by Rick Mofina
“Thank you, sir.” Gatt stood to leave.
“Wait,” Carver said. “One last thing. We’re going to need your shoes.”
“My shoes?”
“We’ll take you down the hall to our forensic guys. They’re taking photos and impressions of everyone’s footwear, the ones in your quarters and on your feet.”
22
It was close to 1:00 a.m.
The Lanes had left the search center to keep a vigil on their house from the street. They were not allowed to enter as it was still being processed.
They watched the silhouettes of investigators against the drawn curtains as they took flash pictures—making it clear to the family that it was no longer their home.
It was a crime scene.
“They’re going to be at it all night,” Cole said to Ryan, Karen and Tyler after the checking the time. “You need to get some rest. We should go now.”
Ryan didn’t react.
Karen shook her head slowly. “Leave? How can I leave? She has to come back. I can’t leave.” Somewhere deep in a corner of Karen’s heart a sound began rising, a guttural aching that exploded into a moaning sob so powerful it buckled her knees. As Jill and Dalton caught her, Karen threw her arms around Jill’s neck, locking on to her as if she were drowning.
“I’ll call the paramedics,” Cole said.
“No.” Jill shook her head. “She needs a little time,” she said, stroking Karen’s hair, patting her back, offering her soft words of comfort. “I know, I know, it’s all right. I know it hurts but we’re going to find her. You’ll see.”
Ryan watched in silence as if he’d been turned to stone while Tyler grew terrified. His parents were crumbling before his eyes, leaving him alone to stare in shock at the detached pieces of his family.
After several agonizing moments, Cole and Jill helped Karen put one foot in front of the other. They got her and the others into their SUV, and started the drive to their home across the city. Cole’s Land Rover was new, rich with the smell of leather seats, and it glided like a dream through the night. Lost in his nightmare, Ryan was numb with anger; anger at Maddie’s disappearance; anger at himself for being helpless. He remained silent in the front passenger seat beside his brother.
As he drove, Cole spoke with his investigators using his hands-free mobile phone and earpiece. He kept his voice low.
“Vince, I want you to call our offices in Manhattan, Chicago, Seattle, Dallas, Los Angeles and Miami...we’ll pull in more help for tomorrow...”
Jill and Karen were in the seats behind Ryan and Cole. Jill was rubbing Karen’s shoulder; Karen rested her head against the window, weeping and lamenting. “Twenty-four hours ago I saw Maddie in her bed, I stroked her hair. I know we fought, we argued, but she’s my little girl... Oh God, where is she? Where’s my baby?”
Through her tears Karen searched the lights of Syracuse streaming by her window.
The boys were in the rear with Dalton on his phone reading texts from kids concerned about Maddie. Some offered prayers, some offered rumors—“there was this sketchy guy around our school”; “maybe it was devil worship freaks”—others offered suggestions or help—“her friends must know something”; “we asked people all day at the mall about her”; “we searched through Rose Garden Park.”
Dalton held out his phone to Tyler, showing him some of the texts.
“See, Ty, a lot of people care. Don’t worry, we’ll find her.”
Tyler nodded. He was trembling because of exhaustion.
And fear.
What had happened to Maddie was his fault for not checking out the voices in her room, for not alerting his mom and dad. He had to do something, anything to fix it. Staring into the night, he forced himself to remember the voice. Not Maddie’s voice but the second voice he’d heard.
What was that person saying?
* * *
Once they had arrived at Cole and Jill’s house, Jill helped Karen to one of their guest rooms, one that she and Ryan would use for the night.
“Thank goodness we’re the same size.” Jill collected some fresh clothes for her—pajamas, jeans, a top, and urged her to take a hot shower. “It might help you feel a bit better. I’ll make some food and some tea. Please, you have to eat and rest before we go back.”
Jill then got Tyler settled into the room next to Dalton’s. She got him fresh clothes, and new underwear she’d bought for Dalton that was still packaged. She showed him where there were toiletries they kept for guests, then gave him a long crushing hug.
“We’ll get through this, Ty,” she said.
* * *
Cole and Ryan went to the spacious family room where Cole switched on the huge flat-screen TV that was suspended on one wall, tuned it to a twenty-four-hour news channel and checked his phone.
“Want a drink, Ryan—water, a beer, something stronger?”
Ryan covered his face with his hands. His eyes were bloodshot as he watched a report about hostilities in the Middle East without seeing it.
“I can’t stay here.” He stood. “I have to go back and search for her.”
“We’ll go back. You need to rest first.”
“When we were at the search center, someone showed me a report about Justice Department statistics on stranger child abductions. Most kids are taken by pedophiles and are killed within four hours. If it’s a ransom kidnapping, we’ll hear within twenty-four hours. It’s been that long already, and we’ve heard nothing.”
“Ryan.”
“And with each hour that passes, the chances of recovery shrink. We’ve got to get back out there and search for her!”
“We’ve got close to sixty volunteers who’ll be searching all night. Twice that will show up in the morning. And with new donations coming in, the reward is now close to thirty-five thousand dollars. I’ve got my people coordinating things. Listen to me: Whatever it takes, we’re going to find Maddie and bring her home. Now you need to have some food, get a couple hours of sleep and we’ll go right back. I promise.”
Ryan said nothing and sat down.
“Here.” Cole held a glass with ice in it. “Drink this whiskey.”
Ryan looked at it then swallowed it in one gulp, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
“What happened to her, Cole? Someone was in her room. Did she run off with somebody? With all this attention you’d think we’d hear from her, or a friend, right? Or maybe it’s some animal from that halfway house, or some creep is holding her in a cage?”
“It could be any number of scenarios. We don’t have all the facts. We don’t know what the evidence shows.”
“They found something in the woods, but they won’t tell us and I can’t stop thinking that she’s dead and—”
“Stop. If they found a body, the medical examiner’s team would be out there, and they haven’t been called. I checked. Now, what they found could be key fact evidence they’re holding back to protect the case.”
“It’s my fault. It is. The business is nose-diving. I lost it at the bank, trying to get a loan.”
“If you need money—”
Ryan shot a finger at Cole and shook his head.
“Don’t! I’m just telling you that I’ve been consumed by my problems to the point of ignoring my family, leaving Karen to deal with Maddie, with everything.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I should’ve put in a security system, should’ve replaced that old chain-link fence that was there when we bought the place. I thought it was good enough to keep the skunks and raccoons out. I figured we lived in a safe part of town. I was going to take care of it when I first heard the rumors they were going to open a halfway house at DeBerry. You told me when we moved in to replace the fence and install a security system, but I didn’t listen and you know the reason.”
“This isn’t the time—”
�
�Because all my life I refused to take advice from you. Now look what it’s cost me.” His voice broke.
“Stop blaming yourself. It’s not your fault.”
Ryan blinked back his tears and exhaled.
“I know you’d never expect to hear this from me, Cole, but thank you, thank you for helping us.”
“I can’t bear to see you and Karen suffering.”
Ryan shot Cole a glance as he continued.
“You know that I’m forever indebted to you both,” Cole said. “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you guys. After I was blown up and lost my legs, I couldn’t go on. I fell into a dark pit. You and Karen pulled me out. I swear to you we’ll find Maddie and bring her home, because I owe you everything.”
Ryan stared hard at his brother, struggling through his exhaustion and anguish, then looking around admiring Cole’s home.
“You’ve done all right, haven’t you?” Ryan said. “You’ve achieved so much. You’ve overcome so much. You got Jill, you got Dalton, you got your security business with offices across the country and you got money, fame. People look up to you. To them you’re a hero. And you know what? You are a hero.”
“Ryan, don’t.”
“You’re a Purple Heart hero. And I am so proud of you, so honored to be your brother. But all these years I envied you and resented you at the same time. My brother the hero, and here I am with the little drywall business our old man gave his life to, barely able to keep it afloat. And another thing, about Karen—”
“Stop, Ryan.”
“I see how Karen looks at you, how she sees you, the hero, the protector who saves lives who knows what to do. I can’t even protect our daughter. I’ve failed at so much. Don’t you see? I’m so small next to you.”
“Don’t do this.”
“The truth is that I love you, respect you for what you went through, so proud and amazed at how you fought your way out of hell to triumph, there’s a part—” Ryan stopped to find the words. “No matter how hard I try, part of me will never forgive you for turning your back on dad. I just can’t do it.”
“Ryan, it had little to do with the business. Our old man was cruel and abusive. He hit mom and he hit me. You grew up in the same house. How could you not know that?”
“He never, ever laid a hand on me.”
“You were his favorite, Ry. We both knew that, and we both knew what he was like. You can’t tell me you didn’t know about his dark moods, his wild temper. I think you just didn’t want to believe it, refused to accept it, and I think I know why.”
Ryan stared at Cole as he continued.
“My guys talked to their friends in the SPD. I know about your outburst at the bank. I think you have some of the old man’s lack of control, and it scares you.”
Ryan stared coldly at Cole but said nothing.
“Did Zubik ask you about your temper when he had you downtown?” Cole asked.
Ryan stared off at nothing.
“Did they ask you about your temper?” he asked again.
“Yes, they asked me.”
“What did you tell them?”
“I’ve never laid a hand on Karen or the kids, Cole.”
“Is that what you told them?”
“Yes.”
“Is that the truth, Ryan?”
Ryan took a long deep breath then said, “About a week or so ago, Maddie stormed out of the house, screaming and crying. I didn’t know, but it was after she and Karen had had a fight about boys. Karen sent me out into the pissing rain to find her.”
“Did you find her?”
“Yes.”
“Did you lose your temper?”
“Yes.”
“Did you tell Zubik?”
“No.”
“What did you do?”
Ryan was silent.
“What did you do to Maddie, Ryan?”
“I can’t tell you what I did. But I’ll have to live with it for the rest of my life.”
23
Clouds of steam rose around Karen in the shower.
Lost in the mist, she was assailed with images of Maddie struggling, crying out. Then, as hot rivulets of water flowed over Karen, the images dissolved into a slow-motion vision of Maddie struggling underwater, her eyes bulging.
Drowning.
Karen’s back slammed against the tiled wall, and she slid to a sitting, fetal position, sobbing in vain for ten minutes.
After the shower she remained exhausted and in pain.
Nothing felt real.
She’d become a zombie going through the motions of the living, pulling on a robe, drying and brushing her hair, unable to recognize the madwoman who was staring back at her from the mirror. Agony had clawed lines into her face, straining her reddened eyes with fear.
What if we never find Maddie? How can our lives ever be the same again after this?
She placed her hands on the counter to steady herself and wept until a soft knock sounded at the bedroom door and Jill entered carrying a small tray with tea, diced fruit and a sandwich.
“I can’t eat, Jill, I just can’t.”
Karen sat at the foot of the bed.
“It’s okay. It’s here if you want. And I’ve brought two sleeping pills.” Jill set the tray on the dresser and sat beside Karen. “Ryan and Cole are talking, so are Tyler and Dalton. We can talk a little but you should really sleep.”
“How can I sleep with Maddie gone?” Karen lifted her tearstained face to the ceiling. “I keep thinking of her alone somewhere cold and dark, calling for me. Then I have these horrible images of her dead in a shallow grave, in the water. We have to go back out and search for her. I should be doing something!”
Jill pressed down softly on Karen’s shoulders and rubbed her back.
“Shh-shh. We’re going to find her. You need to rest.”
“Last night I was asleep when someone was in my home stealing my daughter just down the hall. I can never ever forgive myself.”
“You can’t blame yourself.”
“You know what some of the last words Maddie said to me were? ‘Why are you ruining my life? I hate you so much!’”
“All young girls say things like that to their mothers at some point. You have to stop beating yourself up.”
“Oh but I deserve it,” Karen groaned. “It’s the price I’m paying for the sum of all the things I’ve done.”
“No, it isn’t. You’re a good person, a perfect mother.”
“Oh no, I’m not.” Karen shook her head. “I’m not perfect, not like you. You don’t know how much I wish I was like you.”
“Me?”
“You’re kind, beautiful, poised, smart and tactful, you’ve got Cole, Dalton and all this.” She cast her hand to the house. “What you have is perfect.”
“It’s not. Believe me. It’s anything but perfect.”
“It is from where I sit, Jill.” Karen shook her head. “You say I’m a good person, well, you don’t know me. You don’t know all that I’ve done, all that I’m guilty of.”
“All that you’re guilty of?” Jill repeated.
They searched each other’s eyes as if probing for hidden fears, painful things unspoken. Jill knew that Karen and Cole had a special bond; that they were close, and while it sometimes made her uneasy, she accepted it as part of Karen and Ryan’s helping Cole overcome his wounds. Yet, what she saw in Karen’s face was unfathomable, like a revelation rising to the surface.
“Do you know about my family?” Karen said.
Jill hesitated, then nodded.
“I know your life’s been hard, that you lost your mother and sister when you were young.”
“I found my mother dead in our backyard.”
“Cole told me. Karen, you don’t have to talk about this.”
“Bef
ore my mother died, we’d argued and some of the last words I spat at her were that I hated her. I was thinking about boys and arguing with my mom about it at a time when I should have been mourning the death of my sister, Cassie.”
“Cole told me Cassie died accidentally.”
“She drowned.”
“I’m so sorry, Karen.”
“I was there when it happened. I was playing a game.”
24
Where’s my sister?
Tyler picked up an old game controller and ran his fingers over it while fighting the throbbing knot in his stomach.
Where’s Maddie? Where’s Maddie?
Dalton’s room was about three times the size of his and smelled nice like cologne. Tyler didn’t get to see it often, but he liked coming here because his older cousin had the coolest stuff, the newest games, computers, clothes, cool knives and paintball stuff.
But none of that mattered now.
We’ve got to find Maddie.
Tyler was sitting at Dalton’s desk, his brain tethered to one task as he and Dalton tried to figure out what had happened to Maddie and who might know. The food Aunt Jill had brought them was pretty much untouched. Dalton ate the chips but Tyler wasn’t hungry, his stomach was jittery and he was shaky.
Ever since they’d arrived at the house, Dalton had been sitting on his bed, texting people on his phone, checking for news alerts and grilling Tyler for details that might help.
“You gotta keep trying, Ty. You say you heard voices. How many?”
“I’m pretty sure one was Maddie’s and one was a stranger’s.”
“Did that strange voice sound like anybody you know?”
“I really couldn’t tell because they were talking low, kinda whispery.”
“Could it have been more people, more than just Maddie and one other person?”
“I don’t know. I was sleepy and I thought she was talking to someone on her phone or watching a video.”
“So there’s no way you know who was in her room?”
“No.”
Tyler put his head down on Dalton’s desk and tried not to cry. Dalton continued working on his phone until Tyler regained a measure of his composure.