by Ramona Gray
“I’m not a bad guy,” I said.
Embarrassment crossed her face, and my pulse hammered in my temples when she reached up and wrapped one soft hand around my forearm. She squeezed it gently. “I know you’re not. I’m sorry. I’m tired and upset and not thinking straight, but I know you’re a good guy, Matt.”
There it was.
My name had left her perfect lips and it was like fucking music to my ears.
My hand tightened around her jaw when I realized she was staring at my mouth.
“Natalia.” I meant to say it normally, but it came out as a moan. I could pinpoint the exact moment that the air between us changed, became charged with something I’d never dreamed possible… desire. Her lips parted and the tips of her fingers traced back and forth over my arm.
“Matt,” she whispered.
“I should go.” My voice was hoarse, the need in it evident.
Before I could pull away, Natalia leaned forward a bit and pressed her mouth against mine and I was in heaven.
Her soft lips brushed twice against mine and then I groaned and slid my arm around her waist. I yanked her into my lap, making her straddle me as I tangled my hands into her blonde hair and held her still. I angled my mouth over hers, pressing my tongue against the seam of her lips until they parted and she let me in.
My tongue tasted and teased her sweetness. Her lips were salty from dried tears and I could taste the mint from her toothpaste. I kissed her harder, deeper, anxious to show her that she was mine and always would be.
Her tongue touched mine delicately and I moaned into her mouth before dropping my hands to her hips and grinding my rock-hard dick against her pussy.
She gasped into my mouth, her back arching a little when I cupped one breast through her t-shirt. She wasn’t wearing a bra and I pulled greedily at her nipple through the soft fabric. God, I wanted her so bad. Our kisses turned frantic and needy, our harsh breaths mixing and mingling as we kissed and kissed some more.
“I need you, Matt,” she moaned against my mouth before her hands pulled at the waistband of my sleep pants.
This was happening. Natalia wanted to fuck me, and I was more than willing to let her take what she needed from me.
Mattie, no. Don’t do this.
I tried to ignore my inner voice as I kneaded Natalia’s perfect breast and kissed her perfect mouth, but it wouldn’t shut the hell up.
Don’t, Mattie. She’s vulnerable and upset and in the morning, she’ll be full of regret. She’ll walk out that door and you’ll never see her again. Is that what you want?
She’s doing this because she wants me, I argued. She wants me.
If you sleep with her tonight, you’ll be exactly what she believes you are. A horny playboy who’s only looking for sex.
That thought cooled my lust only a fraction, but it was enough for me to realize I couldn’t sleep with Natalia. Not tonight.
I grabbed her hand when she tried to slip it into my pants and pulled my mouth from hers. She tried to kiss me again and I slid my other hand back into her hair and held her tight.
“Natalia, wait. We can’t do this,” I said.
“Sure, we can,” she panted. She rubbed her pussy against my still-hard cock. “We need to do this.”
“No, not tonight,” I said.
She sat back and frowned at me. “You – you’re turning me down? You sleep with everyone, Matt. But suddenly I’m not good enough for you?”
I winced and shook my head. “No, that isn’t it. It’s – you’re upset and vulnerable and if I sleep with you right now, I’m taking advantage of you.”
“No, you’re not. I’m an adult and I know what I want. I need sex, I need to not think about – about…anything. Are you seriously turning down some no-strings-attached sex? Because I promise I won’t get all weird on you in the morning. I know what you want from women, okay? I’m fine with it.”
My erection had disappeared completely at her words. I deserved my reputation but listening to Natalia talk about it made me feel cheap and worthless. I lifted her off my lap before taking her hand and kissing her knuckles. “I know you think you want this tonight, but you don’t, Natalia. You’ll regret it in the morning.”
“You don’t know that. You don’t know me at all.” Frustration was written all over her face.
“I know you enough to know that a night of meaningless sex isn’t what you want. Listen, if in a day or two you’re feeling better and you want to-to maybe revisit what’s happening, I’m absolutely open to that.”
She sighed and pushed away from me before standing up. “Christ, I’m being rejected by Matt Andrews. Could this day get any worse?”
“Natalia, I’m not -”
She held her hand up. “No, don’t… it’s fine, really. I should go to bed. It’s late. Good night, Matt.”
I slumped against the couch, watching as she crossed the room and disappeared into the hallway.
Just fucking perfect. I had ruined any chance of ever being with the woman I loved.
Chapter Four
Natalia
“Nana!” Phoebe wiggled in Matt’s arms and he set her down. She ran across the kitchen and wrapped her arms around Martha’s legs. “Hi, Nana!”
“Hi, sweet girl.” Martha stroked her fine blonde hair before smiling at me. “Feeling better today, dearest?”
I nodded and quickly handed over Phoebe’s backpack. “This has an extra change of clothes just in case and some of her favourite toys. Thank you so much for looking after Phoebe today, Martha. I really appreciate it.”
“Of course, Nat. You know I love having her here. In fact, I can take her for the next couple of weeks until you can find a new daycare.”
I blinked back the sudden tears as a wave of relief washed over me. I took a deep breath. “Are you sure? Phoebe can be a handful sometimes.”
“Of course, I am,” Martha said. “It takes a village to raise a child, right? Besides, little Pheebs here is going to be the perfect angel for me. Aren’t you?”
“Angel,” Phoebe sang before running back to Matt and hugging his legs. “You stay with me, Mattie?”
Before Matt could reply, I shook my head. “Matt has stuff to do today, sweetpea. You’re gonna stay with Nana. You need to be a good girl for her, okay?”
“Otay, Mama.” Phoebe was still clinging to Matt’s legs. “Up, Mattie.”
He picked her up and she patted his cheek affectionately. “I want you to stay with me.”
“I can’t stay but I’ll see you tonight,” he said.
“Otay. Gimme a kiss.” She puckered her lips and Matt smiled a little before giving her a quick peck.
What the hell was going on with Phoebe? She always played strange with men. Before Matt, the only guy she’d gone near was Maggie’s boyfriend Wyatt and even then, she’d only let him hold her for a few minutes. This weird and sudden attachment to Matt was the last thing I’d expected from her.
“Be good for Nana, Pheebs.” Matt set her down and she danced away.
“Come give me a kiss goodbye, sweetpea,” I said.
She skipped over to me and I knelt and hugged her tight before kissing her. “I love you so much, honey. Be a good girl and Mama will see you after work.”
“Bye, Mama.” Phoebe squirmed free and returned to Martha. “Nana, I want a cookie.”
Martha laughed and scooped her up. “You can have a cookie after lunch, dear heart. Now, how about we do some colouring?”
* * *
“Can we talk about last night?”
I cringed inwardly as I unbuckled my seat belt. “I’d rather not.”
Matt sighed and shut off his car. “Please?”
I glanced at my watch. “My shift starts in five minutes.”
“I’ll be quick.”
I hesitated and then nodded. Phoebe had been an effective barrier to talking with Matt this morning and I’d spent the ride from Martha’s to the diner on my cell phone with Jack’s mechanic shop. If Lily, the re
ceptionist and one of my knitting club friends, had thought it was weird that I’d dragged the conversation on about fixing my car for so long, she hadn’t mentioned it. But I really did owe Matt an explanation and another apology. What I had done last night was beyond stupid and I was full of shame and regret.
More shame than regret.
I wanted to ignore my inner voice, but damn it, she was right. Being rejected by Matt Andrews, the guy who slept with every woman who showed even a whiff of interest in him, was a crushing blow to my ego.
Matt was staring silently at me and I gave him a faint smile. “I’m really sorry about last night. What I did was inexcusable, and I promise it won’t happen again.”
“You don’t have to apologize,” Matt said. “I didn’t mind and -”
I winced. “You didn’t mind… ugh, that’s a roaring endorsement for my kissing skills, isn’t it?”
“No, that isn’t what I’m saying. Last night, you were upset and vulnerable and -”
“Please, you don’t have to make excuses for rejecting me, okay? That just makes me feel worse.” I yanked at the skirt of my horrid uniform. “I forgot that you flirt with every woman and I – I made a mistake in thinking that you were interested in me.”
“I am interested in you,” Matt said.
I laughed, the sound jagged and raw in the confined space of his truck. “Right, of course you are. I mean, who wouldn’t want to bang a single mom who’s flat broke, works in a diner for minimum wage and can’t even put her kid in a decent daycare?”
I pulled at the collar of my uniform. “Tell me, is it the way the world’s least sexy uniform shows off my muffin top, or the way it washes me out until I look like I’m the living dead that makes you want to bang -”
I made a muffled squeak when Matt leaned over, wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and pulled me forward until his lips met mine. His lips were warm and firm, and my entire body lit up with excitement when he brushed them repeatedly against mine.
Matt Andrews was, without a doubt, the best damn kisser in the world. Could I be blamed for kissing him back? For opening my mouth and inviting him in? For sliding closer until I could curl my hands into the collar of his jacket?
His tongue slicked across my bottom lip as his arm slid around my waist. He cupped my hip, kneading it gently as I pushed my tongue into his mouth. He sucked on it and I moaned loudly, my back arching.
Not caring that we were in the middle of the diner parking lot, not caring that anyone could see us, I tried to scoot closer, groaning with frustration when the arm rest thwarted my efforts.
Matt broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against mine, our breaths mingling as we both panted lightly.
“I want you,” he said in a low voice. “You have no fucking idea how much I want you, Nat. I’ve been kicking myself all goddamn night and morning for rejecting you last night.”
He pressed a gentle kiss against my mouth. “But after spending most of my life doing the wrong thing, just once I wanted to do the right thing.”
I leaned back a little and stared at him. My mouth was tingling, and I touched my swollen lips before swallowing hard. What the hell was I doing? Kissing Matt, sleeping with Matt, was the last thing I should be doing. I had a broken car I probably couldn’t afford to fix, a house with no heat, and no affordable daycare option. The last thing I needed was sex with the playboy of the whole damn town. I was using Matt as a distraction from my problems and that was a shit thing to do. I let go of his jacket and slid back in my seat until I was pressed against the door.
“I’m sorry.”
He gave me a frustrated look. “Please stop apologizing.”
I sighed and glanced at my watch. “I really need to go. I’m late for work.”
“Yeah, okay.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I’ll pick you up after work.”
“Oh, um, actually I have an appointment after work so if you’re still okay with me and Phoebe staying another night with you, I’ll just meet you at your place later.”
“That’s fine. How will you get to your appointment and what about Phoebe?”
“I’ll take the bus to get Phoebe and to my appointment.”
“No,” he said. “I’ll pick you up when your shift is over and drive you.”
“I can’t ask you to be my chauffer,” I protested. “You’re already helping me out so much and -”
“You’re not asking, I’m offering,” Matt said. “I’ll see you at four thirty.”
“Matt, I -”
“You’re late for work,” he said gently. “Go on, Natalia.”
* * *
Matt parked in front of the mid-size bungalow and gave me a puzzled look. “You have an appointment with Wyatt?”
“Oh, uh, no. I have an appointment with Maggie. She’s a lawyer and started her own practice. She has an office in the, um, house there.”
“Okay.”
To my surprise, he didn’t pry about why I needed to see a lawyer. I was grateful he didn’t. Today had been a long and tiring day. The diner was busy and the new girl that Rhonda hired to replace Maggie was slow to catch on. I’d tried not to lose my patience with her, but I’d barely slept a wink last night and I was exhausted.
To make matters worse, after having my car towed to Jack’s shop, he’d called with an estimate for repairs. At nearly six hundred dollars, it would eat up every extra penny of my paycheque which meant no money to get my heat turned back on by this Friday. I would barely have enough left over to afford groceries for Phoebe.
Just thinking about food made my stomach growl. Money was so short that I routinely went a day or two without food so that Phoebe had enough.
You can’t keep doing that, Nat.
No, I couldn’t, but my only other option was to junk the car so that I could pay my heat bill and have enough money for food for both of us. But then I would have to rely on our small town’s notoriously fickle public transportation system. I shuddered at the thought of having to get Phoebe up – who was definitely not a morning person – even earlier in the morning to get her to daycare on time.
You don’t have daycare, remember?
New tension settled in my shoulders and neck and I rubbed at the base of my skull before plastering a smile on my face and turning to where Phoebe sat in her car seat behind me. “Ready to go see Maggie, sweet pea?”
Phoebe shook her head. “I want dinner, Mama. I’m hungry.”
“I know, honey. We won’t be long and then I’ll make you some dinner.”
She pouted at me. “I stay with Mattie.”
“No, Pheebs, you can’t.”
A big fat tear welled up and slid down her cheek and she turned to Matt. “Please, Mattie. I stay with you, otay?”
I sighed. “Phoebe, you can’t -”
“Yes, baby,” Matt said abruptly. “You can stay with me while your mama talks to Maggie.”
“Yay!” Phoebe clapped her hands together, her crocodile tears forgotten. “I stay with Mattie, Mama!”
“Matt, I can’t ask you to babysit while I -”
“Like I said this morning, you’re not asking, I’m offering,” he said. “I’ll take Phoebe home and feed her leftover spaghetti for dinner. Text me when you’re finished, and we’ll come back and get you.”
“I can take the bus.”
“No,” he said. “It’s cold and you’re not even wearing a winter jacket for God’s sake. You’ll freeze to death waiting for the bus.”
He turned to smile at Phoebe. “You want spaghetti again for dinner, kiddo?”
“Yep,” Phoebe said. She clutched her doll. “Bye, Mama.”
I blinked at her. “Pheebs, are you sure you want to stay with Matt? Mama’s gonna be a little bit and -”
“Bye, Mama,” Phoebe said again before smiling at Matt. “Drive home now, Mattie.”
A little grin played on Matt’s stupidly perfect lips and I wanted to roll my eyes but truthfully, it was kind of adorable how smitten Phoebe was with h
im.
I twisted in my seat and leaned over it to give Phoebe’s smooth cheek a kiss. “Bye, sweetpea. Mama will see you soon.”
“Yep.” Phoebe was still smiling at Matt, but he was staring at my ass as I leaned over the seat. I blushed and opened the door before sliding out of the truck.
“You’re sure?” I said one last time.
Matt nodded. “I am. Text me when you’re ready to come home.”
“Okay.” I shut the door and limped my way up the sidewalk to Maggie and Wyatt’s house as Matt drove away.
* * *
“Wait, so you left Pheebs with Matt?” Maggie cut up some more cheese and laid it on the plate. My stomach growled and Maggie grinned before adding another handful of crackers to the plate already piled high with cheese and slices of pepperoni. “Grab the wine and the glasses, would you?”
“You think I shouldn’t have?” I picked up the bottle of wine and the glasses and followed her toward her office at the back of the house.
“No, no, nothing like that. I mean, I don’t know Matt very well, but Wyatt thinks he’s a good guy. They play poker together once a month and I know he’s worked out with him and Elijah a few times at the gym.”
She sat down behind her desk watching as I limped to the seat across from her and sank into it with a sigh.
“You’re limping really badly tonight,” she said with a frown.
“My plantar fasciitis is acting up. Why are you surprised that I left Phoebe with Matt?”
“Um, because you have that protective mama bear down to a science with her? Not that I think that’s a bad thing, I just didn’t see you leaving Phoebe with someone you hate.”
“I don’t hate him,” I protested.
“Since when?” Maggie pushed the cheese and meat plate toward me. “You’ve hated Matt Andrews since I’ve known you.”
I munched on some cheese and crackers as Maggie poured us both a glass of wine. “I think I might have been wrong about Matt.”