“Did that book come from the box your girlfriend dropped over?” Merrin asked as if reading his mind.
Orna’s eyebrows rose so quickly Ronan was surprised they didn’t shoot right off her head and launch themselves into space. “Girlfriend? Why is this the first time I’m hearing anything about a girlfriend?”
“It’s…complicated.” He held up his hands as if that might stop the questions. It wouldn’t. His grandmother was a steamroller when she wanted information. “And no, I don’t want any advice.”
Orna made a huffing sound. “What did you do, Ronan?”
“Why do you assume I’ve done something wrong?”
“Because I know men,” she replied sagely. “And I know you’re all difficult bastards.”
Ronan shoved his hands into his pockets. He wanted to argue with his grandmother, but…what could he say in his own defense? Yes, he’d wanted to help Audrey. Yes, his intentions were golden.
But the issue of him researching completion methods for her high school diploma wasn’t really the crux of the issue. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that he’d expected her to take risks and make sacrifices. He’d expected her to change and grow and realize her potential, and what growing had he been willing to do in return?
He’d remained noncommittal about where he was going to be next year. He’d turned the focus of their relationship on how she could be her best self, and yet he was…doing the same old thing he always did: holding himself at arm’s length. Keeping one foot out, ready for a speedy exit if things turned sour.
“I didn’t want her to leave,” he said. But even as he said the words, he knew he was focusing on the wrong thing again.
This wasn’t about Audrey leaving. It was about whether or not he would stay.
He wouldn’t have the same opportunities at Harrison Beech as he would at a place like Harvard or Yale or Dartmouth or any of the other elite institutions he’d set his sights on earlier in his career. Choosing to remain in Kissing Creek would mean a totally different life.
You mean a life where work is only one component of what you do? Where you have a real home? Where you have a woman in your arms who makes you feel like a better man…a man who has everything?
It was the kind of life that had never appealed to him in the past. The kind of life he assumed was nothing more than smoke and mirrors—because real relationships weren’t happy on the inside, right?
But the more he thought about it, the more he saw why Audrey walked away. She didn’t want to feel like a project to be completed. A broken doll to be fixed. She wanted to be his equal…and that meant he had to change, too.
“I’m going to stay there,” he said. “In Kissing Creek. I’m going to stay for her.”
Merrin reached out and grasped his hand, squeezing. “She’s a lucky woman.”
“We’re both lucky,” he replied.
Love was one of those fundamentally human things that defied explanation. But there was no getting around it: the time they’d spent together was short but impactful. His life would never be the same again, because she’d lifted the shield covering his eyes. And his heart.
He was a changed man. Ruined and reborn and forever different.
Walking away now—leaving her in Kissing Creek while he chased a lonely, successful life—felt pointless. He’d accused her of not being flexible enough to see how she might be able to have everything she wanted, and yet he was doing exactly the same thing.
Ronan looked at his mother. She’d come back after all these years, after all the hurt and bad feelings and mistakes, and it showed him what he now knew…
It was never too late to try again.
…
It had been two days since Audrey had visited her mother’s grave. Two days during which her life was…not in its usual state. She’d taken time off work. Her focus had been on sorting out her family life, which had involved helping Oliver move in with her aunt so he could live without the critical gaze of their father. The deal was that he would finish out the school year, but college would only happen if he wanted it to. As scary as that was for Audrey, she knew her aunt would be a good influence. Oliver needed space and quiet, two things he didn’t get much of at home. Perhaps with time to think, the right solution would come.
Georgie had gone to stay with a friend for the week, and only Deanna remained behind, the idea of being away from Audrey for any extended period of time was still upsetting to her. But she’d convinced Deanna to spend one night with Oliver and Harriet, because she didn’t want any of them in the house when she confronted her father.
And it had worked—without any guilt for him to hang over Audrey’s head, he’d backed down. Promised that things would change. Could she believe him? Audrey had no idea. But Georgie had less than twelve months before college, and with her grades, there would be plenty of offers. Then Audrey could take Deanna and get a place—something small and cozy. Somewhere with a bedroom that was all her own.
Audrey would not be living under her father’s thumb anymore. He had to contribute to the family as well. Otherwise he’d have to support himself…and she really hoped he would step up.
She felt good. Well, as good as a woman could with a Ronan-shaped hole in her heart. As wonderful as the image of her own place was, it wasn’t the complete fantasy. Ever since she’d done the visualization exercise with him, that image had been stuck in her head. Him in her bedroom, with lust in his eyes and love in his smile and butterflies swirling in her stomach. She thought about him every day.
Thought about the truth in his words.
She could aim for more. She could dream as big for herself as she did for her siblings. That was why she’d started looking into alternatives to the GED herself. She might not be able to have Ronan—because she would not stunt or slow down his life—but she had to admit that fear had been holding her back. Fear had been blocking her from seeing more than one way forward.
But she was doing it now. Getting Oliver out, planning for a place for her and Deanna, starting the search for a way to get her high school diploma. Every bit counted.
It would be slow, but it would be hers. And that’s what mattered.
Big Red had mercifully lived to fight another day after the mechanic had towed her in from the cemetery, and Audrey parked the car at the back of Kisspresso Café. Inside, the café was bustling. A line snaked out of the front entrance and onto the street outside.
“What the hell?” Audrey hurried behind the counter and tied her apron at her back. She wasn’t due to start for another fifteen minutes, but there was no sense letting the staff drown if she could lend a helping hand. “Did I miss a memo or something?”
“Apparently the college is doing some big event.” Audrey’s boss, Jamie, poked her head out from the kitchen. “And you know their coffee tastes like dishwater.”
“That’s putting it mildly,” Audrey quipped. “I would have said it tastes like Satan’s backwash.”
Lana, who was working the espresso machine, snorted. “Satan’s backwash. I am totally stealing that.”
Audrey got behind the second register and started taking orders to help speed things along. As soon as they’d cleared the line somewhat, she’d help Lana with the coffee orders. Something told her it was going to be a manic day.
“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Jamie said as she ducked past, carrying a tray of freshly baked muffins. The chocolate-blackberry scent hit Audrey’s nose, and she immediately thought of Ronan and his love of the berry-flavored snacks. “It’s going to kill me when you leave one day.”
Audrey paused between orders and looked at her boss. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Yes, you are. And as much as it will pain me to do it, I’ll show you the door if you don’t do it yourself.” Jamie laid a hand on Audrey’s shoulder before she ducked into the back room.
> The comment struck her in the chest, and while Audrey tried to put on a brave face for her customers, inside her stomach was turning and churning. With trepidation, with excitement. With things she hadn’t felt in such a long time…not counting her fling with Ronan, of course.
It wasn’t a fling, and you know it.
No, it was everything. It was life-changing and world-tilting and soul-soothing. It was the very thing she didn’t even know she needed. Ronan had opened her eyes to how she was treating herself, to how she was stunting herself.
You have to stop thinking about him.
Sure, it hurt. But she was stronger than she ever realized was possible. Visiting her mother’s grave had shown her that. She was already planning to go again next month. Maybe sooner.
Whatever life threw at Audrey, she could handle it.
But as that confident thought flittered across her mind like a daring butterfly, Audrey looked up to find her next customer approaching the counter. Ronan. Seeing him was like a punch to the gut—because he looked beautiful and a little haunted and every bit as perfect as she remembered. His blue eyes were alight, and he wore soft blue jeans and a touchable white T-shirt that gave James Dean a run for his money.
“What can I get you, Professor Walsh?” she asked in her best server voice.
Don’t break, don’t break, don’t break.
“I thought we were past official titles,” Ronan said with a slight lift of his lips.
“We were, but…” Oh God. Why did this feel like carving her heart out with a dessert spoon? She would have to get used to seeing him. Ronan’s contract would keep him around for the rest of the school year, and she needed to check her feelings at the café door. “Sorry. Ronan it is. We’ve got chocolate-blackberry muffins today. Can I heat one up for you?”
His eyes searched hers. His neat facial hair had a slight reddish tint to it as the sunlight streamed into the café, and for a moment Audrey wanted nothing more than to leap the countertop and tackle him to the ground for a searching kiss.
“Can we…talk?”
“I’m working.” She shook her head and glanced along the line of people waiting. “You could have called.”
“Would you have answered?”
She looked up at him, heart drumming a thundering beat in her chest. He had hollows under his eyes that matched hers. And a serious pull at his mouth that made her want to reach out and soothe him.
“No,” she said honestly.
“I can’t go another day without talking this through.” He raked a hand through his hair, and the motion was so familiar, it called to Audrey. “God, I…I miss you so much.”
Tears pricked the backs of her eyes, but Audrey straightened her spine. She would not cry at work, no matter how much Ronan’s words ruined her. Because she missed him, too, with every beat of her heart. With every breath she pulled into her lungs. With every neuron that fired inside her.
“If you’re not going to order anything, then I need to serve someone else,” she said, determined to keep her cool. But inside she was breaking. How was she going to do this for the rest of the year?
“I’ll get a muffin,” he said. But when she moved to the pastry counter, he followed her. “Audrey, I messed up. You were right; I should never have gone behind your back.”
She reached into the pastry cabinet and wrapped her fingers around the metal tongs that hung there. They trembled in her grip, and the first time she reached for the muffin, she dropped it right back onto the tray.
“You were right,” he said. “I should have talked to you first instead of barreling ahead on my own like I always do.”
It was validating to hear him acknowledge that, but it didn’t change anything. Audrey dropped the muffin into a brown paper bag and began to close the pastry cabinet. “Anything else I can get you?”
“Another muffin.” His voice cut through the aching in her heart, and she looked at him over the counter. There was a determined set to his jaw. “I was expecting you to do all the growing and changing, but I was the one who needed to meet you halfway.”
The tears prickled harder now, but she blinked them back, reaching for one of the decadent chocolate-blackberry muffins and dropping it into the bag.
“Every day without you is like being torn apart.”
She sucked in a breath, fully aware that their conversation was drawing the eyes of those around them. “Is that everything?” she asked, trying to make her voice as perky as possible despite knowing there was a telltale wobble giving her away.
“Another one.” He folded his arms across his chest, and it only served to make him look even more impossibly handsome. Having those biceps on his side was an unfair advantage. “I want another chance, Audrey. I want to show you that…what we have is worth the difficult conversations and the apologies and the stumbling. It’s worth everything.”
She dropped yet another muffin into the bag, and now it was so full she could barely close the top. “Anything else?”
“Another muffin,” he said without missing a beat.
“Are you going to buy every muffin in this café one by one?” she asked, nailing him with a stare.
“If that’s what it takes for you to hear me out. Hell, throw in the croissants, too. I’ll take all of it.” Tension crackled between them as they faced down. Ronan wasn’t going to leave this be, and part of that made Audrey’s heart swell. Nobody had ever fought for her before. “I’ll even take those gross oatmeal things you keep for the llama.”
“Fine,” she said through gritted teeth. “A hundred and fifty spite cakes coming up.”
Oh, if Ronan thought she wasn’t going to call his bluff, then he was dead wrong. He wanted to come to her work and force a conversation? Fine. But he was going to pay the sugary price. Audrey grabbed a tray from behind the counter and started piling the muffins and mini croissants and cookies on.
“I’ll be back tomorrow, Audrey,” he said. “And I’ll buy everything in the pastry cabinet then, too. I’ll give myself a cavity in every last tooth if that’s what it takes.”
“Why are you so persistent?” she asked, frustration seeping into her voice as she shoved the muffins onto the tray haphazardly.
“Because I love you.”
The whole café went so quiet, Audrey could have heard a cookie crumb hit the floor. For a moment, she wondered if she’d actually passed out. Maybe she’d fallen and was currently dying underneath an avalanche of baked goods.
“I’m sorry, what?” She blinked.
“I love you.” The vulnerability on his face was the purest and most arresting thing Audrey had ever seen. He looked sincere and hopeful and so freaking sexy that her mind couldn’t even compute such a combination of things. “Standing still while you walked away was the most idiotic thing I have ever done in my entire life. So idiotic, in fact, that I feel compelled to take the elbow patches off my blazer.”
Despite her shock, she laughed. “Losing your professor badges, huh?”
“Absolutely. Not fighting to keep you in my life is… I don’t even know if there is a word that accurately describes how criminal that is.”
Audrey looked down at the tray in her hand, scattered with sweet treats. She felt the intensity of all the eyes in the room boring into her, the weight of their expectation and curiosity like rocks on her back.
“You don’t want this life, Ronan.” She bit down on her lip. “I appreciate the sentiment, but we’ve been through this. I’m not going to leave my family. I’m not going to be the woman you’re proud to take to faculty events. I’m not—”
“Do not tell me that I won’t be proud of you.” His eyes blazed with passion. “You are the most resilient, hardworking, curious, intelligent woman I have ever met. They should be proud to be in your presence.”
Her heart fluttered in her chest, hope sparking like the tiniest of little fl
ames, wavering in the air and sputtering to life.
“Every single one of you people in here,” he said, turning around and addressing the entire café. “You should all be proud to know this amazing woman.”
“Have you lost your mind?” Audrey shoved the tray onto the countertop behind her and marched over to the swinging door that allowed staff to enter and exit the serving area. “You have students in here.”
“I don’t care.” He shook his head. “If anyone at Harrison Beech wants to fire me for finally pulling my head out of my ass, then fine.”
She pushed through the swinging door and stood in front of him. Mistake. Because he smelled as good as he looked—like long, hot showers and fresh sheets and earthy, sensual man. She wanted to hang onto her walls, but standing before him was as good as packing them with TNT and detonating the lot.
Her defenses were smoking ruins.
“I love you, Audrey. I never thought I’d say that to someone. I never wanted to say it.” He let out a breath. “But you changed that. You changed me. I…I want to stay.”
“Here?” Audrey blinked. “In Kissing Creek?”
“Yeah, right here.”
“No…” They were the words she’d always longed to hear—words that said she was worth waiting for. “But your career. I can’t let you do that.”
“Too late. I had a meeting with the faculty head today and told him my intentions,” Ronan replied. “We’re already talking about how to build on the curriculum I’ve set up for this year. They’re excited and…so am I.”
“You’re staying.” It was like someone had sucked the air out of her lungs with a syringe. “But what if I said no?”
“Then I have extra time to work on my influencing skills.” A cocky grin morphed his serious expression into something a whole lot more delicious. “I plan on winning you over, Audrey. Every damn day for the rest of my life.”
Could this really be happening?
“Tell you what—how about I make this easy,” he said. “I’ll ask you a question, and if you get it right, then we’ll have dinner tonight. How does that sound?”
Kissing Lessons (Kissing Creek) Page 26