by J. A. Owenby
His fingers trailed down my stomach, lingering on my scar. My body tensed, and he immediately stopped and lifted his head, searching for any signs I wasn’t handling the situation.
“I’m okay,” I whispered.
“I don’t want to do anything to hurt you or trigger bad memories. Please be honest with me so we can stop if we need to.”
“I’m okay,” I assured him.
He nodded, but held my gaze as his fingers trailed down to my thong, quickly dancing over the fabric and across my core. I gasped.
“If you know nothing else about me, don’t ever doubt you own my heart, Gemma.”
His fingers traced my sensitive skin through my thong, igniting heat between my legs. An ache grew inside of me for him.
My eyes closed briefly as he continued. I moaned and raised my hips to meet his hand.
“Everything you lost, I want to give back to you. Let me love you,” he whispered in my ear.
My hand moved tentatively down the firm muscles of his bare back.
“Can I take off your thong?” he asked, his voice husky.
Nerves shot through me at the idea of him seeing me completely naked.
I nodded and watched while he stood at the edge of the bed, his need bulging against his slacks.
“Raise your hips,” he requested.
I did as he asked, and he slid my thong down my legs and dropped it to the floor. He ran his hands from my ankles up the inside of my thighs and pushed my legs apart. “You’re so beautiful, so wet.” He moaned.
Using the pads of his thumbs, he gently massaged the inside of my thighs.
“Keep your eyes open; and tell me if you need me to stop.”
The next thing I knew, his head dipped between my legs, his rough tongue flicking across my sensitive skin. I moaned and dug my fingers into the comforter. He gently sucked my clit, my back arching off the bed as he claimed me. He slid his hands underneath my ass cheeks and lifted me up off the bed, his mouth licking and sucking me.
“Hendrix,” I whimpered. “Oh my God, what are you doing to me?” I gasped, closing my eyes.
His finger traced my entrance, and I cried out. My eyes flew open, searching wildly around the room until I remembered I was with Hendrix. With the realization, I didn’t want him to stop. My gaze traveled down between my legs, watching Hendrix, his hair tucked behind his shoulder, his intense stare locking on me while his tongue flicked across my center. Heat swirled through me, and a strange sensation began to build. My attention never left him while my fingers held onto his hair, my body burning with need.
He sucked me, his fingers digging into my ass cheeks, my breaths short bursts of hot air. He moaned as he gently bit me, taking my clit into his mouth, sucking slowly, rhythmically. My head tilted back, and everything in me built to an intense climax, my body trembling beneath his touch.
“Hendrix,” I cried. The moment his name left my lips, he stopped and was next to me, his hands cupping my face.
“Gemma?” His voice held a hint of panic.
I grabbed him and dug my fingernails into his back as I broke down and cried against him, my tears spilling onto his bare chest.
“Babe, I’m sorry. We can stop. Shh, I love you,” he said, wrapping his arms around me, allowing me to break down against him.
Finally, my body shuddered with its last sob, and I lifted my head to look at him.
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” I said, trailing my fingers across his jawline. “Since that night, I’ve carried around so much shame about my body. But this, you─you made me feel beautiful─no longer dirty.”
He leaned his forehead against mine. “Never. I don’t want you to ever feel dirty again.”
“Hendrix?”
“Yeah?”
“Make love to me. I need you inside of me,” I said.
His breath quickened while he stared at me for a long minute, then he reached over the bed and into the nightstand drawer. I averted my attention as he removed his pants and tore open the condom. I knew if I saw him, saw the size of him, I’d back out. This was almost more than I could handle already.
He laid next to me again. “Eyes on me please,” he said, stroking my cheek. “I need you here with me while we make love for the first time.”
I spread my legs, and he slowly lowered himself over me, bracing his body on his strong, muscular forearms.
“I wish this wasn’t going to hurt you. This part is going to kill me, but I don’t know what else to do.”
I slid my hands around his neck, and pulled him down to me, kissing him. His hand cupped my breast, teasing my nipple, and heat coursed through me again as he placed lazy kisses down my neck.
He raised my hips a little, and I felt him push slightly at my entrance. He lifted his head and brushed the hair away from my face.
“I love you,” he said, and with one thrust, he slipped deep inside of me.
My head tilted back, and a scream ripped from my throat. Everything in me snapped the moment he entered me. The hands no longer belonged to Hendrix. His mouth belonged to my rapist. His intrusion speared my soul. “Gemma!” Hendrix said firmly, remaining still. “Look at me. Look at me goddammit.” His hand cupped my cheek.
Forcing myself to focus on him, my breathing came in short bursts. “Don’t stop,” I cried. “Jesus, don’t fucking stop.”
A tear streamed down Hendrix’s face as he moved gently in and out of me.
“This isn’t worth it, Gemma. I can’t do this,” he choked. “I love you too much.”
My legs wrapped around his waist, squeezing him, not allowing his body to leave mine. My fingernails dug into his lower back while I timidly arched up to meet him. “No, you’re already here. Don’t stop.”
My eyes widened as the guilt and sadness flickered across his features. With each move, the pain lessened, and I calmed down, my gaze never leaving his.
“I love you, Hendrix. I love you so much.”
Tears streamed down my cheeks, and I began to move with him, slowly, gently, his body inside me, filling me with everything good in this world, stripping away all the pain, all the shame. All my guilt.
“Talk to me, babe. Should I keep going?” he asked, desperation in his voice.
“Yes,” I said flashing him a quick smile. “Keep going. It’s starting to feel better. You feel good in me,” I hiccupped through the tears.
He placed kisses on my forehead, nose, and gentle, passionate ones on my lips as he slid in and out of me. With every stroke, he gave a piece of my heart and soul back to me.
I moaned as he picked up his pace.
“Is this what you wanted, Gem?”
“Yes,” I responded, breathless, the pleasure outweighing the physical and emotional pain.
He shifted over me and slid his hand between our bodies, his fingers teasing my clit. My eyes widened while he continued stroking and teasing, moving deeper inside me.
“Oh my God,” I said. “You feel so amazing.”
He smiled as he continued, and a familiar sensation began to swirl in my abdomen. I bit my lower lip while my head tilted back.
“Are you with me, Gemma?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I moaned.
“I need you to come for me again.” He panted. “I need you to come before I can.”
His fingers caressed my sensitive flesh, his pace quickening.
“Oh,” I groaned and dug my nails into his shoulders. “Oh.”
“I love you, Gemma. Come with me,” he urged.
Although I didn’t want him to stop, my entire body tensed, quickly followed by my release.
“Shit,” he said, “I can’t hang on,” he said, coming with me, his body shuddering.
Moments later he gently collapsed against me and stilled. I stroked his hair as he remained inside me, my pulse beginning to slow, my heart awakening.
He lifted his head, searching my face for my reaction.
“Thank you,” I whispered. “Thank you for setting me free.”
“Dammit, you scared the shit out of me. If I hurt or scarred you—I’d never forgive myself.”
“You didn’t,” I said, my fingers skimming lightly across his chin.
He kissed the tip of my nose. “I need to take care of this condom,” he said.
I nodded, grieving the loss of him while he sat up and pulled out of me. I watched him as he walked into the bathroom, his leg muscles flexing with every step he took. A moment later he returned, climbing into bed with me again. He kissed my cheek and placed his forehead against mine. “As much as I want to be with you, Gemma, I can’t do that again.”
Chapter 23
My heart sank. “What do you mean?”
“The sheer terror on your face, it was too much. Sex isn’t worth losing you over.”
“I didn’t feel good to you?” I gasped, shoving away from him.
He reached out and grabbed me before I could move farther away.
“Stop, I didn’t say that. You’re amazing, and there’s no place I’d rather be than inside of you. However, I love you, and you being present with me mentally,” he said, gently tapping my forehead, “and here,” he said, tapping my heart next, “and spiritually,” he said, tapping my lower abdomen, “is more important than getting off. I need all of you with me, not just your body.”
My heart softened with his words. He was choosing me over the sex? He wanted what was best for me? The emotion that lingered in his expression, and the love I felt from him in this moment, washed over me, taking all my darkness with it. I’d never felt this close to someone, loved someone as deeply as I did Hendrix. Before I knew it, I’d rolled on top of him, my legs straddling his waist. I laughed at the wide-eyed look of surprise he gave me.
“Gem?” His hands gripped my waist as he stared at me.
“Who knew all you had to say was I love you, and I’d happily give you all of me?” I asked, grinning. I flipped my hair over my shoulder as I sat on top of him, my breasts exposed, realizing my body was ready for him again. This time, I wanted to see him. He’d already been inside me, now I wanted to look at him, admire every muscle, every inch of the man who loved me enough to tell me no.
I moved off him, my hand on his stomach, my attention traveling down his chest to the light brown hair trailing below his belly button and down to his erection. I let loose a small gasp when I saw how long and thick he was.
“How did you even fit in me?” I asked, my brows knitting together.
He grinned. “It was very tight,” he said, chuckling.
“Is that a good thing?”
“Oh yeah, you have no idea.”
Once again, I took in the sight of Hendrix’s body, so perfectly sculpted and masculine, and I chewed my bottom lip, frustrated with my lack of experience. “I don’t know how to make you feel good,” I said.
“Yes, you do,” he said, his eyes filled with desire.
“Help me?” I asked, wrapping my fingers around his erection.
He took in a sharp breath, his hand moving to my back.
“Like this?” I grasped him firmer.
“Yeah,” he said.
“What else?” I blushed, suddenly shy. “Show me.”
His eyes opened, and he moved his hand, wrapping it around mine. He moved my fingers up and down his shaft and let go. I continued on my own. The pleasure was evident in his expression. Without thinking about it, I moved down, hovering over him as my hand continued. I cautiously kissed the tip of him.
“Shit,” he said, his head popping off the bed while he peered at me. I parted my lips, slipping the head of him in gently. His eyes rolled back, and I assumed from my own experience this was a positive thing.
My tongue swirled around his tip, and I slipped more of him into my mouth, sucking. His fingers threaded through my hair, grabbing a fistful. My body ached for him again as he moaned and moved his hips in rhythm with my hand and mouth.
“Grab a condom,” I said and backed up, allowing him to get into the nightstand. This time I watched while he opened the packet and rolled it over his length.
I straddled him, positioning myself on top, and sat down, slowly, inch by inch. His hands grabbed my hips, and I settled in. My lips parted slightly, and my head tilted back.
“You’re so beautiful,” he said as I sat still on top of him, allowing him to claim me. I rocked against him, timidly, the palms of my hands on his chest.
“Like this?” I asked.
“Perfect,” he said, tucking a stray hair behind my ear.
My pace quickened, my soreness subsiding as we rocked together. I leaned back, the feeling different than when I leaned forward. His fingers slipped between my legs and began massaging my clit, his hips moving with more urgency. I bit my bottom lip while he teased me.
“So wet,” he whispered. “I want to see you when you come, and you’re wrapped tightly around me.”
I moaned, my body waking up from a long sleep, my breasts bouncing with each thrust.
“Hendrix,” I whimpered. “What are you doing to me?” I panted. “Harder.” I slammed down on him as he lifted his hips off the bed, our need taking over from our emotions. His hands clutched my hips, guiding me while I slid up and down his shaft.
“Oh yeah,” he groaned.
Fingernails digging into his chest, sensations swirling through me, a loud groan escaped me as I released, my core tightening around him. His eyes slammed shut and his fingers dug into my skin while he thrust deep inside me again and again until his body tensed, his muscles rippling as he came in me.
Satisfied and happy, I collapsed on top of him. His hands played with my hair as I listened to his heartbeat.
“Maybe you on top is a safe way for us to be together for now,” he said, kissing the top of my head.
“What do you mean?” I asked, looking up at him.
“You can see me, you have control. Maybe it will help you feel better emotionally.”
I nodded and lifted my head off his chest. “I did like it, I felt safer this time. No flashbacks, either.”
“Tell me you love me, Gem.”
I smiled as my heart nearly exploded, finally free to admit it. “I love you, Hendrix Harrington, and everything about you.”
“How did I get so damned lucky?” he asked, stroking my hair.
I laughed. “It’s the other way around. You took the time to look past everything I was hiding behind and somehow managed to see me.”
“I’ve loved you from the moment you told me it was your table.” He chuckled.
“I was pretty territorial. Sorry.”
“No, it’s a good thing, just be that territorial with other guys and not me.”
I giggled.
“How about we get under the blankets, and you let me hold you while you sleep?”
I peeked at the clock. It was after midnight. Exhaustion washed over me.
“I’d love to,” I said, giving him a quick kiss before I got off the bed.
He got up, flipped the covers back, adjusted the pillows, and crawled into the bed. I slipped in next to him, turning on my side and sliding a leg over him.
“Sweet dreams, Gem.”
“You too, Hendrix.” And for the first time since I was fourteen, I slept peacefully.
Chapter 24
I woke to a soft kiss on my forehead and peered at Hendrix through a sleepy haze.
“Morning, gorgeous,” he said, his fingertips trailing little circles on my forehead. “How are you doing?”
“Sore,” I said, smiling up at him.
“You know what people recommend for that?” he asked while his hand slipped beneath the blankets, down my stomach, and between my legs. My breath hitched as he gently slid a finger inside of me.
“I think I’m addicted to you,” he said softly.
A smile eased across my face while I reached under the covers and wrapped my fingers around him. His erection throbbed in my hand while his mouth took mine in a hungry kiss.
“I should start on the pill,�
�� I said, stroking him. “So we don’t have to deal with condoms every time, and we can just be together,” I whispered in his ear.
He growled and slid underneath the blankets, his tongue dancing across my core. I spread my legs, welcoming him, his mouth, his finger inside me. My hands dug into the mattress as he licked and sucked me. Finally, I flung the covers off us and grabbed his hair, lifting my hips, grinding against his hand and mouth.
“It’s working. I’m not sore anymore,” I gasped, giving in to the overwhelming sensations, my body tensing in pure desire.
He moved up my body, grinning and fumbling around in his nightstand for a condom.
I bit my lower lip when he entered me, slowly sliding inside until he could go no farther.
We moved together, our bodies and hearts synchronizing, blending, harmonizing while we made love to each other. Never in my wildest dreams had I ever thought I’d be in a man’s arms, devouring every moment of him touching me, loving me.
Hendrix raised our joined hands above my head, our fingers intertwining, our gazes locking. He moved his hips in a circular motion, touching every sensitive spot inside me. My eyelids fluttered closed as I moaned.
“That’s my girl,” he said, continuing.
I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him deeper inside me. He groaned, his hips picking up the pace.
“Shit,” he muttered.
Our breathing sped up, and we continued to rock together, our bodies moving in unison. Sweat beaded lightly across his forehead, his arm muscles flexing with every movement.
“Hendrix, you will always have my heart,” I whispered in his ear. “Forever.”
His body began to tense, his pace quickening. My body automatically reacted to his pleasure and the realization I could make him feel this good.
“Gem, I can’t hold on. You feel too amazing,” he panted. My body tingled with his words. I tensed in response, my core tightening around him as we released together.
He collapsed next to me, both of us panting, grinning at each other like idiots.