I’m not going to win. I know Hawk too well. He never gives up and he never loses. But he won’t be able to help me either. When he figures that out, I’ll be on my own again. So why not enjoy having the company while it lasts?
Even if he’s being annoying as hell.
Hawk
I own a fucking restaurant, and I’m cooking noodles from a box and sauce from a jar. My grandmother is cursing my name in heaven right now.
Truth is, Lo has me so pissed off I needed something to do with my hands. Cooking is my go-to, but with club business and the restaurant booming, I’ve had little time to stock my own kitchen.
She’s sitting on my couch now, reading through one of my motorcycle magazines. I’m sure she’s not the least bit interested in the subject, but anything is better than arguing with me.
I put two plates of pasta on the small round table tucked in the alcove in my kitchen, and I take a seat. If she’s hungry, she’ll join. I don’t have my first forkful to my mouth before she joins me.
We don’t speak but pass glances over the food. She’s pissed and I get it. I’d be angry if someone came into my life and started giving orders, but damn it, I can’t let Lo leave. I’m being selfish. I told myself so a hundred times between her apartment and mine. I even almost put her stuff down on the sidewalk and walked away. I want her to stay because she’s the reason I get out of bed in the morning. Not seeing her in the restaurant would kill me.
But I’m also too stubborn to let her know any of that. I’m no good for her. I could keep the Darrens of the world away, but what else do I have to offer her? I have no family. No future besides the restaurant and Tempest Elite. In ten years, I’ll still be living in the small apartment, because it’s home to me and I don’t need anything else.
That’s a lie, I realize, as I look across my dinner table at the woman who makes my cock grow hard only by watching her eat. I do need something else, but she doesn't need me.
“Have you always lived alone?” Lo asks. Her voice shatters the silence and I’m struggling for an answer.
“I prefer it.”
She nods and takes another bite. “My mother and I had a place like this once. It was short term until we could get into a rental house, but I remember feeling so safe in the small space.”
I almost choke on my next bite. I’ve saved enough to buy a place outside of town. A house like Gunner’s, with several bedrooms and space to grow a family. I’ve come close to doing it too, but each time I back out, realizing I like being able to scan my entire living space with one glance.
“What about your family?” she asks. “Do they visit?”
“My brothers are my family,” I answer sternly. I’ve lost my appetite. I take my plate off the table and hers, even though she’s still eating. I need something to do with my hands again. Washing dishes is the only thing that comes to mind that doesn’t involve touching Lo.
“I mean blood relatives.” She is standing over me at the sink, waiting for my answer, though I believe she already knows it. We’ve talked a little while closing down the bar on slow nights. I know her father died when she was young, and she grew up taking care of her mother who doesn’t have a maternal bone in her body. But the topic of my family never came up. I made sure of it.
“I don’t have any,” I answer before dropping a plate into the dish drainer hard enough to make it clank.
Lo isn’t threatened. She grabs a dry rag from the counter and stands next to me, drying as I wash. That damn strawberry scent is driving my mind crazy while she works.
“You know. If you’re going to hold me captive, the least you could do is let me into your world a little.”
“You are not captive. You can leave any time you like.”
“Without my wallet and money. I don’t think so.” She takes another plate and spins it in her hand, drying all the edges.
She does have a point. I owe her something after stealing her stuff and making her follow me through the streets. I’m not keeping her here for any other reason than to ease my mind. I’m not doing her a favor.
“I never knew my parents and I got passed around house to house until I came of age. Never stayed in one place long enough for it to matter.”
She stops drying and watches me.
“Don’t,” I say, staring back. “That’s why I don’t tell people. They always give me that look. I don’t feel sorry so why should anyone else?”
“It makes since then,” she says after a pause and then she goes back to drying the dishes.
“What?” I ask, finishing the last pot and wishing I had more. I need something to occupy my mind, especially while Lo stands so close to my side.
“You, living here. Being a part of Tempest Elite. You’re used to being on your own, but you like the idea of family.” She finishes with the plate in her hand, throws the towel on the counter, and turns to face me. “Have you ever considered having a family of your own?”
Every time I walk into the restaurant and see her serving. I’ve dreamed of Lo pregnant with my babies. My cock jerks at the thought and I know I’m getting too close. If I don’t stop, I won’t be able to hold back.
“I’m sorry,” she says and backs a step away from me. “That’s too personal a question. I shouldn't have asked.”
There’s something in the way she pulls back that sets my body on fire, like if I don’t act right the fuck now, I will lose her forever. I step forward, closing the space she left, and I cup my hand round the back of her neck. When she doesn’t protest, I let go of my last strand of restraint and I drop my mouth to hers.
Fuck me. Lo is everything I imagined she’d be and more. Her mouth softens to mine and her lips part, allowing me to roam inside her sweet mouth. When her body moves to mine, her tits press into my chest hard enough for me to feel her stuff nipples. I am a complete goner. There is no going back. There is no saving my soul. In one kiss I’ve given it all away to Lo, and I’m powerless to ever get it back.
She’s perfection. Just like I knew she would be.
Chapter 5
Lotus
I’ve told Hawk everything about me by the time we finish with the kitchen and sit down in the living area with drinks.
Once the floodgates opened, I let everything spill. He already knew about my parents, but he had no idea about the things I’d done to keep a roof over my and my mother’s heads. Which included dating older men who’d pay our rent for a night out on the town with a pretty young woman at their side.
I feel Hawk tense up when I get to the days of dating to pay the bills, and I assure him quickly nothing ever went beyond a kiss.
I’m not sure if he was trying to make me feel better by telling me about his past, or if he was trying to move on from mine. But while Hawk told me about joining foster care at five with his two brothers and being separated soon after, my heart aches for him.
“My parents chose drugs over their children,” he says as if he’s reading his story from a book. “We were better off without them.”
“Where are your brothers now?” I ask before realizing that if he’d wanted to share, he already would have. I inwardly cringe and wait for his answer.
“One is dead, or so I’ve been told. The other, no one knows. His records were lost when they moved to a computer-based system.”
“And your parents?”
“Once I was old enough to realize they’d lost us to child welfare, I never gave them another thought.”
By the sourness on his face, I don’t believe him. It’s clear he’s given them a lot of thought over the years, and I’m willing to bet most of his hardness comes from the constant battle of pushing them away.
“I’d like to not think about my mother anymore,” I say, leaning my head back on the couch. “Since my father died, it’s been me against the world to protect her.”
Hawk shifts so his thigh rubs mine. He leans over me and takes my cheek in his calloused hand. “It should have been you both against the world. She failed you,
Lo. But I won’t.”
I’m stunned into not being able to move for several seconds. Hawk does that to me. He’s so hard and closed off, then he swoops in with these soft declarations that make me want to believe he could feel the same about me as I do him. And it pisses me the hell off. How am I supposed to be around him nonstop for three days and fight my attraction if he’s going to throw out those affections?
“Ugh.” I drop my hand over my face and close my eyes. “Hawk. You have to stop doing that.”
He sits up straight again. His voice turns hard again. “Stop what?”
I’m up from the couch. I can’t sit next to him and feel the way I feel without touching him. “This. All of this.” I wave my hands around. “Hawk. If you don’t know how I feel about you by now, then you’re either blind or stupid. Bringing me here, knowing we will never be anything…” I choke on my next words, but I must get them out. “You’re not being fair.”
Hawk stands and hovers over me. “Lo.” He reaches for my cheek, but I pull away.
“I know about you and Camila,” I shout out. I mean for it to hurt him, but he only looks shocked.
He laughs, though it’s not a humorous sound. “You know about me and Camila what? She works for me, Lo. That’s all.”
He steps closer and I retreat behind the couch. I’m in pain—terrible pain—and he’s making me face it in front of him. I want to cry. I need to drop my walls and let the feelings all rush over me at once, but I don’t. I stand my ground just as life taught me to, and I face him.
“You and Camila were together the other night. She was upset and you took her to your office. Why do you think we’re all thinking about you two?”
“Christ, Lo.” He’s seething at me. His eyes are narrow and his mouth so tight I’m surprised he can make any noise at all. “It’s not what you think at all. Camila is dating a Devil. I called her back to my office to tell her what will happen once he becomes a patched member.”
He steps closet to me again, but I’m not ready to trust him. I lean back so I’m just out of his reach.
“I’ve kept Camila on at the restaurant to keep an eye on her, but once she becomes an official ol’lady to a patched Devils member, she can’t stay. I needed her to understand exactly what that meant. I wouldn’t be able to keep her on at the restaurant, but nothing more than that.” He pauses and steps around the couch. He has me backed between him and the living area wall. “I needed her to know my restaurant and the people in it mean too much to me to allow my place to become a Devils’ hangout. I told her she’d have to go because I couldn’t afford to lose you, Lo. You’re the only person I have any care for protecting.”
My body is frozen in place. I shake my head, disbelieving what I’m hearing. “You avoid me. You go out of your way to not have to talk to me.” I twist to my side and out of my spot pinned between him and the wall, fully aware that if he’d wanted to hold me there, he could have. “Hawk, I don’t understand. One minute you’re cold as ice to me and the next you’re saying things like I’m the only person you care to protect. You’re confusing the hell out of me and being a real asshole.”
I don’t have a chance to step further away before he has me up against the wall. This time my wrists are wedged in his hands, not tightly but enough to restrict my movement. His knee presses into my core so I can’t move and his large body hovers over mine until I’m scared breathing might make us touch.
“I know I’ve been an asshole. I had to be. I couldn’t feel about you the way I do and keep from hurting you.”
That breath I couldn’t catch. It’s gone. I start to speak but he stops me.
“Let me finish. I’ve avoided you because I’m no good for you, Lo. You’ve lived a lifetime with trash like me and you deserve better. I know my place. But damn if I can keep my hands off you while you’re in my home, challenging me at every turn.” He takes several short breaths that press his chest against mine as they blow across my face. “Damn it, girl. I fucking love you and I don’t deserve to.”
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. I don’t want to believe him at first. I’m so used to being disappointed. I feel like he has to be playing a trick on me. But he’s not. He’s holding on to me like letting go will break him, and I know the feeling. Because if he does, I’ll break too.
“Hawk,” I whisper. I run my hand down his face and cup the bottom of his stubbled cheek in my palm. I can’t form any words, so I don’t. I reach up on my tippy toes and I claim his mouth with mine.
It takes Hawk a second to react but once he does, he wraps his arms around me and lifts me up. My knees are around his waist, my feet are off the floor, and I’m floating, held up by my back against the wall and my chest pressed into his.
I don’t stop kissing him either. If I let go, everything around us will come crumbling down like a dream fading away in the daylight. I want to hang on to this moment as long as I can.
It’s Hawk that breaks our bond first. I feel the wave of disappointment rush over me so quickly, I don’t have time to react. But before I can stretch my legs to meet the ground again, he’s carrying me toward the bed. He reclaims my mouth and lays me down as if I’m a feather. I’m not. I’m almost as tall as him and my curves are real.
He brushes all the hair off my face with both of his hands before he pulls away to look into my eyes.
“Lo,” he says, his voice stretched and in pain.
I will do anything to help him heal. Anything he asks of me.
“I don’t want to do anything you’re not ready for,” he says, and I can’t believe this hard-ass man is asking permission. I am aching for him. I’m already wet from the anticipation of having his length inside me. I’m fully ready to be fucked. But it’s clear that’s not Hawk’s intention.
He’s here to make love, and I’m not sure how I feel about that. We haven’t even started, and I already know I’ve lost my heart to him. There will never be another for me after him.
But can I say the same for Hawk?
Hawk
She’s splayed out on my bed like the angel she is. Underneath me. Like the dreams I’ve had of her, only sweeter.
When she reaches for my shirt, I grab her wrist. No one, not even my brothers have seen my bare chest in years. I keep covered up because, under the clothes, I keep my past documented in ink. Every attachment I’ve made to someone who was later taken from me. My brother. My friends. I have them all.
Lo doesn't ask questions. Instead, she reaches up for my chest and begins to outline each memorial. She runs her fingers over the dates and glances back to me, but she says nothing. She knows this isn’t something I want to talk about, and she doesn’t push.
“Oh, Hawk,” is all she says, and I get that she understands. That’s another of those things about Lo that makes me love her more each day. She gets when I need quiet, and she respects it.
She goes for my jeans next, but I stop her.
“Not yet,” I breathe between us. I’ve been dreaming about tasting Lo since she first walked through the restaurant doors and I don’t want to rush it. I start at her neck, layering kisses along her heated skin and leaving a trail of red from my stubble. It’s my mark on her skin and it makes my cock pulsate so damn hard. I almost lose it in my pants.
Lo moans as I work down her body. I take each firm breast in hand and squeeze until her nubs rise for me. The first one fits perfectly in my mouth and as I begin to suck, Lo arches her back, pressing even deeper into my mouth.
She’s as delicious as I expected, and she tastes like strawberries.
Once I reach her jeans, I take my time undoing her buttons. I rake a glance all the way up her body until I meet her gaze. She’s ready for me. Her gaze is unfocused and her eyes are hooded under her lashes.
I’m going to enjoy the hell out of watching Lo come. Her panties come off with her jeans. When she's bare, I sit back and take her all in before I spread her knees apart and dip my head in for the first taste. She’s already wet and my tongue glid
es over her plump lips like silk over a flame.
“Goddamnit, Lo,” I mutter. My mouth covers her mound and I suck it all in while she rewards me with another soft moan. Her fingers find my hair and pull, and I know I’ve got her near release.
I want to watch. I want to see my sweet Lo drenched in ecstasy. I replace my tongue with one finger, then two, pumping into her, pressing upward as I go to find that magic G-spot. Soon, she’s riding my hand and her eyes close. Her head falls back and her body spasms around my two fingers like a vice.
“That’s it, Baby. Come for me.”
Lo is no longer in this world. She’s somewhere higher, and I get so much pleasure from watching her come back down and notice me. Her smile is sweet, her face glistening with sweat. She’s the sexiest fucking angel, and she’s mine.
I crawl up her body, retracing my steps and kissing her thighs, hips, belly button and her breasts once again until I’m at her neck. Then I dip down to her mouth and kiss her deeply. I’m spent from the fun of watching her and fall to the bed at her side, but Lo has no intention of letting me stop there.
I’m happy with seeing her satisfied, but as soon as I’m down, she reaches for my jeans and begins tugging them over my hips.
“Lo.” I put my hand on hers. “You don’t have to.”
I’m afraid when she looks up at me until the most wicked grin crosses her face and she shakes my hand away. “You don’t get to have all the fun, Hawk. I’ve dreamed about this for too long.”
She’s back to pulling down my jeans and I shift so she can get them around my knees and down to my boots. I help her unlace those and when she has my jeans on the floor, I do the rest, throwing my boxers in the same heap as the rest.
When I lay back down, she runs a hand down the center of my chest. My body reacts in a wave of heated spasms from her touch. I can’t fathom what she feels like wrapped around my cock.
Hawk: Tempest Elite MC: Tempest Elite MC Book # 5 Page 4