I watched silently as Noah pulled on his shorts and T-shirt, his face an unreadable mask.
The blinders were going back on.
So were mine.
He stood over the bed and looked down at me, and when I thought he'd turn to leave, I scrambled out of bed. He caught me, wrapping his arms tight around me and taking my mouth in a searching, searing kiss.
It came down slowly until he did nothing more than hold me while I breathed him in.
"I know this is the right thing to do," he said into the crown of my head.
My eyes fluttered shut as I snuggled my face into his chest. "I do too."
I didn't, though. I wasn't entirely sure I believed that. Right. Wrong. They were so subjective based on who you were asking, weren't they?
Maybe the statement that I could agree to was that this was the smart thing to do instead. The most likely to allow him the success he was still chasing after with both hands and give me the same result.
"But I'll think about this," he admitted in a rough voice. "I'll think about you, Molly, and I want you to know that."
I had to roll my lips together to keep from telling him that I was falling in love with him. Because he had no space for something like this in his life, and I had no room for that kind of complication in mine. So all I could do, knowing we were leaving the next day, back into a world where we'd pretend this hadn't happened, was give him another soft kiss and lie about what he meant to me.
"I'll think about you too, Noah."
He pulled away from my embrace, and in a few strides of his long legs, he was gone.
Chapter Twenty-One
Molly
The strangest part of returning to Seattle was the fact that no one seemed to notice that anything was different. When I got home, Isabel greeted me with a smile, wanting to know how the weekend went.
When Paige stopped over a couple of hours later because Emmett wanted to show us something, there were no curious, lingering looks at my face, and no one asked if something had happened.
And as protective as I felt over those two nights and what happened in that big bed, I was relieved.
For the first time since I could remember, something happened in my life that I didn't want to share with my family. My sisters were my best friends, and Paige as close as a mother to me, but I didn’t want to confide or discuss or pick apart anything about my time in South Dakota.
Normally, we would.
But the rest of my Sunday back in Seattle was just ... normal.
I arrived at work, feeling rejuvenated after a good night of sleep, something I didn't have at all in South Dakota due to one Noah Griffin. And the lack of sleep from that weekend was nothing that couldn't be hidden by a good concealer, which I applied liberally when getting ready that morning.
My office was quiet and tidy when I let myself in, and I'd barely gotten through the items waiting in my inbox before a message popped up from Beatrice on my phone.
Beatrice: Would love to hear how the weekend went. I'm free after lunch.
It wasn't so much a suggestion as a summons. And I got a pit in my stomach as I thought about facing her across the expanse of her desk. Beatrice had been so very, very far from my mind in that cabin in the mountains. Her request for no fraternization had as well, something I'd broken. A few times. But there was really no point in counting how many times, honestly.
Ignoring the ramifications of what would happen if she found out, I'd already begun to formulate the opinion that all this forced proximity with Noah didn't help either of us. Especially not now. I was a glorified errand girl, hanging around the filming crew the way I'd been doing. Maybe that was the sharp, unpleasant edge to Beatrice's promotion in the first place.
Putting lipstick on a pig, so to speak.
She acted like she was doing me a favor, but in reality, the job I'd done before was more challenging, kept me busier, and on the whole, could generate just as much revenue for Washington if I did that job well.
Glancing at the filming schedule tacked to the pinboard behind my desk, I knew that Marty and Rick weren't around today. Probably at their own offices going through everything they'd caught over the weekend. As I tapped the side of my pen on the desk, I thought about the past few weeks. I thought about Marty. And Rick. The pen slowed; my heart rate sped up. And I thought about Noah.
Facing him.
Being around him.
Trying to pretend nothing had happened and watching him do the same.
It was a recipe for disaster, and I couldn't even care what it said about me that I didn't think I could shove it down and do my job. Nothing was sexy about us trying to sneak around now that we were back to reality in Seattle.
Even if we’d agreed to try, I saw nothing fun or exciting about trying to hide a relationship with him. We were both too pragmatic for that.
I pulled a pad of paper out of the top drawer of my desk and started scribbling things down. Flipping back and forth between that and my computer whenever something came up, I felt ready to meet with Beatrice by the time I'd scarfed some cold leftovers for lunch. Being away from Noah meant my head was clearer, and that was hard to admit.
Something about him scrambled my brain waves, and if I was honest with myself, that had always been true. My breaking-and-entering career kicked off at the ripe age of sixteen because of the Noah effect. And look where that had gotten all of us.
Now I stood to lose something even more precious if I wasn't careful. I stood to lose my heart. Two nights in South Dakota was one thing, but seeing him in front of me, day in and day out, was another.
I pushed back from my desk and shoved my feet back into my flats before making my way down the hallway to Beatrice's office.
Out of respect, I rapped my knuckles quietly against the door even though it was propped open, and I could see her typing away at her computer.
She turned in her chair and gave me a small smile. "Come in, Molly. Perfect timing."
"Yeah?"
Her face smoothed out into that placid, pleasant expression she favored even though I could sense her studying me carefully. Since I got home, no one had looked at me like that, and I fought not to fidget as I took a seat across from her. "I've been trying to get a hold of Rick, and he seems to be ... how do I phrase this ... ghosting me?"
My eyebrows bent down. "Really? That doesn't seem like him."
"It doesn't. Yet I've asked for more raw footage, updates on how it's going, and he's ignored every request for the past two weeks. Either he evades me with a bland update, or he outright avoids answering my questions." She steepled her fingers in front of her. "Do you have any idea why?"
"No," I answered honestly. "Filming has been going really smoothly. They got a lot of great stuff over the weekend, so I can't imagine why he wouldn't want to show you."
When she didn't reply right away, I got the distinct feeling she was weighing the sincerity of my answer. But no matter what conversations I might have had with Rick, I was being truthful with Beatrice about this. I couldn't fathom why he wouldn't want to show her any of the footage they'd recorded.
"Okay," she said. "I'm glad to hear you say that. It makes me feel better since I know you're present whenever they're filming."
"Good." I took a deep breath. "But that's something I wanted to talk to you about, actually."
She tilted her head, raising an eyebrow in question.
"I've been there every day since they started. Very little has been filmed without me being there."
"I know. That's part of your job."
"I'm questioning how necessary that is, though," I said evenly.
Her face didn't move. Not a single muscle. Yet I felt a stunned reaction from her like a wave pulsing through the room. "Why's that?"
I shifted in my seat before answering. "Rick isn't trying to undermine us. He's not trying to manufacture drama or instigate something false. He clearly cares about Noah and wants to capture the raw truth of what this is like for him. And No
ah …" My voice wavered on his name, just the slightest hitch, but I covered it up by clearing my throat. "Noah is so much more comfortable in front of the camera than he was when this started. They don't need me there, Beatrice. I feel like I'm wasting my time, and Washington's money, by hanging in the background to make sure everything is going smoothly. And I"—I blew out a slow breath—"I wonder if that's something you knew would happen when you gave me this opportunity. That I'd feel unnecessary. Like I could be doing more or make a bigger impact elsewhere."
Her eyes narrowed. "Do you think I'd trick you?"
I licked my lips. "Not trick, no. But you were very honest with me about why you were doing this. You felt like I hadn't earned my job, that my last name meant I didn't work as hard as someone else might were they in my position. And even though I know that's not true, not fully, you flat out told me to prove it to you. But continuing with this setup, I'll never be able to do that."
"Why's that?"
Because I'll fall in love with Noah if you keep shoving him under my nose and will inevitably make more horrible decisions when I know I can't stay away from him. I blinked the thought back.
"Because this role is a waste of my talent. I can do both things, but I don't need to be with them every day they film. I can meet with Rick and Marty once a week to make sure they have all the access they need within the organization, and if Noah isn't working with them as he should, then I can step in as necessary. I've already proven to be able to communicate with him effectively."
The words were coming out of my mouth when I was slammed with a vivid memory of how effective our communication was for those two nights.
Yes, just like that. You feel so good, Molly. So, so good.
My face felt warm, and I kept my gaze steady on my boss.
Beatrice leaned back in her chair and set her hands in her lap. "You're right," she said after a long moment of silent regard. I didn't say anything, but inside, I was deflating with heady relief. "A good employee will do what's required. A great employee will find ways they can benefit the company they work for beyond what's asked of them. And you admitting this is a sign that you're a great employee."
"Thank you," I answered meaningfully.
Already, I felt the burden lift off my shoulders, the one I'd been trying to figure out how to carry ever since Noah walked out of my bedroom in the early morning hours.
"Which is why I hate that my mind immediately tries to connect your request with the timing of Rick ignoring me."
My brain jerked to a halt as I processed her words.
"Wh-what do you mean?"
"I'm going to ask you this once, Molly. Did something inappropriate happen that Rick doesn't want me to know about? That you don't want me to know about, which is why you don't want to be present for the filming anymore? If someone tried something or has made you feel uncomfortable, then I want to know about it."
I shook my head, stunned at the turn of the conversation. "I promise you, I'm not asking because anyone is making me feel uncomfortable."
"So the contract hasn’t been violated?"
My mouth opened. Closed. If I admitted what happened between me and Noah, everything I'd worked for, that he'd slowly started creating here, would be gone in an instant. "No, Beatrice."
Oh, shit. It was out of my mouth. My stomach curdled dangerously, but she seemed to believe me.
Her face was hard, but her eyes were kind as her shoulders relaxed. "I’m sorry that I have to ask this, and that this is the culture we live in, but I understand what it's like to be a young woman surrounded by powerful, influential men. The absolute last thing I will tolerate is someone taking advantage of your desire to gain my approval."
And that only made me feel worse.
Guilt was so much more insidious than you realized before the lie slipped out of your mouth. It promised that everything would be fine. She'd never find out, and everything was better this way.
But instead, I was faced with the realization that she wasn't pushing it because she didn't believe me. She wanted to make sure I was safe.
I held up a hand. "Beatrice, please, I promise you that I would never put up with the kind of treatment you're talking about. If anyone under this roof so much as looked at me in a way that was disrespectful, my brother would rip their head off."
By the downturn in her mouth, maybe that wasn't the best answer, given what her initial opinion of me was, but it was the truth.
"And I know this gains me no favors, but I won't deny it either. A lot of the veteran players have known me for ten years. They were rookies when Logan retired, and now he's their coach. They all love me like I’m part of their family. And Allie Sutton-Pierson is my sister-in-law’s best friend. Trust me, not only do I have about as good of a work support system in this place that anyone could ever ask for, but I know how to put my kneecap between any guy's legs in a way that would have him singing soprano for a month."
Beatrice exhaled a restrained laugh and relaxed a bit as she let her smile fall. "I get it. And you're right, it's hard for me to get over the fact that you're so entrenched into the fabric of this place, but …" She shook her head. "But I know now that you don't use it as a crutch. You're a hard worker, Molly. And I'm proud to be your boss."
My eyes burned, my throat swelling with emotion. "Thank you."
"Please don't cry," she said dryly.
I laughed. "Yes, ma'am."
"I may have handled you wrong from the get-go, Molly, and I can't promise that I won't make more mistakes."
"You didn't handle me wrong," I argued. "You had every right to be wary."
"No, it was unprofessional of me to start off on that foot, and even worse when I ambushed you about your past with Noah."
A rock sank heavy in my gut, slicing neatly through the pride and warm happiness I'd felt just moments earlier, my skin going cold and prickly as it did.
She kept going. "Obviously, certain situations warrant a strong warning, but this isn't one of them."
My lips stretched in a tight smile. "Obviously."
"If you're telling me that this request to shift your schedule isn't born from that, from some situation that you don't want anyone to know about, then I'll trust you. Because you've earned that."
I felt two inches tall.
This wasn't the way I wanted her to believe in me. Believe that I was worthy of her respect and trust.
"So," she continued, "if you'll accept my apology, then let's take this as a fresh start, shall we?"
I found myself nodding weakly. "Apology accepted," I said quietly.
Beatrice nodded back. "Good. Let me know if Rick has any problems with the change in your role, will you?"
"I will."
On autopilot, I walked back to my office and sank heavily in the chair. I sent an email carefully worded to outline the changes to Rick, and I cc'd Marty. And just before I sent it, I added Noah as well.
After I'd hit the button, I read it over again, trying to reconcile, yet again, the whole concept of smart versus right.
Sleeping with Noah wasn't smart. But it felt so right.
Separating myself from him now that we were back was smart. But it felt wrong.
Falling in love with him ... the jury was still out on whether it was smart or right.
Every cell in my body was wailing dangerously from the wrongness. That was how strong my desire was to seek him out somewhere in these black and red hallways.
My cell phone rang in my hand, Noah's name appearing like I'd summoned him. I exhaled shakily and then drew a fortifying breath before I picked up the call.
"This is Molly."
"What the hell is that email?"
I sat back in my chair. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me. What the hell is that email about?"
Quickly, I stood from my chair and went to close my office door. "You can read just fine, Noah. I don't need to explain it to you."
He made a sound of muted frustration. "I just don't ... I get that
it'll be difficult to be around each other for a little bit now that we're home, but that will fade. It doesn't mean you need to hide."
"I'm not hiding," I said fiercely.
Liar, liar, pants on fire.
"Bullshit."
"This has been a really fun chat, Noah. Thanks for calling."
He sighed. "I'm sorry." He gentled his voice. The sound of it, oh, I had to press my hand to my chest from what it did to my insides. "I'm frustrated, okay? I didn't think you'd disappear after what happened. Practice today was shitty, and your brother cursed my ass out for not paying attention this close to preseason, and all I could do was keep watching the doors to see if you'd show up. And it's not your fault that I couldn't pay attention, but hell, Molly, I didn't expect to come out of the locker room to that email saying you won't be around at all."
I sank back in my chair as I processed what he was saying. And what he wasn't.
In the span of one day, I'd gotten everything I thought I wanted.
Beatrice's approval and Noah's notice.
And it felt all wrong.
I didn't want to make his life harder. I didn't want him to screw up at practice because of me. I didn't want him to be frustrated about it, upset that his attention was split in this way, because he'd never tried to balance his focus before. The only thing that would do was make him resent me.
"I should have told you separately, Noah. I'm sorry I sprang it on you like that." I raked a hand through my hair, pulling the band out and wrapping it around my wrist. "But this is the best option. The smartest choice." I closed my eyes and fought the burn of tears building at the bridge of my nose. "And I think you know that."
He was quiet on the other end of the phone. And even though I ached, oh, I ached to see his face to help me decipher what he might be thinking, I knew that if he was here, if he was in my office, I'd reach for him.
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