by KB Winters
I shook my head, staring dazed at the veins in the wooden tabletop. “There’s no way to even start that conversation. When we left California I wasn’t sure when Jackson would see Henry again, but I knew it was inevitable. I never planned on keeping him away from him forever. I knew he’d have visitation or rights of some kind…but now…he’ll never see him again. He won’t have…” Tears took over, breaking the rest of my words into indecipherable mumbles.
Chase came around and held me against him as a new wave of tears escaped. Was I ever going to be able to stop crying? It felt like something was broken inside of me and I wasn’t sure it would ever be fixed again.
“I don’t know if I should tell him now or wait till we’re back in California. I just don’t know…”
“I wish I knew what to say, Melissa. I’m way out of my depth here too.” He squatted down in front of me and rubbed his thumbs along the backs of my hands as he stared up into my eyes. “In some ways, getting home might be better. He’d have his friends, family, and the comfort of being in a familiar place. But at the same time, he’s an intuitive little guy. He’s going to know something is wrong.”
I nodded in agreement. “Curious too.”
“And a little bit unrelenting,” Chase added, chuckling.
I smiled at him, realizing it was the first smile since hearing the news about Henry. “That too.”
“So, you’ve decided to go back to California?”
I nodded. “There’s no reason not to anymore. Henry’s gone. There will be a funeral to plan or at least to hire someone to plan. I don’t know that I should really be the one to do that…doesn’t feel right. Hell, I don’t even really want to go to the damn thing, but I will, for Jackson’s sake.”
My thoughts trailed off and I shook my head again.
“There’s no easy answers to any of this, Melissa. But I know that Jackson is a strong little boy and he knows you’ll be there for him. Always. And I will be too. He’s not alone. You’re not alone.”
“Thank you,” I said, my voice thick, overwhelmed by Chase’s support and compassion. My heart swelled inside my chest, breaking through the ice and numbness that had set in. “I know he will be okay, eventually. I just wish I could spare him the pain. That’s always been my goal. In all of this hoopla. To keep Jackson safe and secure. He still doesn’t even know why we’re here on this island. He thinks it’s a vacation or something.”
“Has he asked about Henry?”
“Not very much. He’s used to Henry being gone. God, that sounds awful. You know what I mean though.”
Chase nodded. “Yeah. I do.”
A silence fell between us as I got tangled back in my own thoughts. Chase reached out and stroked my cheek, gently drawing me back to the moment at hand. “If we’re leaving to go to California soon, I’ll go back to the harbor and get the boat ready. That way you and Jackson can have some time to yourselves.”
“Okay.”
“Not to pile on to your worries, but any thoughts of when you want to leave? I can get groceries and supplies or I can wait on that.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. The day after tomorrow? That way Jackson can have one last day here. Once I tell him about Henry, he’ll need something to distract him. Maybe we could take him fishing.”
Chase nodded and smiled sadly. “Sure thing. I’ll head out in a little bit and then when I get back we can go out one last time.”
“Thank you, Chase.”
“Of course. Anything.”
I pushed up from the table and went to make myself a piece of dry toast. I didn’t really want it but I knew I needed to eat something, if not for my own sake, then for the baby. And it gave me something to do besides cry over the heartbreaking news I would have to give my son before the day was over.
* * * *
A few hours later Chase and Jackson had completed their morning pancake feast and Chase said goodbye to us to go across the canal to Manzanilla in order to prepare the boat for our trip home.
Jackson was bummed to see his favorite playmate go, but quickly rebounded. “Mom, can we go snorkeling again?”
“Not right now, sweetheart. When Chase gets back in a couple of hours we can all go fishing. How does that sound?”
“Okay!” he smiled and it near broke my heart.
“Listen, sweetie, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about. Do you think we could maybe walk on the beach for a little while and talk?”
Jackson considered my offer and then nodded. He reached for my hand and I smiled as his little fingers slipped inside mine. We wandered slowly down the beach. At first, I let Jackson steer the conversation and exhaust his topics. We talked about the boat, the birds on the shore, and about the puffer fish he saw swimming in his dreams the night before. When we’d gone about a mile down the beach, I stopped up at a cluster of boulders. “Hey, buddy, let’s take a little break. Your old mom is getting tired.”
Jackson laughed. “You’re not old, Mama!”
I smiled at him and helped boost him up onto the smallest of the three rocks. He sat down and stared at me expectantly. I glanced out at the soft lapping waves and took a moment to gather myself. I couldn’t break down in front of him. I needed to be strong.
“Jackson, honey, there’s something I need to tell you and it’s a very sad thing. Okay?”
He frowned. “What is it?”
My hands started to shake and I wrung them together in my lap, hoping Jackson wouldn’t notice. “Honey, there’s a reason we went on this trip away from home, without Dad.” I hesitated and fidgeted with my skirt. “Jackson, dad passed away yesterday.”
I waited a beat for his reaction but his expression didn’t change. “Was he sick?” he asked, his brow furrowed.
“No, honey. He got hurt in an…accident.”
“And then what?”
“Then he died, sweetheart. I’m so sorry.” I gathered him to me as my own tears took over. At first I wasn’t sure if he understood me but then I felt his little shoulders shake and I knew he was crying to.
“I want to go home!” he wailed between body-wracking sobs. “I want to see Daddy!”
I smoothed his hair and struggled to get myself together. We cried together for a long time, Jackson intermittently repeating his request. I couldn’t speak around the lump in my throat.
“We’re going home, buddy. I—I promise.”
Jackson cried and sniffled against my chest. I clung to him and waited for the worst of it to pass. Eventually, we got off the rocks and started back towards the house. He kept silent on the walk back and I couldn’t bring myself to interrupt his thoughts. I was probably the worst mother on the planet. I was so tangled up in my own despair and confusion that I couldn’t get out of my head long enough to help him.
When we rounded the corner and could see the cottage again, Chase was standing in the front yard. Jackson spotted him and burst into a sprint. “Chase! Chase!” He yelped and launched himself against Chase’s legs when he reached him. Chase immediately scooped him into his arms and Jackson clung tightly to him.
“I’m sorry, buddy. I’m so, so sorry,” Chase said, stroking Jackson’s shaking shoulders and back. His eyes met mine over Jackson’s head and I saw fresh tears glistening. I came up and embraced them both and we all stayed just like that for a while. I could only imagine the pain in my little boy’s heart—and that’s what made me cry.
Chapter Twelve
Chase
“How’s he doing?” I asked, once Melissa came down the hallway from putting Jackson to bed.
Melissa stepped into the living room and looked over at me. A pang of sadness hit me in the gut at the red rims and bloodshot eyes looking back at me. “He cried himself to sleep.”
“Come here,” I said softly, reaching for her. She stepped into my open arms and collapsed against my chest, her own tears starting to fall again. I had never felt so helpless in my whole life. This went beyond any type of pain I’d ever experienced. To see firsthand
the depths of Jackson’s pain, and then Melissa’s at watching her son fall apart.
I didn’t have words to say. At least none that could help, so I remained quiet as I held her and let her sob against me.
“I would do anything. Literally anything to take the hurt away from him,” she said between heart wrenching sobs.
“I know. I would too.”
After Melissa broke the news to Jackson we had all cried on the shore in front of the cottage. Time passed by slowly and when we all collected ourselves enough to go inside, we sat around the table, picking at our food, and then I suggested we go fishing. Jackson agreed to go but in the end, I don’t think it did much good. He was distracted and we didn’t catch a single fish. Melissa sat near him on the bank and tried to talk to him but he was shut down. Traumatized.
When the sun started to set, we’d gone back to the house and Melissa cooked dinner while Jackson vegged out in front of the TV. I had a feeling Melissa made the food just to give herself something to do. No one was hungry and the meal went mostly untouched. Then Jackson had asked to go to bed early and Melissa took him an hour before his usual bedtime to get him settled for the night.
“Did you tell him we’re leaving tomorrow?” I asked against her hair.
“Yeah. He didn’t have much to say.”
I nodded. “We just have to give him time. Getting back on the boat might help take his mind off of the news about his dad.”
“I hope so. I can’t watch him in so much pain. It hurts me too much.”
“I know.” I stroked her hair and held her tighter to my chest. “How are you doing with the news?”
Melissa attempted a shrug. “I’m numb to it right now. All that matters is getting Jackson through this as best as I can.”
I nodded. I understood she didn’t want to deal with her own emotions, not when her son was hurting, but I knew eventually all those thoughts and feelings would come back around again. I’d been forced to tamp emotions down for a lot of years and when they’d all come for me, it wasn’t pretty. On top of that, Melissa was pregnant. I wasn’t a pregnancy expert, but I knew the stress of carrying such a heavy load wasn’t likely to be good for our unborn child. There wasn’t much point in bringing it up, though. It would only make her feel worse, and possibly add to her stress, which was the last thing I wanted to do. All I could do was be supportive and as helpful as possible.
“Is everything ready for tomorrow?” Melissa asked, pulling away slightly so that she could look up into my face.
I gave her a nod. “Yeah. I have three days’ worth of groceries on board. Refilled the fresh water tanks and topped off the fuel. I called the owner of the cottage to settle the bill and let them know we’d be leaving. Do you need help packing?”
“Oh, shit. I hadn’t even thought about that…” She rubbed her eyes.
“It’s okay. We can whip through it in the morning.”
“Okay.” She dropped her hands to her belly and ran her fingers in circles thoughtfully. “This is one of those nights that I wish I could drink. Cheap wine and all.”
I smiled. “No, you really don’t. That stuff is awful.”
She laughed softly, and I let the sweet sound wash through me, warming me from the inside out. “We just got spoiled with Matt’s selection. Your brother has excellent taste. I might have to convince him to go wine shopping with me once this little one makes his or her arrival.”
A shiver of excitement ran over me at the way she spoke of our future child. It made it seem so real. A vivid picture of Melissa holding a baby in her arms flashed before my eyes. “The real question is going to be if he ever talks to me again once I tell him he’s going to be an uncle…”
“Why wouldn’t he talk to you?”
“Well, Matt’s a pretty buttoned down guy. Sure, he plays around, but he’s actually fairly conservative for a high-powered lawyer.”
Melissa giggled. “I think we learned that from the interior design choices on his boat…”
“Right,” I said with a chuckle. “He won’t be thrilled that I slept with one of his clients, who also happened to be one of my clients…”
Melissa wrinkled her nose. “Let’s not refer to me as one of your clients again. It makes the whole thing sound a little cheap.”
I laughed. “I don’t mean it like that.”
“I know,” she said, still giggling. “But I can’t help but picture you in some leopard print Speedo or something.”
“Oh, shit!” I bit back a roar of a laugh to avoid waking Jackson. “Okay, how about we make a deal, you never, ever, think of me that way again?”
Melissa laughed harder and stifled the sound with her hand. “Deal,” she said, once she got herself under control. “Gigolo Chase. You know, you could make a killing with the cougar crowd though! I’m telling ya.”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re killing me, that’s what’s happening here.”
She considered me. “Can you dance?”
I grabbed her hands and spun her in a circle, as though about to properly dance with her, but then ground my hips up against her in a sultry little move I’d learned after one too many tequila shots back in college.
Melissa giggled. “Oh my! You actually can dance!”
I continued to grind on her and her laugh fell away as she got into the rhythm of the dance. “All right, spill. How do you know how to dance like…this?” she asked, glancing down at my rocking hips.
I laughed. “It involved a lot of tequila and an off-duty stripper that offered me and the boys some lessons.”
“Are you serious?”
I grinned. “Yes, ma’am! Hell, we were young, drinking, and she came up to us and schooled all of us on the art of seduction in dance.”
“Are you sure I wasn’t right with my gigolo theory?” Melissa retorted, arching her brow at my hip swivel.
“Only for you, baby.” I winked and did a spin before backing my ass up against her hip playfully. She smacked me and I whipped around and gathered her into my arms.
“Well I feel honored,” she said, her smile fading at the serious look in my eyes.
I leaned down and kissed her firm on the mouth and she melted, parting her lips to grant me access. I slowed the kiss and took her gently in my arms.
She clung to me, and I swept her off her feet and carried her down the hall to my room.
“So, if a stripper taught you your moves, then does that mean you also take your clothes off? Is there a performance I could see?” Melissa teased once I laid her down on the bed.
“You are a naughty girl, aren’t you?”
“I’m trying to be,” she said, giggling.
I glanced around the room, wishing I had a radio or something to play a song. Without music the whole thing felt weird. But if it would turn Melissa on, then I was more than willing to give it a shot.
“What are you looking for? I’m right here,” Melissa teased.
I stepped over to the edge of the bed and she lounged back. I lowered down with one knee on one side and rolled my hips for her. “There ya go…now lose the shirt.”
I chuckled and stripped the shirt off as slowly as possible, teasing her with every inch of revealed flesh. Her eyes went wide as she watched and my cock hardened. I’d need to lose the pants soon or risk cutting off circulation to the boys. Melissa stared up at me as I stripped and she licked her lips.
“You’re killing me,” I whispered to her, tossing my shirt on the ground.
With my torso bared, she ran her fingers down my abs and then toyed with the waist of my shorts. “Likewise.”
I reached for the fly of my shorts and popped the button with a flourish of my hand. “Ooh,” Melissa purred. “Show me what you’re working with, baby.”
I grinned and lowered the zipper just as slowly as I’d stripped my shirt. Melissa was almost panting by the time I dropped the shorts. My hard on was evident but contained in my shorts and Melissa slipped her hand down the front and stroked my dick. My eyes rolled back
and I groaned at the way she worked her fingers over me. I hooked my fingers on the waistband and lowered the shorts, peeling them away. Melissa freed my cock and quickly applied her mouth before I even had a chance to tease her with it. My knees went weak as she sucked me all the way into her mouth like she was working a popsicle in the middle of the summer heat.
“Damn! Baby girl—” I paused and raked in a sharp breath as she hollowed her cheeks and sucked slowly back up. She swirled the tip with her tongue and I lost my hands in her long dark hair, holding on as she continued to suck and tease me. I gasped again when her free hand found my balls and fondled them gently, sending a wave of shivers all over my skin. “You’re so sexy with my cock in that sweet little mouth.”
Melissa looked up at me and I shuddered as our eyes locked. She was still fully clothed but she had never turned me on more. My shorts hit the floor and Melissa stroked the inside of my thigh before working back down me again.
I reached for the back of her shirt and started to tug the fabric up. She broke away long enough to let me strip off her shirt and tugged her bra off over her head. I pushed her back against the bed and stared at her body. Melissa shuddered as I ran my fingertips over her breasts, my touch feather light. “You’re so beautiful, baby.”
I lowered down to her and kissed her lips while I dragged my fingertips between her breasts. The kiss broke when I reached her stomach and was struck by the thoughts of our child growing inside of her. Melissa glanced down at my stilled fingers and then met my eyes. “It’s pretty crazy, huh?” she whispered.
I smiled. “Yeah. When will he or she…show?”
Melissa laughed softly. “Well, usually a couple months in, but they say with the second it happens faster. So be prepared for bump city. I got pretty big with Jackson.”