by Kathryn Shay
“Very much, so. It doesn’t usually happen this fast, but Rosie’s here to calm the kids and give emotional support. She acted on instinct and her extensive training.”
“That’s wonderful, Maggie.” She turned to the computer. “I was just checking my schedule. I’m free at one, Noah. Brett can come down then.”
“Good. Thanks.”
Smiling she said, “No, thank you. Hugs to Rosie.”
They headed to the café and took a seat away from the others there to relax. In a low voice, he said, “Whew! What a morning.”
“It was exhilarating to see Rosie do what she was supposed to.”
“And on her third day! She’s a gem.”
Maggie sighed. “That she is.”
“So are you. I—”
“Hey, guys. Mind if I join you for a sec?” Tim Kane grinned down at them. Dressed in pressed khaki pants and long-sleeved yellow shirt, she noted that Noah looked better in his navy chinos and a red sweater, pushed up at the sleeves.
“I—” Noah began.
“Thanks.” Tim sat. “I won’t stay. I wanted to ask you, Maggie, if you’d like to go out tonight?”
Impulsively, she answered, “Sorry, Tim. I’m busy.”
“Another time then.” He squeezed her hand where it sat on the table. “I’ll try again.” He got up and walked—maybe swaggered—away.
Noah’s gaze narrowed, then turned to her. “Why did you lie?”
“Lie? I didn’t. I’m busy washing my hair.” The old, standard excuse women gave when they didn’t want to go out with a certain guy.
Noah chuckled, but not too loud. “I think you need a better excuse. What time shall I pick you up?”
* * *
Maggie pulled the cross-country skis out of the shed where Calla and Connor kept their winter equipment and handed Noah a pair. The January night was cold and darkness had fallen, but the lights went on around the grounds so even at six o’clock in the winter, they could see where they were going.
Noah gestured to the miles before him, covered with packed snow. “This is something, Maggie.”
“Isn’t it? Some time, during the day, we can take the snowmobiles out. Connor made me promise not to use them at night.”
“I agree with that.”
“My family comes here frequently,” she said picking up her own skis. “There’s a steep hill on the other side of the house for sledding.”
He moved closer. His breath came out in light puffs. “I like hearing you make plans for us for the future.”
“Me, too.”
They sat on the bench to put their skis on. “How good at this are you, Noah?”
“I skied as a kid. But I haven’t done it in years.”
“Why?”
“Time, mostly. And opportunity.” He nudged her with his arm. Tonight, she wore a pink down jacket gathered at her waist with a matching hat and thick gloves. “Not everybody lives on grounds, as you call them. No offense.”
“I know, I’m so lucky!”
“I like how everything makes you happy, Maggie.”
They stood.
He asked, “Go over the basics, would you?”
“Sure. Make sure your skis are parallel and put your poles outside of them. Bear down with your right foot and kick off. Try to glide as far as you can.
“Then, shift your weight to the left, and kick off again. The rhythm is like a normal stride. For the poles, your arms go diagonal to your legs, like you’d do when jogging. Lean your body forward, too.”
“I remember now.”
“It’s like riding a bike.”
She demonstrated first, and then he kicked off—and zoomed past her, with long glides and strong kicks. By the time she caught up with him, she was out of breath. They stopped. “You creep,” she said and punched him in the arm. “You’ve done this recently.”
“Yeah, I’ve taken my students out.”
“Why on earth did you make me go through all the directions?”
“I liked hearing you. Watching you. Your face lights up when you teach.”
“So does yours, in the classroom.”
“Want to go along for a while?”
They kicked and glided and kicked and glided. Then they reached a little hill and stopped. “I suppose you know how to go up and down these.”
“Yep.” He started forward. “Beat you up.”
They both slapped their skis into what would be a jog on pavement. Maggie was lighter than he was, so she could keep up…go ahead…and win!
“You’re pretty good, Maggie.”
“I am.”
They stood at the top and looked out over the snow-covered lawn. Green fir trees dotted the whole area. “This is beautiful.” He leaned over, poles in place, and stole a quick kiss. “So are you.”
She planted one on his cheek, then said, “Beat you down.” She was gone before he knew it.
When they reached the shed again, they cleaned the skis and she put hers away first. When Noah turned from stowing his, she lobbed a snowball right into his face.
“You’ll be sorry,” he said, and lurched for her.
But she ran. She was fast even in the snow, which was packed better because they were on a path. She laughed.
He tackled her from behind.
Because he came from the side, they landed in the fluffy snow. Luckily, she was on her back. He landed face-first, but this time he was faster, moved over and covered her body with his. Without asking, he kissed her cold mouth. She kissed his back. It lasted longer than any before, and eventually, he pulled away.
“We need to stop. It’s getting colder and colder and we’re going to freeze out here.”
“Okay.” They held hands on the way back to the house.
The guest house had a small mudroom in the back. Their clothes were covered with icy layers. She took off her jacket, as he did, and they both removed their sweaters, which were wet. Maggie reached up to hang both on hooks.
Her long-sleeved shirt hiked up and Noah got a glimpse of bare skin. “God, Maggie, what happened to give you those scars?” There were four of them, horizontal from her waist and up about five inches.
Maggie sucked in a breath. He’d never seen her expression so bleak.
And Noah was left to wonder what she was thinking.
* * *
The fireplace warmed them up but Maggie was still cold inside. They sat in front of logs that spit and sparked, backs against the couch, drinking hot chocolate. “You don’t have to tell me about the scars if you don’t want to.”
“It’s hard for me to remember those days.”
“Honey…”
“But I want you to know. Our relationship is heading somewhere serious and we shouldn’t go any further until you know about my past.”
“I can’t think of one thing that would make me stop what’s happening between us.”
“I was in my first year of college at American University. I’d been stressed all during high school, for as long as I can remember, actually. My parents divorced, and early on, I overheard my mother say she never wanted kids. I couldn’t shake the notion that I wasn’t wanted.”
“You seem so close to them.”
“I am. I was even then, especially to Dad. When I graduated from high school, I picked a college near where my mother lived. The next thing I knew, Dad and the girls and my grandparents moved here to be closer to me. Three of his siblings were already in Maryland, then Connor settled in here, too. My dad wanted to be near me and since my mother was already here, I never got away from the fighting and anger.”
“What happened to you?”
“I had to…I had to…” She swiped away a few tears that had leaked from her eyes. “I had to deflect the pain.”
“Excuse me?”
“I started cutting, Noah.”
She turned to him. His face had drained of color. “For, um, how long?”
“At least a year.”
He swallowed hard. “Kids don’t
usually get scars from cutting.”
“One particularly awful night, I went too far. Cut too deep. I passed out from loss of blood.”
He put down his drink and took hers away. He slid his arm around her and pulled her close. “I am so sorry.”
“The event proved to be a turning point in my life. When Mom and Dad found out what I’d been doing, they made me move in with them and never left my side, literally, for weeks. My mom’s a trained psychologist and she insisted I talk about what was wrong. When I couldn’t share everything, Mom got a counselor she knew to come to the house for me. I saw Trish for a long time.”
“I’m a big believer in counseling. One thing, though. Your parents aren’t divorced now? Or, are they?”
“No. They never stopped loving each other. My issue brought them back together, they remarried, and now they have another baby.”
“Wow.”
“One of the hardest things to do was tell Meli and Morgan about the cutting. They were only twelve, but we thought they needed to know as it happens in their age group. We talked a lot about harming yourself, how they never should do it. They promised to come to me if they were ever as desperate as I was.”
He was still for a long time. She drew away. “Does this gross you out, Noah?”
“Not at all. I feel bad for you.”
She waited. A long, long time.
Then he said in a deadly voice, “But Maggie, I don’t think I’ll be able to see you anymore.”
Because of what he’d told her earlier, she was shocked. “If it doesn’t gross you out, I don’t understand why we can’t be together.”
Noah studied her lovely face. Even in sadness, she exuded a beauty. An inner beauty. “You wouldn’t because I have a past you don’t know about, either.”
“Can you tell me?”
He nodded. “I had a steady girlfriend in high school and college. We got engaged after we graduated. Laura was always so…fragile. Both physically and mentally. She had endometriosis.” A common menstrual problem where the monthly blood collects on the inside of the uterus walls and causes debilitating pain. “We were afraid she’d never have children, but I loved her so much, I told her we could adopt.”
“You’re a good man.”
“Our life together narrowed. She was so sick every month, she couldn’t participate in activities so I didn’t either. We went to the same college because I thought I could protect her, but again, we were confined. By the time we graduated, she’d become seriously depressed. She knew what she was doing to us. I said I didn’t care, but the depression only worsened.”
“Did she get help?”
“She wouldn’t go to a therapist, even though I begged her to.”
“What happened to her?”
“She slit her wrist.” His eyes filled. “The worst kind of cutting.”
“Did she…oh, God, Noah, did she die?”
“Yes. I was in the house when she did it.”
She cupped his cheeks. “I’m so sorry.”
“It took me a long time to recover from that. I haven’t dated much since then. But with you…I felt different, right away.”
Her heart clutched in her chest. “I-I-there was no time to share my history Noah, this happened so fast between us. But if I had…”
“I wouldn’t have gotten involved with you. And I am, Maggie, already involved. Very much.” He ran his hand down her hair. “You were so strong and upbeat. You rough-housed with Rosie, ran with her, and just now, out there on the skis, and in the snow, you were so physical.”
“Which made you think I was safe.”
“Yes.” He sighed heavily. “That sounds so awful.”
“No, it doesn’t. Truthfully, if you hadn’t seemed so normal, I wouldn’t have gotten involved with you, either. You were safe for me, too.”
“If that isn’t the definition of irony.”
He put his head down on his knees, trying to get control of his emotions. Then he raised it. “I can’t do this with you, socially or romantically.”
She wished he felt differently. But he didn’t. Her heart broke a little bit as she said, “I understand our relationship has to end.” She hugged him. “I wish things were different.”
“Me, too,” he choked out. “Me, too.”
Chapter 5
* * *
The following Monday, when Maggie walked into the classroom, Noah was already at his desk. His handsome face was lined with fatigue when he glanced over. “Hi. I came in early so we wouldn’t see each other for the first time in front of the kids.
She unleashed Rosie, who darted over to Noah. Put her head on his lap. “She knows you’re upset.” Maggie came in, set her things down and pulled up a chair. “Did you have someone to call, be with the rest of the weekend?”
“I tried to get my father, but he was on a ski trip with my brothers. I was invited but wanted to see you instead.”
“Friends at school?”
“Tim Kane’s my best friend. Couldn’t very well share this with the competition.”
“Noah…”
“How about you?”
“I called my mother and asked to come over. She spent the night and we talked through what was ahead for me. She was angered by the situation, too.”
“I’m glad you had her.”
“What do we do, Noah? Try to act normal?”
“What other choice do we have?”
Maggie stood. “Right. Let me get Rosie settled.”
“We’re going out to the greenhouse, so don’t get too settled.”
“That brightens the day a bit.”
Soon, Noah stood in front of the class and Maggie sat in a chair over by Rosie. “Hi, there, all of you. I hope you had a good weekend.”
Some kids smiled. Brett, and two others, did not. Often, these kids acted out when there was no structure in their day.
“Today, we’re going to the greenhouse. There are rules you have to follow.” He lifted the screen over the white board to reveal them. Some kids learned by reading things. Some were better being read to.
“First, you’ll walk in pairs over to the building. You can talk once we get outside.
“Second, there are eight desks in the greenhouse. Sit right down in those. We’ll do some of the prework, then four of you will go into the reading room with Ms. Marino.”
His smile over at Maggie made her heart clutch. It was so genuine. She stood. “Rosie will come to the greenhouse for the entire time. I’ll read to each group and she can rotate sitting next to you. If you don’t want her near you today, tell me.”
“Those with me,” Noah put in. “Will plant and water. We’ve got coveralls, so put them on.”
The kids seemed excited about the activity, as they would be since this was their first year at Stepping Stones and they’d never done the activity. It took them ten minutes to reach the greenhouse. Another ten to get dressed. Then they sat at desks. Rosie waited, looking longingly at the dirt.
Noah handed Maggie one end of a measuring tape. “Ms. Marino, will you take this end?”
They measured the bricked off garden inside.
“The garden is 20’ by 20’. Write that down.”
Then, “The plants have to be a foot apart. So how many rows will we have? Work that out on the paper.”
When that and the rest of the required math was completed, Maggie stood. “First to go with me are Veronica, Lea, Jordan and Truman.” She grinned. “And Rosie.”
Brett blurted out, “I want Rosie to stay with me.”
Noah nodded to her to settle this. “She’ll be with you when I read the story to your group, but you have to share her.”
“Don’t want to.” His fists curled.
Maggie walked over with Rosie and Brett reached out to pet her. Hug her.
Maggie knelt down. “Brett, I know you love Rosie. You’ll see her in a half-hour. She has to come with me.”
“Can I come too?” he asked, desperately.
“When it�
�s your turn.”
He kissed Rosie’s head and sat up.
Whew! Crisis averted.
Once inside the reading room, they all sat on a circular mat and Rosie cuddled with the first student. “She’ll come around and spend equal time with you. So, you’ll have at least six minutes with her. She picked up the book.
“First off, I want to tell you about this book series. It’s written by someone special to me. My aunt’s sister.”
Veronica raised a hand. “What’s her name?”
“Alexandra Gentileschi. And you know what? She’s a real princess from another country. She wrote a story about her own garden on the palace grounds and what she made up about it.
“Now, first, we have a video, which she’ll narrate.” Maggie gestured to the screen that had been pulled down. “With this setup, you can get to know the main character in the book. Then I’ll start to read the story.”
Using the computer which projected up front, the podcast came on the screen.
Hi, there. I’m Pickles and I live in a cucumber patch in a beautiful garden on the grounds of Princess Esmeralda’s house. Princess Esmie is my best friend but I have three other friends who live in this garden with me. Together we all solve mysteries.”
The video went on to introduce the main characters.
Pickles sat in her cucumber patch sunning herself. Miss Lovely Lettuce joined him. Pickles said, “Oh dear, you’re crying.”
Miss Lovely Lettuce wiped her eyes. “Someone is cutting all the leaves off my lettuce before it grows up.”
Maggie kept peeking at the kids as Alexandra read. All were mesmerized. Rosie made the rounds, and some didn’t even pet her when she sat by them because they were into the story.
After the introduction ended, she read them part of the first book. “You can open your eyes if yours were closed. You were very good today. Thank you for sharing Pickles with me. Now, time to go plant your own gardens.”
The kids’ left with smiles on their faces. Alexandra’s books were the best for kids.
The second group came into the room. Brett was first. He rushed to Rosie to hug her. “Brett, you’re supposed to ask if you can hug Rosie.”
“Still? I love her.”