Muted

by Tami Charles

  Grab her phone,

  dial three digits,

  “I’d like to report a robbery,”

  voice faux-coated with tears,

  while I lay there

  frozen still in the grass:

  cells, muscles, organs,

  dying-dying-dying.

  I WAS COLD, Papi.

  But only for a moment.

  Then …

  I WAS WARM

  I WAS TIRED

  I WAS ALONE

  I was fading

  (s

  l

  o

  w

  l

  y)

  white light,

  blue light

  I recognized Officer Parsons

  from the night of the wellness check.

  Could he hear my words,

  muted behind sealed lips,

  closed eyes, halted breath?

  Follow the hole in the fence.

  That’s where Merc went.

  But he didn’t hear.

  No one did.

  I tried to hang on, Papi,

  and wait for you.

  Even after they tossed me

  on the gurney,

  drove me godknowswhere

  Even after your

  emergency flight

  Pennsylvania to Georgia,

  fast as wings could fly … it was too late.

  Uber ride

  zipped down I-85

  even when your feet reached

  the cold, sterile room,

  where coroners drew curtains back,

  your hands pounding

  against Plexiglas

  the wailing

  the sobbing

  the identifying

  that that body was

  me.

  The Earth tilted

  slowly on its axis

  as you signed on the dotted line,

  giving examiners

  permission to

  poke me,

  prod me,

  open me,

  fill me up,

  drain me,

  OUT

  and sew the broken pieces

  back together again.

  Until all that was left

  was a

  lifeless

  breathless

  shell.

  Does it

  even matter

  any more?

  I am weightless now.

  Can’t you see?

  Look how the universe holds

  me.

  have waited a little longer …

  I had so much to tell you

  like …

  these were the things money could buy:

  alibis,

  covered-up lies,

  friends in high places,

  the silence of Black and Brown girls

  looking for a come-up, a payday

  a way in …

  (and a way out)

  And also …

  that I messed up.

  I was wrong about Merc.

  Ma

  and

  you

  and Shak

  and the Browns

  were right all along.

  But also …

  Y’all messed up, too.

  You were wrong about ME.

  I was

  smart

  talented

  enough.

  But I guess it’s too late, huh?

  Especially since I am here:

  On this plane,

  in this box.

  Flying VIP

  doesn’t always mean

  first-class seat.

  Sometimes it means

  boarding first on the plane

  hidden away from eyes,

  ears,

  tears

  that will surely come if passengers

  see ramp agents

  loading dead bodies

  in bottom bunks.

  Final destination: Stroyan Funeral Home, Milford, PA

  Will

  Ma

  and

  Gwen

  and

  Tía Esme

  and

  Dali

  and

  Shak

  and the Browns

  and

  all of Brooklyn

  and

  Shohola

  be there

  waiting for me?

  Can you make sure of it, Papi?

  And when we’re all together again,

  will you play our special song?

  You know the one, right?

  EIGHTEEN-YEAR-OLD PROTÉGÉ OF SEAN “MERCURY” ELLIS SHOT DURING SUSPECTED HOME INVASION

  Funeral planned post-Christmas holiday

  R&B STAR QUESTIONED IN ROBBERY/MURDER AT ATLANTA HOME

  Atlanta PD confirms Ellis cleared as a suspect

  MEGA PRODUCER SEAN “MERCURY” ELLIS, SET TO CONTINUE FILMING MOVIE

  R&B star back to work after mourning the death of his soon-to-debut protégé, Denver Lee Lafleur

  FOUR YOUNG WOMEN, ALLEGED VICTIMS OF SEAN “MERCURY” ELLIS, DENY ACCUSATIONS OF BEING HELD CAPTIVE

  Rumors surface they were paid off

  Grief

  There is no cure,

  no magic pill,

  no on or off button

  It comes at will,

  sits still deep within,

  a keeper of sorts,

  With a mind of its own

  it tells you how long to stay,

  three months in this case,

  surrounded by

  mountains

  and

  tears

  and

  family

  and

  H

  O

  M

  E.

  But it will also

  tell you when to let go,

  move on,

  A silent, gentle whisper

  that reminds you (Gwen)

  of the gift that had been waiting

  all along …

  Gwendolyn Lafleur, R.A.

  Dartmouth College

  1256 Hinman

  Hanover, New Hampshire 03755

  Dear Gwen,

  I can already FEEL you side-eyeing me!

  I’m sure I’m gonna spend a long time paying for the worry I put you, Ma, and Papi through.

  But I did get to live out some part of my dream at least. And I’m nowhere near done.

  Merc tried to break me. Tried to take away my talent, my voice, my music. But what I’m gonna take from him will be far worse.

  That’s why I need you to hold on to this package for me. Please don’t tell Ma and Papi. I’ll explain everything when I get there. You got me, right? Last time. Promise.

  See you soon,

  Denny

  MURDER INVESTIGATION INTO THE DEATH OF DENVER LEE LAFLEUR REOPENED AFTER DAMNING VIDEO EVIDENCE SENT TO ATLANTA PD

  R&B STAR SEAN “MERCURY” ELLIS ARRESTED IN HIS HOME. MISSING GIRL DALISAY GÓMEZ FOUND IN BASEMENT WITH BABY.

  VIRAL AFTER DEATH: DISGRACED R&B STAR’S MURDER VICTIM’S ORIGINAL SONG, “I’M THROUGH,” DEBUTS AT #1 ON THE CHARTS

  They say the greatest love stories

  begin as a cliché

  boy meets girl

  boy and girl fall in love

  and they live

  happily

  ever

  after

  But that’s not how our story

  goes went

  One day,

  when

  the wounds

  have healed

  and her ghost

  subsides,

  I will tell you a story,

  of two girls lost in the fire,

  set by

  El Cuco …

  the monster

  with the fangs

  and claws

  and tiny hands

  hidden in deep pockets,

  how he cast his web

  put a spell on me us

  and weav
ed and weaved

  until I we almost had nothing left.

  But for now,

  I gotta go.

  My baby girl,

  Denver Lee Gómez,

  needs her mami.

  There’s a certain relief that washes over me every time I type those magical words: the end.

  I’m not sure I felt that this time around. I worried for the characters, for the families impacted, and more importantly, I still worry for the real-life Denvers and Dalis of the world.

  So, I begin these acknowledgments by saying: I see you. In some ways, I am you. But above all, I believe you. And I know I’m not the only one. There’s a whole village waiting to rise up and stand by your side.

  On this journey of writing Muted, I was blessed with an incredible village of my own, who listened and guided me through the most difficult piece I’ve written to date.

  First and foremost, giving all honor and glory to God, I thank Him for steadfastness, family, and faith.

  To my endless love, Nasser Charles. We rise, we fall, but through it all, we have each other (and Sebas, of course). Thank you for protecting my peace and being my ears whenever I needed them.

  Christopher Sebastian Charles, everything I do is for you. I pray that you grow into a man who will always stand up for what’s right and speak out against the wrongs. I love you more than words can say.

  Mom, Daddy, Tony, and Rae (so sorry I snagged your future daughter’s name, but I couldn’t resist!). I cherish our family bond and am eternally grateful for your love and belief in me.

  To my agent-therapist, Lara Perkins. Your enthusiasm for this book is what kept me afloat. Thank you for guiding me through some really tough moments in writing and revising Muted. You kept me sane and focused on what mattered most. Next book, I promise to be less dramatic!

  #TeamScholastic: You sure know how to make a girl feel special! Liza Baker, thank you for making sure that Muted landed into the caring hands of David Levithan and Amanda Maciel.

  Amanda, it’s been a real joy and honor working with you on this project. You pushed me to heights I didn’t think I could reach. A million thank-yous will never be enough.

  Additional thanks to the other members of my Scholastic team: Ellie Berger, Talia Seidenfeld, Erin Berger, Rachel Feld, Lauren Donovan, Sydney Tillman, Elizabeth Parisi, Maeve Norton, Baily Crawford, and Melissa Schirmer. Big thanks to my talented cover artist, Adekunle Adeleke, and to model Jaycina Almond and photographer Ryan Stokes for the cover inspiration.

  To my booking agent, Sarah Azibo, thank you for championing my work and taking the best care of me during my author travels.

  There is no book without extra eyes to put me in check. My mother, Jennifer Carlisle-Peters, never disappoints. I can always count on you, Mom, to read my work, split my ego into teeny pieces, and put it back together again, ha! I love you.

  To Sasha Baynes, I will forever be grateful to you for you coming to my house week after week during the summer of 2019 with your ink pen (lol!). You read every word, every page, start to finish, many, many times and ripped this manuscript down to the studs. You’re a real one, sis!

  To my word & poem count buddies, Stephanie Jones and Kelly Calabrese. Those daily check-ins (and vent sessions!) got us to the finish line. Onward!

  Also, big thanks to author Kaija Langley for early reads of Muted. Your keen eye, particularly on Denver and Dali, meant the world to me. I pray I’ve done them justice.

  To my family and friends who endured my endless vetting on all things Haitian and Dominican. Fallon Dumont-Sajous, Gwen Charles, Dr. Jennifer Charles, France Cortez, Amy Scott, Leslie Mondesir, Stephanie Amaro, and Kinsky Mora. Mèsi anpil! ¡Mil gracias!

  A huge thank-you to the professionals who allowed me to ask questions and fact-checked so that I could give a credible depiction of what Denver and Dali experienced:

  Officer Giuliana Alessandri, Elizabeth Police Department

  Reginald Sconiers, former funeral director

  Captain Adam Stravinsky, pilot

  And finally, to my mentors for this book, two of the GOATS of this industry: Margarita Engle, 2017–2019 Young People’s Poet Laureate Emeritus, and award-winning illustrator Floyd Cooper. I am honored and humbled, and I promise to pay the kindness forward.

  Tami Charles is the critically acclaimed author of numerous books for young readers, including Like Vanessa and Becoming Beatriz. In her teens and early twenties, Tami enjoyed a taste of fame as a member of an all-girl R&B trio. They performed for Boyz II Men, BET, Showtime at the Apollo, and had a one-hit wonder on the radio. Those were the good old days! Tami’s adult years would lead her to the classroom, where she worked as an educator for thirteen years before pursuing her childhood dream of becoming an author. For more information on Tami and her books, visit tamiwrites.com.

  Copyright © 2021 by Tami Charles

  All rights reserved. Published by Scholastic Press, an imprint of Scholastic Inc., Publishers since 1920. SCHOLASTIC, SCHOLASTIC PRESS, and associated logos are trademarks and/or registered trademarks of Scholastic Inc.

  The publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available

  First edition, February 2021

  Cover art © 2021 by Adekunle Adeleke

  Cover design by Maeve Nortan

  Author photo by Krisann Binetti

  e-ISBN 978-1-338-67353-1

  All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of the publisher. For information regarding permission, write to Scholastic Inc., Attention: Permissions Department, 557 Broadway, New York, NY 10012.