He swiped his thumb across the screen. “Hello?”
“Hi, Ro.”
His mother’s soft voice was always a punch to the chest. She sounded the same as he remembered from his childhood—this quiet, almost girlish voice with a faraway quality to it. Everything about her had a dreamlike element, as if she might vanish in a puff of smoke at any moment.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, scrubbing a hand over his face.
“Why do you assume something is wrong?”
Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because I called you a dozen times after I first moved to England and you never got back to me. Not once.
He stood and paced the length of the apartment. “You don’t usually call, so I assumed something had prompted it.”
For a moment, there was nothing but silence on the other end of the line. “Well…that’s precisely why I’m calling. I know I haven’t been attentive.”
Understatement of the last thirty-four years.
“I realized when I saw you at the hospital that maybe I’ve done some damage over the years,” she added. “And it’s time to fix that.”
Maybe she’d done some damage? Maybe? Like there was a chance that abandoning her kids to live on their own before they were even legal might result in the creation of well-adjusted adults. Seriously?
“I’m glad you feel ready,” Ronan said stiffly. “But I’ve got a lot on my plate at the moment, and I don’t really have the headspace to sift through the past.”
“Oh.” His mother had the audacity to sound surprised. “I thought you wanted to hear from me.”
“When I called…six years ago.” He let out a rush of air. This was a bad idea; he should never have picked up the phone. “Look, I’m sorry, but I’m too busy now. I’ll call when things have calmed down.”
He jabbed at the end button, missing several times before he made a connection. Growling, he raked a hand through his hair. No wonder he couldn’t seem to set down roots—he’d been untethered since he was a child. Settling down didn’t come naturally to him.
Commitment didn’t come naturally to him.
Maybe that’s why he studied human behavior. It had always been a mystery. Why did people behave the way they did? What motivated them to hurt or love others? Studying data was much easier than trying to engage in an actual relationship.
But the second that thought popped into his mind, something inside him disagreed. Being with Audrey didn’t feel difficult or fraught or dangerous—at least not anymore. The two of them clicked, and their connection was natural and easy.
He turned his phone over and over in his hand. Audrey was the only person who’d ever made him feel like maybe being with someone was worth risking all the things he avoided in life—vulnerability, connection. Trust.
She made him feel…safe.
He unlocked his phone and brought up the chain of texts between them. They were innocent—definitely nothing that would hint at a night of sweat-drenched sheets and the deepest, most lingering kiss against the side of her car as he’d seen her off in the dead of early morning.
As if she knew he was thinking about her all the way across Kissing Creek, three little dots appeared to show she was typing a message. If that wasn’t a weird twist of kismet, then he didn’t know what was.
AUDREY: I need to see you.
RONAN: It’s like you’re reading my mind.
AUDREY: Your place okay?
RONAN: Get here as fast as you can.
Chapter Eighteen
A group of lemurs is called a conspiracy of lemurs.
Audrey did something she had never done before—left the house in complete disarray. She’d followed Oliver home so he could return Mrs. March’s car and promise that he’d clean her gutters as payment. Then she’d forced him, Georgie, and Deanna to pack up their things so she could drop them off at various places to spend the night. Georgie went to a girlfriend’s house, and Oliver and Deanna went to stay with Aunt Harriet.
The house itself was a disaster—pizza boxes open, dishes in the sink, laundry needing to be hung up. Audrey left all of it. It was tough luck if her father came home and found them all gone. Maybe he needed to see the consequences of his actions.
There’d be hell to pay tomorrow; she knew that. But for once in her life, Audrey couldn’t find it in herself to care. She’d tossed a change of clothes into her backpack, including a fresh polo shirt for her shift at Kisspresso in the morning, and had messaged Ronan. Maybe it was a bit presumptuous to assume he’d be okay with her staying the night.
But she had nowhere else to go.
That wasn’t true. She could have shared the pull-out couch at Harriet’s. Or crashed at Nicole’s. So it would be more accurate to say there was nowhere else she wanted to go.
One night, and he’s already your safe harbor?
Audrey parked her car and hurried across the grass to Ronan’s apartment. It was getting dark outside now, and the sky had a serene purplish tinge to it. Her heart thumped with each quick step, and the anticipation of being in Ronan’s arms drowned the stress of her day. It was like the closer she got to him, the more faded her worries became. Tonight, she wanted nothing more than to forget—to forget that she still had grief over her mother’s death, to forget that her family was falling apart, to forget that some days she had nothing but the fake smile plastered to her lips.
All of it.
By the time she got to the door, she needed his touch more than she needed air to breathe and blood in her veins. She needed him more than anything.
When Ronan pulled the door open, she walked straight into his arms. Not caring if she should play it safe, not caring if maybe there was some weird dating etiquette that said she shouldn’t wear her heart on her sleeve. Mercifully, he met her with equal enthusiasm, yanking her inside and shoving her up against the door with one hand, flicking the lock with the other.
“I told you I liked it up against the wall,” he said, his voice rough and gravelly.
“Door,” she corrected, pulling his head back down to hers. “For such a smart guy, I’m surprised you can’t tell the difference.”
“When it comes to you, as long as it’s a flat surface, I don’t care what you call it,” he said. “Although I feel like you’re questioning my intelligence again.”
“Never.” She laughed.
“I had another question for you today. I was going to text you.”
“Ask me.” Warmth bubbled in her chest. The game she shared with her siblings had become something of a staple for herself and Ronan. They quizzed each other relentlessly, going for one more round and one more round with random facts until one of them was victorious. It was such a silly thing, and yet it made her feel connected to him. Like they shared something unique and special.
“What’s the collective noun for lemurs?”
“Lemurs? Hmm.” Audrey traced her hands down Ronan’s chest, smoothing them over his flat stomach and down to the buckle of his belt.
“Don’t try to distract me, temptress.”
“I know it’s got to be one of those funny names, or else you wouldn’t have asked.” She ran her fingertip over the front of his zipper, feeling him twitch in response.
His mouth was at her jaw, her neck, her ear. Hot breath skated over her skin, mimicking the smooth glide of his hands under her top and around her back. “Answer the question.”
“Well, lemurs are primates, so maybe they share a name with one of the other primate groups. I know gorillas are a troop. Or a whoop, which is my personal favorite.” She looped her arms around his neck and arched into him, her breasts plastered to his chest. Her entire body pulsed with wanting. “Am I close?”
“Way off.”
She thought for a moment more. “Well, I think the word lemur is derived from the Latin word for ghost. Or was it spirit? Maybe something to do with that?
”
Ronan kissed along her jaw and neck, his hands exploring her body. “Nope.”
“Tell me.”
“A group of lemurs is called a conspiracy of lemurs, because of the way they conspire to outwit predators.” He grinned.
“Smart little things.”
“Just like you.” He lowered his head to hers and kissed her deeply, appearing more than a little smug that his questions were getting the best of her.
For a second, playing that game with him, she’d felt free of the stress from her family. Free of the stress from watching her brother implode and her father destroy everything around him. But there was still emotion bubbling inside her—anger and fear and resentment. Ugly emotions that she tried to avoid. Ronan stilled as though he sensed the swirling beneath the surface. He pulled back and looked at her, skimming a thumb over her cheek.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
“Nothing.”
“Don’t lie.” There wasn’t any accusation in his tone, only a sense of acknowledgment. Understanding. “You can talk to me.”
“Honestly…” She looked up at him. “I don’t want to talk right now. I didn’t come here to talk.”
He frowned. “I won’t settle for being a distraction.”
The words made her smile. Because they were a sign that he did feel something more for her. If sex was all he cared about, then her motivations wouldn’t matter.
“You’re not a distraction. I…” The afternoon was still fresh in her mind—the panic, the dread. The sadness. “You make me feel good, and right now I really need to feel good.”
He lowered his head and kissed her. His lips were soft yet firm, coaxing and encouraging and wanting. It was slow and romantic, and she sighed into him, fists curling into his T-shirt.
“Is that all you want from me?” He brushed a strand of hair from her forehead.
Wow. He was really laying it all out on the line, wasn’t he? Audrey had been prepared to shove any questions about the future to one side like she usually did—because it was hard to see them ending up anywhere good. If she looked at the facts…well, she wasn’t stupid enough to believe that they were a good long-term match.
“I don’t know,” she whispered. “I’m not used to having the luxury of wanting. It’s scary.”
That was all she could say without cleaving her heart out in front of him. She knew the answer that echoed in her head. Yes, she wanted more. Yes, she wanted all of him.
But Audrey had a history of disappointments shackling her wrists.
“So you do know.” He brushed the hair from her forehead. “You’re not just a warm body to me, Audrey.”
How she wanted to believe that he saw something special in her, because everything about her life was so relentlessly not special.
“If it wasn’t you here…” He touched his forehead to hers. “This apartment would be empty. My bed would be empty. I don’t want anyone else here with me, and I need you to know that.”
She swallowed against the desperate temptation to believe him. “I don’t want anyone else, either.”
He’s still going to leave. You’re not enough.
Audrey knew that. But being with Ronan was the only bright spot in her life at the moment. Because as much as she loved her siblings, caring for them was still attached to some difficult emotions. The only time she ever felt truly free as an individual was when she’d gone to class. And now, when she was here for no other reason than because she wanted to be.
Because she liked Ronan. A hell of a lot.
“You promise you’re okay?” he asked.
Audrey traced the curve of his biceps, hugged by soft cotton. Then she moved her hand across his chest, hard muscle twitching beneath her fingertip. He caught her hand and kissed the underside of her wrist, making her pulse skyrocket.
“Yeah.” She nodded, lowering her eyes for a moment. “I’m always okay.”
“No person is an island.”
Sometimes it felt that way—like she was adrift in a stormy sea, battling the waves and trying to keep from drowning with no one to help her. But in his arms, she felt grounded. Safe.
The memory of last night swirled in her mind. The taste of him. The scent of faded cologne and the barest hint of sweat on his skin. The confident hands roaming her body, melting her.
What’s going to happen when this falls apart?
He had a golden life in front of him. Opportunities. Extended hands. People respected and admired him, and whatever path he wanted would be available. Eventually, Kissing Creek would have nothing else to offer.
She would have nothing else to offer.
“Touch me,” she said, sinking into the pink haze of need. Blood pounded in her ears, and red flags waved in her mind, flapping and frantic.
Ronan could ruin her. But that was a risk she was willing to take, because nothing else in her life had ever felt this good. And right now, for a taste of something so perfect, she was willing to risk it all. Her body and her heart.
His hands coasted over her hips, tracing the dip at her waist, then back up over her breasts. The soft, flowing touch soothed her. How could something that already felt so good be bad for her?
When his thumbs brushed under the hem of her T-shirt, grazing her bare stomach, a gasp escaped her lips. She was still pressed against his door, palms flattened to the wood behind her as he explored her body.
“I’ve been thinking about you nonstop for the past twenty-four hours,” he said, sliding a hand under her T-shirt. “You’re in my head.”
“You’re in mine, too.” She sucked in a breath as he cupped her breast, finding her nipple between his thumb and forefinger. The bra she’d worn today had a soft lace cup, and his hands were hot through the flimsy fabric.
“Tell me what you were thinking?”
Oh God, could she really say it out loud? Audrey had lost herself daydreaming earlier today, her mind wandering when she should have been concentrating on her work. “I wish we’d had time to…”
“Tell me,” he growled. He pressed his body against hers, the hard length of him rubbing against her thigh. His hand continued to palm her breast, and it was difficult to form words while he touched her like that.
“I want you to take me in the shower,” she whispered. The image had been stuck in her head all day—bare skin, water running in rivulets across his hard body. Steam and soap and open-mouthed kisses. Tiles against her back.
The moan that escaped Ronan’s lips was like a rocket of wanting through Audrey’s body. He stepped back, slipping his hand into hers and tugging her farther into the apartment. She allowed herself to be led, the relief of not having to be the leader was a weight lifted that she didn’t even know she carried. She was strong. And it was exhausting to always be the one in charge, to always be making decisions and looking after people.
Right now, all she wanted was for Ronan to take care of her.
They made it to the bathroom, and he wrenched the shower faucet on. While the water warmed, he took her face in his palms and kissed her again. Their breath came hard and fast, mingling with the building steam. Hot water started to fog the shower’s glass door, and the gentle slide of Ronan’s tongue stole the breath right from her lungs.
His fingers slipped between her legs, sliding up the inside of her thigh until the heel of his palm found her center. Her knees almost buckled. Yes, this was exactly what she wanted. Not to think or decide or consider or determine.
Only to feel.
She kissed him back, her hands coming down to the buckle at his waist, and she yanked at the leather strap. The metal clinked, and then she worked on the button. Then the zipper. Denim slipped over his hips as she pushed his jeans down. Water drummed an incessant beat behind her, echoing the hammering of her heart.
Ronan drew his T-shirt up, stepping out of his jeans at the s
ame time so that the only thing remaining was a pair of black underwear. Beneath the stretchy fabric, his erection bulged, and Audrey’s hand brushed tentatively over it. Knowing she turned him on like this, knowing that what she felt was absolutely reciprocated…it made her feel desirable. Wanted.
New.
“Undress me,” she whispered.
Ronan’s eyes never left hers as his hands came to the hem of her top. Gently, he eased the fabric over her head and dropped it to the floor. His eyes were almost black now—black like the edge of a cliff at night.
His hands drifted to the waistband of her jeans, and he hooked a finger underneath the fabric and tugged her closer. “I want you like nothing else, Audrey.”
He popped the button and drew her zipper down, dropping to his knees as he slid the fabric down over her hips and thighs. Her underwear was nothing fancy—that wasn’t something she’d ever spent much money on—but the bubblegum-pink shade made her feel good, and with Ronan, none of that stuff mattered.
He pressed a kiss to the apex of her sex through the thin cotton, and Audrey gasped. “Everything about you is perfect.”
Audrey glanced at herself in the mirror above the sink. Perfect was not a word she’d use to describe herself. Ever. Her stomach stuck out, and her thighs rubbed together when she walked. But with Ronan, she felt something…pure. Something that went far beyond the physical.
He tugged her panties down her legs and helped her step out of the pile of clothing that had gathered there.
“We’re going to run out of water,” she said, a teasing smile on her lips.
“So be it.” Ronan stood and shoved his own underwear down, standing naked before her.
Audrey reached behind herself and unhooked her bra, and the second she was finally naked, he lowered his head to her breast, taking one hardened nipple in his mouth. He rolled it against his tongue, and her hand fisted in his hair, tugging sharply.
“Oh my,” she gasped, but she pulled his head to her other breast. He worshipped her body, leaving pink marks against her skin with his teeth. “Shower. Now.”
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