Sure, it had been accidental, but hey, he’d take any excuse to touch her. He’d wanted to since the first moment he’d seen her in that classroom. It had been an intensive summer course on US history, made more intense with her presence in his class.
Last night, when they’d danced, he’d kept a respectable amount of space between them, despite his body urging him to pull her closer. It was torment having her so close, but unable to touch her in all the ways he wanted.
A moment ago—a highly charged moment—he thought they’d kiss. It took all his willpower not to bend down and go for it while she looked up at him with eyes wide and lips parted. But he couldn’t take her and kiss her senseless in the middle of the cat shelter, even though it seemed like a damn good idea.
But hell, when her breast rubbed against his arm, he tried not to moan in pleasure like some goddamn frotteur on the train. If he affected her, just a fraction of how she affected him, they’d be lucky to get out of there today without going at it against the fence.
What was wrong with him? He was reacting to her like a horny teenager hit by a mass of hormones.
Once Vivi left the gated enclosure, he forced himself to get in check. After all, he was in there to wash his hands, not to take her right there, cupping her ass as he lifted her off the ground surrounded by supplies for cat care. Hardly a romantic setting.
Focus. Stop getting distracted by things that will most definitely not be happening right now.
“This is the main area,” she said, bringing him back to the matter at hand. As they walked, she pointed out the large room filled with cat trees, toys, and litter boxes. “You’ve been here before, right?”
Memories from when he’d visited with his mom when he was younger returned. “It’s been a long time. Some things look familiar, but at the same time, a lot has changed.”
Vivi tilted her head. “It’s kind of cute seeing you here.”
“Why?”
“You know, seeing a big, tough Marine around cute, furry cats.” She smiled.
“Says another Marine doing the same thing.”
“Well, people—” Her gaze drifted off as she appeared to search for the word.
“Suck?” he offered.
She laughed. “I wasn’t going to say that, but yes, sometimes they do.”
“My sister has a T-shirt with that printed on it,” he explained. “And that’s why you spend your time here, I guess.”
She shrugged. “Perhaps. I’ve always loved cats.”
Volunteering here had to be her escape, her sanctuary, the same as it had been for his mother. She’d pointed out the numerous physical and mental benefits of pets, such as reducing stress.
“Do you have any pets at home?” he asked Vivi.
“No.” Her smile disappeared. “Tough to find a place to rent that allows four-legged tenants, and rents are high enough as it is.”
“True.” Boston’s real estate prices could be brutal. “I’m in a housing search myself.”
“Looking long?” she asked.
The way she peered at him made his pulse zigzag.
He rolled his shoulders back, forcing his mind on the question. “I’ve only been back about six weeks. Living at home with my mom and sis and four felines. In other words, desperate to get out of there.”
She laughed again. He loved that sound and loved it even more that he was the one that made her happy.
“Did you have any cats in your house growing up?” he asked.
“Unfortunately not.” She frowned. “My mom is allergic. Once I enlisted, it wasn’t like I could have one with me in the barracks or on deployments.”
Vivi pointed to a dry erase board on the wall with photos of the cats and notes on their care. “This chart is key. You can see if they’re on a special diet or medication, or even their likes and dislikes. Volunteers update it every day. The early birds like me give them food and meds. I’m guessing you’d help more with socializing. Check these notes first and add any quirks you find for others.”
After he scanned the info on the board, noting some of the names and key points, they moved on through the main room, while cats eyed them with wariness from their perches.
“Did your mom drag you to the ball last night?” She asked. “And convince you to come here today?”
“Affirmative to the first question. Negative to the second one.”
She arched her brows with a skeptical expression as she appraised him. “You decided to volunteer on your own?”
“Of course. It gave me an opportunity to spend more time with you.”
He’d had to pull away from her back when they served in Japan, but circumstances had changed. And he was a man, not a monk.
Vivi stopped mid-step and faced him.
When he caught her beautiful eyes, he swallowed hard. He might be pushing it with coming on too strong, but why not take a chance? They were denied it in the past. He’d be a fool to miss the opportunity now.
“Back then, we did the right thing. But I never stopped thinking about you.” He resumed the pace while holding his breath. When a fluffy black cat with green eyes rubbed up against his leg, he was grateful for the reprieve in the heightened tension.
A black cat crossing his path. A sign of good luck or bad?
Good, definitely good. Black cats were misunderstood, getting an undeserved bad rep. He bent down and opened his hand, letting it come to him and sniff before he rubbed its chin.
“That’s Stella,” Vivi said.
She hadn’t replied to his admission of thinking about her. He retreated, following her lead to focus on the cats. His mom volunteered for a reason. It brought her purpose, some sort of happiness after his father had died. Had Vivi found something here after what had happened with her leg?
“I think she’s the one I voted for last night,” Jack noted.
“That’s right,” Vivi replied. “If you sit down, she’ll climb on your lap. She has no shame.”
He laughed and sat his ass on the tile. As Vivi said, Stella crawled right onto his lap. He rubbed her cheek and under her chin. “You just want a little attention is all, isn’t that right?”
Stella stared at him with her big green eyes, nudging his hand when he took a break.
He resumed the cheek rubs. “She’s a sweetheart.”
“Careful.” Vivi raised her index finger and grinned. “Or I’ll be filling out the adoption papers soon.”
“Ha, I barely know what I’m doing with my own life right now, let alone being able to commit to taking care of someone else.” He stroked her soft fur, and she purred. “She’s so friendly. I can’t believe she’s not adopted already.”
When he glanced at Vivi, the corners of her mouth turned down and a furrow mark appeared between her brows.
“She’s eight. She came here after her owner passed away last year.” Her tone lowered with concern. “It’s harder to adopt them out when they’re older. Everyone wants kittens. Sometimes they don’t realize how much work they are and bring them back. Many of them would be better off adopting an older cat.”
While he stared at her, admiring how much she cared for the animals, Stella jumped off his lap. She sauntered off with her tail in the air. He raised his hands to the side and addressed Stella with mock offense. “Was it something I said? Did I rub you the wrong way?”
Vivi laughed. “Cats are funny that way. They take what they want until they don’t want it anymore.”
That was one option. Cats would be cats. “Or I scared her off.” Searching her face, he followed up with a loaded question. “Am I scaring you off, too?” He’d been careful not to come on too strong, try to balance his advances with some humor, but it was difficult to restrain himself around her.
Vivi pursed her lips. “That’s not it. Trust me, I was very excited to see you last night, but now I wonder…” She shifted from one foot to the other. “So much time has passed, Jack. I’m not even the same person you met back in Okinawa. I was so foolish. And now…”
When she didn’t finish the sentence, he prodded her for more. “And now, what?”
She closed her eyes and reopened them. “I shouldn’t be with anyone.” She took in a deep breath and exhaled. “I know I’m not supposed to say what I’m about to, but it’s true.”
He paused, waiting and fearing what she would say next. “Say what?”
She lowered her glanced across the room. “I’m broken.”
His chest tightened. Her admission was exactly what he feared. Many service members had come home changed, or shattered in one way or another, including him. A disturbing memory wiggled loose from its shackles, rising up into his mind. The confusion, the helplessness, the guilt.
He shoved it back down. This wasn’t time to feel sorry for himself.
Seeing that lost look on her face tugged at him in a way nothing else had before. Vivi, once so vibrant, now suffering.
“No, I don’t believe it,” he said in a gentle tone. “You’re still you.”
She gestured at her leg. “I’m twenty-two, but sometimes my leg gets so stiff, I move like I’m eighty.”
He took a step closer to her and brushed his fingers against her hand. “Sure, your physical abilities may have changed, but you are still the same amazing person you have always been. You have the same heart and the same core. Sometimes it takes time to remember that, but those important things don’t change.”
She raised her gaze to meet his. “It’s easy for you to say. You’re whole. Not marred by a flash that changed your life in an instant. And it’s more than just physical repercussions—there’s insomnia, nightmares, anxiety…”
It was all a mask. If she saw inside his head, she’d see how lost he was, confused. Wandering about, haunted by ghosts.
Raw pain flickered in her eyes. He guessed she didn’t talk to many people about this. But they’d found a way to connect back in Japan and cut through the bullshit.
“What caused it?” he asked.
She crossed her arms and gazed off. When she didn’t answer right away, he figured she wouldn’t at all. But in a low voice, she said, “Roadside bomb.”
An ache swelled in his chest. All he wanted to do was take her in his arms and brush away any of her pain.
“I’m sorry.” What else should he say? What else could he say? “That must have been—tough.”
She busied herself by retrieving a grooming brush and bent over to scoop up a calico cat with a mat on its side. “Come here, you,” she said to the cat. “I know you hate this, but you’re terrible at getting them out yourself.”
Was this a deliberate tactic to steer the conversation away?
While she brushed the squirming cat in her arms, she said, “And yet, what right do I have to complain? At least, I made it home alive, right?”
The cat clawed her and jumped to freedom, running away.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Oh well, got most of it,” she said. “I’ll find her later.”
He swallowed a lump that welled in his throat. “Want to talk about it?”
Vivi swallowed. “Not much more to tell. I’m sure you’ve heard similar stories. I was deployed to Afghanistan, where we were hit and lost two of our own. Many of us were wounded. After months of rehab, I’m doing better.”
“Glad to hear that,” he said. “The emotional toll is sometimes harder than the physical one.”
Vivi closed her eyes and nodded, but the pain remained visible on her face. When she reopened them, she asked, “Did you ever face anything like that?”
Her question instantly dragged him back to the desert. All the sand, the uncertainty. The gunfire. The precious blood spilling out of Martin’s opened chest. And the fear—the crushing inevitability that they wouldn’t be able to save him. His heartbeat fired up and breath came in fast.
“Not quite like that.” He squared his jaw, attempting to rein in his body’s reactions. One-two-three. He counted to eleven before he could squash the memories back down where they belonged—buried. He wiped his hands on his pants, hoping she would leave it at that.
Her gaze dropped to his hands and then raised back to his eyes. “We should get back to work.”
He exhaled. She must have sensed his unwillingness to talk about that experience.
That conversation was over—for now. His heartbeat slowed to its normal pace. He focused on the reason he was here.
“Got it.” He glanced around the room. “What else do you want to show me?”
She eyed a litter box that appeared to be recently used and arched a brow. “Are you above scooping poop?”
An unexpected laugh escaped him. “I spent years in the Marines, Viv. Dealing with shit every day was an unwritten part of the job description.”
The smile she gave him made his heartbeat fire at a rapid tempo. He’d deal with a hell of a lot worse than cat crap if it meant he could make her beam at him like that once more.
Chapter 6
Vivi
Breathe.
Vivi’s rib cage tightened around her lungs, piercing her like splinters. The familiar anxiety had returned when she told Jack about how she was injured.
She hated thinking about that moment, dreaded reliving it. But uttering those few words here—in her protected space—to someone who’d faced similar situations was easier than in the past, when she’d quickly shut down. He’d faced his own demons. She’d caught a glimpse of the pain in his eyes and recognized that haunted look and signs of discomfort, so she didn’t push him
She recognized the signs of discomfort and didn’t push him to talk about it.
When she’d confided in Jack, she hadn’t said much. But for her, those few words describing the incident were monumental.
And most of all, he’d made her smile.
She took a slow, deep breath to alleviate the claustrophobic sensation and exhaled. Fortunately, one of the next stops on the tour was outdoors.
Her breathing returned to normal as she returned to her volunteer mode and finished showing him where the cleaning supplies were and what volunteers could do to help out.
“This is the courtyard.” As they stepped outside, she inhaled the scents of the trees. She motioned to the large fenced in space that gave the cats plenty of outdoor areas to explore, but kept them away from the danger of cars, predators, and other threats. The leaves had begun to change, and the trees surrounding them draped the enclosed space with the colors of sunset. “Not much for us to do out here except for occasional clean ups, some light landscaping, or separating aggressive cats.”
Jack turned as he scanned the area. “Easy enough.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Clearly you haven’t wrangled apart two territorial felines.”
He leaned closer to her. “Perhaps you’ll have to show me how to do that.” His voice came out with a smoky, almost teasing tone.
His fingertips brushed her hand, making her keenly aware of him. Was it accidental? When he did it again and lingered, the answer was clear. If it was any other man, she might have pulled her hand away. As it was Jack, she didn’t dare move.
One heartbeat pounded. Then another. “I think you can handle just about anything, Jack.”
He entangled his fingers with hers, a warm and somewhat intimate move that left her spellbound. The way he stared at her with such heat left her skin tingling.
She was caught in his eyes, that soulful gaze. She lost all sense of time as he seemed to see right through her, reading her every guarded thought, especially those that centered on him.
“Anything?” he replied. “Not likely.” His voice was pure decadence now. “Especially when I’m distracted, like now.”
Desire pooled low in her belly. It took her a moment to find her voice. “By what?”
The heat in his stare was scalding. Her heart pounded in her ears.
“I was thinking about the time we kissed in Okinawa.” He brushed a strand of hair that had slipped from her ponytail off her cheek, and his fingers lingered before he pulled it aw
ay. “Our one and only.”
Her breath came quicker. She was practically panting. “It was—a good kiss.”
That was how she responded? A good kiss? Try a freakin’ awesome kiss, one she’d replayed countless times since then. Forget about the dozens of fantasies where she rewrote their ending on the beach. And those times, she didn’t kill the happy ending.
“It doesn’t have to be just one.” He cupped her chin and brushed her bottom lip with his thumb. “Or only.” He dropped his hand, leaving her suddenly bereft and missing his warmth.
God, his vitality strummed at her every nerve, leaving her breathless with longing.
He stared at her lips and swallowed.
The waiting was torture. Torture! Her skin burned like it was covered with cinders, yet she still yearned for his touch. If she didn’t have his lips on hers in one more second…
Screw it. She leaned up to him and bridged the gap to kiss him, aware that she’d never initiated before. Every guy she’d dated had pounced at the earliest opportunity, and it had been up to her to control the pace. But Jack had drawn out her anticipation until she’d been on the verge of climbing the walls.
Her first step in taking control of what she wanted—it was bloody amazing. Exhilarating. Fueling her with some sort of powerful delirium that spurred her to continue.
Jack froze at first, but then spurred into action. He held the back of her neck like a predator, refusing to let her escape, and claimed her mouth as his.
After all the time that had passed, one thought zipped through her. Oh, hell yes. She was still a woman. She still felt. She still had needs. Maybe she wasn’t completely wrecked as she had feared.
Most of all, she was finally kissing Jack again. God help her, she would not put the brakes on this time. She wrapped her arms around him, holding on to him as if refusing to let him go.
His tongue slipped in, swirling around her own, as she lost sense of everything else. Kissing wasn’t foreign to her. She’d been kissed many times, but nothing ever felt like this. Perhaps it was the buildup, perhaps it was from wanting him for so long.
Or perhaps it was because this was Jack freakin’ Conroy, and she’d never wanted anyone the way she burned for him. He’d been forbidden and yet so decadently tempting.
Jack: A Second Chance Marine Romance Page 5