He took his time caressing her body, worshipping every soft angle and curve. Their time together could be cut short, and if so, he wanted to remember every moment of it.
After they both climaxed, he spooned her. She fell asleep in his arms, the soft sounds of her deep breaths and alluring scent soothing him. Still, he couldn’t fall into a restful sleep with all the questions burning in his mind.
One centered on her. Did she still do the things she loved, like rock climbing? He wanted to ask her about it, yet be careful not to set upset her.
The next morning, he resolved to get out of his head for a while. She had plenty of obstacles to deal with since coming home, much more than his silly problems. How did she manage to face them?
While they prepared a quick breakfast with bagels and coffee, he rehearsed variations in his head. Dancing around the topic would only make her suspicious, so he went for a direct question.
He poured her coffee in a mug with three kittens in the See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil poses and handed it to her. “Have you gone rock climbing since you’ve been back?”
Vivi had been spreading cream cheese on her bagel. She froze for a couple of seconds before resuming at a quicker speed. “No.”
Jack suspected that, as well as her not being eager to discuss it. “Why not?”
Her expression hardened. Shit, he had to be careful. He was moving onto unsteady ground.
“You know why.” She put the knife down and turned to him, ponytail spinning. “My leg.”
He kept his tone gentle. “That shouldn’t stop you. You danced with me.”
She arched her brows and then snorted. “Clumsily.” She carried her bagel from the counter to the table and sat. “And that was with two feet on the ground.”
Jack carried his mug and bagel over and sat across from her. He didn’t want her to dismiss it without giving it a try. “If it would help, they have adaptive gear. I’ve heard about programs focused on getting vets climbing.”
“I don’t want to do that.”
With her resolute tone, he was definitely moving into minefield territory. One false step might blow up his entire plan. “You loved it, Vivi. Why give up something you loved when you can find a way to do it again?”
Her gaze drifted off into the distance, as if lost in her own thoughts.
She pursed her lips before replying, “It won’t be the same.”
He could practically read the subtext—she wasn’t the same. Was anyone after they faced such an ordeal?
“You’re a Marine, Vivi. You always will be,” he encouraged with a squeeze of her hand. “And Marines adapt and overcome, no matter what the challenge.”
She snatched her hand back and gritted her teeth. She raised her gaze to meet them, anger flashing in her eyes. “Don’t give me that line. I’ve heard all the ooh-rah crap—Ready to die but never will and all that. That’s bullshit. They die all the time. It’s one thing to spout sayings to get them motivated to fight, but it’s another to tell someone who’s had the blood of a dead teammate on her. Something I think about every goddamn day.”
He knew that feeling all too well. One of his lance corporals, Martin, had bled out. His blood had spilled through Jack’s fingers before the corpsman took over. The truth grew agonizingly clear as the puddle of red in the sand grew larger...
Now wasn’t the time to think about it, so he shoved back in its proper compartment. He gritted his teeth and focused on what she’d said. He pushed her way over the fuckin’ line. At least she was talking about what had happened, rather than bottling it up the way he did.
“I’m sorry, Vivi. You’re right.”
She didn’t say anything for a long moment. “I don’t want to have to wear anything that announces that I’m different. The limp is bad enough.”
“It’s not that noticeable. It took me awhile to even see it.”
“I know it’s there. And I hate not being able to do what I once could.”
Her voice softened to a lower tone and the vulnerability in it tugged at him.
“I get that. But you can find another way to enjoy it without comparing it to what you could do before.” He raised both hands, palms facing her. “Hear me out for a minute, okay?”
She crossed her arms and leaned back in the chair. “Okay.”
“There’s a new facility not far from here. Let’s just go and check it out,” Jack suggested with a casual wave as if it were no big deal. “You could try a beginner bouldering wall to get a feel for it.”
She stared down into her mug.
“I’ll be there with you, Vivi,” he swore. “I won’t let anything happen.”
She blew out a breath. “I’ll think about it.”
“Don’t worry,” he added. “I’ll be right watching your back.”
“If I go.”
“You’ll go.”
“What makes you so sure?” She fixed a questioning stare on him, one edged with worry.
He gave her a satisfied smile. “Because I know you. You’re tough, determined, and stubborn. A setback isn’t enough to hold you down. Besides, I’ll be there. Ready to catch you if you need me.”
The anxiety in her expression vanished as her face broke into a one-sided grin. “You’re a cocky son of a bitch, aren’t you, Conroy?”
“Some people might say so.” He winked.
“I might be one of them.”
“It’s just a visit.”
“Ugh, you’re not going to leave me alone about this, will you?”
“Tell you what, you try it tonight, and I’ll clean out every litter box during your next shift at the shelter.”
Her expression turned triumphant as she extended a hand. “That happens to be tomorrow morning. You’ve got yourself a deal.”
He shook her hand, satisfied with his progress. “I’ll pick you up back here later on. Is four o’clock good?”
“Yes, my last class ends at 2:30.”
“Perfect.”
“Wait,” she said. “If I’m going to put myself out there, taking a chance, so should you.”
“With what?”
She gave him a look that seemed to pierce right into his soul. “Think about it. I’m sure you’ll find something.”
Her reply raised more questions than answers. What did she see that he was missing?
Chapter 10
Vivi
In her last class of the day, a history lecture, Vivi twirled her pen and questioned why she’d agreed to try rock climbing. She suspected it had everything to do with Jack Conroy. Damn, he was pushy. And confident—one of the things about him that was so alluring.
Perhaps he was right. She needed to get out of her slump and try things once again. She’d settled into her routine, so the idea of trying something new had an exciting appeal.
Especially with him as part of the deal.
But for how long? With this job offer, he might be out of her life just as soon as he’d stepped into it. She put her pen down, but then shifted into tapping her foot.
It was foolish for her to grow as close to him as she’d been. Even more ridiculous to think they might have been building something more.
She clearly needed to back up and get a grip on reality.
Throughout the afternoon, she became aware of her scars. They now pulsed with a sense of heat. That often happened before a storm. But the skies outside the window of the lecture hall appeared to be a calm and peaceful blue.
She chalked it up to nerves and resumed twirling her pen.
When Jack picked her up at her apartment at four, the familiar tingles returned that often came out whenever she was near him. Like a wild but pleasant fluttering in her stomach.
He glanced down at her outfit. “You look fantastic.”
She’d put on athletic leggings, a tank top, and jacket. Nothing alluring. Still, hot shivers ran along her skin. He could melt icicles with that dark, velvety tone.
“Thanks.” It was time for her to fortify herself mentally f
or the challenge ahead. “Let’s do this.”
Twenty minutes later, she stepped into the rock climbing gym. The familiar scent of chalk greeted her and speakers blasted an upbeat song.
But then everything changed. All the excitement from earlier dissipated as if someone had pierced a balloon with a hatchet.
Her stomach hardened and churned. Climbers at various heights and difficulty levels reached for colorful holds positioned around the walls, belayed by their partners. She’d be Jack’s partner. She didn’t know if she could climb, let alone support him. Doubts rose within as quickly as all those fit climbers pushing their way up the walls.
Could she do it?
No.
To punctuate her misgivings, her scars pulsed with a faint throbbing.
While Jack stepped up to the front desk, she froze in place. He turned and walked back to her. She probably stood like an out-of-place statue.
“I can’t do this,” she admitted.
“Why not?” His expression was etched with concern for her. When she didn’t respond, he added in a lower volume, “Is your leg bothering you?”
“It’s not that.” She stared at a woman climbing one of the tougher climbs—something Vivi used to be able to do. Not any longer. Her heart hammered, and her skin turned clammy.
“We can get you adaptive gear and a trainer to help, Viv, if you need it,” Jack suggested.
“No.” She shook her head vigorously. “It’s more than the proper equipment.”
He prodded, “Tell me.”
She ran her hands over the loose strands of hair that had slipped out of her ponytail. “This was a bad idea. I can’t do this.”
“Of course you can,” Jack encouraged. “Using different equipment doesn’t change anything. We all have our weaknesses and need support.”
He didn’t get it. He couldn’t. “That’s easy for you to say. You don’t know what it’s like, Jack. You’re whole. Beautiful. Not damaged like me.”
He stared at her for several long heartbeats that seemed to echo in her ear and then gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “Nobody comes home unaffected. If they say they are, they’re either full of shit or lying to themselves.”
His intense expression almost made her forgot why she had reservations.
“But you’re right, Vivi,” he continued. “I don’t know what it’s like for you. What I do know is that you’re a natural, a bad ass, and you loved to climb in Okinawa. I’d hate to see you give up something you love when you could do it again with some modifications.”
His voice sounded muffled as she scanned the walls again and the colors blended into streaks. The last time they climbed together, she’d been fearless, eager to tackle the most advanced routes. Her scars throbbed now. There was no way she’d be able to do it. She would fail. Even worse, she’d fail in front of Jack—glaring proof she wasn’t a good match for him.
“I know other vets who have been injured,” he continued. “My cousin, Matty, was a SEAL, and is now back in Newport after he suffered leg injuries as well. It took time but he’s able to run again. He even worked up to running the stairs all the way around Harvard Stadium, which he loves to do when he comes up to visit.” Jack paused and added, “I admire him. I admire anyone who takes on challenges that are easy for the rest of us, ones we take for granted. That’s what I think of as bravery.”
Maybe Jack was trying to inspire her by talking about others, but she couldn’t hear it. It just undermined what a coward she was at the moment.
“Clearly, I’m not one of them since I’m not acting brave right now.” She backed up, breath coming in quicker as she moved toward the exit. “I don’t want the world to see how messed up I am.
“I’m self-conscious,” she added. “Maybe it’s stupid and superficial, but I hate it when people stare at me with pity. I can practically see the gears in their brains moving as they wonder what happened.” She pointed at him. “I even saw it with you the night of the gala when you saw my scars.”
Vivi reached the front door while Jack simply gaped at her with a confused expression.
She turned and shoved the door open. Once outside, she gulped the crisp autumn air.
“Vivi—”
Jack must have followed her outside.
“No, please.” She put her arm behind her, refusing to look back.
“But—”
She sensed she was overreacting, that she was on the verge of a panic attack, but couldn’t stop the terror that rushed through her like a sniper’s bullet. It pinpointed to one narrow instinct—get out of this situation.
“It’s nobody’s goddamn business what happened to me,” she snapped. “You should forget you ever ran into me. I can only hold you back.”
“Vivi, wait. Let’s talk about this.”
“What for? It doesn’t change anything, Jack.” She threw her hands in the air and dropped them at her sides. “You should move on. Consider that job in DC.”
Did she really say all that? Was she freaking out on such an epic level that she’d end their relationship over this?
Yes. She’d been deluding herself since the ball. Who did she think she was—Cinderella being swept away by her prince? Ha, fat chance. She was a wounded vet who didn’t believe in fairy tales. Life wasn’t like that.
In the end, it came down to compatibility, and that’s where she and Jack fell apart. He had the world ahead of him—he already had this great job opportunity in DC. But her injury had hampered not only her abilities, but opportunities for her future.
“Don’t go,” Jack pleaded.
She had to. It was for the best. For both of them.
“This whole thing was a mistake.” She took two deep breaths and forced herself to meet his eyes. It’s over, Jack. Please—,” she stammered. “Please leave me alone.”
She turned away from him and rushed down the sidewalk, her limp taunting her by slowing down her desperate urge to escape.
The intrusive image flashed in her brain. The sudden explosion. The bright light. The boom.
She squeezed her eyes shut for a second as if she could force it to recede.
Her breath came hard. Her skin turned cold with sweat. She took deep breaths to counter the impending attack.
Just breathe. It will pass. Just breathe. It will pass.
She repeated the mantra to cling to control.
Her heart thrashed like it about to claw out of her chest.
She progressed to the next coping method and pictured her happy place. Inside the cat shelter, there was no war, no explosives, no one trying to kill them—just cats seeking food and sometimes affection. She visualized stroking their soft fur and how their purrs vibrated beneath her fingers.
The image helped calm her chaotic systems. She held on to it as she made her way home, holding onto something as the world around her crumbled.
Jack
Jack stared at Vivi as she walked away from him. Her limp was more pronounced now that she was upset and rushing, which tugged at him all the more.
She appeared so alone in that moment, a silhouette disappearing into the shadows. Another lost soul in the city.
Just like him.
Was she walking out of his life for good?
That’s what exactly what she’d said.
He followed her for a few steps, searching for the words that would make it right. None came, so he halted. Chasing her wouldn’t do any good, especially since she so clearly wanted to get away from him. He’d practically tripped over a tripwire and had his plans blow up in his face.
Wow, that was smooth. You pushed her, and she left. Even worse, she ended it. You couldn’t see that one coming?
When she turned around the corner of the brick exterior of the gym, it took all his willpower to keep his feet planted. She didn’t want him to follow her, that much was clear. She didn’t even want to talk to him. He tightened his hands into fists and took some deep breaths to get a hold of the situation.
The air felt weighted with moi
sture, but not as heavy as the regret settling in his gut.
His sister’s words replayed in his head, how he pushed people to do what he thought was best for them. Maybe she was right. Although he meant well, his vision was too narrow-minded. What he thought was best wasn’t necessarily what they wanted. And boom—sometimes his best intentions imploded.
Is that what he’d done here?
He grunted. The answer was clearly yes, considering Vivi’s reaction.
Would she be all right getting home? He’d driven her so he should be driving her back. But she’d told him to leave her alone. For good.
Fuck.
As he walked to the truck, he wrestled with what to do next. The residential neighborhood appeared quiet and relatively safe, but that didn’t mean shit. Something could happen anytime, anywhere.
And if anything happened to Vivi, it would kill him.
Climbing into his truck, he stared down the street. What the hell should he do now?
Fuck it. He put the truck in drive and followed her. He had to make sure she got home safely.
His truck was black, hardly distinguishable from the half dozen others on the same road. It wasn’t like it was a glaring orange VW bug that would stand out. Once he turned the corner, he spotted her. He parked in a free space. When she walked out of sight, he drove on and repeated the action at another parking spot.
Like a damn stalker.
But he wasn’t stalking her, he was making sure she got home safely. It was his responsibility since he brought her here, right?
Never once did she turn back. No sign of regret, of wanting to return to him. The finality in her determination kicked him hard in the gut.
Memories of their nights together returned. The softness of her skin. How she tasted. The sounds she made when he was deep inside her. How good it felt.
How right they were together.
Watching her walk away from him was torture, an echo of her final declaration for him to leave her alone. He’d never be with her again, never have that bliss they’d found in each other’s arms.
He should have known better. They were doomed. Had been from the start. It was one obstacle after another with them. How many signs did one person need before they took the fuckin’ hint?
Jack: A Second Chance Marine Romance Page 9