by Emma Tharp
Marcus sits up and says, “But….”
“No buts. Quit provoking Cole,” Coach barks and turns his glare on me. “And you stay away from his ex. We need to win games, not worry about women. Now get the hell out of here.”
Slinking out of the office, rage bubbles up inside me. I can’t do anything to jeopardize my career. It’s all I have. But it was close. I could feel it. Love was within my reach. For the first time in my life, I wanted to try it out, see if it would fit in my life. Now I’m going to have to let it slip through my fingers, but fuck if I don’t want to clutch it with both hands and hold on for dear life.
I should’ve known it was too good to be true. Now the only woman that’s given me a reason to wake up happy is going to have to be put in the friend zone. It’s probably best for her anyway. Who knows if I could’ve been a good boyfriend for her?
In the car on my way home, my phone buzzes with a text alert. Alex’s name is on the screen. Ignoring it on my way home, it eats at me. What am I going to say to her? How can I explain that I want her with every cell in my body, but it can’t happen?
I get home and go inside, throwing my gym bag on the floor in my room. Lying down on my bed, I finally look at Alex’s text.
Want to come over and watch a movie at my place tonight?
Yes. That’s exactly what I want to do.
Sorry, busy tonight. Have to pack for my three away games.
She messages back a sad face. My heart cracks in half.
It’s for the best.
I pack a bag for the road trip—that I’m not even sure I’ll be playing in, since Coach never mentioned how long I’m on probation. We fly out tomorrow morning. The only good thing about leaving is that it’ll make it easier to avoid Alex.
My toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, clothes, and my heart all get packed away in my suitcase. I’ll open it up tomorrow in Colorado and deal with it then in another city. Maybe it’ll be easier there.
Nine
Cole
It was wishful thinking. Being away for a week wasn’t enough time to forget Alex, to tuck the feelings away and come back home, ready to disregard everything we could’ve been. The truth is she’s all I’ve been able to think about.
Riding the bench for three games made it all worse. It amplified why I did what I did, and I couldn’t even get out on the ice to blow off some steam. Thankfully my probation is over now, but the restriction remains. I have to stay away from Alex.
Waking up in my own bed should’ve felt good this morning. It didn’t. I tossed and turned all night with aching ribs and vivid dreams of Alex and Marcus back together. Even though she told me she’d never take him back, I’m afraid that the schmoozing asshole Marcus might come up with a way to win her back somehow. That would kill me. She deserves so much better than him. And me. I’ve been avoiding her for the past week with very short replies to her text messages if I reply at all.
She’s probably taken the hint since I haven’t heard from her in the last two days. It eats at me to hurt her this way. To let the dream of her and me die, but what choice do I have? It’s her or my career.
Going out doesn’t sound appealing at all, but it seems marginally better than sitting in my house alone stewing about what I can’t have. Maybe a puck bunny will help take my mind off Alex—at least that’s what Teddy thinks.
Of all places to go, Teddy has me meet him at a fucking dance club. I don’t dance. But I do drink, and that’s what I intend on doing.
Heading straight to the bar, I go to the darkest corner and order myself a shot of tequila. “I don’t need the lime or the salt,” I tell the bartender.
Taking it down in one burning gulp, I order another and a beer. I text Teddy and tell him where I am.
This place is mobbed with people. The lights are low and multi-colored bulbs strobe around the dance floor. The bass thumps loudly and there are bodies everywhere. The smell of stale beer and too many different types of cologne invade my senses. Why did I agree to this?
Teddy has a smirk on his face when he joins me at the bar. “Glad you could make it. Wasn’t sure you’d join me.”
He’s as surprised that I’m here as I am. “This isn’t my scene. I’d rather be at a pub or someplace a little quieter.”
Smacking me on the shoulder, he says, “The pubs don’t have women like these.” He points out toward the massive dance floor crowded with people bumping and grinding.
Looking around, there isn’t anyone that piques my interest. “You hoping to hook up tonight?” I ask.
“Nah. Not unless it’s Bri. She might come tonight.” He winks at me. I remember that he’s interested in one of Cora’s friends.
“Does that mean that you’re off the market?” For as long as I’ve known Teddy, he’s always been a player. I can’t see him as the settling down type.
He flashes a one hundred dollar bill toward the bartender who comes over to take his order. Teddy asks for a pint. “I wouldn’t say that I’m off the market, but this woman has me in knots. I’m here to help you out, Bro. We have to take your mind off Alex.”
“Thanks. I’m not sure if a random hook-up will do the trick or not.” My stomach sinks even thinking about trying to find someone else. I don’t think I have it in me to even try to talk to anyone. All I want is Alex.
Teddy points in the direction of the dance floor. “Hey, look. There’s Bri and Alex.”
Whipping my head around, I spot her out there dancing. She looks loose and relaxed. Her hair is down in waves around her shoulders and she’s wearing a sleeveless blouse and a skirt. Her arms are up over her head and she’s singing along to the lyrics. My heart pounds away in my chest. She’s so beautiful.
“I didn’t know that Alex was going to be here,” I say without taking my eyes off her.
“Bri only mentioned that she’d be here. I didn’t ask who she was coming with.”
Glancing at him, he seems to be telling the truth. We’re friends so I’d hate to think that he’d set me up. “I can’t be around Alex,” I tell him. “I better get out of here.”
Teddy leans over and nudges my side. “You don’t have to leave. It’s a big club. She won’t even know you’re here if you hide out in the corner.”
He hasn’t taken his eyes off Bri since he pointed her out. I know how he feels. Watching Alex like I’m some kind of stalker makes me feel like a creep, but I don’t know how to stop. The way her body is swaying to the music has me wanting to reconsider my stance on no dancing. It’d be hot to have her grinding up on me. But no. I can’t do that. Marcus made sure of it.
A muscular guy with a dark beard comes up behind Alex and rests his hands on her waist. My nostrils flare and I want to attack. “Who’s that guy?” I growl.
“No idea.” He gives me a whack on the back. “Easy killer. They’re just dancing.”
Teddy and I both know this dude wants more than to dance with her. He has a dumb, duck lip expression on his face and his eyes are half-lidded with either drink or lust, possibly both. “He wants her,” I spit out.
Patting my shoulder, Teddy turns me around toward the bar and away from the dance floor. “Let’s get you another drink and we can scope out the place for a suitable replacement for her.”
I chug the rest of my beer and slam the glass on the bar. “I really don’t think this is going to work. There’s no woman in here that’s going to make me forget about Alex. This was a terrible idea.”
“Maybe Bri has another friend that I can introduce you to.” Teddy’s tone is placating. The guy has a calming presence, but it isn’t enough. Not tonight. I can’t watch Alex hook up with another guy.
“Thanks, Teddy, but…”
“Cole.”
Turning in the direction of the angelic voice, Alex stands in front of me with a cautious smile shadowing her expression. Her normally straight, tame hair is wild and wavy, full around her face. She’s absolutely gorgeous.
“Hello,” I say and peer down at her black heels. It
’s too difficult staring into her emerald eyes. If she looks hard enough, I’m sure she’ll see I’m a damn coward that doesn’t know how to tell her the truth about why I have to avoid her.
“This place doesn’t seem like your scene,” she says, tilting her head down so I’m forced to look at her.
Shaking my head, I stare out past her to the dance floor. “You’re right. It isn’t.” My tone has an edge to it and the resulting frown on her face just about kills me. A gnawing pit forms in my stomach, churning the last beer I drank. “I’m going to take off. You have a good night.” I start to walk away.
“Wait. You don’t have to leave because of me.” That’s exactly why I have to get the hell out of here. Her brows pucker into a deeper scowl.
“No. That’s not it. I don’t know what I was thinking coming here. I need to go.” My voice is softer now and I do my best to give her a manufactured grin. I have zero energy to put into this discussion and a fucking dance club isn’t where I want to have it anyway. “Have fun, Alex.”
Turning in Teddy’s direction, I swat him on the shoulder, but he’s in what looks like an in-depth conversation with Bri. He glances at me and I wave before walking out.
I don’t look back to see Alex’s face. I can’t do it or I might turn back around.
It’s early, but since sleep is eluding me, I get up and put gym clothes on. In the kitchen I make myself a chocolate protein shake with a banana and drink it, staring out the window. All I can think about is the sad look on Alex’s face last night and how disappointed she must be in me.
I wonder what she’s going to do on this beautiful day. It’s Saturday so she won’t have to see patients. In a perfect world we’d be together; we could work out, come home, and wash each other off in the shower. I’d take her to bed afterward and kiss every inch of her body. We’d make love for the rest of the morning. Maybe we’d take a picnic to the park and then go to the grocery store to buy food for dinner. I’d grill chicken and she’d make us a salad. We’d watch a movie together on the couch in the evening. It’d be perfect.
Damn Marcus Reid for fucking up this relationship. Sure, it was short-lived, but that didn’t make it any less meaningful or significant.
The gym is busy for seven in the morning. It’s leg day since my ribs are still sore. I find a rack and set up a bar with heavy weights to do squats. I have my earbuds in, cranking some rock music. Two sets in and the blood to my quads is pumping hard. I’m adding plates to the bar when I spot her.
She’s in a white pair of leggings and a blue sports bra with a sad excuse for a tank top—it’s more like a tiny piece of material that’s cut up and sort of covers her bra, but her tight stomach is showing and fuck does she look good. It’s hard to take my eyes off her, but she hasn’t seen me and it’s best if I do my workout and get out of here.
I’m deadlifting when I spot her in the mirror walking toward me. Our eyes lock and it’s as if all the air leaves the room and my heart starts thundering in my chest. Like two magnets drawn together, I want to go to her and put my arms around her, but the risk accompanying that turns my blood cold.
We’re staring at each other in the mirror. She’s behind me, watching me do my set, her mesmerizing emerald eyes never leaving my body. I set the bar on the floor in front of me and pull out an earbud then turn to her. Making no move to get closer, I say, “Hey.”
Her honey-brown hair is pulled into a loose ponytail and she’s not wearing makeup. She’s as gorgeous as I’ve ever seen her. She studies the floor in front of her and says, “Can you spot me?”
I can’t say no even though I know I should stay as far away from her as possible. “Sure.”
Following her—and her perfectly round ass in tight white pants—to the bench press, she lies down flat on her back. Fuck. As if I needed a visual of what I fantasized she’d look like lying under me. My head’s in the damn gutter. She needs a spot, so give her one.
“Do you need a lift off?” I ask, my voice stiff and awkward.
“Nope, just don’t let me drop this on myself.” She laughs and grips the bar. Her breasts look absolutely perfect, with perky hard nipples. My mouth starts to water.
She stares up into my eyes and lifts the bar up and brings it all the way down to her chest and back up again.
“Good form,” I say.
All she does is smile up at me. God, she crushes me. This is why I have to stay away. Because I want her more than my next breath.
Alex’s body is gorgeous, with just the right amount of tone. She’s not one of those skinny model types. She has balance between her curves and muscles. And right now, I have a front row view.
Toward the end of her set, she begins to struggle and she lets out a soft moan. The sound is so erotic my entire body starts to stiffen. I palm the bottom of the bar and give her some assistance for her last rep. She finishes and I help her rack the weight. “Thanks,” she gasps, her voice husky and breathless from exertion.
“You’re welcome,” I say and walk away as quickly as I can.
She’s following me. I see her in the mirror. Damn.
Her hand comes up to my shoulder. “Can we talk?”
I slowly turn to face her. “Sure. What’s up?”
Her eyes, normally bright, seem duller up close. And the corners of her mouth turn down. She’s sad. “Why don’t you tell me what’s up? You’ve been avoiding me. And then you ran off last night like the place was on fire once you saw me.”
Fuck me. I made her look this way. I’m no better than Marcus, blowing her off like she means nothing to me. Squeezing the back of my neck, I say, “I’m sorry about that. I’ve been thinking—maybe we should just be friends.” I sound pathetic.
Her hand flies up to her chest. “What did I do?”
I lean down and grab her shoulder gently. She needs to hear me. “Nothing. I promise. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Alex looks around the room, avoiding my gaze. Oh, no. Tears are forming in her eyes and her bottom lip is starting to tremble. “What then? The last time we were alone together we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. You said we were going to go out again and take it to the next level.”
She has no idea how much I want that. A knot forms in my chest. I hate seeing her this way. Just over a week ago all I wanted to do was make her smile. Now I’m the one causing her pain. She deserves the truth. I can’t have her thinking that this is what I want. “I’ve been advised it’d be best if I leave you alone. Coach Stevens gave me a warning.”
“Oh.” She gives me a slow disbelieving shake of her head. Her mouth opens, but no words come out. She puts her earbuds in her ears and quickly walks away.
My heartbeat slows and nearly stops. Everything in me wants to go after her and explain that she’s important to me, that this isn’t what I want. Yes, that’s what I’ll do.
I grab my gym bag off the floor and hustle out to the front of the gym toward the cardio suite. Checking every treadmill, rower, stepper, and elliptical, she’s not in here. She didn’t walk toward the back where the sauna and locker rooms are. There’s no sign of her in the pro shop or smoothie bar. Could she have left?
Running outside, I scan the parking lot and go up and down every aisle. No sign of her car anywhere. Shit. She’s gone.
My truck is in the last row. I get in and slam the door behind me. What am I supposed to do in this situation? Digging my cell out of my bag, I give Derek a call.
“Hello,” Derek says, sounding a bit winded.
“Hey, I’m not bothering you, am I?” I turn the truck on and wait for my Bluetooth to sync.
“No, I just got back from a run. Cora is making me eggs. What’s up?”
A small pang of jealousy hits me. That could have been Alex and me having breakfast together. Not after today. I’d be surprised if she ever speaks to me again. “I’m looking for advice. About Alex and me. You know what Coach Stevens said, but I’m having a hard time coming to terms with it.” I pull out of the gym parking lot
and head in the direction of Alex’s house.
He’s chewing, undoubtedly the delicious breakfast Cora made for him. “If I were you, I’d keep my distance, man. I know at first I encouraged it and Alex is great, but being with her will only lead to trouble.”
That’s not what I wanted to hear. “Yeah. I know you’re right, but when I saw her this morning at the gym, I didn’t want to tell her we couldn’t see each other anymore.”
“Sorry, brother. That does suck. But there are a lot of fish in the sea. We just have to find you a new one,” Derek says with sympathy in his tone.
If it were only that easy. I don’t bother telling him that Alex is the only woman I’ve ever met who I’ve wanted to have a real relationship with. That she’s the only person I’ve ever imagined a future with. And sure I’d love to take her to bed—what man with a pulse wouldn’t? —but, it’s more than that with her. I wanted to learn everything about her and leave no stone unturned. And I wanted to be a better man for her. “Thank you, Derek.”
“Don’t sound so down. We’ll take you out and find you a new Alex,” he says, but in the background, I hear Cora yelling something that sounds an awful lot like “don’t give up.”
“I have to run. I’ll talk to you later,” Derek says over the shouts coming from Cora.
“Okay.” I swing the truck around and do a U-turn to head in the direction of my house.
Before I hang up, I can still hear Cora in the background yelling. Does she think I should keep seeing Alex? Maybe I should’ve called and talked to her instead of Derek.
Ten
Alex
“I guess Coach Stevens told him not to see me anymore,” I explain to Cora. It’s been a few days since I saw Cole at the gym and I’m still reeling from it. Cora invited me over to her place after work so I could vent. It’s the perfect time since Derek is at practice. I need girl time.