by Eric Vall
“Yeeeeaaahhh,” I sighed, but my brain was already spinning stories of the various ways my best friend had used the recording glasses. “Anyways, we could be watching from Todd’s phone while you’re--”
“Your phone,” Todd interrupted.
“But I don’t have the app on my--”
“Oh, you do,” Todd said. “I installed it a few weeks ago. It’s in the ‘Todd’s Sexy Place’ app folder on your phone.”
“Of course it is,” I said as I rolled my eyes. “As I was saying, we can watch Ira talking talking to Ose on my phone, and if things start to go south, we can rush in and help.”
“I appreciate your concern--turn here,” the succubus commanded, and I whipped the sports car around the corner. “As I was saying, I appreciate your concern, but I am more than capable of handling an Earl of Hell. Those guys are only one step above succubi.”
“Exactly,” I agreed. “They’re still higher on the Chain of Being. Just wear the glasses, Ira. Please? It’d make us all feel a lot better.”
Ira snatched the sunglasses from Todd’s hand, opened them up, and then put them onto her head. “Fine,” she sighed, “but for the record, I look ridiculous. The shop should be up here on the right, FYI.”
We pulled up to the storefront of the demon’s shop and were met with a large sign that read “Dika’s Haven.”
“Is that really the best name he could come up with?” Todd snarked. “It sounds like the name of a boss lair from the most generic video game in the world.”
“Like I said,” Ira sighed and slid the glasses down over her eyes, “Ose isn’t exactly a force to be reckoned with. Let me out here, Jacob.”
I nodded and rolled to a stop a block away from the new age store.
“We’ll be right over there in that parking lot, watching on my phone,” I promised. “If things start to look like they’re getting out of hand, we’ll be there in a flash.”
“There’s a mic and little earpiece in there, too,” Todd reminded the succubus. “You can hear us, and we can hear you.”
Ira nodded, and then she picked up Todd and sat him down on the console of the GT. The succubus unfastened her seatbelt, opened the door, and then stepped out into the street. She gave us a reassuring nod, and then she slammed the door shut behind her.
I pulled the sports car into an alleyway about a block away and killed the engine. Quickly, I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and opened the app connected to the spy glasses.
The live feed popped up onto the screen with text that read, “Connecting, please stand by.”
“Fuck,” Cupi growled. “I thought these ‘cell phone’ things were supposed to make everything more convenient?”
“If only,” I said with a snort. “Just give it a minute, my signal is a little weaker here.”
I shook it a couple times, and the camera’s stream finally started. We were seeing things from Ira’s point of view as she pushed open the door of the shop.
There was the sound of a bell ringing and a metallic creak as the door opened, and then she was standing inside of a small room. This place certainly looked like your typical New Age shop, with colorful fabrics draped all over the shelves and incense smoke drifting off multiple burners.
Even though we weren’t physically there, I was sure the entire place smelled like sage and cedar.
“Hello?” Ira called out into the empty shop. “Anybody hooomee?”
Just off to the left, a curtain of hanging beads rustled and an older-looking man stepped through the threshold. The demon wore a ridiculously large purple headband over his fading black hair, and on his chest rested a leather vest that would have made Davy Crockett jealous. He had a floral-patterned shirt underneath the vest, and a pair of black pants held up by one of the biggest belt-buckles I’d ever seen.
Yep, this was our guy, alright.
“Is that … Ira?” Ose asked happily and extended his arms out in welcome. The demon had a thick Slavic accent, precisely as the Sister of Wrath warned.
Ira moved in and gave Ose a warm hug. The succubus seemed calm through all of this, but the tension in the air was thick on our end. All it would take was a quick strike while her guard was down, and Ose could end Ira without much of a fight.
“It’s been too long, old friend,” Ira’s voice replied happily.
Ose motioned toward the corner of the room. “I’ve just finished putting on some tea,” the demon said with a smile. “Come. Sit down and drink with me.”
“I’d be honored,” the succubus answered and then began to follow.
Ira sat down at a tiny table with a shiny yellow tablecloth, and the demon sat down opposite of her.
“What’s with these silly glasses?” Ose pulled back and motioned to the sunglasses. “Your eyes are always so beautiful. Why hide them?”
“Unfortunately, my ‘beautiful eyes’ are still purple,” the dark-haired woman explained. “Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you probably know I’m currently running for congress.”
“Really?” Ose mused. “I never took you as someone to get involved in the political world. Although, it is a pretty good fit. Dominatrix and all. They’ll love that in Washington. I apologize for not knowing about your candidacy, but you know how I like to keep to myself. I haven’t even spoken to the other Seventy-Two Servants since the incident at the Salesforce Tower.”
“Ah, yes,” Ira continued. “The meeting to figure out what to do about the mortal.”
“Precisely.” The demon nodded. “Speaking of which, how is that Cerberus clone you and Azazel are working on? I hope you let me see it before it’s sent into battle.”
“Unfortunately, he’s already been defeated.” Ira sighed. “He was beautiful, though.”
“The mortal again?” Ose’s face grew grim.
The video shook up and down, and Ose sat back in his chair.
The demon rubbed at his chin as he pondered Ira’s words, and then he leaned forward with one hand on his thigh.
“So a mortal defeated Azazel for the third time?” he asked. “This would almost be funny if it wasn’t so scary.”
“Scary?” Ira responded. “What’s so scary about it? He may have defeated us, but he’s still just a mortal. He’ll never be strong enough to defeat my master, at least not while all of his succubi are standing by his side.”
“Aye,” Ose agreed. “I heard about Superbia and Libidine and Cupiditas. I never would have thought any of them would go turncoat. If anything, I would have figured it’d be Tris or Invidia.”
“That’s actually what brings me here,” Ira admitted.
“Oh?” the demon’s face contorted, and I began to worry something was up.
“Sister Tris and Sister Gula are in town on Azazel’s orders,” Ira explained. “They’re throwing this massive party to try and gain us more followers, but I’m concerned the mortal might try to crash it. Jacob already caused havoc at both of their last two recruiting bashes.”
“I see,” the demon sighed, “and what do you want me to do about it?”
“I’m worried the mortal will try to woo them as he has wooed the other succubi in the Circle of Sin,” Ira continued. “Now, I’m not one for all the theatrics like my sisters are. My question to you is this: would you be willing to act as my personal liaison to Tris and Gula?”
“Why can’t you just go talk to them yourself?” Ose asked curiously.
“Because my Sisters and I had a falling out,” Ira explained. “As you can imagine, Azazel was not too happy when our Cerberus clone was destroyed. He punished me, and not in a ‘harder, daddy’ type of way.”
“See?” Todd snickered in the seat beside me. “I told you I liked this one.”
Ose frowned. “That’s terrible, Ira.”
“It was awful,” the succubus continued. “Needless to say, my master doesn’t trust me anymore, and he ordered me to stay as far away from Tris and Gula’s party as possible, but I don’t trust those two clowns at all. They’re go
ing to cave to Jacob and his lies as soon as they hear them, I just know it.”
“So you want me to be your eyes and ears?” Ose pondered.
“Just to get me into the party,” she explained, “and to help me keep an eye on my Sisters. The last thing Azazel needs is to lose another succubi when he’s already lost three.”
“I’m actually impressed, Ira.” The demon nodded. “If that mortal could have gotten Superbia on his side, I figured you’d be next in line.”
Ira scoffed at Ose’s comment and let out a laugh. “I’d never join the world of the mortals. Besides, he works for the Divine. What kind of a life is that?”
There was a high-pitched squealing sound from the back room, and Ose sat up in his chair.
“That’d be the tea!” he exclaimed as he hopped to his feet. “I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere, my friend.”
As soon as the demon disappeared behind the bead curtain, I raised my phone up to my mouth. “Ira, I don’t like this,” I warned. “He seems a little too eager to jump on board with this plan.”
“Relax,” the succubus whispered. “Ose didn’t even know about the battle with Cerberus. I’ve got him right where I want him.”
“Just … just don’t drink the tea,” I implored. “Please. I don’t trust this guy.”
“Fine.” Ira sighed. “I won’t accept anything from Ose that could possibly be poisoned.”
“Thank you,” I mumbled into the earpiece. “I’ve just got a really bad feeling about this.”
“Here we go!” Ose exclaimed as he walked back into the room holding two cups of tea. “Fresh out of the kettle.”
“Thanks, Ose,” Ira said playfully. “So, what’s the verdict? Will you help me spy on Gula and Tris?”
“If this were any other demon, I’d probably say no,” the colorful man mused, “but because we go way back, sure. I’ll help you. As long as Azazel doesn’t find out.”
“You have my word,” Ira promised. “Azazel will be none the wiser.”
Ose picked up his cup and downed it in a single gulp. He let out an “ahh” sound, and then motioned to the succubus.
“Go on,” he smiled. “Try it. It’s my own special blend.”
My heart sank at the demon’s words, and I unfastened my seatbelt.
“What are you doing?” Cupi hissed from behind me. “You’re going to blow her cover.”
“Something’s not right,” I whispered. “He’s too laid back about all of this.”
“Oh, I think I’m going to pass,” Ira explained softly. “I’m on a detox diet right now, and tea is one of my forbidden items. Gotta keep my slim figure. It’s good for my public image, you know?”
“Please, Ira,” Ose continued. “I insist. It’ll be good for you.”
Ira let out an awkward chuckle. “I appreciate you brewing this for me, Ose, I really do. I’m just not in a tea-drinking mood right now.”
“Ira,” the demon’s voice now grew angry. “You are a guest in my shop. Please, it would be disrespectful to not accept my offer.”
“Why are you so insistent I drink from this cup, Ose?” Ira asked accusingly.
The demon slammed his hands palm-down on the table. “You are being very rude, you know,” he growled, and his eyes began to glow green.
“Fuck this.” I tossed my phone into the cubby on the dash and threw open the door. “I’m going in.”
“Right behind you, Jakey!” Todd exclaimed, but I was already out of the car and dashing toward the shop.
It didn’t take me long before I was at the door, and I nearly tore it off the handles as I entered.
Ose had Ira on the ground with an emerald spell, and he was about to force the tea into her mouth.
Without even thinking, I launched a shot of red Hellfire at the fucker. Ose looked up right as the ball of flames struck him in the chest. The demon flew back into the wall and then fell down onto his hands and knees.
The teacup shattered onto the ground beside him, and the liquid inside evaporated with a sizzle.
“So it is true,” he growled and nursed his side. “You are with the mortal now.”
“You’re gonna pay for trying to poison her, asshole,” I warned and summoned another cast of crimson fire into my hand.
“Poison her?” he laughed as he stood to his feet. “I wasn’t going to kill her. Just make her unconscious long enough to deliver her back to Azazel, where she belongs!”
Ose’s eyes glowed green, and the wall of statues on the far side of the shop flew off the walls.
I quickly threw up a wall of purple, and the ceramic projectiles shattered as they struck the protective Hellfire. At the same time, I shot another ball of red flames at the bastard. Ose used his telekinesis to throw the tea table into the path of the fireball, and it was incinerated instantly.
“The cavalry has arrived!” Todd exclaimed as he and the succubi burst through the door. The imp made a trumpet sound with his mouth, and a small barrage of fireballs shot out from behind his lips like angry bubbles.
Simultaneously, a handful of Liby’s yellow daggers flew across the room, but Ose’s eyes glowed once more, and a few of the large wooden shelves were torn from the wall. A few of the shelves landed in front of the demon and acted as a makeshift shield, but Cupi caught a good half of those shelves with her blue freezing spell, and it left a massive hole in the asshole’s armor.
He let out a squeal of pain as Todd’s fireballs and Liby’s daggers struck his left side and sent him spinning.
The pain must have been enough to break his concentration, because Ira was released from her emerald prison. Then the succubus hopped back up to her feet and summoned her morning star into her hand.
“I can’t believe I trusted you, asshole,” she hissed and charged Ose.
The ceiling was encased with green fire, and the demon tried to bring it down directly in Ira’s path. I tossed out my own cast of jade Hellfire just below the crumbling ceiling, and the debris passed through the glowing portal. They then reappeared directly above Ose’s head.
I couldn’t see everything that was going on, but I could tell the fucker was forced to make a split second choice. Either save himself from the debris, or save himself from Ira.
I knew which one I would have chosen, and Ose chose the same. Ira’s body went tumbling backward with a flash of green, and then there was a loud crack as the rubble smashed into Ose from above. The spell around the shelves released, and they fell to the floor. Now, where the demon had stood, was a giant pile of debris.
“Is he dead?” Todd asked hopefully. “Because if he is, that was super fucking easy.”
Just after the words left the imp’s mouth, pieces of rubble blasted in every direction. There was a sharp pain in my right shoulder as a piece of plaster smashed into my body and sent me tumbling across the floor. I caught myself quickly and rolled with the impact so my momentum propelled me back to my feet.
All of my friends were laying on the floor groggily, but otherwise appeared to be okay. This mother fucker may have knocked us down, but we always got back up.
And now he was fucked.
I charged at Ose and hurled pieces of furniture at the demon as I ran.
Ose cackled as he knocked each of the projectiles away with his own green spells. Then, he threw out his hand toward the fallen Ira and encased her morning star with emerald fire. He raised it into the air and hurled it in my direction.
I quickly tossed up a portal of my own, and the morning star rocketed through, reappeared behind the son of a bitch, and struck him in the back of the leg.
Ose screamed as the tip of the weapon tore through his achilles tendon and poked out the front. The attack forced the demon to his knees as he tore at the weapon stuck inside him.
“Remember, bro,” Todd called out as I passed by him. “Clean kill!”
The imp was right. If I gnarled up this guy too much, this would all be for nothing.
The window pane of the storefront began to rattle
and glow with emerald fire, and then it shattered. Deadly chunks of glass shot toward the five of us, and I had only a split second to toss up violet barriers before we were skewered alive.
All three of the succubi were now back on their feet, and they began to bombard Ose with spells of turquoise, red, and yellow. Ose pulled the large wooden checkout counter into the air with a flash of green, and the succubi’s spells blasted into the thick barrier, blowing off chunks but not penetrating.
This was my shot while the girls had Ose’s attention.
Without slowing my momentum, I summoned green Hellfire into my hands and aimed them directly at Ose’s head. As I passed behind the demon, I cast the spell directly around his head and jerked my hands in a circular motion.
There was a wet pop as Ose’s head twisted awkwardly, and then his body went limp. I released my spell, and the demon crumpled to the floor, dead.
“Whew,” Todd wiped the sweat from his brow. “That was totally not as easy as you made it out to be, Crazy Eyes.”
“He must have known we were coming,” Ira spat, “or at least, he knew I had turned.” The succubus walked over to the demon’s body, reached down, and dislodged her morning star from his leg. “But how? He’s practically a fucking hermit.”
“Azazel must have all of the remaining Seventy-Two Servants on Defcon One,” I suggested. “There aren’t that many of them left, after all.”
“How many of those fuckers are left, anyway?” Todd asked. “There were, like, less than a dozen who survived our wrath at the Porta ad Inferos.”
“If my memory serves me well, there should be--” Cupi said and then paused to count mentally. “Fourteen remaining. Nine of them escaped through the Porta ad Inferos, and there are five more of these demons who keep themselves isolated, much like Ose here does.”
“You mean ‘did,’” I corrected as I stepped over to the demon’s body. “I fucked up his neck pretty good.”
Now that I saw my work up close, I was somewhat mortified.
Ose’s tongue was hanging out of his mouth involuntarily, and his eyes were widened in shock. Worst of all, the demon’s neck was bent at a horrific angle, with the upper part of his spine jutting out through his flesh like a white whale breaching through a sea of gore.