by Bijou Hunter
“Yep. She’s excited to know you like school, so she wants you to have a great teacher.”
Kori looks around as if waiting for the trick. Her entire face shifts into joy before returning quickly to that of a sullen teenager.
“Don’t worry about the kids here,” I say. “You’ll make friends.”
Still pouting, Kori picks up a rock and throws it into the bushes. “Okay.”
“Hey, let me show you something.”
“No,” she says warily, and I wonder how many perverts have thrown out that same line.
Doubling down on the pedophile vibe, I add, “I’ll give you five bucks.”
“No.”
Before Kori can bolt, I grab her by the arm and sweep her little body up and onto my shoulders. In a panic, she doesn’t think to jump down since I’m six-foot-fucking-four inches off the ground. Rover watches the entire thing without moving a muscle. He really is an awful guard dog.
“I want down,” she says, wobbling on my shoulders.
“Settle your crazy, kid, and look around.”
“I’m going to fall.”
“Hold onto my hair to steady yourself.”
“You don’t have hair!” she squeals, and Rover whines.
“Oh, yeah, I keep forgetting I shaved it. Just grab my Dumbo ears then.”
Kori punishes me for scaring her by gripping my ears until I think they’ll tear off. Within a few seconds, she stops squirming and looks around.
“The world looks different from up there, doesn’t it?”
“Uh-huh,” she says in a quiet voice.
“When I was little, I got scared sometimes when I was around my dad’s friends. They were huge and loud, and I thought one of them was going to hurt me.”
“Did they?”
“No, but I was still scared because I was little, and the world is scary when you’re small. The secret is one day you won’t be small anymore, and the world won’t be as scary.”
“I’m a girl like Mama and Stella. They get scared all the time.”
“Yeah, but they can also do stuff kids can’t. They have power that you don’t. Just remember that one day, you’ll be big and powerful like me.”
“I don’t want to be bald,” she says and smacks my head. “You should have hair.”
“I was too pretty with hair. Gorgeous like a beauty model.”
Returning her to the ground, I’m relieved to see her little smile. “Don’t forget to enjoy being a kid. It might be scary, but it’s temporary. Right now, you can play and say dumb stuff, and no one cares. Being a grown-up is better in some ways, but sucks in others.”
Kori nods, but her mind is on my head. “What color is your hair?”
“Yellow like Stella’s.”
“It’s called blond.”
“No, I don’t think it is,” I say and hand her a five-dollar bill. “I keep my word. A lot of people don’t, but I’m not other people.”
Kori stares at the cash for a long time. Then she shoves it into her pocket and looks around. “I gotta spend it. People take money if you keep it.”
“Like how Rod took your mom’s money?”
Her little frown returns, and I know one day she’ll be a ball breaker. The kid is already pissed at the world. I don’t envy the assholes who try standing in her way.
“You’re not like him,” she finally says.
“No, I’m not.”
“But you’re not family.”
Frowning, I kneel down, so we’re eye level. “Stella is my woman, and Rae is like her sister, so that makes you my niece. That means we’re family.”
“But the bike man is real family.”
“You mean Rod?” I grumble. “Naw, he ain’t my family.”
Kori’s gaze hints at the fear hiding behind all her anger. The world hasn’t been kind to this kid, her mom, or Auntie Stella. When Kori looks at people, she sees threats. I don’t think she views me that way anymore, but she’s still wary.
“Whatcha thinking about?” I ask when she stares at me.
“I can’t say. It’s a secret.”
“Whose secret?”
“Mom and Stella’s. They said we can’t say because we’re not your family.”
“But now you are.”
Kori scans the hot day, finding no one except us. Her blue eyes return to my face. “Rod is bad.”
“I know he is.”
“Are you gonna let him put me in the dumpster?”
Her words are like a slap in the face. Temper rising, I whisper, “No one is ever hurting you, or I’ll set them on fire.”
“Really?” she asks, looking amused by the idea.
“Or I’ll punch his face until he’s dead. I don’t know how I’ll kill him, but no one messes with my family.”
Kori’s lower lip trembles. “He said he’ll put us in a dumpster and no one will care. You’ll care, right?”
“He said this when?”
“It’s a secret.”
“But I should know your secret. That’s why you want to tell me.”
“He’s going to kill my mom,” she whimpers.
“No, Kori, he won’t. I promise.”
“But you’ll get bored. He said you won’t care.”
“He’s a liar.”
“Maybe you’re a liar,” she growls, full of anger again.
“Do you think I’m a liar?”
Kori refuses to cry, but it’s a losing battle. “What if he comes here? Will the dog keep Mom safe? I want a dog that eats bad people.”
“Rod won’t come here. He’s scared of Gram.”
Even crying, Kori finds this funny. “She’s small.”
“Her guns and dogs aren’t.”
Nodding, Kori takes my hand. “Can I have a gun?”
“When you’re bigger.”
“But he’s coming now!” she cries in a panic.
My mind wonders if Stella tried to tell me about Rod and I just didn’t listen? Or had she not trusted me with the truth?
“Did the asshole say those things when he hurt your mom or when he gave you back the money?”
“The money one. He hurt Stella,” she says, wrapping her small hands around my throat to show me. “He wants to hurt her more. We need to shoot him.”
I should say something reassuring, but I’m so fucking pissed that I know my words will come out in a nasty growl. The kid will think I hate her instead of Rod. So I take a full minute to get my rage under control before I speak.
“Remember what I said about you having fun being a kid?” I ask and wipe a tear from her flushed cheek. “That’s what you need to do. You’re a kid, so you have fun while I do the ugly stuff. I already got to be a kid. Let me handle Rod.”
“You love Stella.”
“Yes, and I love you and Rae too. You’re my family, and no one fucks with my family.”
Kori backs away and wipes her face. “Rod isn’t as big as you.”
“No, and he’s weak. That’s why he hurts girls because he’s too scared to hurt a man,” I say, swallowing my resurging rage. “I’m going to make him scared a lot before he dies.”
Exhaling unsteadily, Kori nods. “It’s okay that I told you the secret. Mom and Stella said you weren’t family, and we needed to be quiet, but I told, and that’s okay.”
“It’s good that you told me. That way, I can take care of my family.”
Kori smiles now, and I swear she turns into a new kid. “I’m going to get a good teacher for first grade. I can learn to read better and be smart. I want a job with lots of money, and I can take care of Mom.”
“You’re a sweet kid, Kori. If anyone ever messes with you, I want you to tell me. Even if it’s a stupid kid at school, you tell me, and we’ll figure stuff out. No secrets.”
Bouncing around now, she forgets all about Rod and only wants to know if she’ll see my mom at school. While I wait for Stella, Kori and I talk about what I remember from Ellsberg Elementary. She’s interested in the library and art class. The k
id really digs school—such a nerd—but I remember Mom saying going to class as a kid was her chance to be someone else. Since I never wanted to be anyone besides Colton Kirk Johansson, I didn’t care if I went to school or stayed home.
Despite Kori’s improved mood, I’m a man barely holding onto his rage. Very soon now, Rodney Sanders will come to understand how my family trumps his. It’ll be the last fucking lesson he ever learns.
THE UNWANTED
Finding Colt and Kori at the bottom of the stairs, I’m struck by the fantasy of him one day chatting with our child. A shiver rolls over me, and my breath catches. As soon as I was old enough to realize I’d never get a real family as a kid, I started dreaming of having one as an adult. Now I’m so close, but I still fear dreaming too big.
Every day, Colt surprises me with his kindness and humor. I also find myself constantly startled by his good looks as if I never remember him as handsome as he is in real life.
His lips find mine as soon as I reach the bottom step, but there’s something off about his kiss. Do I remember our embraces wrong too? Does my brain process memories as badly as it does words on a page?
Kori says goodbye as she runs past me. I’m relieved at her joyful expression. The trip to the school left her grumpy. I don’t blame her since the kids in the front office were brats. I should have said something to them, but I was afraid to make the situation worse. It’s my usual M.O., though my decision to attack Rod’s motorcycle certainly improved life.
Riding on the back of Colt’s bike, I love the sweaty scent of his skin. It’s too bad the shower at the house isn’t big enough for us both. Then I could wash him down just like I did in last night’s dirty dream.
I’m still grinning about my fantasy when we arrive at the house. Colt carries my bag inside, sets it on the kitchen counter, and gestures for me to sit at the table. His demeanor is all wrong, and I lose my smile.
“We need to talk,” Colt says, crossing his arms.
I panic instantly. I’ve known this moment was coming. It always does, but I thought I had more time. It’s too soon.
“I’m not ready,” I sob as days of fear rise up in me in a single breath. “I can’t yet.”
Colt’s frown shifts. Maybe he’s confused. Perhaps, my hysterics annoy him. I can’t read his expression because the pain is too great.
It’s over. He saw what others see. Our time was a fun lark, but he’s done. The words—I love you—were what he always says.
Or worse! He did love me, and I ruined it. I said something wrong. Did something wrong. Failed in some way that made him realize I wasn’t worth his time.
“I’m sorry,” I cry, backing away from him. “I can change.”
I’ll beg. Pride is overrated. For Colt, I’ll crawl on the floor and plead for more time. Just one more chance to prove I’m enough.
Except I’m not. Colt is too good for me. That was obvious from day one. I never understood why he wanted me. Sex? I’d have given it to him immediately. He didn’t even need to be nice to me.
But he was so gentle, so beyond anything I’d never known. I started believing he was special enough to overcome how I wasn’t special at all.
Now it’s over, and I can’t breathe. I don’t know if I even want to take another breath if the rest of my life is without him.
“Stella, calm down,” he says and reaches for me.
“It doesn’t have to be forever. Just don’t end things yet. I’m not ready.”
Through my tears, I see Colt move in my direction. I flinch, afraid he’s throwing me out. I shouldn’t have cried. I could have fixed things if I stayed calm, but now he’s sick of my whining. I’ve made things worse.
Colt picks me up, and I cry out. I don’t fight him, though. I ruined this blessing, and I deserve his rejection. He should throw me away. I was stupid to think I could keep him.
“Nothing is ending,” he says, and I realize we’re in the living room. He’s on the couch, and I’m on his lap. “Calm down and think about how much I love you. Why would I ever want to give that up?”
My mind swims. He still loves me? It’s not over. I hear the words, but they don’t match what I believe. I was so sure he was done with me. He says he’s not, but I’d been so certain. I’m not sure of anything now.
“I don’t know,” is all I can say.
“I know you don’t because your life was full of losers. They hurt you and abandoned you, but that’s because they sucked. I don’t suck, now do I?”
Forcing a smile, I shake my head. “No.”
“That’s why I’ll never let you go. I’m a special guy, and I deserve a special girl. That’s only you, Stella.”
My earlier fear leaves me exhausted. Even with the pain subsiding, I’m emptied out. I still feel as if my heart’s been torn apart. Then his fingers touch my face. There’s heat behind his eyes—anger, fear, desire. Colt needs me to believe in us.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I don’t think a time will ever come when I don’t think you’re too good for me.”
“Challenge accepted,” he says and kisses me. Not a tender embrace, Colt owns me completely. I’m an extension of him. Our lips are one. Our tongues join. We’re in sync, and he leaves me stunned in the best way. “I’m never leaving you,” he says as almost a threat. “Don’t try making me.”
I smile weakly. “I won’t.”
Colt wraps his arms around my shivering body and watches me with his smoky eyes. “Did Rod threaten you when he dropped off the money?”
Thinking to lie, I accept he wouldn’t ask if he didn’t know the answer. “Yes.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Back then, I didn’t know you yet.” Colt frowns at my answer. “He was in your club, and I was just some girl you’d met.”
“But that changed quickly.”
“I didn’t want to cause trouble.”
“You can’t keep secrets from me, Stella. Not to protect me or anyone else. I know you can’t understand, but I grew up with a family who blurts out shit constantly. We all knew each other’s business. That’s why Lily’s secret boyfriend was such a big shock. The Johanssons keep mum with outsiders, but we never keep secrets from each other.”
“I understand.”
“No, you don’t, but you’ll learn,” he says, stroking my hair. “That openness isn’t what you’ve known in your life. I do get that, but you’re a Johansson now. No more secrets.”
Colt kisses me again. Hard. Demanding. Needing me to submit. For the first time, I realize he’s scared after my outburst. My terror must have seemed so random. Now he’s uneasy even as he works to calm me.
“How did you find out?” I ask as my thumb caresses his full lips.
“I can’t tell you.” When I gasp at him keeping secrets, he smiles. “Kori told me.”
“She was mad that I didn’t tell you.”
“I’m mad too.”
I stare at him, unsure of how to handle his anger. Colt kisses my cheek and then nuzzles my nose.
“I’ll deal with Rod.”
“What if that makes it worse?”
“Even if he stays away from you, Rae, and Kori, he’ll hurt someone else. Once a man gets a taste for hurting women and kids, he won’t stop. My pop-pop said a man like that needs to be put down like you would a rabid dog. Only a bullet will fix what’s wrong with them.”
I’m terrified Rod will hurt Colt. Not that the loser could beat him in a fair fight. Of course, he’ll cheat, and Colt could die. Revenge isn’t worth losing his life over. Neither is protecting me, but there’s no convincing Colt. He’s a man raised with certain beliefs, and nothing I say will change his mind.
THE HEIR
Stella’s meltdown scares the ever-loving shit out of me. I’m so focused on us sitting down so I can get the details about Rod that I’m unprepared for her turning into an emotional wreck.
How can she think we’re over? I mean I texted her twenty times today just because I get squirrely when sh
e isn’t around. I’ve done absolutely nothing to hide my feelings for her. Am I too honest? If I played shit cool, would she trust me more? Or is she so fucked up in the head that she can’t trust anyone?
Once she settles down, Stella returns to the mellow chick I’m hooked on. She asks if she can take a quick shower to cool off.
“I wish the shower were big enough for us both,” she says at the foot of the stairs. “Maybe the place we get together will have one with more room.”
“Oh, Stella,” I mumble, adjusting my dick that nearly springs free at the sound of her words, “the things we’ll do in that shower.”
Giggling, she hurries upstairs before I can rub my sweaty stink all over her. The second I hear the shower running, I dial Pop who answers sounding distracted.
“What’s up?” he asks.
“If Rod and I ever share a room, I’m killing him. You should prepare for that.”
“You already told me that.”
“Yeah, but I was mostly talking shit. Or at least I thought I could control myself enough to only beat him into a lifetime in a wheelchair. Now I know I can’t.”
“What changed?”
“Nothing that I shouldn’t have known already. So, hey, is Mom with you?”
“Yeah, we’re at dinner.”
“Put her on.”
“We’re enjoying dinner,” Pop says, hinting that I’m about to cock-block him.
“I need relationship advice. Either I ask Mom, or I’m calling Aunt Tawny.”
“Cold,” he growls, knowing as soon as I get off the phone with my aunt that she’ll call her sister and that conversation might last an hour. Even if Mom doesn’t take the call, she’ll keep wondering what Tawny needs rather than paying attention to Pop.
“You’ll thank me when I give you beautiful grandchildren.”
“Fine, but keep it short.”
“So horny,” I taunt as he hands over the phone to Mom.
“Are you okay, baby?”
“Stella’s messed up,” I announce, “and I don’t know if I should be doing something different to make her trust me.”
“Messed up how?”
“She thought I was going to dump her,” I say and then add in a voice that only a mother could appreciate, “She cried.”