by Marina Epley
“No, I can’t. They slow your reaction, leaving you kinda vulnerable. I can’t risk it. Let’s go outside. Some fresh air might help.”
Outside, we sit on the ground side by side, leaning against the wall of the shack. I feel lightheaded and ill. The night air is cool and the village quiet. I cover my face and start to cry, unable to stop thinking of my mother. Wreck doesn’t say anything but his presence is soothing.
“I’m really sorry I woke you,” I whisper, after finally calming down.
“No worries,” he answers softly. “Everybody has rough nights. It’s always harder at night when it’s dark, quiet and you’re left all alone with your thoughts.”
I slowly turn to face him and our eyes meet. We sit unmoving, just gazing at each other. He doesn’t try to hug me or stroke my hair, but does so much more than that. He shares in my grief.
“People say it gets better with time,” I mutter. “But it doesn’t seem true.”
“I don’t think it’s true at all. It always hurts the same. You just get used to it.”
“Who did you lose?” I ask carefully.
He shrugs, looking away.
“A girl?” I guess, and he nods. “Who was she?”
“Just a girl who was always kind to me.”
I don’t pressure him to answer more questions. We don’t go back inside the shack until the sky begins to lighten and the darkness recedes.
***
When I next awaken, the shack is empty. Stretching, I sit up and run my hands through my hair, then make a pony-tail. The scratches on my arm still hurt, but the pain isn’t so unbearable.
Waiting for Wreck to return, I sit in front of a pile of his books, looking over the titles. Martial arts, something about plants, Star Wars, more martial arts…
A stranger enters the room and I scream, startled.
“Dang, Kora!” he exclaims. “It’s just me!”
“Wreck?” I breathe out. “Kris?”
“Two in one,” he chuckles.
“You washed your face!”
“Well, I try to do it every once in a while.”
My jaw drops and I’m unable to take my eyes away. He looks shockingly different without his face painted. There’s nothing intimidating or brutal in his appearance. He looks like the boy next door with plain features… almost homely. There’s an old deep scar running across his right cheek. And I seriously doubt he’s nineteen because his face appears younger.
“You didn’t expect me to be this handsome, did you?” he asks in an exaggeratedly seductive voice.
“Right!” I exclaim, smiling. “And when did you last take a look in the mirror?”
“You’re just not wanting to admit how charmed you are by me. Girls tend to fall in love with me at first sight. I’m irresistible.”
I roll my eyes. This is definitely him.
He marches across the room and plops down on the floor beside me, grinning.
“How did you get the scar?” I ask, unable to stop staring.
“Cut myself shaving,” he laughs.
“I’m serious. Did you get it in a fight?”
“It was just an accident. There’s no good story behind my scar.”
I don’t believe him but realize that further questioning is pointless. He won’t tell anything if he doesn’t want to.
“You like reading?” I ask, changing the subject.
“I don’t know how to read. I’ve never gone to school.”
“Really? What are you doing with all these books then?”
“Just looking at the pictures mostly,” he says. “And most of them really aren’t mine.”
“I could read them to you if you like,” I offer.
Wreck begins laughing again. “No, thanks. That doesn’t really sound like much fun.”
I wonder where the guy is I spoke with last night, the one who was being so nice and empathetic. Several conflicting personalities seem to coexist in Wreck. I can still smell alcohol on his breath, and wonder if he already drank this morning. I also notice that his hair is wet.
“Is there a lake or the river somewhere nearby?” I ask.
“Right down at the end of the street,” he says. “But I wouldn’t recommend swimming naked around this place.” His grin becomes sleazy. “Unless you want me to stand guard.”
“No, thanks.” I rise to my feet. “I really need a break from you.”
“All right then. But if you start missing me, I’ll be right here.”
He winks at me and smiles.
I groan, pick up Gabriel’s knife and march outside, pretending to be angry. His insinuations don’t really bother me anymore. Last night something changed between us. I now understand that there is this kind, sympathetic Kris inside him, one who’s truly my friend and always ready to support me. And although I still don’t know why he’s helping me, I can’t deny trusting him.
I find the muddy river at the edge of the village. I wash my face and arms, and sit on the sand for a while, breathing the fresh air and enjoying the silence.
“You thought you’d gotten away from me, didn’t you?” a rough voice asks.
I turn to see Ace approaching with his knife drawn.
CHAPTER 29
My first instinct is to run. But I look around and see two of Ace’s friends approaching from opposite directions. It’s too late, I’m cornered. They obviously planned this assault and are not going to give me any chance to escape.
My body becomes rigid as I freeze up, just watching them, going deeply inside myself. I think about my knife, but can’t will myself to reach for it. My mind shuts down and I’m no longer here. I’m somewhere else.
Smiling, Ace grabs me by the shoulder and places the blade under my chin.
“No screaming,” he says. “I’ll kill you if you cry out.”
I stare straight into his eyes, my lips pressed tightly together. I’m not going to scream. I’ll do whatever he orders.
“Why don’t you start pleading for me to spare your life?” He smirks. “Come on, beg as much as you please. Nobody will help you.”
His friends stand nearby, watching the street. They all have painted faces today and look creepy. I’m not going to cry or plead for mercy because I simply can’t. I’m ready to do anything they ask, anything at all, because I know I want to survive. But I’m unable to speak or move. I guess at the moment I’m not even a real human being, just a brainless body. And I wonder what the hell is wrong with me.
Ace’s grin grows wider and more ominous. He slaps me across the face and I drop to my knees. The skin on my neck starts crawling. I take a deep breath, trying to steady myself, but it doesn’t help much.
Ace grabs my hair, pulling me back to my feet.
“Are you scared, sweetheart?” he asks.
I don’t answer.
“Turn around,” he orders, and I execute his request. “Walk,” he commands, still clutching my hair in his fist and yanking me forward.
He leads me behind a nearby shack, so that nobody could see us from the street. Once there, he smacks the back of my head. I stumble, almost falling again. He grabs my shoulders and turns me to face him. He then slams me against a wall and places his blade against my throat. His two friends stand aside, smiling. I want to scream, but remain mute.
“I despise you,” he says. “You’re a stinking outsider. You’re not one of us and never will be.”
I don’t reply. I think of headbutting him. I think of pulling my knife and cutting his throat. But my muscles seem to be paralyzed and I remain frozen. I can’t even turn away.
“You actually thought your psycho boyfriend could protect you?” Ace laughs. “Nobody will help you today. I can do whatever I want. I own you.”
I realize that what he says is true and at the moment he does own me. I stare into his face, feeling empty and detached. I think about Amethyst and wonder what she would do in a similar situation. But I’m not her, so I do nothing.
“Listen,” Ace says. “You’re gonna leav
e our village and never return. I’ll kill you if I see you again. Or I might do something even worse. I may just take you into the woods, break your legs and leave you. Let the wild animals feed on you.” He curls his lips into a nasty smile. “How would you like that?”
I don’t speak. An image of Logan pinning me against a wall crosses my mind. I also recall Wreck holding a knife to my throat.
“Do you understand me?!” Ace shouts, shaking me violently. “You’re not a ranger! You’re a weak miserable nobody!”
I nod in agreement.
“Then get the hell out of my village. Right now!”
I nod again.
He slaps me across the face and throws me to the ground. I fall on my side and freeze, lying motionless. Laughing, Ace and his friends leave.
I remain unmoving for a few more moments, then sit up and smooth my hair. I take another deep breath, rubbing my neck. My back aches and the scratches on my arm hurt. My cheeks sting from his hard slaps.
Why am I still alive? What stopped him from killing me? Well, I guess Ace is just scared of Wreck. He must realize Kris would kill him if he really hurt me.
Adjusting my jacket, I rise to my feet. I take a few unsure steps and then it hits me. My legs give and I fall to my knees, sobbing and covering my mouth to suppress a scream.
I hate myself. I hate Ace. I hate this village, the roamers and the whole world. Gosh, I’m so angry.
Why didn’t I yell? Why didn’t I headbutt him? Why didn’t I try to kick or bite? Why didn’t I pull my knife?
“Easy,” I whisper, patting my cheeks. “You’ll be fine. It’s all right.”
I talk to myself, trying to clear my mind, trying to comfort myself, but it doesn’t bring much relief.
Several minutes later, I finally manage to pull myself together. I walk back to the river, wash my face and then sit on the sand, thinking of what I should do next. I’m not going to leave the village. I’m terrified of Ace and his friends, but I’m stubborn enough to risk staying here. It may be a mistake. Maybe I should just run. But hell no, I’m not leaving.
I don’t know what to do about Wreck. I really don’t want to tell him anything. I don’t want him to find out how stupid, weak and helpless I am. I can’t admit I’m just a victim.
So no word to Wreck. He doesn’t need to learn who I really am.
Feeling weak and broken, I walk back toward his shack. Wreck is outside, tossing knives into a tree. Upon seeing him, I straighten my back and hold my head high. He has painted his face again and now looks like a savage, disturbingly similar to Ace and his friends.
“Hey Kora.” He turns to me, grinning. “What’s up?”
I work up a smile as I approach him.
“You hungry?” he asks. “Ready for some breakfast?”
“I don’t know,” I shrug.
His grin fades. “What happened?”
“Nothing,” I answer, continuing to stretch my lips into a strained smile. “The river is very beautiful. I liked it.”
“What happened?” he repeats, watching my face.
My throat tightens. I hide my shaking hands inside my pockets. “Everything is fine. I’m just a little tired. You know I didn’t sleep much. Mind if I take a little nap?”
Wreck remains silent for a few moments, his eyes studying me.
“That’s not gonna work on me,” he says.
“What are you talking about?”
“I admit you’re putting on a really good act. But I’m not an idiot, all right? I know how to read body language. You’re all wired and shaking. So what happened?”
I don’t answer.
“Hey, look at me. What’s wrong?”
I start crying.
“Come on,” he sighs. “Just spit it out. You don’t have to go through it alone.”
“Ace threatened me,” I confess.
“Oh,” Wreck smirks. “So do you need any help disposing of his body? I can provide you with an alibi if you need.”
I don’t answer, sniffling.
“Sorry,” he says. “I apologize. That was a really stupid thing to say. What happened? You took your knife with you, didn’t you?”
“I couldn’t do anything,” I mutter. “I froze.”
“You froze? Seriously?” He appears astounded. “Dang, Kora. I witnessed your killing a chimera. Ace should be like child’s play for you.”
“It’s different with him.”
“How?”
I don’t answer.
“Kora,” he says. “You’re dangerous. I know that much for sure. What you did with those two guards back in your village was just brutal. I think you’re even more violent than me. You can put Ace down. I have no doubts.”
I turn away, feeling ashamed. I’m just a fraud. Wreck doesn’t realize I’ve lied to him about so many things.
“You just don’t know the real me,” I mutter.
“I know you much better than you think.”
I shake my head no.
“You’ve already broken Ace’s nose,” he adds. “And you fought me when I attacked you.”
“I didn’t!”
“Oh yes, you did. I saw you trying to pull your knife after I’d tackled you.”
I recall myself lying underneath him, struggling to free myself to no avail.
“I’m just a loser, all right?” I exclaim. “I freeze up.”
Wreck calmly looks me over.
“That doesn’t make you a loser,” he says. “There are three natural responses to danger. Fight, flight or freeze. You didn’t lose. You survived. That’s all that matters. In a sense, you actually won.”
I stand motionless, listening, all the while thinking of cutting my wrists.
“I wouldn’t expect you to freeze up,” he continues. “But there’s nothing wrong with that. We’ve all been there. Like for me to take care of Ace? I’ll do it, no problem. I’ll kill him if you want me to. Or I can just hold him down and let you beat or kill him. Just say the word.”
I shake my head no. “I don’t want to beat or kill anybody. I just want him to leave me alone.”
“He doesn’t care what you want. You gotta learn how to fight back. I know it’s wrong when you can’t take a step without somebody trying to kill you, but it is what it is. That’s the world we live in. But guess what, Kora. You don’t have to take crap from anybody. You don’t have to be nice, polite or sweet. If anybody bothers you, just beat the hell out of them. Destroy them.”
“I can’t!” I blurt out. “I’m not like you. You can’t even imagine what it feels like to be weak and unable to fight.”
Wreck glances at me, snickering, and says slowly, “Oh yes, I can. Trust me.”
His voice sounds hollow and for a moment his eyes have a haunted expression. I don’t know what that means.
“Forget it,” I sigh. “I’m not a fighter.”
“Are you really going to let Ace intimidate you?” Wreck snorts. “Come on, Kora. You’re stronger than that. I reckon you’d cut my throat if I ever attacked you again. And Ace is nothing in comparison to me.”
“I wouldn’t cut your throat. I wouldn’t do anything,” I say quietly, and I know that most likely it’s the truth.
“Seriously?” He laughs. “You mean I could do whatever I pleased and you’d just put up with it? Are you really that broken? I’m not buying it.”
I turn and begin walking away.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Wreck asks.
“I need to spend some time alone.”
“I didn’t say you could leave yet.”
He grabs me by the hair, yanking me to a stop. I freeze, tilting my head back.
“You’re not going anywhere unless I let you,” he says, roughly gripping my arm. “I’ve got a better idea of what we can do.”
“Are you crazy?!” I yell. “What are you doing?”
I try to pull my arm away, but his grip is too strong to break.
“I’m gonna teach you a little lesson,” he whispers.
“Stop it!” I demand.
I press my free hand into his chest, trying to push him away, but it has no effect.
“I’m not stopping.” Wreck smiles, pulling me closer. “So what are you gonna do about it?”
I try to yank my arm back and pull away from him, but nothing is working. My heart rate accelerates and I start shaking again, although I don’t really feel scared. I’m just confused and stunned. His sudden change of behavior caught me off guard.
Still gripping my wrist, he releases my hair and wraps an arm around me. I scream.
“Good,” he whispers. “Scream all you want. It increases the adrenaline level in your blood. Makes you stronger, less sensitive to pain. Now fight!”
I stare right into his glossy eyes, and all I can think to do is run. But I can’t run, can’t even pull myself away. My body is rigid.
“Is that all you got?” He laughs. “I can’t believe it. C’mon Kora, do something! Defend yourself!”
I reach for my knife, but my pocket is empty.
“Too late,” Wreck grins, holding up my blade.
I look at him in shock, my thoughts racing. When did he steal my knife? I didn’t feel him searching my pockets.
“Give it back!” I yell.
Wreck hurls the knife at the nearby tree and the blade sticks deeply into the trunk. He winks and begins dragging me toward the shack. My panic increases. I don’t want to go there, although I still don’t believe he’ll really hurt me. Could I be wrong? I scream again, swinging my free arm around at his head. He slips my awkward punch, shoves me inside the house and shuts the door behind. I turn to face him.
He folds his arms across his chest and says harshly, “Well, I’m killing you. What the hell was all that squirming? I know you can do better than that.”
I glare at him. “I couldn’t do anything. You’re too strong.”
He rolls his eyes, “You killed a chimera. Do you realize how strong that thing was?”
I give him a hard look, smooth my hair and head toward the door. Wreck steps in front of me, blocking my way.