Screwed Up

by Amy Sparks

  "That Matthew is such a nice boy." Both of my parents say that and I roll my eyes. Ew, seriously? I continue walking to my bedroom and I shut the door quietly so they won't hear it. I flop on my bed and set my alarm for school tomorrow. I grab my sheets and cover myself as I fall into a deep sleep. Asleep, as I dream about death.

  Chapter Five

  My alarm goes off and it's causing me a migraine. I stand up and grab the alarm clock and throw it against the wall which stops and breaks.

  "Phew," I say as I fall back on my bed and grab the covers so they cover me completely. As I close my eyes, my mother comes barging into my room and yelling for me to get up.

  "Genesis! Come on! You have school today and you are not missing one bit of it!" She yells and it's making me wanna throw my pillow at her. I groan and pull the covers over my head so I can at least have one dream of how I'm gonna die. During as I was sleeping I did have a dream about death. My death. I somehow was dying in my bedroom, beside someone, but I had no clue who it was. The "someone" was yelling at me, but I didn't listen to them I guess. I then died, which was the coolest dream I've ever had. As I close my eyes to just relive that dream one more time, my covers instantly come off and my mother is yelling at me that breakfast is almost ready. Great... I open my eyes and I'm being blinded by the sun that is creeping out of my blinds. My eyes are beginning to burn and as I try to grab my phone on my dresser, I fall down on my floor with a large thump.

  "Crap! Ow!" I say as I massage my butt since I just fell on this stupid hard, carpeted floor. My hair is in my eyes and I feel like I have some hangover, but I didn't even drink that much last night. Just one can of beer! Like somehow the devil is killing me with this hangover. I get up and I walk to the bathroom like some sick person. I'm honestly limping right now since I just fell down, and this headache is killing me. I walk into the bathroom and close the door and make way to the mirror.

  "Oh, crap." Is my face somehow puffed up? I have no clue. Like my lips are puffed a bit and I have super big dark bags underneath my eyes and my hair looks super crazy like. Now I definitely look crazy. I try to raise my arms but they hurt. Like mother F(ing) hurt. Ughhh! I raise my arms so I can put my hair up and the pain only increases. I crack my back and it's super sore. It's like I was in a car crash and then I walked back home to sleep. I know for sure I was not in a car crash and that I just went to sleep. After I kissed Matthew of course. Ugh, Matthew. I gotta face him in the morning too. So, I guess today is so not my day. I do my morning routine, the same thing that I do every day and then I change for school. Somehow my mind is telling me to wear something that nobody has actually seen me wear before. I mostly wear baggy clothing and never jeans. Never jeans. I hate that. My mother somehow stills buys me them though and she makes me wear them, but all I ever do is put them in my closet and forget to wear them. "Forget." Meaning I don't want to wear them and I just put them in my closet because I have no clue where else to put them. I open my closet and take out my ripped, skinny jeans and put them on. It takes me about a full five minutes to put them on because of how skinny they are. I am skinny, but these things are really skinny, it can make you lose blood circulation or something. I look myself in the mirror and I'm disgusted. My butt looks good in these jeans and my thighs look awesome. Ew. I grab my black hoodie and then I check myself in the mirror. Huh, I look good. I roll my eyes as I just complimented myself with my dumb thoughts. I grab my bag and I put all my books in it. Biology. With Matthew. As his partner. Give me a break. I put my hair down and go downstairs carrying my bag. As I walk into the kitchen my mother isn't here, yet my father is... Weird.

  "Uh, hey dad. Uh, where's mom?" I say and he just smiles and pats my head like I'm five years old. I'm seventeen like ugh!

  "Your mother had to be needed at work, and I'm off today so I get to stay home, now eat your breakfast." First, I'm confused, yet kind of happy that my dad is staying home. Not to be rude or anything, but I'm kind of daddy's girl, not mommy's girl. My dad and I are like best friends, we don't keep any secrets against each other. Sometimes... I check my phone and I'm gonna be late.

  "Yeah uh, sorry dad but I gotta go," I tell him as I grab my toast and kiss his cheek. He says "goodbye" to me as I walk out the door and into reality. I drive to school and as I park my car, I realize that I'm actually a bit early then I thought. I unbuckle my seatbelt and I grab my pack of cigarettes. I light the cigarette and I smoke it until my lungs burn. Damn, that feels good. I can already feel myself dying each minute by this cigarette and I'm feeling really happy about it. I open my window so the smell can leave my car and that my parents won't know I'm smoking in my car. As I continue to smoke, I see Matthew walking with someone. A girl. Yeah, I'm not the jealous type, but like, this is getting on my nerves somehow. I look closely and I honestly have no clue who this girl is. I know everyone, and everyone knows me. That's how my world works. But this girl, I have no clue, and I'm pretty sure she has no clue who I am either. Time to meet her I guess. I open the car door and throw the cigarette on the ground and I stop on it. I grab my bag and close my car door, and lock it. It beeps and of course, Matthew hears it and turns around. He carefully looks at me and gives me a face that annoys me. What did I do to him? Oh, wait, ha, I kissed him. Stupid... I bit my lip and walk the other direction that he's going. He's calling my name but I'm not listening. This is too weird for me. I'm looking down on the ground as I'm walking and as soon as I look up a car is coming at me. Oh shit, is this where I'm gonna die? On the pavement close to the school? Ew, no way in hell. Before I react someone grabs my arm and I fall completely on top of them. On top of Matthew. Of course... I blink to see if this is some nasty dream, but it's not. It's reality. Scary...

  "So.. how are you?" I say and all he does is look at me with a mad and disappointed face. Damn, he's like my own mother. I get up and pick up my bag. I look back and the car is stopped and someone dude, who I have no clue who he is, comes up to me and begins touching my face. Talk about being pervy. I slap his hands away and cross my arms.

  "Are you okay????" He says which I nod of course because I don't think I'm dead or broken.

  "Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry about it. I won't sue you or anything. Too bad you didn't actually hit me though..." I say and this dude looks at me like I'm crazy. Yeah well, I am.

  "Well uh, thanks. I'm still so, so sorry though. I--" I say and I cut him off.

  "Look, dude, I'm fine. Just get back in your car and just be careful okay? I'm fine. Somehow." I say and I walk away from Matthew and that dude. I can hear Matthew calling my name and I continue walking. My whole body hurts, and it's not because I just fell on Mr. Hotty pants here. I feel like that cigarette took over my body or something. Before I know what's happening, I collapse on the ground, and it's not the best feeling in the world. I'm still wide awake, but I can't breathe. Oh shit. I can hear Matthew's voice in the background but it's getting quieter and quieter. I hear someone saying "call 911!" and someone else saying "get the teachers!" Matthew is picking me up and I hear those words that make me wanna run away, but I can't.

  "You're okay Genesis. I won't let you die. I won't. I promise." I close my eyes, and that's when I know for sure, that this might be the day and time I might actually die. In the hands of Matthew, and in front of my school and classmates. Oh crap, what did I get myself into...

  Chapter Six

  I wake up in the hospital and the only faces I see are my mother and father. Oh great... As I try to get up, I can feel my whole body in pain and I just collapse on the bed. My mother hears this and she get's up right away and starts crying.

  "Oh, my baby!" Ugh. I try to tell her I'm okay, but I'm too much in pain to even tell her one word. My dad starts crying too and I just can't take this. I make myself to say one word and my voice scares me.

  "Mom, I'm fine." My voice comes off in a rasp and I sound like those women who smoke and smoke all day and all night. Oh crap, I'm kind of like those women. I ask them what happened to me and of course, the d
octor comes in at that time.

  "Genesis, right?" I nod and wait for him to explain what the hell happened to me! I know for sure I didn't get hit by that car, and I know for sure that I'm not broken.

  "Well, it seems that you had a bit of a faint at school. Totally normal, except that I believe your smoking caused it. Now don't worry, you don't have any lung cancer or some sort, but I believe that it caused you to stop breathing and have some sort of panic attack." My mother starts crying and my dad just shakes his head. Well, I'm in trouble. And how does he know I smoke? Wait a minute...

  "Mom, where's Matthew?" I say and she just continues crying. So much for help around here.

  "Matthew is outside. He hasn't left all day. He didn't even get up to go to the bathroom or to eat anything. He's worried about you. He's the one who called us and he's the one who drove you to the hospital. We told them he was your boyfriend so they can at least tell him what's happening with you." My whole mind is filled with questions on what I wanna ask my parents, but I just shut my mouth and nod. Matthew took me to the hospital? He hasn't even left to at least go to the bathroom or eat something! And my parents told the doctors and nurses that he was my boyfriend??? Ugh, this is making me sick. I stand up a bit so I can at least see what the hell I'm wearing. Am I wearing some nightgown? I have no clue. I know for sure I'm in a dress and it's ugly. I'm not even wearing bras or underwear! Ugh!!! My head hurts still and I wanna sleep so badly but I know for sure that I gotta see Matthew. I gotta at least say thank you so...

  "Uh, dad. I was wondering if can talk to Matthew?" I say and my dad just looks at the doctor. Well, thanks, dad.

  "Well you did just wake up, but you do look awake and healthy enough to have a talk with your friend." I'm biting my lip and hoping that this doctor lets me talk to Matthew. There's something I gotta do before I die, and that's talking to him. I mouth thank you to the doctor and he just smiles and walks away with his clipboard. I turn to see my mom and dad and hope that they won't yell at me for smoking or anything.

  "Mom, dad, I'm sorry... I--" They shut me off before I say something, and all they do is kiss my head and smile at me.

  "It's fine Genesis. At least you're awake now and alive. That's important. Not the past. Only the present." I smile back at them and take a deep breath and lay back on my pillow. They leave the room and that's when I instantly get up which causes my body to create pain, but I'm ignoring that. My feet hit the cold floor and I shiver. I am so not coming out there and greeting him with this stupid hospital dress. My eyes look around the room and I find a pair of slippers and a robe. I grab the slippers and the robe and I put them on.

  "There. I'm fine." I say as I look at myself and picture what I actually must look like. I look around to find some mirror, but I just find my phone and use the camera on that. I jump as I look at myself. My hair is such a mess, my lips are somehow blue because I'm super cold, and I'm extremely pale. Hm, am I sure I'm not actually dead? Nah, the doctor could never be wrong. I laugh as I think about the doctor actually trying to kill me while my parents are in the room. Damn, I'm creepy. I say ''screw it'' and just meet Matthew and get it over with. I almost died, so of course, I don't look like a model. I grab my phone and open the door and look left and right. Ok, the coast is clear. I walk straight because I'm scared I might see some nurse and I know for sure she's gonna make me go back to my room. Not happening. I continue to walk straight and I see a room that says ''The waiting room.'' Damn, I'm dumb. I open the door to that room and I walk in it. It's a somewhat big room and I now feel bad for the people who are waiting for their family or friends. I bit my lip as I look around for Matthew. Not him, nope, nada, bingo! Matthew is sitting in the back corner and he's staring at the ground. Both of his legs are shaking and is he praying? Huh. I shake my head and walk to where he is sitting. I don't wanna scare him, but I do want him to look up and see me. Instead, I clear my voice and he looks up. Yes! I whisper a ''hi'' and Matthew instantly gets up and hugs me. Hard. I whisper an "ow'' and he hears it right away.

  ''Sorry.'' He backs away and runs his hands through his hair. So, he did worry about me. Weird...

  ''So, what's good?'' I say and he instantly gets mad. Damn this dude is constantly mad.

  "What's good? What's good??? Genesis, you almost died!!!'' He shouts and I can feel all the people in this room turned to look at us.

  "Did you really have to shout? And I'm not dead, I'm alive you big idiot.'' I say and he just groans and sits back down. He's putting his face in his hands and I know for sure he's mad at me. I screwed this up, and now I gotta fix it. Ugh. I have no clue where to sit, so my stupid mind tells me to sit on Matthew's lap. I touch his chin, and he looks up, and that's when I make the move and sit on his lap. He doesn't move, and he looks terrified and confused.

  "I won't bite, don't worry. There are no spots left and I'm tired, so you're the only choice I had.'' He nods and I know for sure he doesn't know where to put his hands. I instantly rest my head on his shoulder and that's when he puts his arms around me. I know for sure people are looking at us and thinking ''aw, they're a cute couple.'' But no, we're not. I'm a depressing girl, and he's a happy guy. We are complete opposites, it won't work. Matthew kisses my head and that's when I fall in love. Now look, love is fake for me, but somehow he's making me believe that it's actually true. I take a deep breath and I close my eyes. Somehow resting with Matthew beside me is making me safer and is making me sleepy. I instantly get an idea and I get up right away. I grab Matthew's hand but he doesn't move. Only has a questionable look on his face.

  "Can you come with me to my room?" I say and he still has that questionable face on him. I pull him again and he just sighs and nods.

  "Okay, okay.'' He says and I smile and pull him off his chair. I continue to hold his hand though and he doesn't even let go. This somehow makes me even happier. I open my door to my room, and I check if my parents are in there. Nope. The doctor is not even in there and not even a single nurse. Phew. I drag Matthew all the way to the hospital bed and I sit on it. I let go of his hand and I move all the way to the right side of the bed. I lie down and I pat the other side with my left hand.

  "Come lie with me. Please?'' I say and he does exactly that. He lies beside me and I turn to his side. I look straight into his eyes and I'm amazed by his eye colour. You might just say it's a brown colour, but it's not. It's more of a caramel colour if you look really close.

  ''You have nice eyes." Matthew laughs and I laugh too as those words sound so stupid out loud. He puts his hand on my back and he brings me closer to him.

  ''Are you sure you're okay?'' He says and I nod slowly and hold his hand. His hand feels so warm that it just warms my whole body in an instant.

  "Thanks, you know. For saving me from the car that almost hit me, and taking me to the hospital since I fainted. My parents love you for that you know.'' He smiles and I smile back.

  "Yeah, well I would've killed myself if I let that car hit you, and I would never leave you alone on the pavement in the parking lot. I'm not that mean." I roll my eyes and continue to look at him.

  ''Yeah well... thanks anyway.'' I bit my lip and think about what I should say first but nothing comes up. Only for a moment, I don't wanna ask, but I should. As I open my mouth, Matthew stops me.

  "Why did you kiss me yesterday night?'' My brain freezes and he says those words.

  "Well, I kissed you because you were annoying me! I saw this happening in a movie and I wanted to try it out. I kissed you, you stopped talking, and then left. See how clever I am?'' I say, and all he does is look at me with his stupid, gorgeous face.

  "No offense Genesis, but that honestly makes no sense.'' I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

  "Yeah... I figured that out after I kissed you." I breathe out and wonder if love is really true as people say it is. Aka, my own parents. Ugh. Matthew is still looking at me and it's making me nervous.

  "Do you hate me, Genesis?" Matthew's words break my mind and I'm now wide awake
.

  "Uh... Maybe?" I start smiling, but he doesn't smile back. Dang, it.

  "You know what I think? I think you do like me but you just don't want to admit it. You don't wanna believe it. Yeah well, it's sad because I know for sure that I like you Genesis, and I know you like me too." HIs words make me warm and melt on the inside, but I don't like it. I don't want his stupid words. No wait, I do. No, I don't! HOLY CRAP! I roll on my back and I get up. I'm about to throw up, and it's not because I'm sick or anything. I just don't want him to be right for any of this. I walk over to the other side of the room and I take big breaths as I hear Matthew calling for my name. This dude needs to leave, or I might actually die because of him. Wow, just wow.

  "Genesis! are you okay???!" He says as he comes where I'm standing and he turns me around so he can look at me. I honestly must look like a mess, but this dude doesn't care. He doesn't care about anything.

  "So what? you don't hate me anymore?"I say and he just holds me straighter and brings me closer to him. Oh boy...

  "I never hated you, Genesis. You just think that, but I never hated you. I always liked you, but I hid it. I know you did too." Matthew says in a soft tone, and that's when I make a move and kiss him. Again of course. I'm those girls who somehow kiss any guy they want and pretend that nothing happened. Yeah, that's a good definition of my love life that's happening here. I step on my tippy-toes and kiss Matthew straight on his lips. He kisses me back hard and picks me up from the floor. Damn this dude loves picking up chicks when he makes out with them. I wrap my arms around his neck and lean into him as I kiss and kiss him. This might not be a good time to kiss cause either my parents come in or a doctor comes in and just sees this whole mess that's happening here. I continue to kiss him and realize that Matthew is actually carrying me. I continue to kiss him though until I feel being lowered down onto something soft. The bed. Yeah, right now is not the best moment but somehow I don't care. I am seventeen, I''m not some little kid who needs her mommy and daddy through this. Ugh, that's just weird. I'm lowered on the bed and I move so I can continue to kiss him. I move until I'm in the middle of the bed and Matthew continues to kiss me as he's on top of me. We're kissing like we're some couple who don't care what we're doing, at any place and at any time, and that's exactly what we're doing. I think about how cool and popular Matthew is and how every girl just loves to get a piece of him. My brain just stops and I remember when I saw him walking with some girl. A girl that I may wanna kill. I stop kissing him before everything gets too far and because I'm losing some of my oxygen. Matthew looks hot as hell right now, and it's all because of me.