Pyramid Schemes

by Peter David

  Clea was still on the floor, nursing her leg. I walked over to her and stretched out a hand. “Let me help you,” I said.

  She stared at the hand as if I was cradling a handful of offal, but then she managed to fight down her revulsion and take my hand. I pulled her to her feet and she was clearly favoring the leg that the Rama had just kicked. “Come,” I said, “let’s get you on the bed.” Her eyes immediately narrowed in suspicion and I rolled mine in response. “Just to give you somewhere to lie down. I’m not about to try and…” I couldn’t even complete the sentence. I gestured toward the bed and gave her a stern, not the least bit romantic look.

  She eased herself onto the bed but was still staring fixedly at me. “My brother could have had you killed for interfering,” she said. “That was brave of you.”

  “I didn’t think he would kill his future brother-in-law.”

  “You thought wrong,” she said, her voice flat. “Did you believe that you were the first person he’s ever brought to me? He keeps trying to make up for the first one.”

  “First one?”

  Her eyes seemed to drift far away. “His name was Alo. I was fifteen. I loved him more than anything in the world. He loved me. He was the leader of Lama’s guard. He asked Lama for my hand. Lama was in a bad mood that day, it turned out, and had him cut down on the spot. He was immediately sorry for what he had done. And so began the endless dance of him deciding that he was going to find a new great love for me. Every six months or so he brings me a new future husband. I never become attached to them because sooner or later, they do something to irk Lama and he has them slain. So whatever protection you feel your status provides you, I can assure you that it does not. Sooner or later, you will die at Lama’s hand, and there is nothing that you can do about it.” She cocked her head and raised an eyebrow. “What did you say your name was, again?”

  “Apropos.” I sounded strangled when I spoke because her passionless prediction of my terminal fate was causing me to become choked.

  “Hunh.” She frowned. “Interesting name. Perhaps you are even an interesting person. Well, it is of no importance. Your fate is sealed and there is nothing you can do to avert it.” She nodded toward the door. “You may leave now.”

  I hauled myself to my feet and started out of the room. But then I stopped and turned to face her. “Just so you know,” I told her, “I have no intention of marrying you. None. You are far too much of a child for me. I cannot envision that we would have anything in common. And I will be damned if I allow myself to become related by marriage to your lunatic of a brother. Just so we are clear on that.”

  Her eyebrows knit together. “Are you aware that I could have you condemned to death for speaking to me in that manner?”

  I had absolutely no patience for her at this moment. I walked over to her and practically snarled in her face, “Then do it. Call a guard in here, tell him to kill me, and let us put an end to this idiocy. Because I am unsure of just how long I can tolerate the sustained foolishness of your hatred for me, whom you do not know, and the arbitrary lunacy of your brother. If you wish to terminate my life, then do it. But do not threaten me with it if you are not going to see it through. Is that understood?”

  I glared at her and she stared at me with what seemed genuine surprise. I stalked away from her then and to the door, and threw it open. A guard was standing there. I was unclear as to whether his job was to keep others out or her in. He turned and looked at me blandly, waiting for an order, I supposed. Defiantly I looked to Clea and said, “Well? Do you have an instruction to give him?”

  I would not have been startled if she had ordered him to slay me right then and there. Instead she slowly shook her head. Deciding not to question my good fortune, I left the room and headed back for my chamber.

  It was only when I was well away from her that I began to tremble violently. Despite my words, I was hardly the bravest of individuals and I did not truly wish to die that day. The fact that I had managed to handle both the Rama and his sister so bluntly and live to talk of it was nothing short of miraculous, and I had no idea how much longer my luck would hold out.

  I was tempted to bolt from the palace at that point. No one had been instructed to keep me a prisoner there, so I was reasonably sure that I could get out without being observed. I disliked the notion of fleeing, but this entire business was spiraling out of control. I was no closer to determining how to convince the Rama to set the Shews free, and if that wasn’t enough, now I was engaged to a teenager who had nothing but contempt for me. Which I supposed I couldn’t blame her for, truth to tell. Still, I was hardly thrilled with being the target of her wrath.

  “Apropos!” a voice called from behind me. I recognized it immediately. It was Mane.

  I turned and forced a smile, trying to hide any indication that I had been contemplating fleeing the palace. “Mane. It has been an exciting evening, hasn’t it.”

  “It has indeed.” He seemed to be studying me with great interest. “Let me walk you to your room.”

  I was about to tell him that it wasn’t necessary, but then a couple of guards stepped out of the hallway behind him and regarded me fixedly. There was no explicit threat here, but implicit? Most definitely.

  “The Rama seems to have taken a fancy to you,” he said as he fell into step alongside me. I still was not entirely familiar with the massive layout of the palace and so allowed him to guide me. “It is quite impressive. I have never seen him take to any relative stranger so quickly.”

  “What can I say? I have a way with people.”

  “Yes, you certainly do. I was wondering if I might be able to ask a favor of you.”

  “Of course,” I said, not really seeing how I had any option to refuse whatever it might be.

  “Tomorrow is the anniversary of the death of the Rama’s father, the previous Rama. There is to be a ceremony held within the pyramid where his body lies in state. I think it would mean a great deal to the Rama if you attended it with him.”

  I blinked in surprise. I hadn’t been certain what to expect from Mane, but this request seemed rather reasonable. Naturally that was enough to raise my suspicions even more, but I worked hard to keep them in check. “Of course,” I said. “I would be honored.”

  “The Rama will likely be emotionally vulnerable during the visit, so I ask you not to judge him too harshly if he should burst out wailing or have some other unmanly reaction. You’ll be pleased to know that your fiancée will be in attendance as well.”

  “Oh yes. Thrilled to hear that.”

  “How are the two of you getting along?”

  “Wonderfully. Couldn’t be better.”

  He clamped a hand on my shoulder then, and although there was still a smile on his face, there was no affection behind it. “Do not lie to me, Apropos, and I will extend you the same courtesy.” He sounded quite formidable, which was something of an accomplishment since he was half my age. “You are not getting on well with the princess because no one gets on well with the princess.”

  “We are getting on as well as can be expected.”

  He released his hand on my shoulder and nodded in approval. “That is certainly closer to the truth, I will admit that. All right, then. Who knows? You may accomplish what her previous suitors were unable to do.”

  “You mean survive?”

  He smiled. “That is exactly right. Ah. Here is your room.” He gestured and the guards opened the doors for me. “Have a good night’s sleep. I’ll be leaving these two guards here to make certain that you are not disturbed.”

  I knew, of course, the actual reason they were going to be there. They were going to make certain that I stayed right where I was. So whatever notions I had of deserting the palace, however fleeting they might have been, were destined to remain exactly that: passing fancies.

  I didn’t do anything to tip that off, naturally. Instead I bowed slightly to Mane and then strode into my room. The doors were closed behind me.

  To my astonish
ment, Ahmway was sitting in the room. Immediately, albeit slowly, he rose to his feet. There was clear surprise on his face. “You survived! Is that why I have not been executed?”

  “I suspect it is. How is it that you are alive?”

  “The arrow lodged against my shoulder blade. It was a matter of seconds to pluck it out, but by that time you were long gone.” He swung his right arm in a circle and winced. “I’ve lost some movement in the arm, but I imagine that will pass.”

  “You are exceedingly fortunate. I’d have to attribute a portion of your still being able to stand here and talk as indicative that the arrow was not very well made.”

  “That is certainly true.”

  I crossed the room and sagged into a chair. My weak leg was feeling quite tired. Ahmway advanced on me and demanded, “Was it the Shews? It was, wasn’t it.”

  “Yes. It was.”

  “And how did you get them to spare you?”

  I saw no reason to lie to him. He already owed me his life; I did not think that he was going to turn on me. “By promising that I would convince the Rama to free them.”

  “That will never happen,” he said immediately.

  “I am aware of that. And there is every possibility that they are aware of it as well. And if that is the case…” My voice trailed off.

  “How long have they given you to accomplish the goal?”

  “Nothing was discussed, but I doubt it will be terribly long. So I’ll have to move as quickly as possible.” I frowned and then said, “Just out of curiosity: what would happen if the Shews were freed? I mean, what impact would it have on Rogypt?”

  “We would have no one to build our temples and monuments.”

  I nodded. “Okay. And?”

  “And? What do you mean, ‘And?’ Isn’t that enough of an issue for not freeing them?”

  “Well, no,” I said, trying to sound reasonable. “So you don’t build any more pyramids. I’m not sure how that is a big deal.”

  “Whenever we built pyramids, the Shews have always done the building.”

  “If you want them so much, then why can’t you build them yourselves?”

  Utter confusion crossed his face. “Because we’ve never done it ourselves. It has always been the job of the Shews.”

  “Only because they are forced to do it. It isn’t as if they are gainfully employed to build these things. And I assume that if they tried to flee Rogypt, they would be hunted down by the army and compelled to return, yes?”

  “Of course,” said Ahmway with a shrug. “That is the way things have always been since the time of the Moomy.”

  “Then things have to change,” I said firmly, “and I’m going to have to figure out a way to change it.” I drummed my fingers on my leg. “I just wish I had the faintest idea how to go about it.”

  Ahmway said nothing for a moment, and then said, “Perhaps you could blackmail the Rama somehow.”

  “Blackmail him?” I wasn’t certain I had heard him properly. “With what? What would you suggest I threaten him with? What would he care about enough to make certain that no one finds out about it that he would be willing to free the Shews? For that matter, if I did indeed learn of such a secret, what would stop him from having me executed before I could tell anyone?”

  “Nothing,” Ahmway admitted. “It was a foolish idea, I suppose.”

  “Then I will just have to come up with a better one,” I said confidently. Except, of course, I hadn’t the slightest notion what that would be.

  Chapter 8 Father’s Day

  I BRACED MYSELF AGAINST THE NARROW, dirty hallway of the pyramid,

  my heart pounding against my chest. Lama was on one side of me, and Clea on the other. They were as terrified as I was. From down the corridor, we heard the roar of the creature’s voice. It was coming for them.

  Briefly I considered the possibility of turning and knocking the two of them unconscious and then fleeing into the shadows. That certainly seemed a reasonable way in which to handle the situation. Before I could do so, however, Clea reached over and wrapped her arms around mine.

  “Save us,” she whispered.

  “Not a problem,” I replied, and wondered how in the hell I had gotten into this situation considering the day had started reasonably well…

  I did not slumber much after Ahmway left me, and when I awoke I was surprised to see that there was an attractive young woman nearby me. She was pouring water into what was clearly the small in-ground tub a short distance away. She glanced over at me and, seeing that I was awake, simply nodded in acknowledgement of the change in my status.

  “Is that for me?” I asked. She nodded again and gestured for me to come over. I eased my self out of the bed and walked over to her, swaying slightly on my lame leg.

  To my astonishment, she proceeded to remove my clothes. I grabbed her wrists roughly and said, “What are you doing?”

  “I am undressing you,” she informed me. She had a lovely voice. It was almost musical when she spoke.

  “I think I am perfectly capable of undressing myself,” I said.

  She shrugged, stepped back, and bowed slightly. “I did not mean to offend you,” she said. “If you find my presence disconcerting, I will depart while you undress.”

  “Yes, thank you.”

  She walked out of the room and I waited until she was gone before I removed my garments. I then eased myself into the water. I had to say, she had done a superb job of warming it. It was wonderfully hot, although not so much so that I found it to be at all scalding.

  I allowed the ease to cascade through my body and slowly sank under the water. I floated there for long moments, unable to remember the last time I had felt so relaxed. Then I allowed the water’s buoyancy to bring me back to the surface.

  I gasped, because the young woman was back. She had disrobed completely and was stepping naked into the bath with me. She was holding some sort of brush in one hand and a cloth in the other.

  I tried to say something but opened my mouth too wide and wound up swallowing water and then choking on it. As I desperately tried to compose myself, she moved around to my back. “Just hold still,” she said.

  “I told you I could bathe myself!” I managed to sputter.

  “No, you told me you could undress yourself, which obviously you could. Now allow me to attend to the rest.”

  “But—”

  I was unable to get any other words out because she was already running the brush thoroughly over my back. And somewhat to my surprise, it actually felt quite wonderful. I didn’t know whether it was the composition of the brush or the way in which she was holding it, but it was extremely relaxing. I felt as if my body were melting under her ministrations.

  “How does that feel?” she asked.

  “Good,” I had to admit. “Very good.”

  “I am pleased to hear it.”

  And then she worked her way around to my front, using the cloth.

  I gasped as she put aside the brush and began running the cloth over me. She was half smiling as she proceeded. “You seem tense,” she said.

  “Well, there’s a naked woman in the tub with me,” I managed to say, sounding as if someone were throttling me. “That’s tensing me up a bit.”

  “We need to relax you, then.”

  She set aside the cloth and reached down below my waist.

  I let out a loud and extremely unmanly squeak. Obviously, however, she liked what she was feeling. “There you are,” she whispered. “Now you’re feeling like a man.”

  “Am…am I going to have to leave money on the table for you?” I said. I was starting to feel a burning in my temple, and other places as well.

  “Why ever would you have to do that?”

  “I…I’m just not sure what the custom is.”

  “I imagine it is the same as in other places.”

  She was nibbling the side of my neck, rubbing against my body with hers. Her breasts were small but quite firm, and her nipples were fully erect. So
was I.

  “Your body is sufficiently clean,” she whispered into my ear. “But now we need to cleanse your soul.”

  Her body undulated onto mine and I was out of quips and did not even have the energy to push her away from me. Sitting up and facing me, she slid herself onto me and I cried out into her ear. She smiled, sliding up and down upon me, our hips moving in total synchronization. She appeared to be enjoying it and I certainly knew that I was. It had been quite some time since I had been with a woman and this one was certainly more than enough. When I finally exploded within her, I felt as if the top of my head was blowing up. For long seconds I continued and then I remained within her for some time after that.

  Finally she disengaged herself from me. “A sufficiently enjoyable bathing experience?” she asked.

  I managed to nod. It took me seconds to recover my voice. “Very much so,” I finally managed to say. “Quite possibly the best I’ve ever had. May…may I ask, just out of curiosity…who sent you here?”

  “The high counselor, Mane. He said he wanted you prepared for the day.” She had clambered out of the tub and had retrieved a large set of towels for me. She gestured that I should emerge from the water, which I did. Ignoring her own wet body, she focused on toweling down mine so aggressively that I felt as if I should be shining when she was finished. Drained of any energy, I fell back onto the bed and stared up at the golden ceiling. I reminded myself to be sure to thank Mane for the young woman, although I was not entirely sure how to phrase it.

  She had pulled her simple garments back on, and still had not dried herself off. Her stomach and I assume her back were still lined with water. “Have a pleasant remainder of your day.”

  “Thank you.”

  She headed out, leaving me naked on the bed. I reached down and started gathering my clothes, putting them on once more. I couldn’t help but wonder if that was how everyone in the palace was awoken on a typical morning.

  Minutes later, more servants walked in, carrying breakfast foods. It was mostly vegetarian, with tomatoes, peppers, carrots, various greens and a large glob of what appeared to be white cheese in a bowl. On the side was some manner of flatbread. It was hardly my typical breakfast, but at that point I was so famished that I likely would have wolfed down a pile of sand if they had brought it to me. I devoured it hungrily and washed it down with several swigs of what appeared to be some sort of wine. “Thank you,” I said to the servant, who nodded and smiled in a distracted manner but otherwise never spoke. Then again, considering what the previous servant had done for me, he certainly had a hard act to follow.