by Emma Tharp
Six months ago he asked me to move in with him. I was thrilled. Last month he proposed. All the pieces of my life were finally coming together.
What a joke.
I drink the rest of the vodka in my cup and wince as it goes down my throat.
As I sit here and wallow in self-pity, I know I should be thankful. We didn’t walk down the aisle. I don’t have to return any wedding gifts. No, I’m better off. I can’t keep second-guessing myself and my decisions; I can’t live my life that way.
At the office the next day, my head pounds and my eyes hurt from the alcohol and crying last night. A few pain-killers and a steady stream of coffee help me make it through. My staff and nurses asked me over and over all day if I was okay. I lied and said I was fine. I’m not ready to break the news to them yet.
Dr. Blackstone is working today, too. She’s a wonderful pediatrician. At twenty years older than myself, she and I are friendly, but I wouldn’t call us friends. I don’t confide in her with my secrets, that’s why I’m happy that our paths didn’t cross many times today.
My day comes to an end and I say goodbye to everyone I work with. Making my way to my office, I close the door behind me and sit behind my desk. I squeeze the bridge of my nose and lean my head back. If I stay here long enough, I could probably fall asleep.
A text alert comes from my phone under the desk. It’s from Cora.
Checking in. Everything okay?
I’m hanging in there.
Meet Bri and me for one drink. We aren’t taking no for an answer. You know the place. See you in ten minutes.
I’m grateful for Cora’s friendship. Before her telling me about Marcus’s infidelity, we were acquaintances. We’d only met a few times at large gatherings. Now, she means more to me. She’s been texting me daily, asking if I’m doing okay and seeing if there’s anything she can do. It couldn’t have been easy for her to come to me and tell me the truth. I know she’s worried about me. I guess I could meet them to talk. What else would I be doing? I’d go to my house and mope around.
I’ll see you guys in ten.
I get to the bar and find the ladies in a corner booth. I order a club soda—no drinking for me tonight—and join Cora and Bri.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” Cora says and gets up from her seat to give me a hug. She looks beautiful in black pants and a silver top, her long blonde hair in a sleek low ponytail.
“Well, I almost said no, but I figured you’d keep asking until I met you.” I laugh, lean in to kiss Bri on the cheek, and take a seat next to Cora.
“That’s why I sent you the threatening text message. So, spill it. How are you? Have you talked to Marcus yet?” Her face lights up with curiosity, all wide eyes and raised brows.
Clasping my hands in front of me on the table, I tell Bri and Cora all the details of how I confronted Marcus and how he didn’t deny that he enjoyed having fun, but said that I was his end game. They both were supportive with nods and kind words when I told them that I left the ring and him behind. “It’s over,” I finish.
“Oh, Alex,” Bri says and grabs my hand in hers. “You’ve made the right decision. He clearly has a different concept of what a relationship looks like. You’ll find someone who will treat you right.”
I let out a hoarse little laugh, although there’s no humor behind it. “The last thing I’m worried about now is finding someone else. Trying to get over Marcus is going to crush me.”
“No, I know. I’m not suggesting you go on a date tomorrow, but eventually you will find a good man,” Bri says.
She’s sweet and I know she means well, but the last thing on my mind is dating. “Thanks, Bri. How are things with you? Are you still with Teddy?” He’s the goalie for the Wolverines. I’ve seen Bri and Teddy at a few functions together, but I have no idea what their relationship status is.
Bri shifts her position in the booth, looking uncomfortable with the question. “Oh, well, we see each other from time to time; he just won’t give up, but I’ve been so busy I’m not ready to start anything serious. I’m not sure if you knew this, but I’ve been working on getting my real estate license. I didn’t tell many people about it. Until now. I passed the test.” Her smile is wide and there’s a gleam in her eyes.
“Congratulations. That’s awesome,” I tell her.
“Thank you. Cora, did you tell Alex about what you’ve been up to?” Bri lifts her glass toward Cora and winks at her. “I’m proud of her.”
Cora returns the wink. “I started taking online classes to finish my degree. Now that Mom’s in assisted living and doing better, Derek encouraged me to follow my dreams. Oh, and we finally have everything organized in the new house. That’s what I’m doing.” Now it’s Cora’s turn to grin from ear to ear.
She deserves some happiness. She’s dating Derek Parker who also plays for the Wolverines and they just bought a house together. Cora’s mom became ill and needed care, so Cora dropped out of her pre-law courses to come back home to take care of her. Several months back, her mother got worse and had a stroke. It was hard for Cora to give in, but she ultimately made the choice and—with the help of Derek’s connections—put her mother into a wonderful assisted living facility.
“I’m happy for you both.” Even though I’m going through struggles, I still want the best for my friends.
“Don’t worry, Alex. We’ve both been with jerks,” Cora says. “It’s like you have to be with the assholes first so you can appreciate the nice guys.”
Bri lifts her glass in the air. “Amen to that. My ex-husband was a cheater. And he had the balls to cheat on me with someone I thought was a friend.”
“I didn’t realize that,” I say. Yes, things could be worse for me. I could’ve found out the truth about Marcus after we said “I do.”
“Yeah. I’m better off without him,” Bri says and looks down. Her phone is lighting up with text messages.
Cora peeks across the table at Bri’s phone. “Is that Teddy?”
“He’s being persistent. Wants to take me out this week.” Bri tucks her phone into her purse without answering the text.
Cora rolls her eyes and says, “Let him take you out. You guys are good together.”
“Remember how I just mentioned my ex-asshole? Yeah, well, it’s hard for me to trust again. I’m working on it,” Bri says.
I can’t blame her. Who knows how long it’ll be before I trust again? “You’re right to take your time and be cautious,” I tell her.
“Listen, ladies.” Cora puts up her finger, pointing it at us. “Not all men are cheaters. You’re both going to find the right guy. Just be patient and don’t punish every guy you meet for the sins of your exes. When you find the right man, it’ll be worth the wait.”
I’m jaded with Marcus’s betrayal so fresh, but I do hope Cora is right and someday I can move on from this before I’m old and gray.
Four
Cole
I’m having a bitch of a time getting in the zone at practice today. Working so closely with Marcus Reid is the reason. And it has everything to do with the fact that his gorgeous ex-fiancée just came knocking on my door looking for the truth. The look on her face as I was telling her what a lying, cheating fuck he is has been burned in my brain. She was broken up about it.
He’s such a dick.
And now he has the audacity to call me out at practice to tell me to get my head in the game.
Not one to use words to retaliate, when he least expects it, I slap shot a puck right toward his ass. I put every ounce of irritation I’ve been feeling toward him into the shot. It makes contact with his right cheek and he falls down to the ground, grasping himself and moaning.
“Sorry, man,” I call out, even though I’m not sorry.
He shoots me a death stare and says, “If you were trying to hit the net, you have shitty aim.”
I shrug my shoulders. No, bro, I have perfect aim.
In the locker room, I do my best to avoid Marcus, but I can still hear th
e asshole.
“If I seem off today,” he tells Lincoln, a third string defenseman, “it’s because I just broke things off with my fiancée. Took the ring back and made her move out. “
What a trash-talking dick. Even though I know the truth, I don’t say anything. It’s not worth it.
Derek and I roll our eyes at each other.
As I’m walking out to the parking lot, Derek catches up to me.
“How big of a douche bag is that guy?” Derek asks, adjusting the strap of his bag over his shoulder.
“Right? I wanted to tell him to shut up, but didn’t really feel like getting into it with him.” Because I know if he pushes my buttons, I might say or do something I’d regret.
“Nice shot today, by the way. He went down like a ton of bricks.” Derek laughs and gives me a pat on the back.
“Thanks. He deserved it.”
“Damn right, he did. Not sure if you have plans this Saturday, but Cora and I are having a housewarming party. It’s just a rental, but Cora wanted to celebrate our first place together. We’d love to have you over to see the place.”
Derek is a great guy. And he and Cora seem to have a good thing going. While I don’t go out often due to my being an extreme introvert, I should make an appearance at their get-together. It’d be good for me to get out of my house. I know guys from the team will be there, and I get along with all of them with the exception of one and I’m sure Derek won’t be inviting Marcus.
“Sure, I’ll stop by.”
We stop next to Derek’s Tahoe. “Great. I’ll text you the address. Don’t worry about bringing us anything.”
“See you then.” I give him a wave and head to my Land Rover.
At home, I make myself dinner: chicken, asparagus, and a sweet potato. I love to cook and for the most part, I eat healthy. I skate better when I’m leaner.
I settle in front of the TV with my plate on my lap when my cell phone rings.
Lifting it to my ear, I say, “Hi, Mom.”
“How’s my baby boy?” Her sweet voice rings through.
“Everything’s good with me, Momma.”
“Oh, that’s wonderful to hear. Great game last night. Loved your goal from the blue line.” She’s my biggest cheerleader. Despite the fact that my dad tried to relentlessly make me hate the game of hockey, Mom did all she could to buffer his asshole ways and keep my head focused on what was important. I have her to thank for everything.
“Thanks, it turned out to be a good shot.” It’s not every day that someone who plays defense scores goals.
It sounds like a game show is playing in the background. Mom’s a sucker for Wheel of Fortune. “Yes, it was. So tell me, how are things going in your personal life? Any women to speak of?”
This is the only part of my conversations with her that I hate. I know she’d love to see me married and with a few grandkids for her to play with. Especially since my older sister and her husband have been married for seven years and have been trying to get pregnant at least four of those years. It’s only the two of us and Mom wants grand babies.
“I’ve gone out on a few dates but I haven’t found the one yet.” It’s a lie. I haven’t been out on a real date in at least a year. Sure, I’ve hooked up with a couple of puck bunnies, but they’re only looking to get laid by a pro hockey player.
“You know I’m not trying to pressure you. I know hockey is your number one love, but companionship is important, too. You’re a good man. You know that, right?” There’s cheering in the background. Someone must’ve won a car or a huge cash prize judging from the excitement level of the studio audience.
Maybe I am a good man, maybe I’m not. Relationships have never been my thing. In fact, I’ve never been in love. My friends have game. They know what makes a woman tick, they know what to say to them. My father wasn’t exactly the best example of how a man should treat a woman. He was alarmingly bad at parenting and equally shitty to my mother.
“Thanks.” I yawn loud enough for her to hear. “I’m exhausted. I’m going to hit the hay.”
“Ok, son. I love you.” Her voice is full of love, but also layered with concern. I know she thinks I’m going to die an old man that’s never known the love of a woman. She could be right.
“Love you, too, Mom.”
The next evening, I almost call Derek to tell him I’m not going to make it to his housewarming party. But at the last minute, I decide that I better go and at least make an appearance. Even if it’s only for an hour. I can try to socialize with people for that long. It won’t kill me. Sometimes it sucks to be so introverted.
Here I am, at Derek and his girlfriend Cora’s house. It’s a huge place in one of the most affluent neighborhoods in Nashville. And there’s a ton of cars parked down the road. Shit.
A stupid flutter starts up in my gut as I open the door and walk inside. The place is packed with people. Seeing this makes me want to clam up and run off.
“Hi, Cole.” A sweet voice comes up next to me. I turn and Cora comes up and kisses my cheek. I’m happy for Derek. He and Cora seem to fit together really well as a couple.
“Thanks for inviting me. Your home is beautiful.” It’s pretty with tasteful decorations. Lots of frilly colors and flowers everywhere, completely different from Derek’s old house. It was nice, but didn’t have a warm homey feeling like this place does. You can tell there’s a female influence here.
“I’m glad you could join us,” Cora says as she grabs the bottle of wine from my hands. I didn’t know what to bring, so I stopped and got it on my way over. “Why don’t you come in and get something to drink?” She points straight ahead.
In the kitchen they have just about every liquor known to man and a huge selection of beer and wine in a fancy wine refrigerator with clear doors. I grab a beer.
My heart rate speeds up when I see Alex standing in the corner clutching a glass of something in her hand. She’s in a pretty blue dress and her honey brown hair is sleek and straight—man, she’s sexy, but she has a frown on her face and her shoulders are hunched.
Poor woman. She still has to be devastated about Marcus. Maybe I should avoid her. She probably doesn’t want to see me anyway. I was the bearer of bad news. I’m not sure I know how to comfort her or even know what to say.
She sees me and waves and a small grin tugs at the corner of her mouth.
Oh, shit.
Five
Alex
My body warms when I lay eyes on Cole. I don’t know why I didn’t expect to see him here tonight, but the sight of him pulls me out of the funk I’ve been in since I got here. Being around so many members of the hockey team brings back memories of being with Marcus.
Cole’s wearing a pair of dark jeans and a form-fitting black shirt that highlights the chiseled muscles of his chest and arms. His body is sexy, tall, and strong. Marcus’s frame is broader and nowhere near as defined; sure he’s in shape, but I’m more attracted to Cole’s lean body.
What’s wrong with me? I shouldn’t be comparing the two men. I’m sure I’m not Cole’s type anyway. Although, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Cole with a woman, so I don’t know what his type is.
He’s shy and seems to keep to himself for the most part when I’ve seen him out in the past, unless he’s with a small group of people. I wonder if he’s going to come over here. It doesn’t look like it. He’s waving at me, but staying put.
I don’t think he’s here with anyone and I’d like to talk to him again. He was so compassionate when he told me the truth about Marcus, and even gave me his number. Not that I’ve used it.
What the hell. I’m going to go talk to him.
“Hi,” I say when I’m standing in front of him.
“Hello.” He’s leaning against the counter and has one foot crossed in front of the other and he’s holding a beer in his hand.
“It’s good to see you,” I say, fiddling with the rim of my wine glass.
He nods. “You, too.”
Okay, thin
gs are getting off to an awkward start here. I shift up onto my toes and back to my heels.
“How have you been?” he asks, his eyebrows draw together.
“I’ve been okay.” I don’t know who I’m kidding. “Honestly, I’ve been getting by. I can’t believe I let myself fall for a man who could treat me that way.”
Cole’s thick shoulders tense up. “I can’t believe he’d treat you that way either. In fact, I wanted to take it out on him at practice and he picked up on it.” He gets a devilish grin on his face. “I might’ve whacked him with a puck.”
I throw my head back and laugh. “No way. It’s like you were defending my honor.”
“That’s exactly what I was doing.” He drinks the last of his beer and says, “I need another. How are you doing?”
“I’m good.” I don’t need another hangover. The last one felt like it lasted two days.
Cole gets another beer from the refrigerator and he crooks his finger for me to follow him. We go into the living room and sit next to each other on the couch. Setting his beer down on the coffee table, he crosses his arms in front of him.
Music is playing in this room. It’s my favorite band, Lawless. A flicker of sadness comes over me. I bought tickets for Marcus and me to go see them and the show is coming this weekend. I can’t go alone.
“I love this song.” Cole turns to look at me. He’s close enough now that I can smell his cologne, cypress and woods. My mouth waters.
“It’s called Truth. It’s off their third album,” I tell him.
“That’s right. I love their music,” he says.