by Tia Sirrah
"This is perfect. Thank you."
"You can stay as long as you like. Okay?"
"I'll be out of your hair by morning."
"You can stay as long as you like," she repeated, before turning back the covers. "Javier makes breakfast at seven sharp. If you don't want to join us, I'll bring it up to you later."
"Seriously. Thank you, cousin."
Novalee squeezed my hand. "Can I get you anything? Are you hungry?"
"No, I'm okay. I think I"ll take a hot bubble bath and call it a night."
"Well, I'm here if you want to talk. I'm not going to sleep anytime soon," she said as she rubbed her belly.
"Babies keeping you up?"
"Every night. They're never asleep at the same time."
"Probably just a preview for what's to come," I teased.
"Ugh. Don't scare me."
We both laughed, but her smile faltered as our conversation stalled. "Text me if you need me, okay? Any time."
"Okay." I could feel my eyes start to tear up as I smiled at her.
"Awww, cousin," she cooed as we hugged.
I walked her to the door, and we hugged again.
"Love you, cousin," she said at the threshold.
"Love you more, cousin."
∞∞∞
I BLOCKED QUENTIN'S NUMBER from my phone after his unanswered calls and text messages became incessant. It had been four days since he walked out of my house, dejected and as broken as I was. It had been four days since I looked into his eyes. Four days since he'd been inside of me.
As I soaked neck-deep in the spa bathtub, I mourned the feel of Quentin's lips, the sound of his voice, the taste of his tongue, the feel of his cock, and the tenderness that shone in his eyes every time he looked at me. I mourned his company. His laughs. His smile. His comfort. Our long talks while looking up at the stars.
I had no idea how I was going to get through the rest of forever without him. Could I really do this again? Nine years without him hadn't been an easy feat. Though I had become an expert at distracting myself with exotic trips, fast cars, cute boyfriends, and thrilling sexual experiences, I still felt empty, like something was missing. In truth, he was missing. Quentin was always my missing piece. My first love. My only love. Life without him now seemed utterly daunting. Doable, but unexceptional. Trying to find meaningless distractions would now be pointless. Trying to get over him was tragically laughable.
I mindlessly dried myself off with a warm towel and slipped on the terry cloth robe that Novalee had left for me in the bathroom. I smiled to myself when I saw my initials embroidered in purple thread along the breast pocket of the robe. No doubt Novalee had stitched the initials herself.
Padding over to the balcony doors, I closed the drapes and let the darkness of the room swallow me whole, before climbing under the covers and staring at the crystal chandelier over my bed.
Tears spilled out of the corners of my eyes onto the satin pillowcase. Before I knew it, sobs escaped my throat, causing me to roll over and press my face into the pillow to stifle the sound of my cries. Over my sobs, I heard the creak of the bedroom door, and I soon smelled Novalee's apple shampoo. "I'm here, cousin," she whispered, and I felt a slight dip in the bed as she pulled the covers back to join me.
I lifted my head from my pillow and took the offered kleenex from her hand. After wiping the snot off of my face, I sat up in bed beside her. She didn't say a word. Just held my hand and wiped my tears with a fresh kleenex. After my tears subsided, I gathered my knees up to my chest and leaned my head against her shoulder.
Novalee was a godsend, an angel on earth. She wanted to be my silent rock, and I decided, for once, to let her. I told her about Hunter. I told her about the affair between my mother and Quentins' dad. I told her about our feuding families, and how Quentin left me all those years ago, and now it was me leaving him. I even told her about my infertility.
At some point, as we hugged and cried together, Conner came to the threshold and gently closed the door.
∞∞∞
NOVALEE LOOKED LIKE A goddess of fertility as she walked towards me in her ocean blue kimono, with her wild curls stretching out in all directions like a lion's mane. We were out back in her spectacular backyard, which resembled a five-star resort. She handed me a mug of steaming hot cocoa as I sat on the sofa in front of the modern firepit, which spun on a suspended axis. The multicolor flames were mesmerizing and therapeutic.
"This smells good. Thank you, cousin," I said as I untucked my legs and took a sip of the hot cocoa. Jill Scott's You Don't Know played from the outdoor speakers and literally seeped into my entire being, causing chills to run down my spine.
Novalee sat down beside me in that unceremonious way that pregnant women do, and I couldn't help but smile at her as she did so. We sat silent for a while, drinking our hot cocoa and listening to Jill's words of pain and wisdom. The sun had set long ago, and Conner had made himself scarce by going over to Quentin's penthouse for poker with the fellas. It made me happy that Quentin was spending time with his friends, and not moping around like I was. It had been four days since I showed up on Novalee's doorstep, and I knew my time was up. I couldn't hide out here forever. I had a job I had to get back to, and a new life I needed to get used to.
"I spoke with Conner. And he agrees with me. You can stay as long as you want."
"I appreciate you guys. But I can't stay here forever. You two need your privacy and rest, especially before the babies get here."
"There's more than enough room in this behemoth of a house for the three of us. So take your time, cousin."
I reached for her hand. "You're awesome. And that man of yours surprisingly is, too."
"Don’t tell anyone," she teased. "He likes people to think he's still the grade A asshole he used to be."
"His secret is safe with me. Cross my heart." Our laughter soon died down. "Is Hunter usually included in their poker nights?"
She nodded. "Usually." Novalee took a sip of her hot cocoa before asking, "Do you think he's going to show up? I mean, he knows you told Quentin."
I shrugged. "I don't know. I'm driving myself crazy thinking about it."
"You can't drive yourself crazy thinking about their inevitable meeting. They're friends. It's going to happen sooner or later. There's nothing you can do to stop it."
"Why did I sleep with him? What was I thinking?"
"You weren't."
I groaned.
"I'm not judging you, Fatima. I only meant that if you had thought things through with a clear, sober mind, you and Hunter would have never hooked up. But you were tipsy, vulnerable, and hurting. You made a mistake. And now it's time for you to forgive yourself."
"But I did this, Novalee! I hurt Quentin! And I hurt Hunter!"
"Hunter was a willing accomplice in this, am I right?"
"Yes," I reluctantly admitted.
"And you didn't know he was in love with you."
"But I'm not that girl. I’m not that chick who comes between two friends."
"The man you loved was marrying someone else. And not just anyone. But Amy." I set my hot cocoa down on the ground and slumped back on the sofa. "No one would blame you for hooking up with someone, giving those circumstances. Not even Quentin would blame you for that. The fact that it was Hunter complicates things. Just like the fact that Quentin married Amy complicated things. But you're not a bad person. Neither is Hunter. And neither is Quentin."
She had no idea how complicated things were. She thought that I broke up with Quentin because of the strains it put on our families. She had no idea that his grandfather had my mother killed. "I'm no different than Amy."
"You are one hundred percent different than Amy," she said firmly. "Some of us make mistakes, and some of us deliberately try to hurt people. Amy, my then-best friend, tried to sleep with my boyfriend behind my back. While I was in the next room," she emphasized. "Now that's low down dirty. You, my dear cousin, are not low down dirty."
"
Okay, you're right. That was fucked up."
"So messed up."
"But I made the first move with Hunter. Deep down, I knew he was attracted to me, and I knew that the chances were low that he would turn me down. I was so mad that Quentin chose Amy, and I wanted to do the one thing that I knew would hurt the fucking tin man. So you see, I deliberately set out to hurt Quentin. Even though I didn't think he would ever know. Sleeping with Hunter was like my 'fuck you' to Quentin. Horrible and pathetic, I know."
"It's not pathetic. It's human."
"It's foul as fuck."
"It was just one time, right? You and Hunter didn't hook up again."
"It was just that one night. But many, many times."
She half-cringed, and half-smiled. "I’m about to ask you something that is so inappropriate," she warned. "And you don't have to answer me. But if you do, I promise we never have to speak of this again."
"It was good. Really good."
Novalee's eyes widened like they always did whenever I told her something juicy about my sexual exploits. But these days, now that she was in a committed relationship with Conner 'fuckboy" Brathwaite, her inhibitions probably surpassed mine. Probably. Almost. Okay, maybe in a few more years.
"Okay, I have to ask," she started, as she chewed on her bottom lip. "And be honest with yourself."
"Okay," I drawled, but I knew where she was going with this. I had already asked myself the same question and was sure of my answer.
"Do you have feelings for Hunter?"
"I care about him. Probably more than I should, now that we know each other in the biblical sense. But I don't love him. He's not the one."
"Is Quentin the one?"
I gave her a sad smile. "Quentin will always be the one."
Novalee leaned her head on my shoulder, and I leaned my head into hers. "What are you going to do, cousin? I feel like it's not over between you and Quentin. What you guys have, it's the real deal."
"It's over. It has to be."
We both let out a sigh.
∞∞∞
I STIRRED AWAKE TO the feel of a warm blanket being wrapped around my shoulders. Conner.
"Where's Novalee?" I asked. I blinked my eyes a few times and adjusted to the surroundings around me. The firepit was recently extinguished, and the temperature outside was nippy.
"I just carried her up to bed."
"Awww," I said on a yawn. "Look at you. Being all chivalrous," I teased. "But don't get any ideas. I'm perfectly capable of walking."
"Yeah…that thought never crossed my mind. I was just going to let your ass sleep outside," he deadpanned before the closest thing that resembled a smirk twitched his lips.
"Ha. Ha," I mocked, before sitting up on the sofa.
Conner sat down beside. "You cause a shit ton of trouble. You know that?" My smile instantly fell, and my eyes began to tear up. Conner noticed my instant mood change and winced. "Shit, my bad. I was joking. I mean, not really. But still. My bad."
"Apologies don't look good on you, Conner. Just lay it on me," I said as I drew my knees up to my chest. "Did Hunter show up for poker?"
"He did," he answered matter of factly.
"Fuck." I buried my face in the palms of my hands. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."
"Yeah, I heard," Conner deadpanned. "Some heads up would have been nice."
I cringed. "Heads up?"
"Oh, you know. Like 'hey Conner, by the way. I fucked Hunter, and Quentin's really pissed about it'. Something to that effect."
"Did they fight?"
"No. Not at all. They had a nice civilized conversation, and afterward, we all sang kumbaya, hugged it out, and played poker."
"Oh, my God," I groaned, ignoring his asshole remark to my stupid question. "Are they okay? Did you break it up?"
"They're fine, and eventually, yes."
"Eventually?"
"Eventually. That fight was a long time coming. Trust me. It was bound to happen. You wetting Hunter's dick just accelerated things."
"You are just as crude as you were in high school. You know that?"
He shrugged nonchalantly. "It's a gift."
"How the hell you and Novalee became relationship goals for me is still beyond me. What does she see in you, huh? " I teased, smiling through my frustration.
"I have no fucking clue. Every morning when I wake up, I ask myself how I got so lucky."
I pouted my lips. "Awww." I nudged him with my elbow. He rolled his eyes. "Did anyone get hurt tonight?"
"It was a draw. They're both pretty banged up, but the other guys and I stopped it before things got too carried away."
"I gave you a pretty hard time after the Amy fiasco. I know what you must think of me right now."
"I honestly don't give a fuck."
"Well, damn. That was harsh as hell, yet very honest."
"I don't have the mental bandwidth to get emotionally invested in your fuck ups."
"I appreciate that. I think?"
"But I will say this, and then this conversation is over because I'm getting impatient for Novalee's pussy." My jaw dropped open, but he continued as if he hadn't just said that. "Quentin's like a brother to me. And he's one of the most selfless people I know. I wish him all the best, and I think you're the only one that can make him truly happy. But this thing between you two is fucking exhausting. Either shit or get off the pot already."
"You don't know—"
"On that note, I’m out." Conner got up from the sofa and headed inside, leaving me sitting there looking stupefied. "Still an asshole," I muttered under my breath, before heading back up to the guest room.
Chapter 32
QUENTIN
"JAMES," I ANSWERED WHILE tiredly scrubbing a hand over my face. I looked over at my alarm clock. It was 1:42 in the morning. As a defense attorney, late night or early morning calls from my clients were to be expected. But the person on the other end of this call was not.
"Quentin, it's Aunt Casey."
"Aunt Casey? Hey." I sat up in bed. "Is everything alright?" Aunt Casey was my mother's baby sister and only living sibling. When I was a little boy, she'd been a constant presence in my life, even more than my own mother. She used to send me postcards from exotic places around the world and visited with me a few times a year whenever she was in town.
"Please tell me you're not having sex right now."
"No. I was asleep."
"Oh, thank God." I'd always appreciated Aunt Casey's directness. Many who knew her were often caught unawares by her no-filter, no-bullshit approach. And due to my recent restless nights, thirty-four days without Fatima, and a hangover from hell, I too, was caught off guard by her bluntness.
"What's wrong?"
"It's your mother. She's sick."
I flung the covers off and swung my legs over the edge of the bed. "What do you mean sick?"
Aunt Casey muttered a string of curse words. "I didn't know. I would have called you sooner, but I thought you already knew." More curse words followed.
"Aunt Casey." I interrupted her tirade. "Tell me what's going on."
"She has lung cancer."
It was if the world tilted on its axis, and my equilibrium shifted, even as I sat. I gripped my hair to the point of pain and squeezed my eyes shut.
"I was away in Greece for a month and hadn't checked in with her in a while. When I got back to the states, I tried calling her and left a bunch of messages on her cell and house phone. Three days ago, her housekeeper, Greta, called me back. Adeline was admitted to the hospital due to a nasty infection from her chemo port."
I jumped out of bed and started throwing shit in a suitcase. "I'm on my way."
"Okay. And I'm here with her."
"What's the name of the hospital?"
"She's home now in Honolulu."
"Why the hell isn’t she still in the hospital?"
"She wanted to come home," she sniffled. "Kiddo?" Aunt Casey hadn't called me 'kiddo' since I was a little boy.
I stopped in my
tracks. "Yeah?"
"She has stage four cancer, and it's pretty aggressive."
I slumped against my bedroom wall and slid down to the floor.
She continued. "She's refused to continue with the treatments."
Drawing my knees up to my chest, I lowered my head as I gripped the back of my neck.
"Quentin? Sweetie, are you there?"
"Yeah. I'm here." I cleared my throat, trying desperately to fold within myself and not feel. But it wasn't working. I was completely wrecked. "Thank you for calling me. Tell her that I love her, and I'm on my way."
"Okay. See you soon."
∞∞∞
WITH TATTOO SLEEVES, A lip piercing, and long pink hair, Aunt Casey was considered a free spirit and the black sheep of the Belcourt family. She and her two husbands, Niko and Alex, spent six months out of the year traveling around the world, and the other six months living on a yacht in San Diego.
"Hey, kiddo." Aunt Casey stood on her tippy toes to hug me.
"Kiddo? Really?" I leaned down to embrace her.
"You'll always be my kiddo, even if you are a giant."
"And you'll always be my favorite aunt. Even if you are a munchkin."
"I better be. Your dad's sisters are some icy bitches," she laughed, through tear pricked eyes.
"True," I agreed. I looked past her towards the front door. "How's she doing today?"
"Today's a good day. She was able to eat some broth and keep it down, and the pain meds are doing their job." I pinched the bridge of my nose and let out a sigh. Aunt Casey squeezed my hand. "This is what she wanted. She was pretty adamant."
I gave a curt nod and a slight smile.
"I'm going to head to the market and pick up a few things. I'll be back in an hour."
"Aunt Casey," I called out as she started to walk away.