.
The air is humid and hot. We’re a little too warm with our jackets and hiking boots. Each of us carry a small backpack filled with food, bottles of water, a change of clothes and other necessities. I still have Gabriel’s knife in my pocket and Tanya proudly carries the gun. We stop every other hour to have a sip of water and check our location on the map. We’re heading to Bastion. It’s far away, so our trip could easily take a few weeks.
I continue worrying about the racers left back in Central Settlement. I don’t believe any of them will survive the Terror Races. So how can I help? How can I stop the killing?
I miss my friends, Trent most of all. I envision him standing in front of me, looking at me with those dark handsome eyes, smiling. I still don’t know whether he was genuinely interested in me or not. His attitude toward me always seemed to change. Of course, it’s possible he only liked me in my mind. I know I should probably forget about him. But how can I? He was the only factory servant in the Recycling village who ever had a kind word to say, and even once protected me from bullies. And a few kind words and friendly support mean so much, when you’re as despised and hated as I was.
I also think about the three murders I’ve committed. I don’t know how I feel about that. I certainly don’t regret killing Gabriel, but what about those two guards? I didn’t even know who they were. Did they truly deserve to die for being in my way? Something bothers me. How really different am I from Gabriel and Samuel? Am I the same type of violent killer? Well, maybe. I can’t be certain about anything right now. But what I do understand is that I won’t hesitate to kill again should anybody threaten us.