by K L Clare
He crushed his mouth to mine. “Relationships scare you, and not just this kind—I can see that. In time, you’ll trust what we have and feel safe with it.” Then he threw his legs over the side of the bed and stared at his brother as he headed for the bathroom. His mood was shifting, his grief evolving. “John, get up. Hydrate and get to the gym.”
And with that, John and I both understood he’d be punished for the whisky binge. I poured John a glass of water, and he pulled himself upright, grumbling and miserable.
“Will,” Thomas called through the door.
“Come in,” I called back.
Lissie slid down from his back and raced into the room in front of him, leaping onto the cushion between John and me before she hugged my neck.
“This one has been roaming about looking for you,” Thomas said. He looked at his younger brother and shook his head. “Jesus. Did he order you to the gym?”
John bobbed his head with a scowl as he held out his water glass for a refill.
“How is Mary this morning?” I asked.
Steam and the woody scent of Tom Ford soap abruptly rushed from the bathroom as Will stepped out wearing nothing more than a towel around his hips.
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Will.” I covered Lissie’s ears in case he complained more about the growing audience in his bedroom.
He rolled his eyes and went into the closet to dress. When he came out, he stood unmoving, staring at the four of us before dropping to the sofa and pulling me beneath his arm. Our eyes met, and his shoulders relaxed after a sigh broke free from his chest. I touched his cheek.
We had just recognized our future.
“We need to tell her, Elle.”
I’d hoped the next serious conversation with Lissie would be the one during which she was introduced to her father, but instead she would learn “Uncle Ethan” was gone. Will was right. We needed to tell her right away, and I couldn’t imagine a better time than while she was enveloped in the strength of the three uncles she’d already grown to love.
“Lissie,” I started. . . .
She didn’t handle it well. She hid her tear-stricken face as she often did with bad news and refused to see the world. Death is hard enough for an adult to understand and accept. She was just seven, and she’d already lost more than her due. Ethan hadn’t yet begun to spend time with her, but she still felt the loss and its harsh impact on her new family.
I held her and stroked her long, messy brown hair and waited for her to come back to us.
Will’s eyes were filled with pain again, which caused my own to fill with tears. He kissed my temple and rubbed Lissie’s back. She surprised us both when she reached for him. Will pulled her to his lap and placed a light kiss on top of her head after securing her in one arm.
“Mother,” Thomas said, rising.
I looked up and marveled at the strength I found in her eyes.
Mary stood in the doorway with both hands over her heart as she admired the tender, compassionate behavior of her three remaining sons. She gazed at me and smiled before grief reclaimed her and washed away the joy. “Come down soon, Ellie, and break your fast with Mrs. Bates and me in the drawing room.” Then she turned and floated down the corridor, the flowing train of her black silk robe stretching behind her.
* * *
The men were still in the gym when I found them three hours later. Will was fighting both brothers at once. His strength was inconceivable. I’d never seen such power flow from one man.
“What’s he doing?” I asked Ben.
“Teaching his brothers to respect him and follow his command.”
“Ah. The new alpha. I know John’s offense. What about Thomas?”
“Maybe the photo, maybe something you and I will never know about. One thing I know for sure is that Will doesn’t do anything without purpose. And he’s always been the alpha.”
I jerked when Thomas suffered a heavy hit to his gut. As big and strong as he was, he still couldn’t beat Will. It wasn’t the fighting that shook me. It was how they fought each other with the same fierce determination as if the enemy were before them.
Ben noticed my reaction. “We’re all subject to it when we mess up. It’s his job now. You must learn to accept things for what they are without feeling guilt or anguish.”
I let go of the breath I held. “I’m trying. I’ll get there. So how has he been this morning?”
“His entire life changed the minute Ethan died. He has a lot to come to terms with. He’ll be the best leader and provider this family has ever had—once he fully accepts his role. And he will. Two years or even a year ago, I wouldn’t have been so sure. But I warn you, Ellie, he’ll be quite an arse for a bit. Don’t let him get away with it. Be sure to go at him from a position of strength.”
Ben knew Will better than most. They’d been together since they were boys, trained side by side from the age of twelve. Their fathers had worked together, and their mothers were close. The only time they’d spent apart was when Ben served in the Royal Air Force while Will studied at Oxford.
Will hit John hard, and his body flew several feet before he landed flat on his back. “Stay out of my whisky, boy. When you are man enough to handle it, you’ll drink with me, not behind my fucking back.”
I ran to John and kneeled on the mat beside him. He’d lost the color in his face, and he was hardly breathing. The combination of Will’s hard hit and his back slamming to the mat had thrust the air from his lungs.
John dug his heels in and launched himself backward while shaking his head. His thrashes to drive me away were confusing, but then I got it. I was making it worse for him. Will wouldn’t tolerate one of his brothers accepting help, being soft. He’d hit him again harder, and John knew it.
Painful as it was to leave John alone as he fought for his breath, I moved away.
“You will not coddle him,” Will shouted, a menacing storm headed my way.
God, he was magnificent. And different—his sorrow had transformed to anger. I hooked my hands on my hips and narrowed my eyes as he advanced. He left no space between us, though he kept his hands at his sides.
“The only thing you’ll find by meddling down here, woman, is a smacked arse.”
“Shall we step out and see?” I lifted onto tiptoes and jutted out my chin, moving my stare from his to the door and back.
His eyes followed mine, and he grew hard against my stomach. “Get out of my gym, witch. I have things to do.”
His words often sounded crass to those unaccustomed to them, but witch wasn’t to be compared to bitch. It wasn’t the same thing to him—not with me. You own me. Everything I have, everything I am, it’s all yours; that’s what it meant, and we both knew it.
I offered a compassionate smile. He didn’t need another sparring partner, he needed someone to understand his pain. He needed time to work through losing Ethan. He hadn’t taken my anger from me after my family was murdered, and I wouldn’t take from him the anger he deserved after his loss.
His anger abated, and unmitigated pain filled his eyes. “I love you,” he said against my lips after he bent to kiss them.
“I know. Me too.”
“Do you need me, baby?”
“Just checking in.” I kissed his cheek. “Do whatever you need to do, but come back to me at the end of each day.”
His hands gripped my hips, and he placed another warm kiss on my mouth. Just before he turned and strode away, the softness of his eyes receded, and anger consumed them again.
I licked my lips and tasted the salt he’d left behind, and as I crossed the length of the pale wooden floor, I tossed a warning over my shoulder. “Don't hurt anyone, Will.”
A grunt and a heavy thud shot through the rafters. I counted to three and looked back without breaking my pace. Thomas was on his back next to his younger brother. Will was toweling sweat from his neck—his stare following the sway of my hips as he watched me leave the gym.
I swear his ey
es were glowing.
From that moment, Will distanced himself from everyone, including me, spending his time either exhausting himself in the gym or on the phone with his lawyers. We didn’t make love when he finally found his way to my bed that night, though he still locked me safely in his arms. He avoided my lips, kissing instead my forehead or temple.
No matter how hard I pushed, he didn’t give in.
“Don’t plead with me, Elle. As much as I want you, I can’t right now.”
It wasn’t about me or us, I realized. He needed to manage the strength that surged through his body, and he couldn’t do that until he found a way to purge the anger that burned him from the inside out. The denial was triggered by his protective instinct.
Rage continued to burrow deep into his soul.
32
Will had been quiet at the funeral. The words he spoke to guests after we returned to Eastridge for the luncheon were brief and cold. He didn’t eat or sit. He chose to lurk in a dark corner, where he could keep an eye on me while he worked on a bottle of Scotch.
When he’d had enough, he jerked his head toward the staircase and waited for me to walk in front of him, guiding me to my room with his hand at the small of my back. “Stay here until you’re told the estate is clear.” The kiss he placed on my mouth was distant and cold.
Before he managed to slip away, I grabbed his face and held it between my hands. Tears burned my eyes. His behavior had grown so dark that it scared me. “Let me help you,” I whispered.
He pulled away. “Go inside, Elle. Leave me alone.”
I shook my head. “I won’t.” I couldn’t.
I followed him around the corner and through a door that led up another flight of stairs to the second story. It hadn’t been renovated like the three lower levels of the house. The oak floor planks were unfinished and worn and creaked beneath our weight. Uneven stone walls held dimly lit sconces that cast unsettling shadows. Battered wooden doors with small metal brackets lined the corridor like soldiers at attention. I imagined handwritten names on the cards once displayed in those brackets, the names of servants from a time long ago.
Will knew I was there but continued down the corridor without a word. We walked in silence until the first window appeared. Light rain drummed against it. Shadowy clouds circled the moon. He stopped walking, and I plowed into his back.
“Elle. It’s not a good time for you to be near me.” His voice was low and feral.
I didn’t want to fight with him, but I was determined not to leave him alone in the state he was in. As I waited for his next move, I watched his broad shoulders rise and fall as breath flowed in and out of his body. We remained that way for several long moments—silent and on edge.
He’d been there for me. He took care of me and carried my dark burden when I couldn’t. There was no way I’d remain passive as he fell deeper into his own darkness, nor would I allow him to bear the grief alone any longer. I loved him, and his pain was my pain.
I reached out and rested my fingertips on his back.
His breath stilled and his back vibrated. When he finally turned to face me, warning was written in his wild eyes. The beautiful blue had been eclipsed by black.
I’d never been intimidated by his incomparable size or aggressive behavior and could offer no explanation for it. I ignored the warning and straightened my back. Beast or not, I wasn’t leaving him. “You need me.”
He closed his eyes and nodded. The scent of burning sandalwood, his scent, filled the space around us. An eternity passed before he opened his eyes again, but when he did, he drove them into mine and showed me everything. Pain. Guilt. Confusion. Fear. Anger. Rage.
I winced.
He stepped closer. Hunger joined the chaos in his gaze, and his hot breath touched my face as he spoke. “Good. You should be frightened.”
“I’m not afraid of you, and you know that. You’re drowning in suppressed emotion, and I’m afraid you won’t find your way back. I won’t lose you, Will. I’ll fight for you.”
He erupted, the calm before his storm ending. He filled his hands with my hair and jerked my head back to cover my mouth with his. His tongue forced its way past my lips. His kiss was unyielding and savage.
I pressed against his hard body and fused myself to him. I wanted to ease his pain and chase away his anger. Wanted to give him whatever he needed. Nothing was too much. I’d give him everything.
The force of his kiss split my lower lip. He came down from the ruthless high when the metallic tang hit his tongue, but only for a moment to suck tenderly on my lip. And then the storm returned. One hand moved from my hair down the front of my body and lingered on my thigh before he pushed under my skirt and into my panties.
I melted into his hand.
“I’ll take you here if you don’t walk away now,” he snarled in my ear.
“I’m not leaving you.”
“Then you’ll scream for me, Elle. You will scream my fucking name.” He stuck two fingers inside me, and with the third, he earned his name cried out loud.
Will’s mastery of my body was irrefutable. I came fast after he moved those long fingers in and out while using his thumb to drive me over the edge. As I cried his name again, he covered my mouth with his and thrust his tongue against mine, and when he was satisfied with the depth of our frenzied kiss, he found another fleeting moment of tenderness and placed a soft one on my swollen lips.
Without warning, he moved our bodies as if they were one, positioning us against the stone wall. He held me so tight that nothing that wasn’t us could survive in between.
The same fingers he’d had inside me went to his mouth, and then a growl ripped from his gut. It forced its way to the back of his throat, where it waited impatiently. After tearing off my panties with a skilled yank, he lifted my skirt and pressed himself against me with even more force.
I tried to move him back so I could unbutton his shirt, but my strength was no match for his madness. I did the only thing I could to bare his chest. I clawed at the buttons and ripped them from their tiny threads. He eased back just enough to give me access. His smooth, sculpted chest was my home, and he knew it.
My hands and mouth covered his skin. I pinched one of the cords in his neck. Hard. With my teeth. He grunted and grabbed fistfuls of my hair again, reclaiming my mouth with his. His erection strained and jerked between us.
I fumbled frantically with the fastenings of his trousers, and when he was free, I took him into my hand and stroked. Another guttural sound escaped him when I squeezed, and it was clear then that he was beyond any point of return—he would take what he wanted with abandon and without regret.
Will snatched me from my feet and backed me against the wall. I wound myself around him, and when he shoved inside me with one severe thrust, I screamed his name again. He roared mine. Then he forced his vibrating body still and burrowed into my hair. I don’t know how long we held each other that way, both panting and fevered, before he lifted his head and searched my eyes.
I dragged my fingers through his hair. “I love you, Will. Don’t stop.”
“Jesus, Elle.” His voice was hoarse. He pushed against me harder to immobilize my rocking hips. “You know how mad it is, the way I love you, need you. You don’t know what you’re asking for. You can still go.” He brushed my ear with his sweltering lips.
“I won’t go.”
The strength of his arms intensified as he began to move inside me. Then he threw that chaotic mix of his emotions into our fire and let it burn. The thrusting of his hips deepened beyond the force he’d ever allowed himself to use with me. He lost himself to rage. Rage was the one demon that grew when tossed into fire. The flames reached higher and higher as he thrust into me. It was as though fuel had been poured on top of the mess that he was, engulfing him in a fiery, hell-like illusion.
Deeper. Harder. It was approaching too much. I raked my nails along his back and neck, drawing beads of blood, and screamed. The roar of his climax reverberat
ed through the second story at the same time.
I collapsed onto his chest and shoulders, seared and drained, forcing him to support the weight of my limp body as we worked to catch our breath.
His arms, lungs, and voice trembled. “I’ve been too rough with you.” He kissed my neck with remorseful tenderness.
“You were . . . lost.”
Will steadied me on my feet but kept me tightly in his arms. He lowered his head and pressed his face to my throat. “Say you’ll forgive me.” He dropped to one knee. “Baby, forgive me. Say the words.”
His plea shocked me as it slapped me across the face with his pain and exposed his one true vulnerability: hurting me. It was the one thing that could put him on his knees, and watching it play out horrified me.
He hadn’t hurt me, but the intensity of his strength in those last moments was almost unbearable. Had he pushed me any harder, I would have stopped him. As far gone as he was, it may have taken a harsh blow to his face, but I had no doubt he would have stopped.
“Elle, I won’t allow you to move away from me until you say something.”
“Come back to me,” I demanded.
He stood and lowered his still-pleading eyes to mine.
“You didn’t hurt me, but you could have. You were close. Never lose yourself that way again. Not ever again, Will.”
He shook his head. “Never. I swear. I’ll never hurt you.” He stepped back but maintained eye contact as he pulled down my skirt and fastened his trousers. His lips soothed mine with sweet kisses as he pulled me into a tender, protective embrace.
A sudden sting caused me to arch when he rested his hand on my back.
“What’s wrong—you’re hurt?”
I stalled. “It’s been a long day. Neither of us has slept much. Come to bed with me.”
“Tell me, goddammit. Have I hurt you, Elle?”
“It’s nothing. It’s just—I think it’s just from the wall.”
Will spun me and lifted my blouse. “I did hurt you.” The friction from the stone had torn the fabric and abraded my skin.