by Blair Grey
“You already are,” I said with a laugh. “I’ve needed to go anyway. Don’t worry, I’m not going to go nuts.”
We sat in the living room and drank the beers, and I put something on TV. It was for background noise, helping to keep the awkwardness from taking over. She seemed nervous, but she was far more relaxed with me now than she had been at the diner.
Maybe it was the beer, or maybe she was finally getting used to the idea I wasn’t going to hurt her.
“So what do you do to afford a nice pad like this?” she asked.
I laughed, but with the look she gave me, I knew she was serious.
“It’s not that nice, but I work as a computer tech of sorts. When I got out, I needed a job, and Roscoe made a few calls. He hooked me up with a company here in Santa Rosa as a janitor. I worked my way up and now fix computers when others won’t, or can’t. I also run a garage over on the west side. But that’s part time,” I said.
She shook her head again. “Wow. It must pay well. If you saw the trailer I grew up in, you’d know.”
“It’s alright, and I think I do. My house wasn’t anything fancy growing up, either,” I said. She smiled. I could tell we were connecting, and it made me feel good. Once again, there was that hint in the back of my mind we were on to something great, and I wanted to see where it went.
Brooke took another swig of her beer before speaking again. “Do you know if they’re still hiring janitors? I’m going to need a job, and I really don’t care what it is. As long as it’s a paycheck, I’m in.”
I laughed. “I’m not sure, but I’ll ask. If they aren’t, I’ll start looking around town for you. Hell, I’ve got connections all over the place – we’ll get you a job faster than you can say ‘hired.’”
She smiled and nodded, though there was blush threatening to creep up her neck and into her cheeks. Then, her eyes started to well up with tears, and she tried to speak, but no words would come out.
She fought to get a drink of her beer, but once again, she struggled. I knew she was overcome with emotion, and I wasn’t sure if it was feeling the kindness of being accepted, or the fact that she was going to have to face real life again, and that was terrifying.
Whatever it was, she set her beer on the coffee table and excused herself quickly, running to the bedroom I’d given her and closed the door. I was left with the sound of the TV quietly filling the corner of the room, and the sobs started seeping through the door.
I turned up the TV, letting her have the moment. Some things were just going to take time, and I was going to give her the privacy and respect to adjust as she needed. There was no forcing or rushing getting back into society, and I didn’t want to make things harder on her by adding pressure.
She would take her time, and she could come back to me when she was ready. I’d check in on her in a few minutes to make sure she was okay, then I’d be out here for the rest of the evening, and if she wanted company, it was there for her. If not, she was free to hang out in her room and work through the emotions that had come crashing down.
Either way, I wasn’t going to bother or push. I knew how this went, and she’d have to come around on her own.
After all, this was her journey. She was the only one who could walk it.
6
Brooke
I leaned with my back against the door for a moment, burying my face in my hands and letting the sobs wrack my body. I hated crying in front of anyone, no matter the reason. When I found out my mother had died while I was in prison, I had gone to the bathroom to let out tears when no one else was around.
I’d cried softly in my bunk while my cellmate was in the other room with the other inmates. I never let the emotion show. I had been that way for as long as I could remember, even before I was locked up.
Life had always been hard for me. I didn’t like to cry in front of my mother, either. She had to go through so much just to keep food on the table. I wasn’t going to make it harder on her by crying about anything.
It had been a benefit going behind bars. I knew how to hold my own without showing emotion in the process. Hell, if you showed emotion, you were weak, just asking for someone to come make you theirs – and not in a good way.
I wasn’t going to be that person. But after all the days, weeks, months of fighting and being strong, I was worn out.
The sobs came fast and hard. They were difficult to subdue, and a large part of me didn’t even want to. To say I was experiencing a culture shock would be an understatement. I had gone from fighting for everything I had, to being with the greatest man in the world.
It was bad enough I was incredibly attracted to him. God, those arms, those eyes! The tattoos were just the icing on the sexy cake. I wanted him. But, I hadn’t had good luck with men. Never in my life. I was waiting for something to come from this guy. Something that was going to break me down.
He was married. He had to be. Or maybe he had kids that he was fighting for. There was a psycho ex in the picture. Or he was in love with someone else, and I was just the way he could show her he was a good man. There was no way a man so hot and so much like me could be completely open and available.
Hell, I knew it was a bad idea to even be thinking that there could be something between us, but I didn’t feel I could help it. The way he looked at me, the way he had given me food and shelter and offered to find me a job was more than I could take. It was overwhelming to say the least, and I didn’t know how to respond.
I wanted to keep up the tough girl act I had going in prison. I didn’t want him to see that there was any sort of weakness in me. That would be when his true colors would show, I was sure of it. He’d take advantage of me in one way or another. That’s how all men were.
There was a time when I would buy the nice guy image and think I was the exception, but there wasn’t anything about this guy that said he was nice. He was someone I had to be careful hanging around, and I should make my stay here as short and possible.
Or maybe you should give him a chance. Stop being so paranoid and thinking that the entire world is out to get you. Maybe this guy is different. You don’t know. Guard Roscoe certainly seemed to think so, so why not give him the chance?
Then again, you’ve done that so many times in your life, and it’s always come back to bite you. This guy isn’t any different, and you know it’s just a matter of time before the other shoe falls. That’s how it’s always been, and that’s how it’s always going to be.
Get used to it. Stop crying, act like a big girl, and start living like you mean it.
I hoped that the sobs weren’t too loud. I was sure it was obvious I’d been overcome with emotion, but I didn’t want Spencer to think that I was in here blubbering like a baby. I could hear the TV in the other room, but I couldn’t hear him.
Maybe it had been loud enough to drown out the sounds of my sobs. Maybe.
A knock at the door caused me to jump with fright. I was still so tense, it was hard to handle sudden noises.
“Shit,” I muttered.
“Mind if I come in?” Spencer asked on the other side of the door.
“Okay,” I said. I didn’t know what else to say. I didn’t want him to see me crying, but he’d have to wonder what I was doing in here if I didn’t give him permission to enter. Besides, this was his house, who was I to tell him where he could and couldn’t go?
I didn’t even have a single thing in this room to myself. It was all his. Thank God, he had the place set up for a guest.
He walked into the room, but didn’t say anything. I quickly dried my eyes, glad that they hadn’t given me any makeup to wear for my release. I had to look like a big enough mess as it was – adding streaks of eyeliner or mascara down my cheeks would only add to the pathetic ensemble.
Spencer walked like a predator. There was a slink about him that made him dominate the room, though he didn’t barge around like he owned the place. No, there was a quiet confidence about him that turned me on. I knew I was going to
have to get a grip if I was going to be staying with him.
I’d drive myself crazy with need if I didn’t.
He still didn’t speak, but carefully walked up to me. His approach was deliberate, but not threatening or forceful. Then, he wrapped his arms around me. He still didn’t say a word – he just took me in his arms and held me. I wanted to break down in tears all over again, and I had a feeling he didn’t care if I did.
It was the first time in as long as I could remember being touched that way. Not forceful, not hurried, just a gentle, strong touch. He was taking all the pain from me, all the stress that I was under, and holding it inside himself. When I was in his arms, I felt safe.
And even that scared me.
I didn’t know this person. I didn’t know a thing about him. All I knew was that he was there to give me a ride home. And, as it turned out, a place to stay. But still, I felt as though I could trust him with anything.
I felt like he was really caring for me, that I didn’t have to worry about what was coming next because he’d take care of it. He had been where I was now, and he knew what it was like to need people. Not just someone to help you with the basic needs of life, but someone to be there for the emotional trauma, as well.
Neither of us spoke for a moment, and then he brushed my hair out of my face. I dropped my gaze. I was a mess, and I knew it. But, I didn’t want to pull away. I wanted him to keep holding me, to keep protecting me from the evil things in the world.
“I’ll give you all the time and space you need,” he said as he brushed the hair out of the way. “But I’m also here if you need me. Don’t be afraid to open up to me. I know what it’s like because I’ve been there myself.”
I didn’t say anything, just standing with my body pressed against his, my head huddled against his chest. There wasn’t anything sexual in the moment, despite the fact I was still fiercely attracted to him. Instead, it was a moment of peace and calm.
He didn’t repel me. Nothing about him or his house said danger. He didn’t strike me as weak, but as someone who had his power under control. I wouldn’t want to be on his bad side, but then, I didn’t see how I ever could be.
“Are you okay now?” he asked. He put his hands on my shoulders and gently pushed me back from him, making me look him in the eyes for the first time. I held his gaze for a moment, wishing that I could continue. But, I had to drop it. There was no way I could stare into those penetrating jewels without feeling vulnerable.
I was going to have to learn all over again that it was okay to be vulnerable. I had been strong for so long, I didn’t know what it was like anymore to just open up and be. The walls were still high, and I didn’t see how I could ever let anyone in. But, there was something patient about Spencer that I respected.
He wasn’t going to force me to do anything. He wasn’t Guard Hanserd. He was a man who would take care of me, letting me come to him when I was ready.
I nodded before wiping my hand over my eyes. “Sorry. That was just a lot in the moment, and I wasn’t sure how to handle it.”
“Don’t apologize for trying to get back into society,” he said with a shrug. “It’s going to take time. I don’t know how they think they are going to push people into these boxes for months at a time and have them come out the same on the other side.”
“I’m not sure we’re supposed to come out the same,” I said with another half-sob. “That place changed me, and I’m not sure I can ever get any of my humanity back.”
“It’s in there,” he said as he started for the door. “Your humanity is still in there. You just learned how to lock it up and not let anyone see. With time, it’s going to come back. Just be nice to yourself in the meantime, okay?”
I nodded again as he closed the door. It had to be because he had also lived through the shit that I’d gone through, but I couldn’t believe how much this man got me. It was as though he was able to read my very thoughts, and he understood them.
There wasn’t any judgment for the way I was or any pressure to be different. He just wanted me to be okay. And with that kind of help and support, I knew that I would be. Slowly, but surely, I would try to dig through the pain and the suffering that I’d endured, and I’d pull some of my old self back out.
She was in there, buried and hidden so no one could hurt her. But, I didn’t want her to be lost forever. I wanted her to live life. And that would require pulling her back out to the light.
I’d work through my demons if Spencer was there to help, and I’d be okay eventually.
At least, I hoped so.
7
Spencer
I headed out into the living room and walked straight to the bathroom. There had been several times over the past few years I considered putting a bathroom right on the guest bedroom, but I’d never had a lot of guests who spent any real time at the place, so I didn’t bother.
Now, I was really wishing I had.
I started drawing a bath for her, setting out a towel and a robe. There were several soaps and shampoos under the sink – things that I wasn’t sure why I bought at the time, but I was glad to have now. After the water had filled, I headed back to the bedroom and asked her to follow me.
Brooke came to the bathroom with me, and her eyes nearly filled with tears when she saw the water in the tub.
“I thought you might want to soak for a bit while I get dinner going,” I said. “Baths tend to take away stress.”
I wasn’t sure if that was true, but I’d enlisted the help of Vanessa the day before, and she had not only gone shopping for me and picked out a few things for Brooke to wear, but she’d also given me some tips on how to make sure she was as comfortable as possible as she settled in.
We weren’t sure if she was going to come stay with me, or if I was going to take her elsewhere, but Vanessa made it clear I ought to make sure the poor girl ate, got to soak in a hot tub, and got the clothes that she picked up for me.
“She’s going to be coming from wearing just a jumpsuit all day, every day. I’m sure she’s going to appreciate a good pair of jeans and a well-fitting bra,” Vanessa had said.
I didn’t know how she was able to guess the sizes by looking at the picture or how she was able to figure out what we needed, but she left with my credit card and came back with two bags full of things.
With Brooke in the tub, I took the chance to put the bags of clothes in her room. I had planned on taking them to the shelter if she ended up staying at one, but I was glad to give them to her here.
After the clothing was laid out on the bed, I then walked out to the kitchen. I should have planned what we were going to have for dinner better, but I had been so wrapped up with the clothing, it had slipped my mind.
So, I went through the pantry until I found something to put together. Pancakes and eggs were simple, and I liked having breakfast for dinner. So, I set to whisking the eggs in one bowl while mixing together the batter in the other. I could hear the sound of the tub filling periodically, and I couldn’t help but smile to myself.
It had to be nice for her to have the chance to soak in the tub and not have to worry about sharing the space with anyone. I hated showering when I was in prison. It wasn’t just the other inmates who were around, but the guards, too. It was bad enough that I had to often share a single shower head with someone else, but to have guards with guns standing around made everything ten times worse.
I heated the griddle on the stove and poured on the batter, and then I turned my attention to the eggs. Scrambled eggs were my favorite. Not because of the eggs themselves, but because they were easy to make and could cook alongside the pancakes.
They were the best way to have eggs and pancakes done at the same time, which was always my goal when I put together dinner.
I heard the sound of the tub draining, and I intentionally turned my back to the bathroom door. I had a robe hanging on the back of the door for anyone who showered in there, though no one had since I remodeled the bathroom. I figured
she’d be wrapped entirely in that when she came out, but I wanted to give her the privacy, anyway.
The thought of her dripping wet and in nothing but a bath robe made me hard. Her tits were large – very large. Hell, if she hadn’t been through the shit she’d gone through as a kid, she was built to be a model. I had to shake my head, erasing the thoughts from my brain.
Brooke no doubt had gone through a lot of that sort of thing when she was in prison, and I wasn’t going to do that to her now. She deserved to be respected, and I was going to give her that respect. I didn’t care what my dick wanted. She needed to feel safe, and I already promised her that she’d be safe with me.
I heard the sound of her wet feet on the hardwood floor followed by the sound of the door closing behind her. Then, I turned my attention to setting the table. I wasn’t sure how much she’d eat after the late lunch we’d had. But, eggs and pancakes were light and easy, so I served up a nice portion on both plates.
If she didn’t want all of it, I’d put it in the fridge for later.
The door opened, and she reemerged, running the towel through her hair as she did so.
“Clothes?” she asked.
“I thought you’d need something to wear when you got out. They don’t tend to supply you very well before they push you out the door,” I said with a shrug. “I hope they fit.”
From the looks of the shirt and the jeans, Vanessa had done a damn good job. I’d have to thank her later. That is, for most of it. I had given in to some temptation and stolen a glance into one of the bags of lingerie.
And damn, did she pick lingerie. Everything was lace. Some was black, some was a royal blue – a color that would do wonders for Brooke’s eyes. Against her golden hair, I couldn’t even imagine what she’d look like.
The tightness in the front of my jeans reminded me to bring my thoughts back from the gutter. I was definitely going to need to take a cold shower later to take care of this.