by Ivy Smoak
“Everything’s okay, Penny. I’ve got you.”
I was about to ask where we were, but when I looked up at Tyler I saw blood dripping down the side of his chin. There were splotches of it on his shirt. He was completely soaked from the rain, but it didn’t wash away the blood.
“You’re bleeding.” I reached up and lightly touched the side of his jaw.
He flinched.
“Are you okay? What happened?”
“I’m fine,” he used a soothing voice like he would with a child. “The police are on their way. You’re safe.”
I realized I was cradled in his arms. Like he was holding my body together, lest I fall apart and wash away in the rain.
Safe from what? There was a light flickering above us. And sirens wailing in the distance. It did not look like we were in a good part of town. There was a man standing next to a cab talking animatedly on his cell phone. He kept pointing to the left. I tilted my head and saw a body lying in a pile of black trash bags on the side of a curb.
It came back in a rush. The man claiming to be my father-in-law’s friend. My memories were colliding. Scarlett was afraid of snakes. And I didn’t just learn that from the zoo the other day. I knew it. I remembered! I remembered her before I was in the hospital! My sweet, baby girl. And she called them snapes instead of snakes. Like Professor Snape from Harry Potter. That man lying unconscious in the pile of garbage had looked just like Professor Snape. He had said I was supposed to die. That I was supposed to fix his life, not ruin it. “Dr. Nelson.” My voice sounded weird. “Is that Dr. Nelson?”
“Don’t worry,” Tyler said. “He’s unconscious and the police are on the way. Sayem called them.” He nodded toward the cab driver.
“What happened? How’d we get here?” I shifted in his arms, but didn’t push him away. Him being close to me was so comforting.
“I was on a run and saw that bastard shoving you into his car. I couldn’t catch up but luckily I hailed down the world’s best taxi driver. He broke all sorts of traffic laws tailing Dr. Nelson. Probably got caught by at least 10 traffic cameras. Think James could help him get out of a few tickets?” He smiled.
I was pretty sure he was making a joke about James, but I didn’t laugh. “And you…knocked him out?” I asked. He saved me.
“I took him by surprise. I never would have let him hurt you.”
I stared up at him. He was literally my knight in shining armor. The sharp angles of his jaw were worthy of a romance book cover. And his hair was wet from the rain but somehow still looked good. He was wearing a t-shirt and the rain made it cling sexily to the muscles in his chest. It felt like my heart was beating faster than humanly possible. I was aware of his hands on my body. His warm breath invading my air supply in a good way. “You saved me.”
He pushed my hair out of my face. And I had the overwhelming sense that I wanted him to kiss me. I remembered the pages I had read about him from my book. I had liked him all those years ago. I knew that I had.
So how had I wound up here? With his arms wrapped around me in the most loving way, yet he had a wife and I had a husband? How cruel fate could be. How had the universe not seen that Tyler Stevens was my perfect match? After all, I did fit perfectly in his arms. “What happened to us?”
He looked down at me with his beautiful blue eyes. “Everything that was supposed to.”
“I feel closer to you than I do to James. Why is that? He’s cold and ill-tempered and you’re…warm. I feel safe in your arms instead of scared. And someone just tried to kill me.”
He smiled. “I don’t think love is about feeling comfortable. I think love needs a little fear in order to be all-consuming. We were always meant to be friends, Penny. And I know your memories aren’t all there. But we made a good decision to stay friends. The right decision. I love my wife. And you love your husband.”
I blinked away the tears in my eyes. Did I love James? The dreams and memories made it seem like I did. My head was trying to catch up to my heart. It almost felt like my heart was beating faster to try and force my mind to speed up too. “I missed my chance with you, huh?” I laughed, but it sounded forced.
“And it was for the best. I hate to think about what would have happened if you chose me. Scarlett and Axel wouldn’t exist. Liam wouldn’t exist.”
Liam. I instinctively moved my hand to my stomach. God, I remembered the feeling of him kicking me. He did it nonstop. He was such a little terror. I had held him in the hospital this morning but I hadn’t really known him. But I knew him now. I remembered reading to my stomach and singing to him. The old memories collided with the new ones and I felt like I was going to be sick. “Is he going to be okay? Is my baby going to be okay?”
Tyler pressed his lips together. He didn’t have an answer for me. No one did.
I couldn’t hold back my tears now. I needed to get to Liam. I needed to hold him again. I needed him to know how much I loved him.
Tyler leaned down and hugged me again. Like a good friend, he knew when I needed a hug. I got another wave of grass and sunshine and my head spun. It was like my memories were vomiting out, one after the next.
I remember eating lunch with him at Grottos. I remembered him dressing up like Westley from The Princess Bride. I remembered dancing with him. Laughing with him. Hurting him. I swallowed hard. My mind felt like it flipped over as one memory swam to the surface and stuck.
I put my hand on the center of my chest. No one had ever told me that when your heart breaks it actually hurts. It felt like my chest was caving in. I took a deep, shaky breath.
"God, Penny, I'm so sorry." I looked up at Tyler rushing toward me. My eyes immediately landed on the bruise along the left side of his jawbone. The scruff on his chin didn't hide it nearly as well as he probably hoped. I quickly wiped away the rest of my tears.
"What the hell happened to your face?"
"It's nothing." He immediately put his arms around me. "Are you okay?"
"No, I'm not okay. Let me see your face." But he kept his arms wrapped firmly around me.
He ran his hand up and down my back. "I'm fine. God, you're soaked. Let me..."
"You're not fine." I pushed on the middle of his chest until he let me back up a fraction of an inch. He didn't need to say anything. I knew. It was written all over his face. I lightly touched the side of his jaw with my fingertips. "James did that, didn't he?"
"There may have been an altercation late last night."
I closed my eyes. "Tyler, I'm so, so sorry." Mason was with James. Apparently none of his friends were good at keeping him out of trouble. It also meant Ian had probably driven him there when I specifically told him not to take James anywhere. But Ian didn't have to listen to me. I was never his boss.
"There's nothing to apologize about." Tyler put his hand on the back of my head and pressed my face to his chest. There was something so comforting about being in Tyler's arms. Despite his move to New York and all his success, he still smelled the same. Like freshly cut grass and mint. I wasn't even sure how that was possible. There was barely any grass in New York and he wasn't a landscaper. I wrapped my arms around his back. It was selfish, but I needed this right now. I needed my friend. I could tell Tyler wanted to talk, but I wrapped my arms tighter around him. I just needed a few more seconds.
Tyler kissed the top of my head and ran his fingers through my hair. "It's going to be okay, Penny."
No. It's not. I shook my head against his chest and let my arms drop from his back.
He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me back so he could look at my face. There was so much hope in his blue eyes. And it killed me.
"How much do you know about what happened?" I asked.
"Everything I need to know."
"Which is?"
"That you and James broke up. And that he thinks I convinced you to run away with me." He searched my face.
So Rob really hadn't talked to James. Neither had his parents. He didn't know. Or maybe he didn't believe them eith
er.
"So now I'm here to actually convince you to run away with me." He lightly touched the bottom of my chin so that I'd look into his eyes.
A part of me wanted to say yes. I wanted to feel the comfort of his arms around me. And see that smile that always made me smile too. The only problem was that I didn't love Tyler. It wouldn't be fair to him or...fuck, Melissa. "I'm still in love with him," I said.
Tyler shook his head. "You broke up. You left him and New York. You're standing in the rain crying because of him. And I'm here for you. We can go wherever you want. We can start a new life together."
"I'm still in love with him," I said again, a little quieter.
He let go of my shoulders. "Okay, but that feeling will fade. You have to move forward."
I shook my head.
"What, so you're going to go through your whole life missing him?"
"What else am I supposed to do, Tyler? He was it for me. There is nothing after him. I was ready to give my whole life to him. That feeling doesn't just disappear after a fight."
"Be with me. I'm right here. I've always been here for you. I'd never do anything to hurt you. Let me fill that void."
"I can't."
"Why? I know you love me. We're great together. I know you felt it back in school. I know you can feel it again."
"I could never hurt Melissa like that."
"We already broke up."
"What?"
"I broke up with her before I came here."
"Why did you do that? You only just started dating." God, she's going to hate me.
"I thought you were getting married. I was at peace with that. Or in denial or something. These past few years haven't been a lie, I was your friend. I enjoyed being your friend." He scratched the back of his neck with his hand. "But when I found out you two broke up, all I wanted to do was see you. I think I had buried my feelings. I don't know. But I just knew I needed to see you. I never stopped loving you, Penny. And I'll never stop loving you."
I shook my head back and forth.
"I didn't want this to happen. All I've ever wanted was for you to be happy. I thought that James was that for you, so I just accepted where I was. But when I found out it was over...it feels like my second chance. Our second chance."
"I'm sorry. But it's like you just said. Except, I never stopped loving him. And I'll never stop loving him."
"I can wait. I'm used to waiting. I'll wait my whole life for you, Penny. Don't you see that?" He put his hand on the side of my face.
"Tyler, I don't want you to wait."
"Don't say that. I know you need time to heal from this. I'll wait until you're ready."
"I'll never be ready."
He shook his head. "I love you. Tell me to stay. Choose me. Penny, please give us a chance. I need you. Meet me halfway."
"You don't need me. You need some sweet girl who will put you first. Who thinks the sun rises and sets with you. You deserve that. I can't give you that."
"I'll take whatever you can give me."
"All I can offer you is friendship. Honestly, Tyler, you're my best friend. You've always been there for me..."
"I can't be your friend anymore." He let his hand fall from my cheek. "I thought I could be. But now? No. I need more than that. I can't live my whole life in denial."
"I'm sorry."
He shoved his hands into his pockets. "So...Chicago?"
I nodded. "My new flight leaves tonight. I think maybe I need to do a little soul searching."
"And you know for sure that what you're looking for isn't me?" He gave me a sheepish smile that ripped my heart in half. "How are you so sure?"
I pressed my lips together. There was something else that I hadn't told him. But I didn't want to. It wasn't fair. It was just in my head.
"Tell me." I shook my head. He grabbed my hand. "Tell me. If it's something I can fix..."
"No." I swallowed hard. "Seeing you reminds me that it's my fault that James broke up with me. Because I insisted on being your friend. I made this happen."
"It hurts you to see me?" I closed my eyes and nodded. He dropped my hand. "I'd do anything for you. You know that right?"
I wiped away the tears that had started to fall down my cheeks again.
"Penny, look at me."
I slowly opened my eyes. The hurt on his face was palpable.
"Everything in my gut is telling me to stay and fight for you. But if you want me to leave, I'll leave. Is that what you want?"
"I'm sorry."
His Adam's apple rose and fell. "I can't be your friend anymore."
"I know."
He nodded his head. "I guess this is goodbye then?"
"Where are you going to go?" I thought about his apartment in New York. Melissa was probably waiting there, seething. Hating both of us.
"I think maybe I need a fresh start too," he said. "Somewhere...sunnier." I nodded. "I hope you find what you're looking for."
"I already found what I was looking for," Tyler said with a sigh. "Now...now I'm running away because it hurts too fucking much."
"Tyler..."
"Go back to New York, Penny. Don't spend your whole life missing him. It's exhausting to deny yourself what you want, to spend your whole life dreaming about what you're missing."
The fact that he was talking about me made my chest hurt even more.
"I really hope that you two work it out," he said.
"Thanks, Tyler." I took a step toward him to hug him goodbye, but he immediately took a step back.
"Bye, Penny." He turned around and walked away from me. I watched him climb back into his car. I lifted my hand to wave goodbye, but he didn't look back as he pulled away from the curb and out of my life.
I took a deep breath like I had just woken up in the middle of a nightmare. Tyler was looking down at me with concern etched across his face.
“I hurt you,” I said. “All those years ago I hurt you and I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.”
He smiled. “It’s in the past, Penny. I know it probably feels more recent to you, but it was a long time ago.”
“So you swear that you’re happy?”
“I swear that I’m happy. All that hurt led me to happiness with the right person. Everything has a funny way of working out for the best. Does this mean that you remember breaking my heart and choosing James?” He smiled down at me.
I didn’t know whether to nod or to shake my head. Pieces were all that I had. Fragments of a life I had forgotten. But there was no denying the memory that I just had of Tyler. How I felt after James called off our wedding. That devastation. “I remember loving him so much that it felt like I died when he asked me to leave and never come back. Like I didn’t know how to keep breathing in a world where he wasn’t beside me.”
“Imagine how the poor guy has been feeling for the last few days.”
I nodded. God, he was right. I had been so focused on my thoughts, when my heart had been leading me to him the whole time. “I don’t want to fight the memories anymore. I want to go home.”
“Welcome back, Penny.” He leaned down and placed a kiss on my forehead like he had all those years ago. A friendship kiss. Nothing more and nothing less.
Tyler may have saved me tonight, but he wasn’t my knight in shining armor. James was. He always had been. He saved me when I didn’t even realize I needed saving. And if that wasn’t a sign that he was my soul mate, what on earth was? I didn’t need all my memories to see that.
“As soon as we talk to the police we can get you home. They’ll have some questions. And Dr. Nelson will finally be in custody.”
He hadn’t stirred at all. Tyler must have really knocked him out.
“You’re okay, right? You’re not hurt at all?”
“I feel fine.” Besides for the overwhelming feeling that I missed my family. I desperately wanted to be with them.
“I should call James. He’s probably worried sick about you.”
I grabbed his arm as he pulled his c
ell phone out of his pocket. “We can tell him in person. He’ll freak out about this more if I’m not right there. He worries so much about me.” He worries? I know that? I smiled to myself.
“You’re probably right. If you want we can stop by my place and get you in a pair of comfy sweatpants. You’re drenched from the rain.”
I laughed. “You always let me borrow your sweatpants when I come over?” I said it like a question, but I knew it was true. I didn’t have a memory of it, but I just knew.
“That’s right. It’s all coming back.
It was. “If it’s okay, I just want to go home.” I needed to see James. I needed to tell him that I was remembering. I wanted to hug Scarlett and hold Liam. I wanted my life back. It was like I had finally awakened from a dream. This life around me was real. And I didn’t want it any other way. I’d take it just the way it was, even without all my memories.
Chapter 5
Monday - Penny
Tyler sat with me on the taxi ride back to my apartment. And insisted on walking me all the way to my door. It was like he was afraid I was going to be snatched again. Thanks to him, that wasn’t going to happen.
I lifted my hand to knock, but I stopped and turned to him before my knuckles collided with the wood. “Thank you again, Tyler. No matter how many times I say it, it’ll never be enough.”
“Get inside before you catch a cold. James will kill me if you get the flu on top of everything else.”
I smiled. “I think you’ll be in James’ good graces permanently after tonight.”
“Maybe I’ll finally get that A.”
I laughed. “Psh. You got an A in my book. And you probably would have if I didn’t get our class canceled.”
“Fair point. Go on,” he gestured to the door. “Get back to your life.”
It did feel like I was delaying. As soon as I went through that door, everything would change. Or go back to the way it was? My memories still felt like dreams instead of reality. But I wanted this. I wanted this amazing life. I don’t know how I wound up here, but I was so ecstatic that I had.