by Cass Sellars
“Not particularly.” Sydney grazed fingers through her hair, uncertain what she’d do with a genuinely honest response.
“I would take her back before you could blink if she would have me.” Dayne spoke matter-of-factly, staring out the window instead of looking at Sydney. “But I don’t believe that’s an option.”
“Does Julie know that?” Syd carefully processed Dayne’s admission, and it reinforced her assertion that she would never completely trust Dayne.
“On some level, she knows. I tell her I love her because I do, but she’s looking for me to make it permanent, and I’m not ready for that yet. At least I’m not as ready as she is. Sometimes I wonder if it’s more about making sure I don’t think about Park than it is about making a firm commitment to her.” Dayne grinned wryly and looked at Sydney. “And I have no idea why I just told you all that.”
Syd wasn’t sure either. “Maybe Julie knows you’ve never really been in that place with her. It’s pretty hard to compete with a ghost.” Sydney slipped her portfolio under her arm and stood squarely in front of her. Syd didn’t look away as she continued to speak. “Question for you…how would you envision the status of your relationship with Parker had she not caught you with Julie, or was that the plan all along?”
“Subconsciously, I guess it was the plan. Maybe I thought her catching me was easier than me telling her I wasn’t happy. Since I didn’t do a very good job keeping it in my pants, I suppose getting caught was inevitable.”
“That was a cowardly way out. If it doesn’t seem to be working with Julie, aren’t you just as likely to do it again?” Sydney was mildly amused by the conversation about relationships between the two of them, since Dayne was an unfaithful cad, and until Parker, Sydney was a womanizing commitment-phobe.
“I know that. It’s all on me, and I’m trying to work it out before she does get hurt. But understand, trading one relationship for another was never the plan. I think I’m a different person now, but I know what happened was my own fault.” She took a deep breath and sighed. “A word of unsolicited advice for you?” Dayne looked as if she was waiting for some indication that Sydney would listen but continued anyway. “Don’t do all this behind Parker’s back. I get coming here, but you need to loop her in before she starts to feel like some hothouse orchid, too fragile to handle information about her own life. Especially if it crosses into her business, she won’t appreciate anyone else knowing where you are on this before she gets to manage the information.”
“I hear you. Thanks for the talk.” Sydney constantly weighed the risk to her relationship against the risk to Parker, but she never gave it words and certainly wouldn’t start now with Dayne.
She walked toward the door before Dayne’s voice stopped her.
“And, Sydney?” Dayne’s sharp green eyes were unfocused as she spoke a little more softly. “I don’t make the same mistake twice. Especially when it costs me something that meant as much to me as I realize Parker did. If there was ever a chance to fix what I broke, I would take it.”
“There won’t be.” Syd walked briskly out the door without looking back. Dayne would never be in a position to win Parker back as long as Sydney drew breath. She pushed the interaction aside as she formulated her next steps, happy she could cross the arrogant Dayne Grant from her list of suspects. It felt at once like a relief and a setback.
***
Syd spent more time than she liked in line for lunch. She deposited a bulging bag of colossal salads and warm French bread into the passenger seat and drove in the direction of the loft. She had intentionally not called or texted Parker, taking Dayne’s words to heart by not hovering over her. She ignored the twinge of guilt she felt, using that as a convenient excuse to not reveal where she’d been. Her cell rang, and she hit the answer key on her dash.
“So, I’ve already done a little checking for you.” Mack launched into her speech without any greeting.
“I thought you were busy learning how to be a better cop at the cop convention?” Syd joked when Mack took a breath.
“I am, but I realized I was already brilliant at it, so I called in a favor during a bathroom break. Becky is still in the Lakeside Mental Treatment Center. Weaver’s mother recommitted her after she applied to have her name changed…to Hyatt, believe it or not. So, it’s fairly reasonable to assume that she isn’t Parker’s latest fan. In fact, her doctor told me, unofficially, of course, that she doesn’t remember anything about that night or even who Parker is. She keeps waiting for you to come pick her up for your wedding. He doesn’t expect her to be released anytime soon because he still believes she’s holding on to some pretty deep-seated delusions, particularly where you’re concerned.”
“Wow. How did I not see any of that?” She recalled the seemingly normal, albeit too eager, woman who followed her home from the bar one night.
“The doc said he thinks she’s had issues for a long time, and you were just part of the perfect storm for the break that put her over. She was part of three significant breakups where the other person left her, and her mother dealt with it by trying to invalidate the importance of the affairs and trying to set her up with men. The last woman abused her pretty badly, and she never really recovered.”
“I guess you just never know what people are dealing with.” Sydney felt bad for the experience that had altered Becky but not enough to forgive her for hurting Parker. “So, I dropped everything off with Sgt. Hicks, including the second note.” Sydney was prepared to fill her in but expected that Jen already had.
“He wrote a report, so we have it on file. I’m hoping it will be a waste of time, but at least we’ll have it in the system if something else happens.”
“I wish I had as much confidence about that as you do. I cleared Dayne off the list of possibles this morning. I’m pretty convinced this isn’t her thing.”
“I’ll let you tell me about that later. I would have loved to be a fly on that wall,” Mack said sarcastically.
“We were civil and fairly transparent about what was permissible and likely.” Syd was cryptic in favor of a later conversation. “Can I tell Parker about the Becky information? I don’t want to look like I’m keeping things from her.” She would never credit Dayne for her moment of clarity, but the admonition hadn’t hurt.
“Well, look at that; someone’s wising up.”
Mack’s appraisal reminded Sydney that she had habitually kept Parker in the dark for her own perceived safety, which had, more than once, caused conflict.
“Don’t patronize me, Foster. Can I tell her or not?” Syd turned into the lot and found her customary spot.
“Yeah, just keep it quiet otherwise, so I don’t burn my favor, okay? I now have to go be schooled on the nuances of sociopaths and Miranda challenges. Have a better time than I will.”
“Ugh. Enjoy. See you Friday.” Syd punched the disconnect button on the dash and dragged the bag of food out of the seat.
When she entered the apartment, the tension in the living room was palpable as Parker paced with a phone pressed to her ear.
“I understand that you’re concerned about the building’s safety, and so am I, but surely we can get the inspector to sign off before next week. If not, we run the risk of not being dried in before the bad weather hits.” She balled her fist and tapped it repeatedly onto her thigh as she walked up and down the hall.
Olivia was sleeping in the playpen as Jenny held another phone to her shoulder and took notes on a yellow legal pad.
“How hard is it to enter two salaries in the system? They’re five-digit numbers, Eddie. Payroll drops tomorrow, and if we can’t fix it before then, I’m coming down for live checks. This makes me look bad because I’m the one who hired these guys.”
Sydney unpacked the boxes and laid silverware on the island, musing that she wouldn’t volunteer to tangle with either of the angry women in her living room. They both appeared flushed as they clicked off their calls and rounded the corner into the kitchen almost simultaneous
ly.
“Rough morning?” Sydney shoved the salads across the island and hoped for some calm.
“People are idiots, that’s all.” Jenny shook parmesan over the bright green leaves and reached for the packet of creamy Italian dressing.
“Agreed. I need to run to the office this afternoon and sign off on some city forms so I’m not the one to hold up the inspections for CTI.” Parker popped open a salad container with a little more force than necessary.
Sydney’s head snapped up at the announcement.
Jenny held up her hands. “Don’t worry. I have to go, too, since putting numbers in a computer seems to be a challenge for accounting. We’ll be there thirty minutes tops and come right back.” She smiled sheepishly at Syd. “That is, if you’ll be here and keep an eye on Olivia? Otherwise, it will take much longer.” She shoved a huge bite of lettuce into her mouth and waited.
“That is devious and manipulative, Mrs. Foster. Both traits I admire in a woman.” She stood behind Parker and dropped her arms around her waist. “I’ll watch her if you promise you call when you get there and text when you leave.”
“That seems like overkill, but okay.” Parker shrugged, obviously trying to work through her conflicting emotions.
“Speaking of devious and manipulative, I’ve eliminated Becky and Dayne from the list of possible note writers.” Syd walked casually back to her food and started stabbing at the greens.
“Would you like to enlighten us on just how you did that?” Parker shot Syd a serious look.
“Mack checked on Becky, who is still in the hospital. According to Mack, she will be for a while since her mother signed her in again when she applied to have her name changed.”
“To what?”
Sydney had hoped to skim past the question. Obviously not going to happen. “Hyatt, it seems.”
Parker stared at her for a moment and simply shook her head. “We’ll talk about that one later. What about Dayne?” Parker moved lettuce around the plate, not actually eating anything.
“I saw her this morning. She was one of my errands.” Sydney watched Jenny glance at Parker as if expecting to be ringside for a significant reaction.
“Why wouldn’t you tell me that this morning?” Parker dropped her fork along with the pretense of trying to eat. “Did you think I would try to stop you?”
“Yeah. I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe I wasn’t all that sure I would actually go.” Syd leaned onto her forearms and faced Parker’s annoyed stare. “I know you’re pissed, but I needed to rule her out, even though I know you already had. The upshot was that she said she didn’t write them or send you the flowers.” Syd looked mildly irritated when she spoke again. “She also said that if she had a glimmer of hope with you, she would try to win you back.”
“Well, isn’t that a dumbass thing to say to your ex-wife’s girlfriend?” Jenny looked disbelieving.
“Fairly dumb, yeah. We have an understanding that there would be no such opportunity, and I suggested she focus on Julie, who seems devoted to her for some reason.” Sydney glanced toward Parker, who pushed her food to the center of the island and walked away. Syd shot Jenny a confused look and began to follow her.
“Give her a minute, Syd. You kind of overturned the applecart on her. Let her process before you go smother her.”
“You think I smother her?” Sydney’s voice ratcheted up a few notes as she took in the accusation.
“First, I think you want to protect her, but you’ve dumped all kinds of information on her after you’ve already had time to process it. Give her a second. Think about it; she has to process that her ex-wife wants her back and told her replacement as much. Then her kidnapper—your insane, one-night-stand-stalker—suddenly wants your last name and is still too unstable to be released from the institution.”
Syd exhaled loudly. “I didn’t want to keep her in the dark because that makes her mad, Jen.”
“Of course it does; just give her a minute before you go stomping back there demanding that she get to the place you already are.” Jen waggled a fork in Syd’s direction. “Walk back there calmly and be a little sorry for whacking her in the head with all the info without notice. And don’t piss her off. She needs to not be crazy when we drive to the office.”
Syd stopped to consider how she was supposed to deliver a lot of important information without doing it all at once. She still had some things to learn, apparently. She headed to the bedroom and found Parker perched on the edge of their mattress wearing a pressed dress shirt and thin cotton dress pants. Sydney sat next to her and slipped a hand under her knees, pulling Parker’s legs over her lap.
“Jenny says that basically, I’m an idiot, and I threw out a bunch of information without warning. I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. I just wasn’t expecting it.” Parker traced her fingers over Sydney’s forearm. “I just can’t believe Becky is still obsessed with you and that Dayne was arrogant enough to tell you that about me.” She shook her head and tilted it on Syd’s shoulder.
“At least she was honest. It wasn’t a bad conversation; she just made sure I knew where she stood in case I dropped the ball anywhere. Not that I think you would go back for any reason.”
“No, I wouldn’t. She’s still just as entitled—as evidenced by your conversation. What’s worse is that Becky hasn’t gotten any better and is still obsessed with you. It’s terrifying to think that she could try to get to you again.” Parker’s sigh was heavy. “Why can’t we just be alone and quiet and happy?”
“Because we have pasts, and the world isn’t always as it should be. We are happy, we’ll get through this, and I’ll make sure you’re safe.” Sydney slid her arms around Parker and tilted her face against Parker’s cheek.
“Who’s going to make sure you’re safe, Superwoman? The note made it sound like they’re angry at you, not me.”
“We’ll both be careful until we figure out who this is, okay? I’ll be fine, too.”
“Fine. We’ll talk about it later. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” She kissed Sydney, lingering over her lips.
“Call me, please. I love you.” Sydney reluctantly let Parker slide away from her and walk toward the hall.
Syd watched them pull out of view in Jenny’s car and thought she might not breathe until they were back. A soft knock jolted her out of her thoughts.
“Hey, Syd.” Mia grinned at her from the hallway. “Just wondered if you had time for coffee?”
“Sure, you just missed Park and Jen. They’re driving to the office, and I’m in charge of the littlest Foster.” Syd swept an arm toward the playpen where Olivia still slept quietly.
“They’re sure taking a chance, aren’t they?” Mia grinned. “Parker’s really lucky to have you to depend on if she needs it. You’re the best.”
“Whoa. My press has certainly been exaggerated. I’m just lucky that she still wants to be here.” Syd walked to the coffeemaker and started a pot, trying not to wake the baby as she collected the abandoned salads and sealed their containers. “Mia, I know you can’t think about it now, but you’ll have that with someone again. It’ll just take some time.”
“I can’t imagine being with someone like that. All I see is Sandy. I still think I feel her at night, and then I wake up, and I have to remind myself that she’s gone.” Quiet tears overflowed onto her cheeks, and Sydney felt inadequate to help with that amount of grief. She held Mia from her perch on the barstool and waited until she heard a deep breath and felt her straighten.
“You’re going to get pretty sick of me, you know.” Mia dragged a napkin over her face.
“I have a beautiful woman telling me all her secrets and keeping me from screwing up baby duty? Not a chance, doll.” Syd kissed her forehead and returned to pour coffees. She caught Mia staring absently, likely fielding memories of her life with Sandy before she was shot.
Olivia abruptly voiced her desire to be part of the conversation.
“Got it,” M
ia said, and she happily swung the baby up and into her arms.
Sydney received Parker’s arrival text while Mia was spooning organic apple puree into Olivia’s waiting mouth. They managed to empty an entire jar into the child and constructed a pyramid from her bright plastic toys until she was sleepy. Mia rubbed her stomach soothingly until Olivia dropped to sleep again beside Syd, who still felt the weight of the mystery surrounding them and stared at the rough beams that stretched across the ceiling. Her need to safeguard their life together would always supersede her work or her independent life.
***
Parker slid through the door with an armload of folders. She motioned to Jen to be quiet when she glimpsed the trio in the living room. Sydney lay asleep on the flokati rug with Olivia’s head against her shoulder. Mia slept perpendicular, with the baby’s feet resting in her hands.
“Well, that’s about the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.” Jenny set her box of work on the couch and picked up her stirring daughter before she disturbed the duo. “I’m going to give her a bath before we go for a walk. You handle our two worn-out babysitters,” Jenny whispered, whisking a groggy Olivia into the bedroom. Mia woke and sat up, focusing on Parker, who smiled at her.
“Good nap?” Parker spoke quietly as Mia brushed her hands over her slightly rumpled clothes.
“Actually, yes, and surprising after two cups of your girlfriend’s coffee. But I need to get back to work before my boss notices my computer’s been off for too long.” She hugged Parker and headed for the door. “She’s great with that little girl, but I think she wants to keep it a secret.”
“I won’t tell if you won’t.”
Mia yawned and waved as she slid the door shut behind her.
Parker slipped off her shoes and tiptoed to stand over Syd. She straddled her and then gently lay on top of her long body and tucked against her neck. She smiled as she felt Sydney’s arms slide around her back.
“I’m supposed to be babysitting, not feeling up my woman in the living room.” Syd smiled and rolled them sideways. “What happened to you texting me when you left?”