by Blair Grey
I didn’t want to keep thinking about the rain on the umbrella, or the sound of it patting against my coat, but it was better than letting my mind dwell on the fact that I was standing right in front of my brother’s grave.
His coffin had already been lowered, and the few of us gathered around stood somber and quiet. The preacher stood at the head of the grave, saying a few words. It was clear this was the standard speech he’d given at many funerals in the past. Hell, I knew Tim better than half the things that were coming out of this man’s mouth.
But then, I supposed when you were at a funeral, you didn’t talk about how people were, you talked about how you wanted them to be remembered. Tim might be remembered a certain way by his acquaintances who had shown up to pay their final respects, but I knew the truth.
And so did several of the other men who were gathered around. These weren’t just men who were friends of Tim’s. They weren’t his coworkers, they weren’t people he knew from around town. These men were like brothers to him. They were his family when we didn’t have any other to speak of.
These were the members of his MC.
I didn’t feel comfortable hanging around them. I knew if I was entirely honest, I could say that with complete certainty. I hadn’t had much to do with any of them, though Tim had dedicated his life to the cause.
Hell, he had been in one MC or another for as long as I could remember. The last one he’d thought he’d dedicate his entire life to, but they had a lot of issues with the leadership and each other. Though he felt close with some, they eventually disbanded and went their separate ways.
I still missed some of the men from that MC. To me, they were the men who were far more upstanding than the new club he’d joined. These men made me uncomfortable in every sense of the word. I hated the way any of them looked at me when they were talking to me.
Hell, they didn’t even bother to hide the fact they were checking me out. And, there was a time when I was stupid enough to fall for the attention. I had to admit, there were some I found insanely attractive. Others, I felt were just bad boys who’d gotten lost in life and were looking for a sense of belonging.
Tim hadn’t ever wanted me to get involved with any members of the MC. He liked them all well enough, I’d say. He’d called them his brothers on more than one occasion, and I was sure he’d put himself in more life-threatening situations than I cared to know about.
But, he still acted really weird if I were to ever point out that there was a guy I liked. He’d turn on the tough-guy act when they hit on me in front of him, and he’d do his best to shield me from any advances.
He’d always been that way. There had been several men in the last MC I’d thought were sexy, one in particular. But, Tim told me straight they weren’t the kind of guys I wanted to get involved with. Selfish, dangerous, uncaring – they weren’t what he had pictured when it came to my partner in life.
And since he had practically raised me after the death of our parents, I respected his opinion.
Mostly.
If only he had gotten to me before Hansen.
Hansen Hinks, a man who was eleven years older than myself, was the MC member who finally got me to go to bed with him. He treated me like I was a princess, the only one in the world he wanted. He had a shaved head, piercing blue eyes, was muscular, and had tattoos.
At twenty four and rather innocent, I fell hard. Our so-called romance was a whirlwind, and before I knew it, I was pregnant. Of course, as naïve as I was, I thought that would mean he and I would be together forever. I went over to his apartment and gave him the news, happy as could be.
And that’s when he told me.
I was nothing to him. I was just one of the thousands of women he had taken to bed over the years, and he had no interest in raising a kid. This was my problem, either to deal with or to get rid of, but he didn’t wish to and wouldn’t have anything to do with it.
I was devastated. Of course, I told Tim I was pregnant, but never who the father was. I didn’t want him to know it was one of his own club brothers. He would have flipped, that was for sure.
“And now, let’s have a moment of silence out of respect for the deceased,” the reverent brought my attention back to the moment, but only for a moment. The fact that Hansen himself stood only a few feet away from me made me sick. I had nothing to say to him since the day he told me he wanted nothing to do with our daughter.
Sabrina, now seven months old, was my entire life. But, I wasn’t ready to have a child when I got pregnant, and it had all but ruined the life I was living. I wouldn’t have traded her for the world. But now, I struggled. I could barely make ends meet, and I had a hard time holding down a job.
It was hard finding people to watch her for me, too. Hell, I was beyond grateful that the MC’s den mother, Mama Rose, was watching Sabrina for me now. I didn’t want her to come to the funeral, and I really didn’t want her to be around her father.
This was a somber enough situation, it only made matters worse that a cloud of mystery engulfed what happened. Tim had been healthy. He was active. He didn’t do drugs or drink – too much anyway. He was careful. I trusted he knew what he was doing when he was out on his assignments, and I didn’t think he would take too many risks.
Hell, he had all but been the father Sabrina had needed in her young life. It was hard for him to make the time to come see her as much as he wanted with work and the club, but he was there as much as he could be. He was there a lot more than Hansen, that was for damn sure.
But yet, he passed. The coroner ruled the death as an accident, but I didn’t think so. There was way more to it than that, I could promise anyone who asked. Tim was too smart to get into a fatal accident. It had nothing to do with a car or his bike. No, he had to have been murdered. I just knew it.
And by the faces of the other members of the MC, I wouldn’t have been surprised if they were behind his death. It wasn’t anything I’d ever be able to prove, and I’d not try to go after any of them on my own, but I was sure there was something going on no one was talking about.
The sound of a Harley engine broke the silence, and I looked up. I’d thought everyone who was going to show to the graveside service had already arrived. This man was late, and he seemed very unapologetic about it. He drove right up and parked with the rest of the bikes, not caring that his engine was ungodly loud for the moment.
Then again, my brother lived for the Harleys. He probably would have enjoyed the tribute had he been standing there.
As the man got closer, I immediately recognized him.
Aaron Jackson, my brother’s best friend from his former MC. The two had been really close and, I had to admit, he was my favorite of all. I had wanted him since the day I met him, and he was the main person Tim had always warned me against.
I could see that the years apart hadn’t done him any harm. He was still as tall as I remembered, but perhaps with more tattoos. His hair was shaved on the sides but longer on top. Blonde, with green eyes. Yes, this man was gorgeous. And, if there was a single other member of these terrible clubs I’d trust besides Tim, it was Aaron.
He gave me a nod and stood a short distance away from the grave. The rest of the group ignored him. I knew there was a lot of tension between MCs, and Aaron had joined another. He didn’t agree with many of the politics that were upheld in Tim’s, and the two parted ways.
I was sorry to see him go. I liked him a lot better than any of the other men who were standing around the graveside now. Hell, if I could bring back the rest of the old MC, I would be a lot happier. Those were men I felt more comfortable around, not these guys.
Not criminals who got away with riding around on their bikes because of the emblem on their backs. Not a guy who got me knocked up and left me to deal with it all on my own. I was already looking forward to when we could wrap up the rest of the ceremony.
I just wanted to get out of there.
I didn’t want to say goodbye to Tim. But, after losing my pa
rents. I learned that the only way to move on with life is to say goodbye. He wasn’t coming back, and I could be as pissed off as I liked about that fact, but he wasn’t.
At long last, the reverend broke the silence, and I stepped forward. I grabbed a clod of dirt from the pile and dropped it down on the coffin, trying not to think about the hollow thump that it made when it hit. Others followed my lead, but I was already turning to head to the car.
I didn’t want hugs from any of them. I didn’t want to hear them tell me how sorry they were. I still thought that they were the ones responsible in one way or another, and I wasn’t going to buy the bullshit story they had nothing to do with it. Or, that they were even upset that he was gone.
Tim had been rising in the MC. It was only too convenient he wasn’t a threat anymore. And I felt vulnerable. Alone in the world. This wasn’t my MC. It was his. I didn’t have anyone to turn to anymore.
Mama Rose could help me from time to time, but she had her own obligations, and I wasn’t her problem. Neither was Sabrina, my dear, sweet Sabrina.
“April!” a familiar voice said. I cringed. Turning, I saw Hansen stalking up to me. “Leaving so soon?”
“I’ve got stuff I need to do,” I said.
“I need to talk to you,” he replied.
“I’ve got nothing to say to you,” I shot back. I didn’t even care to be civil with the man anymore.
“Good, because you’re going to shut up and listen,” he snapped. “I want to be recognized as the kid’s dad.”
“She has a name!” I said defensively. Of course, I didn’t want to hear her name on his lips. I hadn’t even bothered to list him as the father on her birth certificate.
“Sabrina’s dad then,” he said condescendingly.
“Why? You didn’t want anything to do with her before. Why now?” I demanded.
“Because I do,” he said. “And I’m petitioning for custody of her.”
“The fuck you are!” I said with a sneer. “You’ve had nothing to do with her from the day she was conceived. You aren’t getting anywhere near her!”
“And you,” he said with a smirk. “Are going to be hearing from my lawyer.”
He turned and walked away before I had the chance to respond. My mouth fell open, and I was in shock.
What the fuck just happened?
2
Aaron
I stood at the edge of the grave, staring down at the coffin. It was so strange to think that Tim, my buddy, was lying inside. I’d not spoken to him in quite some time, and I regretted it now.
There had been a time in our lives when we had been close, really close. But, that had been years ago. I remembered hanging out with him a lot, his little sister hanging with us when she was on break from college. God, she was a dime piece, still was.
Seeing her when I walked up to the grave was like a punch in the stomach. I’d always had a bit of a thing for her, but Tim had been sure to stay between us. He didn’t want her involved in any MC activity, including sleeping with members. She had been barely eighteen at the time, and sharp as a whip.
Hell, she’d graduated early, with honors, and had gone to college that fall. Their parents had been dead a couple of years by that point, and Tim was determined to make sure his little sister was going somewhere in her life.
He paid for her college tuition and much of the things she’d need for the school year, and when she wasn’t able to live on campus any longer, he put her in student housing on his dime as well.
The only thing she had to do was keep her grades up and her shit together, and she seemed to be doing a good job of both. Now, looking at her, I guessed her to be in her mid-twenties. She couldn’t be twenty-five yet, but she was getting close.
Hell, Tim was about four years older than her, so that would make her twenty-six. I wondered who was going to keep an eye out for her now that he was gone. The thought of it alone was enough to make me need to head back among the gravestones for a few minutes.
I looked down into the grave once more. “I’m sorry, Bud. I should have reached out to you a long time ago, just to see how you were doing. I didn’t mean for that split to make us split, too, we had some good times together, and it really didn’t have anything to do with us anyway. I guess you always think you’re going to have more time than you do, then it’s gone, right?”
I bent down and picked up a bit of dirt. Not a lot, just a handful of dust, really, then I dropped it into the grave with the rest of the clods that had been contributed. The men with their equipment were eager to get the grave filled, and most of the others were already on their way out. I, on the other hand, needed the minute.
I headed back behind a tree and pulled out a flask of whiskey, taking a swig. It took the edge off the pain, that was for sure. I knew I was going to have to get this shit under control, but it was difficult. There was a lot of pain in my life, and I didn’t know how to deal with any of it.
Hell, it seemed every day was just another way to get hurt, and there was no way to really tell when or how it was going to happen. As I took another swig, many of the memories of what had happened before came rushing back to me. They were memories that I’d long since forgotten, memories that I didn’t want to deal with now.
Our MC had been great. We weren’t leaders, Tim or I, but we were loyal members. We enjoyed being with the rest of the brothers, and stood both tall and proud when we were together. Riding with them was the best thing in the world, and hanging out with Tim in particular, well, that was when I felt most at home.
I’d never had much for my own family life, and spending time with him and our MC gave me what I was missing in other parts of my life.
I hated to think about what had been the end of our brotherhood. It had just really come down to taking sides and choosing who was right over who was wrong. It never should have happened that way, that was for damn sure, but it had. And it pissed me off more than I could say.
Our MC was growing faster than we could keep up with, and we had to get our leader in place. We voted a president, and he was proud to take the role. At first, everything was going smoothly. Hell, it couldn’t have been going better, really. We all got along, we were all proud to follow our president, and we were all ready to do anything he asked.
There was immense respect among all brothers within the MC, and everyone watched out for his neighbor.
Then things changed.
Our president got married. We were thrilled when he did. We all loved the girl, and she filled the role as Den Mother well. We all felt we could go to her with anything, that she was there for us.
And for one of us, she was there a little too much. She started hanging out with one of our brothers behind the president’s back. Though at first, none of us thought anything of it, rumors all started to circulate that something more was going on between the two of them.
I didn’t want to believe it. Anna wasn’t that kind of girl, and Doug, though he might have been that kind of guy, I didn’t think he would put a move on the President’s wife. I refused to engage in any of the gossip, and I refused to believe anything that I heard about her. I was sure she was innocent of everything that was being said, and I wasn’t going to make it worse for her by spreading lies.
Even our president didn’t want to talk about it. He had to have heard the rumors that were floating around, but I never heard anything from him, or how he addressed any of it. As far as I knew, he didn’t care to think about his wife cheating on him, and he wasn’t going to let us talk that way about her, either.
One night, I’d gotten into an argument with Tim over all this. He’d told me straight that he thought Anna was guilty, and I took her side. We had both been drinking, and harsh words were exchanged, but I never thought it was anything that would come to a head.
Then, less than a week later, it came to light that she really had been cheating with Doug. Our president was furious. He threw Doug out of the MC, and we were all wondering what he would do next. Anna w
as a beautiful woman, but we were sure they were going to get divorced.
When they didn’t, I had a hard time looking Tim in the eye. He was right, and I had still taken her side. Sure, it was nice to know that they had chosen to stay together, but that didn’t change the fact that there was now a rift in the club.
As if things couldn’t get any worse, they soon did. Not long after all this transpired, our leader was ambushed in a dark parking lot. Not just by Doug, but by Anna as well. She had been involved in planning the murder, and it was well believed she had been the one to pull the trigger on her own husband as well.
Needless to say, that started an even bigger battle among all those who were in the MC. Most of the men sided with our fallen leader, and it wasn’t long before they elected another in his place. But then there were those, like me, who refused to condemn Anna for what she had done.
She had gone through a lot of shit herself. Though I didn’t condone what she had done to her husband or with Doug, I didn’t hold it against her, either. I just wanted the entire thing to be forgotten, and for us to move on. Of course, things weren’t as easy as that.
Anyone who didn’t take a stand against the girl was forced out of the MC. I couldn’t do what I didn’t think was right, so I left. I joined the Navy SEALS after that, wanting to get as far away as possible. I just wanted to forget, but I signed up for even more Hell in my life.
Combat proved to be every bit as bad when you didn’t know the people who were fighting with you, and after a little more than eighteen months, I was discharged with severe PTSD. I wasn’t able to function in any of those kinds of situations, and I was a greater danger staying with the team than I was going home.
After getting back to the States, I felt lost. I had to belong to something, and MCs was the only family I knew. Of course, I wasn’t going to go back to the one Tim had joined. No, I was going to move on – and the Folded Flags seemed perfect. They understood the former military members, and many who were part of the MC were ex-military themselves.