by Blair Grey
It was hard not to worry about her, especially considering the state she was in the last time I saw her. When I read the text, however, my heart leapt to my throat.
Hey, please don’t freak out, but I’m in the hospital. I blacked out in the driveway at my dad’s house the other day, and they rushed me in. I’m fine, but I wanted you to know what was going on. Sorry I couldn’t get a hold of you sooner.
“What the fuck?” I muttered under my breath. I leapt from the table, and Aaron looked at me as though I’d lost my mind.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he asked.
“I’ve got to go,” I called over my shoulder. I dashed for the door as he called after me.
“Zach! What the hell, man?” he shouted. I didn’t stop. I didn’t even slow down as I ran straight for my bike and leapt onto the back, barely shoving the helmet on before starting the engine and roaring out of the parking lot. Aaron was at the door, but he knew he was too far behind to catch me. I was going somewhere on a mission, and he wasn’t going to know what that was until later.
Part of me didn’t want to tell him. I didn’t want him to come along, and I didn’t want him to have that sort of information without me in town. I had to get to Vanessa. That was the only thing on my mind right now, and I had to do it without anyone – not even my best friend – getting in my way.
I got on the freeway and went straight to the hospital in her father’s hometown. It was nearly three hours from Santa Rosa, but I didn’t care about the drive. The only thing that bothered me was how long it was taking me to get there. Shit, I didn’t get the text until three-thirty in the afternoon. It was going to be past six by the time I got to the hospital.
If Marcus even lets you in. You’ll be lucky if he doesn’t shoot you on sight. Good thing you’ll be at a hospital – you might need it, I thought as I got close.
Nothing was going to stop me from seeing Vanessa, but I knew I was taking a real risk. I shouldn’t even be in this town, let alone going to see the daughter of the leader. But, I also felt I had no choice.
I loved this woman. I had to know why she was in the hospital.
Lynne met me in the waiting room just inside the door. She got my attention as I walked in, and I hurried over to her. “What happened? Where is she?”
“She asked me to wait down here for you, figuring you’d come,” Lynne said. “She’s going to be alright, but she didn’t want to text you until we knew that Marcus would be gone by the time you got here.”
“I don’t care about Marcus, I need to see Vanessa,” I told her. She motioned for me to follow, and my heart raced as I obeyed.
“She argued with me about telling you at all, so I’m sure she’s going to insist that you don’t stay long,” Lynne said as we arrived outside the door. “I’ll give you some space.”
“Thanks.” I walked into the room, my heart nearly stopping when I saw Vanessa lying on the bed, hooked up to the IV. She looked so small and frail, though there wasn’t much difference in her body size from the last time I saw her. Perhaps it was the way she was holding herself. Perhaps it was the fact she was in the hospital.
Either way, I sat down on the edge of the bed, trying to stay strong. I didn’t want the tears to fill my eyes, but they refused to listen. So many emotions were running through the core of my being.
I’d not been this afraid since the night my mother died.
And when that happened, I vowed I’d never let myself feel that way again.
But here was a woman I was now realizing I loved more than anything, and she was in the hospital. Something was wrong with her, that was easy to see, but I didn’t know what it was.
Vanessa opened her eyes and smiled at me, holding out her hand for mine. I took it, but felt the frailty in her frame as I clasped my fingers around hers. I lifted them delicately to my lips, but she frowned, shaking her head and pulling her hand back from me. “You can’t stay here. I knew you would come. I wanted you to come, but you shouldn’t be here.”
“What’s wrong? Tell me what’s going on with you,” I said. “You can’t tell me that you’re in the hospital, but not give me any information.”
Vanessa opened her mouth but closed it again, looking away. She said nothing, but I wasn’t going to let her off the hook so easily. I had to know what was going on with her, or I wasn’t leaving. If I couldn’t get the information out of her, I’d get it out of Lynne. Or, I’d demand to know from the hospital staff.
“I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s going on,” I said. “Please.”
She took a deep breath, looking away as her eyes filled with tears. She tried to speak, then closed her mouth and shook her head, the tears running down both cheeks. I was even more concerned, but I meant what I said. I wasn’t going to leave until I found out what was going on with her.
I rose from the bed and crossed my arms, looking down at her with expectation clearly in my face. She could take her time in telling me, but she was going to tell me. Finally, she caved in and took a deep breath.
“I used to have a problem with not eating,” she said. “It started when I was a teenager. I mean, I guess you could say that my issues started a long time before that, but when I was a teenager, I felt like no one was listening to me. I wanted to find a way to control my life, and the best way I could imagine was to stop eating. My father couldn’t force me – no one could. I lost a lot of weight and almost died.”
I took a deep breath. I was almost relieved to hear that it wasn’t as bad as several of the things that had run through my mind when she started tearing up, but I had to admit, this wasn’t going to be easy to get through, either.
“And, what happened now?” I asked.
“I wasn’t eating. When my father started really pushing me to move back home, it started again. It wasn’t anything to make a fuss over, really. I would skip lunch or dinner and just leave it at that. But when I heard about this charity thing and my brother coming back, I didn’t eat at all…for a few days,” she added on the last part as an afterthought.
“When you say a few days, how long do you really mean?” I asked. “Please, be honest with me.”
“It was just over four. I mean, I drank beer and had some energy drinks, but I know there’s no way for my body to be able to run on that,” she admitted.
I was again a bit relieved to hear she had some knowledge over what was going on, though she clearly didn’t care enough to take care of herself. I took another deep breath. “At least, you understand that you can’t live on booze and sugar.”
She forced a small smile. “I didn’t know things would get so bad so quickly. I didn’t lose any weight. But when I was in the driveway and messing around with Lynne, I just passed out. The nurse told me that it didn’t matter that I hadn’t lost weight. My body wasn’t able to sustain this, and it basically just gave up on me. I feel bad that I did this to myself, but I feel even worse that I did it to you.”
“I’m worried about you,” I said. “You can’t do this. It’s only going to get worse the longer you let it drag on, and I can’t stand by and watch you waste away into nothing. I’ve had friends do that to themselves. I know it’s not easy for you to hear, but I need you to hear me.”
Vanessa looked away again. “My father is talking about putting me back in rehab. He doesn’t want to see me do this to myself, either.”
“I agree with him on that one, though I’m not sure that rehab is the answer,” I said. I bent over and kissed her on the forehead. “What do you need from me? I want to help you get through this.”
“We have to be careful.” She cast a look toward the doorway, but I shrugged.
“Your friend was very nice to me on the way in here. She’s not going to rat us out. I’m in too deep to just walk away now, I know that much,” I said. “Tell me what you need me to do. I’m not going to be able to let this go until I know you’re okay.”
“I need you to get me out of here,” Vanessa admitted. “I can
’t stay here. And I can’t be sent home with my father. He got so bad last time. He had members of the MC checking in on me, spying on me, even when I was in rehab! I can’t go through that again. Can you get me out of here, take me somewhere safe?”
I thought for a moment. I didn’t think that was what she was going to ask me, but I also wasn’t going to tell her no. I knew of a place I could take her, but I wasn’t sure how long it would last.
Once she was checked out of the hospital, her father would come looking for her, that was for certain. At the same time, I loved this woman, and she needed help. I wasn’t going to walk away and leave her here when she was asking me for it.
“Alright,” I promised. “I’ll get you out of here. But I need you to promise me that you will eat. You aren’t going to keep doing this to yourself, or to me, okay?”
“I promise,” she said with resolution in her voice. “Just please, help me.”
“I will,” I said. “I swear it.”
18
Vanessa
Almost immediately after Zach had walked out of the room, Lynne appeared.She didn’t look thrilled. She walked over to the bed and sat down, staring at me with a look of concern mixed with a touch of anger.
“You were listening in, weren’t you?” I had a feeling she had been, but I wanted to find out how much she knew.
“I’m sorry. I had to make sure things were going okay,” she said. “Are you sure it’s a good idea for you to be checking out?”
“I can’t stay here,” I said. “I hate hospitals, you know that. I’m going to go crazy if I stay here, I just can’t.”
“I know you do, but that doesn’t change the fact that you need help, Vanessa. You nearly died last time. I know that’s what your father keeps saying, but he’s not wrong about that, and I don’t want to even think about what could happen if you walk out of here in the state of mind you’re in,” Lynne shook her head.
It was difficult for me not to be frustrated with her. I knew she was worried about me. She didn’t want anything bad to happen, and she knew about what had happened to me before. She had been there for me through it all, and I knew she was going to be there for me again, but that didn’t mean she was happy about my decision.
“I’m going to be fine. If you were listening, you heard Zach make me promise that I’d take care of myself now,” I said.
“But you need help that you can’t give yourself,” she argued. “Please, Vanessa. If you are going to leave here today, you need to promise me that you’re going to get help, okay? You’re going to go back to rehab, and you’re going to get the help that you need to get through this once and for all.”
I hesitated. I didn’t want to go back to rehab, but it struck a chord with me when she said she felt that I needed it. It wasn’t fun to hear my dad’s opinion on the matter, but to have my best friend tell me I needed help, well, that was a different story.
“Alright,” I said at last. “I promise I’ll find something that works for me.”
“A real rehab,” she pressed. “I don’t want you to go online and think that’s good enough.”
I held out my pinky to promise her, and she looped her finger around mine. “I promise.”
“Okay,” she said. “You know I only insist because I love you.”
“And, I’m only agreeing because I know I fucked up. It’s been years. I shouldn’t have gone back to doing that to myself, and clearly, my body isn’t cut out to sustain it anymore,” I said.
“You aren’t as young as you used to be. Not that you’re old, but you need to take care of yourself. Get your head on straight, I like you like you are,” she grinned.
The nurse walked in, followed by Zach. She looked far from happy, and Lynne rose, taking a step to the side and letting the woman walk over to me with the papers in her hand.
“You are an adult, and since you haven’t been deemed to be suicidal, you are free to go. But I can tell you that I highly recommend you don’t check yourself out of here just yet,” she said. “We are concerned for your mental health and would like to see you go with a plan for the future.”
“I do have a plan,” I assured her. “I know that I messed up, and I’m going to take care of myself.”
“Many patients leave feeling confident they have what it takes to face the real world, but when they get back out there they find all the things that drove them to relapse in the first place are still there. I don’t want to see you go through that, Miss Carlisle,” she said.
I winced. Of course, that was my name and this woman was a professional so she would use it, but I hated being called by my surname in front of Zach. It was yet another reminder to both of us that I wasn’t supposed to be with him. We were supposed to be enemies. Hell, it was in the name of the club I stood for.
“I understand that,” I said. “I have a support system standing in this room with me, and I just promised my best friend here that I’m going to get back into rehab. I just know if I’m going to be able to make an educated decision about which rehab I join, I’m going to have to think clearly when I look over my options.”
Though I did my best not to look at Zach when I mentioned rehab, I couldn’t help but notice he looked relieved. Clearly, he thought this was more serious than he wanted to admit. Of course, it was. Who was I kidding? I had just texted him from the hospital because I’d blacked out in my father’s driveway.
He left me in a drunken slumber the other night, and the next time he saw me, I was in the hospital. That couldn’t look good, and I wanted to prove to him that I would get my act together. Sure, I felt that I had his support no matter what, but I also got the impression he wanted me to get this taken care of. He didn’t seem like the kind of guy who would stand around watching his girl fuck herself up. I knew I had to get healthy for me, but I also finally met someone else I wanted to get healthy for, as well.
“Like I said, it is still my recommendation that you stay here for a few more days at least, but if you are insistent on leaving, there’s no legal or medical reason why we should stop you,” the nurse said.
“Thank you.” I took the clipboard from her and started signing the discharge papers. I wasn’t reading through them very thoroughly. I already knew the gist of what they said.
I wasn’t going to blame them if I left and something worst happened to me, I was leaving of my own accord, blah, blah, blah. The fact of the matter was that I couldn’t get them signed and handed back to her soon enough. I just wanted to leave.
Lynne had told me more than once that my father wasn’t going to come back to the hospital that night, but I wouldn’t put it past him to go back on his word. He would become obsessive over me, especially when we were in situations like this.
He’d done it before, and I had no doubt in my mind he’d do it again. Hell, even with Vance in town, he was probably already wondering how I was doing and what I was up to. I didn’t want to risk him showing back up when I was trying to get out of there.
“Alright, looks like you are all set,” the nurse said when I handed her back the papers and she looked over everything. “Good luck to you, and I hope you make a full recovery.”
“Thank you,” I said again. She left the room, and I rose. It felt good to have the IV out of my arm, though I still wasn’t entirely stable on my feet. I knew that was part of the reason she didn’t want me to leave; but like she said, I was legally and medically able to go, and I was going.
Lynne stood by and watched as Zach helped me get dressed. I knew she likely wanted to be the one to do it herself. After all, she had been there for me much longer than Zach had been in my life, but she was going to be respectful of the relationship I had with him, whatever it might be.
She busied herself going through the room and making sure I had all my things together, then she grabbed a few pamphlets out of the box by the door.
“I’m going to put these in your purse, and I want you to text me when you get the chance to look at them. Tell me which one yo
u think is best, and which you’re going with,” she said fiercely.
“I’ll look at them tomorrow,” I promised. “I’m sure we’re going back to your place?”
I directed the question to Zach, who nodded. That meant it was going to be a few hours before I got back in bed. I knew I’d be fine for the drive, but I also didn’t want Lynne to be worried about why I hadn’t texted her that night.
“I want you to text me when you get home and let me know you’re safe,” she said. “No offense, Zach. But this is my best friend we’re talking about, and I’m not going to rest easy until I know she’s okay.”
“I wouldn’t think highly of you if you didn’t care,” he said. “I’m glad Vanessa has people like you in her life.”
Lynne smiled, and I swelled with pride. Here was a man who could see that my friend wasn’t being overprotective, she just wanted to take care of me. He was willing to respect that, and she trusted him enough to be straight with him. Never before in my life had I felt so supported – and able to beat the grip of this disease.
Together, the three of us headed out of the hospital and walked to his bike, where Lynne strapped my purse into one of the saddle bags on the back. She then turned to Zach and poked him right in the sternum. “You take care of her.”
“You have my word,” he said, resolution in his voice. She smiled, then turned to give me a hug. “Remember, you said you would text me when you got there safe, and you’re going to text me tomorrow with the rehab facility you choose.”
“I promise to both,” I said. I hugged her tightly back, and then climbed onto the seat behind Zach. He gave me his helmet to wear, and I wrapped my arms around his waist. I was eager to be on the road, though I wasn’t too happy about leaving Lynne behind. I knew she would just go home, but I still felt bad as we drove off with her standing there.
But, once we were on the freeway, I closed my eyes, enjoying the breeze blowing through my hair and the touch of coolness on my skin. We couldn’t talk while we were going so fast on the bike, but it felt good just knowing I was with Zach and we were headed not only out of this town, but even further than where I was currently living.