by K L Clare
An aching lump continued to swell at the back of my throat.
Those four words—until my last breath—were one more demonstration of his undeniable commitment. They showed me there was a decision to be made. Would I continue crying, or get out of bed and become the woman he deserved? I would never be his equal, but I could be his partner.
Will had never left me. I’d abandoned him, left him alone in our fight. It wasn’t my complacency he needed but a partnership with some space when he desired it. I could stay out of his war room if that eased his conscience, but I would no longer add to his burden by remaining ignorant.
“Never again,” I told the ruby. “I’ll never do that to him again.”
I swallowed the fat lump in my throat and got my ass out of bed.
On my way downstairs after a hot shower, I bumped into Mary in the corridor. She reached for my hand as we walked toward the staircase. “I spoke with Thomas.”
I tried to think of something to derail the conversation but came up short.
“Who we are and where this life takes us, well, it never gets easier. There’s nothing we can do to stop the madness when it finds us. But there are two things I know for certain, dear. William has the strongest mind and heart this family has seen in generations. And he will fight his way back to you. Nothing will stand in his way.”
I smiled. “He will. I believe that too.”
“Richard would have taken such delight in how you handle his son. You’re very forgiving, Ellie. You soften him in all the right places.” She pulled me to a stop, her honey eyes glistening. “Even as a boy, he’d make something worse before turning it into something better. It’s the way of a lionhearted man. He’ll endure more, but he’ll accomplish a great deal more. His brother was the opposite. If something wasn’t laid out perfectly before Ethan, he’d give it up.”
The way he’d given up Isobel.
“I miss my Ethan terribly. Ah, but he and your sister left us something quite special.”
“You know?”
“I do,” she admitted. “Come with me.”
We went to her room at the end of the south corridor wing, where she removed a sealed envelope from a safe in the wall and handed it to me.
“Open it, Ellie.”
“Are you sure?”
“The solicitor wouldn’t have given it to me if it were bad news. I imagine there’s an unopened copy of the same lying around William’s business office. Go on, open it.”
I opened the envelope and found the results of Lissie’s paternity test. Ethan’s signature appeared on the consent form—he’d initiated the test when we were in London. I skimmed through the pages explaining methodology and settled on the analysis conclusion.
It was a bittersweet moment, a win and a loss at once. Ethan died before knowing beyond any shadow of doubt that Lissie was his daughter.
Mary reached for my hand. “When shall we tell her?”
“Will should be here. I’d like him close when she learns the truth.”
Lissie would need him. Will could give her the kind of strength and love she deserved. He would ease her broken heart with his tenderness and show her it could be mended again. Hers would have so many stitches before she turned eight years old.
“How long have the two of you known, dear?”
“We suspected. Will thought so from the moment he first saw her. Ethan agreed and planned to tell her. He wanted to be her father. She’s never had that, and now . . .” I steeled myself against a wave of sorrow.
“I promise you he would have loved her well. And now . . . it’s our job.”
I nodded. “I’ve already made mistakes.”
She patted my arm and smiled. “As I have with my children. Whatever you need, Ellie. Nothing would make me happier than to help raise my granddaughter. I can take on as much as you’ll allow.”
I nodded again, my heart reinflating.
“Before we go down, there’s one more thing.” Mary pulled a wooden box from the safe and opened it, displaying a treasure nestled in the blue velvet lining. “This is an authentic piece from your line. Richard’s mother came upon it somehow.”
It was an enchanting wedding tiara encrusted with shimmering diamonds and shining sapphires. Knowing it was something my ancestral grandmothers had worn rendered me speechless. I ran my fingertips along the top to be sure it was real.
“Most heirlooms were left behind for fear they might lead to your family’s identity. When it’s safe, we’ll hunt down more. Wear this one when you become my daughter.” She locked her kind eyes into mine, and as only a mother could do, she threw my words back at me. “See? He must come back soon.”
Mary Hastings put her arm around my shoulders and steered me to the door, and just before she released me, she whispered near my ear, “It was I who sent him. I knew he loved you, and it was time for you to save him from what he was becoming.”
46
He came at me again, and I threw him to the floor. John and I had worked hard on different takedown techniques every day after Will had left but without much luck. The seventh lesson and the turning technique did the trick. I finally got it.
I enjoyed the time John and I spent together on the mats, and the youngest Hastings was more than happy to demonstrate his “mad skills.” Will couldn’t stand to watch, so I never trained when he was home. Thomas also refused to watch. He’d left the gym when we came in. And since Will now required either Thomas or Ben to supervise, Ben was stuck with the job.
John shot up from the mat. “Well done, Ellie. That’s the one, then. You’re too delicate for the other takedowns.”
I threw him down again. “Don’t call me delicate, damn it.”
“Well done, indeed.” Ben pulled John to his feet and then gestured for me to submit my hands. He unraveled one and started to rewrap it. “This must remain snug if it’s to prevent damage. And he’s right—you are delicate. You’re supposed to be—and that’s okay.”
That was as close as Ben came to affection. He never smiled at anyone other than Chelsea. I’d heard him laugh a time or two, but only after he and Will had finished a few bottles of whisky.
“What if I’m attacked and no one is around?”
He rolled his eyes. “You’ll never be without protection, and you know it. He’s built an army round you.”
“Have either of you heard from him today?” I asked everyone several times a day. They hated it, but I didn’t care—until I heard from Will, I would keep asking. Will instructed them to keep their mouths shut around me, and they never broke command, not even when my temper spiked.
“No,” they said at the same time.
“Where is Thomas?”
“Looking at the monitors,” John said.
“Don’t push him,” Ben warned.
“I need to talk to Will. Why can’t any of you get that? It’s not like I can reach through the phone and drag him back by the ear.”
“Can’t you?”
I squared my shoulders. “Yes, Ben, you’re right. I want him to come home.”
“Exactly. He’ll say no once, maybe twice. You’ll plead with him, and he’ll give you what you want, because no never means no when he says it to you. If he comes back before he finishes the job, you’ll be at greater risk and he’ll be distracted. One of you will die. So let him do what he needs to do for fuck’s sake.” He walked away, his gait as smooth as a panther’s.
He was right again. I needed to be an extension of Will’s strength, not a distraction.
Thomas would trust me to help if he knew that was what I wanted. I headed to the war room to find him, stopping outside the door to pull my thoughts together before I pressed my palm to the pad.
Thomas’s back was to me as he stared at the monitors and spoke into his phone. “It’s not helping matters, brother, believe me.” He paused, listening. “We’re agreed, then—you’ll do it today?”
I covered my gaping mouth. It was Will. “Give me the phone, Thomas,” I said, puttin
g out my hand to steady myself on the wall. God, what if he refused to talk to me?
Thomas shook his head. “Don’t do it, Ellie. . . . Christ. Yeah, she’s about to—”
Will’s interjecting curses were loud enough for me to hear.
Thomas handed me the phone.
“Elle.” The sound of Will’s voice crashed into me. I closed my eyes and clung to the way he said my name.
“I miss you,” I breathed. “Please say you’re coming home now.”
“I’m not finished but very soon.”
“If you can’t come home, let me come to you.”
“You will stay there, baby.”
“I can’t bear another day.”
“You can and you will.”
I needed to get someone out there with him. “Send for Ben. Let him do this with you.”
“I want him there to protect you.”
“I have Thomas and the Six. I don’t need them all.”
“Elle, listen carefully—”
“Send for him, Will. I need to know you’re not alone. I need this, and you must give it to me. I’ll accept nothing less.”
He was quiet in thought. I could hear his breath and ached to feel it against my skin. I stifled a moan.
“You swore to never shut me out again,” I added.
“I’ll send for him. Promise you’ll settle down and wait for me to come home.”
“Promise you’ll come home.”
“Yes. Always.”
“You must send for him without delay. . . . And call me every night.”
“You’re becoming quite the negotiator.” There was a smile in his voice. “Thomas will give you another phone, and when I can, I’ll ring you on that one.”
“Okay,” I breathed into the phone. “Okay, yes. How is your shoulder?”
“Shoulder’s fine. No more worrying, Elle. I love you.” With that, he hung up, and I hugged the phone to my heart.
“All right?” Thomas asked softly.
“Fine. You heard?”
“I did.” He smiled and held out his hand for the phone.
Will always kept his word. If he promised me something, he would make it happen. I wanted to be near Ben when he received Will’s instructions, so I tugged on Thomas’s arm, and we headed back down to the training center. The men would be secretive about the location and details, but I’d have the satisfaction of knowing Will was no longer out there alone, wherever he was.
When we found Ben, he’d just ended the call. He unmasked a rare smile and bowed his head. “Well done, Ellie. Well done.”
I leaped at him with a hug. “Bring him home to me, Ben.”
They walked toward the weapons room with heads together and voices low, discussing the new plan. Thomas glanced back over his shoulder and smiled before the door slid shut behind them. He was as relieved as I was.
Ben left within the hour.
I fell asleep early that night staring at the burner phone Thomas had given me. I had only pleasant dreams as I slept for five consecutive hours in our big bed, wrapped in sheets that still held Will’s scent. I might have slept longer had I not received a frantic call from Jess at two in the morning.
* * *
Jess shouted into the phone. “Ellie? Are you okay?” Panic and confusion were woven into her words. Loud music and mixed conversations boomed in the background. She was at Nick’s.
“Jess, what’s wrong?”
“Where are you? Wait, I’m going to step outside. Hold on—”
“What happened?” I asked. “Talk to me.”
“Are you still in England?”
“I’m at Eastridge, yes, and I’m fine. What’s going on?”
“I don’t know, but something’s not right. I don’t know how to explain . . . but it just doesn’t feel right. Tell me Will’s there with you.”
“I can’t. He’s not. Everything was fine when we talked the other day, but now you’re starting to scare me.”
“Listen,” she ordered. “Detective Parker is here. He never comes in. He showed me your picture and asked if I knew where to find you. He’s definitely searching for you, but I thought the case was closed, so it doesn’t make sense for the police to be looking again. And I know Josh knows where you are.”
“It makes absolutely no sense. Will spoke with Josh not long ago. I’ve been cleared.”
“I went heavy on Parker’s drinks, but he still wouldn’t give up anything. Maybe they found something else, some new evidence.” She hesitated and lowered her voice to a whisper. “And there’s more.”
“What is it?”
“Hold on a minute. Parker’s leaving.”
“Do not hang up, Jess.”
“He’s gone. So the guys from McFarland’s year-round fishing crew were in earlier. That’s what they do when there’s no work—come here and drink all day. Anyway, they were talking about Will. I asked why, you know, since he’s been gone for a while. Ellie, they told me he’s here. Said they’ve seen him twice.”
Every muscle in my body locked down on those words.
“You okay, Ells?”
“I’m coming back. If Will’s there . . . I’ll get a flight and call you with the info as soon as I get to the airport. Don’t say anything to anyone. Do not tell anyone you talked to me or that I’m on my way. Promise me.”
“What’s going on? Tell me!”
“I’m not quite sure, but I need your help, Jess. I’ll explain more when I call back.”
“Okay, I’m here for you.” Her voice broke. “I promise.”
“Go straight home. Don’t speak to anyone. I’ll call you soon.”
I leaped out of bed and ran into my dressing room, jerked a sweater from the shelf, jammed my legs into jeans, and threw a few things into an overnight bag.
47
Somehow going back to where it all began felt like a means to the end of a horrific nightmare—it was closure. And though I couldn’t discern what or how, I sensed the coming retribution I had longed for. Will would understand. He’d be angry at first, but then he’d get it and forgive me. But it wasn’t just about retribution and closure, and it would’ve been foolish to think so. I needed to see him, to feel him. I would do whatever it took to reach him.
My chest was tight and my breathing difficult. Anxiety ripped through my blood and bones. Still, nothing could stop me. Calm down and focus, I told myself.
I paced our suite from room to room and hugged myself, a knot of fear sitting at the pit of my stomach. I had to get out of the house without being seen on the monitors. Thomas would never allow me to leave. He’d lock me up and call Will. I had to be on a plane to the United States before anyone realized I was no longer at Eastridge.
After digging through my Stella McCartney bag for a credit card, I dialed an airline and reserved a seat to Hartford. If everything went well, I’d arrive in Stonington in thirteen or fourteen hours, which seemed like forever. Will’s methods were so much more convenient.
There was one more thing I needed to do before I left.
Floorboards creaked as I tiptoed through the shadow-filled corridor and slid a note under Thomas’s bedroom door. I needed to let him know that I’d gone to Will and to apologize.
The moment I spun on my toes, his feet hit the floor. I froze and closed my eyes. Could he hear the fierce hammering of my heart?
When his bathroom door banged into the wall, I ran down the corridor and stopped only when I reached the master suite. I waited quietly for a few minutes, praying he hadn’t yet stumbled upon the note.
Thomas never pursued me, so I grabbed my things and headed out.
The taxi would arrive soon, and I had to make it to the road before anyone noticed.
One of the Six was on guard near the front entrance. As soon as he turned his back, I slipped out of my shoes and stayed close to the wall as I crept through the darkness of the great hall to the kitchen.
I would leave through the service entrance.
Damn it. Mrs. Bates was
up. But moments after the back hem of her flowery housecoat disappeared into one of the pantries, the light clicked off, and her slippered feet shuffled to the rear staircase. I released my breath. She hadn’t sensed my presence.
Once I made it outside, I avoided lit areas by ducking into the shadows and crawling behind trees and shrubs. The ground was wet, the cold night air having layered everything with a blanket of dew.
A branch whipped against my thigh, slashing through my jeans and flesh. I covered my mouth and muffled a sharp cry.
When the lights of the house were no longer visible, I straightened and stumbled over the terrain. The scurrying of nocturnal creatures and the rustling of tree leaves set my nerves on edge.
I startled and lost my footing several times, sliding on the softness of the downward-sloping ridge.
Intense burning traveled from the fatigued muscles in my legs to my chest, where my heart alternated between hesitation and wild fluttering. Finally, the road appeared.
The driver was waiting as expected when I emerged from the dark landscape.
* * *
Incapacitating anxiety and the selfish, unrelenting ache in my soul for Will competed until I passed out from the meds and slept through the flight to the States. His phantom scent, the sound of his raspy voice in my head, and the image of me throwing myself into his arms were all that kept me going.
The flight attendant’s soft fingers gripped my arm. “Mademoiselle, c’est l’heure. Les roues sont en baisse—the wheels are down.” She smiled with compassion and handed me a bottle of water.
“Merci.”
When the captain announced our arrival into Hartford, I turned on my phone and jumped out of the seat. My head spun and my knees weakened. I pulled a deep breath through my nose and gripped the seat in front of me. Another deep inhale, exhale. I was too close to Will to let go.
There were dozens of missed calls from Thomas and Jess and missed calls from a blocked number, which must have been one of Will’s burners. I tapped Jess’s name first and prayed for her to answer right away.