Never Have I Ever

by Remy Marie

  I arched my butt higher, and he gripped my ass and continued his savage conquest. His breathing was crazed, grunting as he filled me with joy. Our bodies became slick with sweat. He never stopped, he was a man on a mission with one goal in mind.

  “Christina…” he moaned as he continued.

  “I’m nearly there,” I managed to squeal in between moans. Those three words were like lighter fluid. Carlos moved faster. His grunts were more frequent as the soft skin smack upgraded to a constant loud clap. My body had another round of passionate contorting. As my toes curled, my fingers clinched, my mouth opened on a loud moan.

  Holy Shit.

  After I was done screaming my lungs out, my body shuddered. Carlos wasn’t too far behind, his grunts morphing into moans. I felt his seed fill the condom, as he exited out of me panting. I turned and flopped down on top of his sweaty chest.

  “Wow,” was all I managed to say.

  He nodded bending down to kiss my cheek.

  “Best game of Never Have I Ever, I ever played.” He breathed.

  “Damn straight.”

  The Post Game

  I woke with the sun beaming on my skin. Draped over my breasts was a large hairy arm. I grinned over the night I had. Who would have thought I would of had a night like that?

  Watching Carlos sleep was the cutest part. His nose trembled with each breath. His eyes were closed, and his lips still held a smile. I wanted to let him sleep longer, but they say it’s better to rip a bandaid off in one go, then to peel it off.

  Damn. Why did he have to be so perfect?

  “Carlos?” I whispered nudging him. His eyes fluttered open. His small smile increased from something faint to a full-on beam as he stared at me.

  “Good morning beautiful.”

  “Good Morning.”

  “Sleep okay?”

  “I did.”

  “Good,” Carlos inched in to kiss me. I leaned away from his lips before they made contact. He gave me a stray look and then as if a lightbulb went off in his head, his eyebrows rose, and he covered his mouth. “Oh, I forgot morning breath. Let me go and brush my teeth. Then I can give you a proper kiss.” Carlos hopped out of my bed and dressed in his boxers. Walking towards the bedroom door handle, I shouted out to him.

  “Carlos wait… Shit.” I sat up in the bed and rearranged the covers to cover my naked body. He turned and looked at me with interest.

  “What’s up? I wasn’t going to brush my teeth. Just use the mouthwash you had in there.”

  “No, it’s not that. I just think that…” I fiddled with the white linen in front of me, trying to find the right words to say to him. “…I think that you should go.”

  Carlos narrowed his eyes and bit his lip. “What are you trying to say?”

  “What we had last night was great, but it ends this morning. I needed something from you, and I got it.”

  Carlos narrowed his eyes as he started at me. His eyes glossed over. “Are you saying this was a one night stand?”

  I nodded, unable to answer him. Hell, I barely could look at him. I felt sick to my stomach. Why did Stacy think this was a good idea for me? Why did I listen to her?

  “Why?” His voice cracked, with tears welling in his eyes.

  I shrugged, keeping my eyes solely bedsheets. My hands traced the outline of the comforter as my mind ran, trying to think what to say to him.

  Perhaps if I go silent, he would forget about me, and leave. One would hope.

  “Christina, why?” He placed his hand on top of mine.

  I looked back up and was face to face with him. His piercing brown eyes met my blue eyes as he stared into my soul.

  “Why?” he repeated.

  He was like a broken record as he continued to question. He was wounded.

  I did this. I was the cause of his pain.

  “You’re from Gamma Alpha. You guys are notorious for one night stands. Hell, you’ve admitted you had one before last night. I thought you would understand what this was. It was just for fun. Last night didn’t mean anything to me.” I lied. I didn’t have an answer, it was all excuses. There was no reason why I should be pushing this perfect guy away. No reason at all. I’m stupid. God, why am I so stupid?

  Carlos read through my lie easily. He franticly shook his head.

  “No, no, those were different. This is something. This is real.” He picked up my hands and enclosed them with his own. “I’ve never had a night like that. You’re lying to yourself if you believe last night was something else.”

  I ripped my hands away from his and looked back down at my comforter.

  “It was just a one night stand. Nothing more.”

  “What’s changed from now to last night? I still don’t believe you. If this was a one night stand, we would have never connected like this. One night stands are not like this.”

  “Fuck,” I sighed, pushing my hair back. “Stacy told me all Gammas wanted one night stands.”

  Perhaps if I keep saying it, it would come true. All wishes come true if you repeat yourself three times. Like saying Beetlejuice three times or there’s no place like home. I just need to say ‘all Gamma Alphas have one night stands’ and he would disappear.

  “You mean Stacy placed this idea in your head?” Carlos combed his fingers through his hair and groaned. “Don’t you see a pattern here? How do you not see it?”

  “Please go. Go now.” I didn’t want to hear his reasoning.

  “Christina, please. Don’t do this. Just hear me out.” He reached out and touched my shoulder.

  Should I let him stay?

  I felt his hand glide past my cheek then comb through my hair. His touch was electric, however I felt as if I didn’t deserve it.

  No, a bitch like me does not deserve a man like this.

  His eyes never left mine as he awaited my answer. “Please,” he begged.

  Can this work? No. No. No. I can’t. Hit it and quit it. Just like Stacy said. I can’t do this. He needs to leave. Now. I shook off his advance and glared him.

  “GO NOW!” I couldn’t hold my emotions any more as tears fell down my cheeks.

  Carlos took one look at me and understood where the line was. He got off the bed and dressed without a sound. After putting on his beanie, he grabbed the door handle and looked back at me.

  “Do you want to know the pattern that I see?”

  Crossing my arms, I looked away. It was too painful to make eye contact.

  “You are a social conformist at heart. You believe what others tell you even if they’re wrong. From your anorexia to this one night stand. All are things that stem from you listening to others and not deciding on what to for yourself. Not in any of those situations did you have a single thought for yourself. If you would just stop and think for one second, you would see reason. Just one second!” Carlos shouted at me as he held one finger towards me. “Shit Christina…”

  I shut my eyes hard when he said my name.

  “If you think you can say my name after those hurtful things you just said to me you have another thing coming. What I told you last night about my past was dear to me. To smear it like that…”

  “But you do have issues! Can’t you see that?” He shouted. His voice rose above my own. “For someone to just fall in line like that…”

  “Would you rather me be like you? I’m not the only one who has issues. You are not God’s gift to Earth, Carlos.” I sat up straighter in the bed, and my cheeks burned red as I stared at him. “What you told me about yourself. Looking for a way out with your stepfather as if you were trapped. You feel guilted for what your biological father did with your mother and brothers and how your stepfather saved all of you.”

  Carlos shook his head and placed his hands on his hips. He paced back and forth in my room, with his nostrils flared and his eyes never leaving mine, looking like a bull preparing to charge.

  I knew I struck a nerve, but my mouth wouldn’t stopped it’s barge, “You feel trapped because of it and feel like you
owe him. You don’t. If you want to get out your major and not work for him, do it. Don’t wait. Just fucking do it!”

  My voice grew louder as I rose my hands above my head. Tilting my head to the side, I cocked an eyebrow up, “Are you waiting for someone to push you? News flash, Carlos, you don’t need a push. It’s called being a fucking man and telling him you don’t want to work for him. It’s that simple.”

  “My issues are completely different from yours.”

  “Not from where I’m standing.”

  “Are you sure about that? What if I told you go and lose ten pounds would you do it?”

  The moment the words left his lips. His eyes grew wide with sorrow. He stumbled for his next words.

  “C-C-Christina… I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking when I said that. You mentioned my biological father and…”

  “LEAVE! GET YOUR SHIT AND LEAVE BEFORE I CALL CAMPUS POLICE!” I pointed to the door. I didn’t dare look at him any more as tears fell off my face.

  From the corner of my eye I could see his lips quiver as if he wanted to say something to me but decided against it. Instead, he just stared as if he was taking a mental picture. He sighed and shook his head and slammed the door after him.

  I waited until I heard my front door close to break down. Were one night stands supposed to be this hard?

  “Naked in bed. That’s always a good sign. Where’s Carlos? In the closet?” Stacy intruded in my room. “Carrrrloos?” Stacy called out as she shifted around in my room.

  “Do you ever knock?” I growled drawing my blankets over myself.

  “Girl please, I’ve seen you naked a thousand times. Therefore, you can drop the shameful banana leaf look, Eve. Now where is this man? He looked yummy on the dance floor.” She opened my closet door and frowned. After closing the door, she continued to look around my room for possible hiding spots Carlos could be hiding in.

  “He’s not here.” I snapped breaking her search.

  “Then where is he? Getting breakfast? Oh, bonus points if he is.” She sat on my bed. From there she got a better look at me. “Oh God! What happened? He didn’t rape you or anything?”

  I shook my head. “No, last night was all consensual. We had a one night stand.”

  “Whoop! Look at you. You dirty dog. I’m guessing you’re making that face because the sex was terrible. Darn. The pretty guys are always the worst in bed.”

  “No, he was actually really good in bed.” I looked down at the sheets and pushed my hair back. “I came twice with him.”

  “Two times! Todd can’t even bring me to orgasm once. It’s like hit or miss with the guy. At least Todd is hot, but that’s besides the point. Let me get this straight. You had amazing sex with an equivalent of a Latino God, but you are moping around like a kicked puppy dog because…”

  “We got in a huge fight after I told him that last night was the last time we were going to be together. You see, last night when we met, we had amazing chemistry with each other. I’ve never felt the way I did with any else. He was perfect for me. Even though we only knew each other for five hours, it felt like we’ve been together for five years. I’ve shared things with him, that I haven’t even shared with you.”

  “Wow,” Stacy said. “Sounds like you caught feelings.”

  I nodded, feeling my tears return. “I thought all the guys at Gamma Alpha only wanted a quick fuck. No attachments, that is like their motto there.

  “Listen, it’s not your fault.”

  “It is my fault. He wanted to stay. He wanted to continue to build on what we created in one special night. He wanted me. I was foolish and naïve to push him away.”

  Stacy narrowed her eyes. She seemed to struggle to connect the dots of my piecemeal story that I was telling her.

  “What are you saying?”

  “What I’m saying is that I lost a perfect guy because of you!”

  “Me? I didn’t do anything?” Stacy left her comforting position of rubbing my back and stood beside the bed. Crossing her arms, her legs spread, her eyes grew wide and her lips grew thin.

  “You told me last night I should have a one night stand. You placed the idea in my head. I believed your words were ‘hit it and quit it?’”

  “No, don’t put this all on me. Was I here in your bedroom last night telling you to hook up with him or this morning telling you to kick him out? No. That was all on you. You!” She yelled pointing at me.

  “In psych, we talk about social conformity. I’m not sure why, but there are times where you fit the definition perfectly and give in to peer pressure. Last night we argued about whether you should be wearing a dress. All I did was comment that you should be wearing more dresses, which caused you to question your whole outfit. Or like this situation with Carlos. We talked about a one night stand but for you to actually act based on my suggestion is a different story.”

  I clutched my pillow tighter and sobbed into it. The truth stung like a bitch.

  Stacy sat back on the bed beside me and massaged my back. “Girl, to have a night like you did with Carlos, you don’t push it away. A magical night like that is something we all search for. The one night stand has always been an act of drunk desperation. What you had was the opposite. Something you hold on to. If I were you, I would call him back and apologize.”

  “He said hurtful things to me though.”

  “They were probably due to you punching him in the gut earlier when you told him to leave. Can’t start a fight and not expect to get punched. You started this war. It’s up to you to end it. Call him.”

  “I don’t have his number.”

  “What do you mean you don’t have his number? You always get the digits. I guess you have to do this old school.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Get dressed. We’re going over to Gamma Alpha so that you can bare your soul to him.”

  I didn’t know what to wear. What clothes say that you’re sorry best? I shuffled through endless sets of clothing and placed each one up to the mirror. I was disgusted by each option. I sighed loudly and I collapsed on the pile of clothes spread out in my room.

  “Hey are you about ready?” My roommate asked fixing her earring. Seeing me sitting in my undies, swallowed by scattered clothes, she laughed. “Don’t know what to wear?”

  I nodded like an upset toddler unable to pick its favorite toy.

  “Just wear you. Wear what you feel is comfortable. This guy fell for your personality not your looks.” I nodded and settled on a pair of yoga pants, Eastcliff University T-shirt, uggs and a jacket.

  As we left our apartment, Stacy grinned at me. “You know when I said that you could wear anything you wanted, I didn’t mean dress like it’s laundry day.”

  “They’re comfortable!” I snapped with a smile.

  “I know, I’m actually jealous. You look cute.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Tell me more about last night.”

  As we walked through the snowy campus back to the Gamma Alpha house, I explained my night with Carlos. I told her about the game we played and how we both opened to each other in his house. I pointed to the spots on campus where he streaked, then towards the fountain. Then told her about our romantic kiss in the snow. Stacy took pictures of the locations as if she was on a tour of the campus. She claimed the pictures were for our wedding day. I rolled my eyes at her and we laughed all the way to the footsteps of the Gamma House.

  The house itself looked different compared to last night. The rambunctious crowd and activities were gone, traded for dull and somber house work. Two fraternity brothers stood in front of the house drinking beer and watching pledges shovel snow out the driveway.

  “Pledge Scuba Steve, I want to see the concrete! Not a speck of snow!” Todd shouted as he took a sip of his beer. He noticed Stacy and I appear and grinned as he walked toward us and kissed my roommate’s cheek.

  “Hey, babe.”

  “Hey, Todd,” she replied.

  Todd looked towards me. His smile
was gone as he nodded. “Christina” His greeting sounded stiff and formal. Once he said my name his fraternity brother beside him turned and faced me as well.

  “Hello,” I replied feeling awkward as if I was on center stage at open mic night.

  “I thought you had class at 10?” Todd asked Stacy.

  “Skipping it. Had bigger issues.”

  “Like what…oh you’re not pregnant are you? I thought you were using birth control!”

  “Is that where you mind goes, when I say we need to talk? Why there?”

  Todd shrugged and Stacy rolled her eyes.

  “A different conversation for a different day,” she poked him in the chest. “We’re here for my girl. Last night she met one of your brothers, and things didn’t work out in the morning. She wanted to apologize to him.”

  “Who is it?” Todd asked bringing his attention to me.

  “Carlos… shit I didn’t get his last name.”

  “Carlos…hmm… we don’t have anyone in our fraternity named Carlos.”

  My face contorted into a confused stare. “But he said he was in a fraternity.”

  “And he could have been. We had four different frats at our party last night. It was our monthly meeting to go over community service events.”

  “You have a party for a community service meeting?”

  “What? Frats don’t just drink beer. We also like to help around the community.”

  “Argh…” I growled frustrated. I combed my fingers though my hair and shook my head. It was stupid to not get his number. As I looked around in anger, I noticed the house Carlos and I spent our night in. “Carlos said he owned the house next door and has worked in it before. Have you seen a guy walk in and out of there?”

  Todd looked towards the old house and shook his head. “I’m not really keeping tabs on my neighbors like that. Between school and watching brainless pledges, I don’t have time to creep on the neighbors, sorry.”