by Ray, Marika
I did turn around at that. I folded my arms across my chest. “I’m sorry to hear that. I like my new clothes, my new hair, and my new friends. I’m living my life, Mom, and I hope you’ll learn to see that me branching out and finding myself doesn’t need your stamp of approval. I love you and I hope you can love me back no matter what.”
She looked away, her jaw set, but her eyes misted over. When she didn’t answer, I got busy grabbing a box of pasta and throwing it in a pan with some water. Her silence hurt me. We’d been friends as adults for as long as I’d been her daughter as a child. Yet she still saw me as a child. The minute I did something she didn’t understand, she got angry with me. I wasn’t normally on the receiving end of her anger, and while it didn’t sit well with me, I wasn’t going to back down on this one. The pit in my stomach wasn’t from being hungry.
When I finally plated the spaghetti, she answered me, her voice softer but still reserved.
“I do love you and Lavender no matter what. But as your mother, I can’t stand by and watch you throw everything away for a man. Mark my words. Men can never be trusted.”
With that, she grabbed her plate and went into the living room to turn on the television. I sat down at the breakfast table and ate my spaghetti by myself, the food having turned to dust in my mouth.
All those good feelings, all that lightness in my chest when I left Bain’s was officially gone, replaced by guilt, doubt, and a certainty that things had shifted tonight. Some of the biggest earthquakes created fault lines in a family and not the earth below. The devastation was just as extensive, especially when Mom was the only family I had.
A flock of geese flew by overhead, their honks not bringing me the joy I normally felt when they flew over my house every evening. This time I was jealous. I wanted to fly away to warmer weather where moms didn’t withhold approval and information. Where dads knew their kids and gave them unconditional love. Where I could explore this thing with Bain and see if it could lead anywhere further than secret rendezvous late at night.
I cleaned up the dishes, packed the leftovers for lunch tomorrow at work, and went to bed. This time exhaustion took over and I tumbled into sleep the minute my head hit the pillow.
21
Bain
The ding of my cell phone pulled me out of my musings. As I found myself gazing out the window in my office more often than I should, watching Lucy’s every move on her back patio as she and Keva ate lunch together, I realized the proximity of our places of work was going to be a problem. Or more accurately, my obsession with all things Lucy in general had become a problem.
I scrubbed a hand down my face and swiveled my chair so the delectable sight of Lucy shooing off a seagull stayed behind my back and out of my view. After the epic ass chewing by the mayor the minute I walked into the prison, I didn’t have time to be distracted. He’d insisted on sending in some sort of prison whisperer who would identify the weaknesses and shore them up for me seeing as how I appeared incompetent. I tried to talk him out of the expense of sending in a consultant, but he wasn’t having it. I couldn’t really blame him after several successful escape attempts, but I knew exactly what the problem was and no consultant could help with that any more than I could.
All but one of my hired employees were used to slinging drinks down at Hell’s Tavern or shelving books at Auburn Hill Library, which consisted of three whole shelving units. Bobby down in intake had been the backup tow truck driver for Clyde when the old man needed a day off. In other words, I had a very limited pool of workers to pull from when hiring my staff. No offense to Auburn Hill citizens, but they weren’t exactly trained for prison work. I needed more than just a week or two to train them on all the procedures necessary for a fully functioning prison.
I either needed more time to train them, or I needed to recruit some outside help to move to Auburn Hill. Both options would take time, but I was fresh out of that commodity. The pressure of this job was proving to be more than I ever expected. Too many reruns of the Andy Griffith Show on Hulu had me thinking a small-town prison would be a ton of slap-your-knee fun. Reality was far from it.
I snatched my phone off my desk and checked the message that had come in while I was daydreaming like some junior high girl with a crush on the tallest boy in class whose voice had dropped first and was therefore a guy worthy of daydreaming.
Jayden: How you been, man? Now that you’re settling in, I’m thinking of coming to visit.
Bain: Work’s a bitch, but I’ve met some friends. Come on up anytime, bro.
Jayden: Any of these “friends” of the female variety?
I rolled my eyes. I liked him better when he went on a one-year hiatus from women. Now that the year was up, he had only one thing on the brain. A new text came in and I switched to that thread instead of answering Jayden’s one-track mind.
Titus: Beach bonfire at eight tonight. Bet the girls will invite Lucille…
I turned the screen off and tossed the phone back on my desk. I wasn’t even sure what I wanted anymore. I knew I wanted Lucy. For a night, maybe two. But then I’d had her and I still craved her more than when she’d originally asked me to relieve her of her virginity.
That was a first for me.
Yeah, the virgin thing, but also wanting a woman after I’d already been with her multiple times. I wasn’t an asshole by any means. I saw a woman I liked, I asked her out, I made it clear I didn’t want anything long term, and we enjoyed ourselves. I enjoyed saying goodbye the next day just as much as the hours in my bed.
But Lucy?
No way in hell was I saying goodbye anytime soon. But she didn’t seem to have a problem saying it. She’d all but sprinted out of my bed both times, saying she had to get home, when all I wanted was to pull her back and bury my nose in her hair.
I shook my head and stood up quickly, sucking in a deep breath and letting it out nice and slow. I needed to hit the gym today and work out some of this craziness. Bury my nose in her hair? What the fuck was going on here? The only place I should be wanting to bury myself would be a woman’s willing pussy.
But no. Somehow the clean air in this goddamn small town had pickled my brain.
I could question it all I wanted, but for now, I was going with it. I needed to find a way to keep my job while also spending every available minute with Lucy and figuring out this obsession. It would burn out eventually, I was sure of it.
Grabbing my phone, I texted Titus back, confirming I’d be there tonight. There was a sea cave and a particular woman calling my name. In the meantime, I needed to head downstairs and have another intense conversation with Bobby about the proper use of handcuffs when inmates were outside their cells.
* * *
The air was warmer than last week out here at the coast, but it still felt cold because of the sheen of sweat drying on my skin. I’d hit the gym after work, needing the outlet for my frustration when Lucy said I couldn’t pick her up and take her to the bonfire. Separate cars, no walking down the steep cliff together, hell, she probably wouldn’t even acknowledge me with a head nod in front of all our friends. The woman was playing hard to get and I didn’t like it one bit.
In one hand, I had a six-pack of the local pale ale I’d come to love. In the other, I had a six-pack of White Claw, thinking Lucy might like it. I saw the girls drinking it at the last bonfire. I’d rather her drink that than take shots of liquor. She couldn’t get shit-faced on seltzer, which meant I could take her home with me after and not feel guilty about her decision-making abilities. I was a man with a plan.
“’Sup, Warden.” Rip fist-bumped me as I approached the bonfire, his SF Niners baseball hat on backward.
He swayed a bit on his feet, making me think he’d started drinking long before the bonfire had officially started. The guy was quiet, but I thought of that saying about still waters running deep. I didn’t know him well yet, but I hoped to. Well, if I still had a job and had a reason to stay in Auburn Hill long term.
I hand
ed the alcohol off, minus one longneck beer, in the heap with all the other bottles collected from eager partygoers. I’d learned it was an unspoken rule around here that alcohol was your ticket into a group bonfire.
Titus waved wildly from across the fire, his long arms making a spectacle of his hello. I swiveled my head but didn’t see Lucy anywhere. Titus walked around the fire quickly, clapping me on the back, a big grin on his face.
“Hey, bro. Glad you could make it.”
“Almost didn’t recognize you over there, what with the wind rippling through your long hair. Thought there was a new girl in town.” I nudged him with my elbow, knowing he’d take my teasing in the spirit it was intended.
“That’s cold, man. I invite you into my circle of friends and what do you do? Make fun of an innovator. Mark my words, the mullet is coming back in style. I’m leading the way and you’ll be nothing but a follower.” Titus was smiling, but there was a determined gleam in his eye that made me think he was serious underneath all the bluster.
I shrugged and pulled my black and gray flannel tighter around me. The sweat from earlier was definitely gone, leaving me cold out in the late night chill.
“Okay, man, I’ll take your word for it.” I leaned closer, dropping my voice. “You got any married friends around here you can introduce me to?”
Titus pulled back, his face crunched up comically. “Uh, no. Well, I mean, Principal Ratchet is married and he’s pretty chill, but he married one of his former students, so I don’t know if he can really offer sound advice, you know what I mean?”
I had taken a sip of beer while Titus answered me in a vain attempt to appear laid-back when I felt anything but calm. Principal Ratchet’s situation made me almost choke.
“He married a former student?”
Titus crossed his arms over his chest. “Yeah, dude. It was hella shady at the time, but they’ve been married two years now. Looks like it’s gonna work out for ’em.” His face cleared and he looked back at me, confusion and curiosity winning out over manners. “Why do you want a married person? You thinking of getting married or something?”
I choked again, putting my beer bottle down on the concrete ring edging the bonfire for safety’s sake. “Jesus. Warn a guy before you ask those kind of questions. No, I’m not getting married. Just wanted some girl advice from someone who wasn’t a jackass.”
Titus dropped his arms and stepped back, his mouth agape. I could hear Rip chuckling behind me in his low-slung chair.
“What the fuck, man? You need girl advice, I got you.”
“Oh, really? All these fine-ass women around and not one of them is spoken for. Then how come you ain’t tapping Amelia or Lenora or even Hazel yet, huh?”
Out of nowhere Rip kicked the back of my knee, nearly toppling me. Only a pussy took a guy out with a damn knee kick while still lounging in a beach chair. I regained my footing and spun to glare at him. He glared right back.
“Careful with your mouth, newbie.”
I put my hands up, not intending to start a fight. “No offense. Both of you. I just don’t think asking for advice from you two, who are determined to remain single despite gorgeous women all around you, is a good strategy. That’s all.”
Rip made a wide arc in the air with his empty beer bottle. “It’s not that we don’t know what we’re doing and that’s why we’re single. We’re just waiting for the right time to make our move. There’s wisdom in waiting, my friend.”
I thought there was wisdom in not letting Rip have anything else to drink tonight. Time to placate and move on from this conversation. But first, I had to get one last shot in. “Okay, gotcha. Just as long as that waiting doesn’t turn into letting another man slide right in and steal her out from under your nose.”
Rip pinned me with a glare that could have turned me to ash had I not been used to massive attitude from hardened criminals over the years.
Titus clapped me on the back again, taking my attention away from Rip. “Look, you want help wooing Lucille, we’ll help you. I got ideas, man. Just call me the Idea Man.”
He waggled his eyebrows and I groaned inside. I didn’t want one-liners to get in Lucy’s pants. I was in there already. I wanted into her brain and her heart. I wanted to be the first thing she thought of in the morning and the last person she touched before she fell asleep at night. I wanted all her sass and every laugh wrenched out of her when she was trying to be serious. I wanted a million little augments with her, just to talk to her a little longer. I wanted to see her try to stare down a seagull before running scared and hiring a retired cat for protection. She was crazy and I wanted all that crazy for myself.
A collective cheer went up from the crowd. I blinked, pulling myself from my daydreams again, only to see the object of my desire sauntering into the group, flanked by her new friends. Lucy had on a ripped pair of blue jeans, tighter than good health and circulation called for, a black tank top, and hoop earrings. Her eyes sparkled as she laughed with her friends. She was happy. Then she scanned the crowd, pausing on me. A little wink and she’d moved on, accepting a beer and toasting her friends.
“Oh, man, you got it bad, brother.” Titus whacked me on the back and walked away, laughing like the jackass he was. Fucker in a mullet was laughing at me? That shit was messed up.
Amelia walked by and gave me a saucy smile. “How goes it, City Boy?”
I pretended to take offense by glaring at her. She just tilted her head back and laughed, moving on to find a beer in the messy pile.
Then everything faded into the background as Lucy was next to me, her blonde hair brushing against me as she leaned close. A small whiff of her perfume hit me and I wanted to be anywhere but here. I needed her naked and spread out in front of me, begging for me to contort her into another position while I plunged into her soft body like the lovesick fool I’d become.
“Warden. How’s it hangin’?” Lucy popped her hip and bumped me.
She was adorable when she was trying to play it cool.
I tipped my head to the side and whispered, “Not really hanging right now. More like outgrowing my boxers the second I saw you.”
Lucy swallowed hard and looked around, like she was afraid someone would have overheard my whispered admission.
“Jesus, Bain. Keep your voice down, would you? We don’t need the whole town talking.”
I frowned. “Do you really care what the town has to say?”
She looked back at me, her face serious. “Of course I do. In fact, I was hoping to talk to you tonight about keeping this—whatever this is—just between us. I don’t want anyone knowing about it.”
Oh, hell no.
“Now why the hell would I do that? I like you, Lucy, and you already told me you liked me too, so what’s the harm in people knowing we’re spending some time together?”
She huffed and glanced around again before spearing me with a look of annoyance. A look I didn’t like. Not because she was setting up to argue with me, but because there was a pinch of pain behind those gray eyes. She shivered and I didn’t think, just put my arm around her to shield her from the wind. Lucy pulled back out of my embrace.
“See? Things like that. You can’t do that in public, okay? You don’t understand the small-town dynamic like I do.”
I gritted my teeth and prayed for patience. “Fine. Why don’t we have a seat over on that blanket by the fire?” I gestured to a free blanket sitting close enough to the fire she’d be warm in that skimpy tank top. I almost offered my flannel but figured she’d refuse that too lest any gossip mongers think we were going steady.
Thankfully she didn’t argue, just had a seat, leaving me enough room to join her. I sat down, purposely sitting close enough my leg brushed against her knee. The silence stretched out, and while I didn’t mind it as long as Lucy was near me, I wanted to get to the bottom of her reluctance to be seen in public together.
“I don’t suppose you want to tell me what’s going on in that head of yours, do you?” She loo
ked hot as hell in that tank top, her shoulders bare and begging for my fingers to dance across them on their way to all the delights she had to offer.
Lucy studied me, for what I wasn’t sure. After a few seconds, she finally spilled, her sweet voice a little shaky.
“Do you flirt with every woman you meet?”
I reared my head back, wondering what she was getting at. “No, not at all. Why would you ask that?”
She lifted one shoulder and let it fall, breaking our locked gazes. “I just saw the way you talked to Amelia and I wondered.”
I put my hand on her leg, not giving two shits who saw us. “Lucy. I haven’t historically dated women long term, but when I am with a woman, she’s the only one who has my attention. Right now, that’s you and only you.”
Her gaze fluttered back to mine, a tentative win. “Historically, I’ve been labeled as a bit boring. A bit prudish. No one hates me, but I’m used to being overlooked.” She glanced down at my hand on her leg and began picking at the threads where the denim gaped open, telling me a story.
“I had a friend in third grade. My very first best friend. Her name was Lacy. I started going by Lucy just so our names would be similar. Like we were sisters. We did everything together, but one day in fourth grade, a new girl moved to town. Lacy took one look at her and ditched me, spending all her time with the new girl, who was so pretty she became instantly popular. She started telling everyone I was too boring to hang out with. I just kind of learned to keep to myself. Easier and far less painful that way.”
Lucy shrugged again and pasted on a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.
My grip tightened on her leg for a second. Then I threw caution to the wind and put my arm around her, pulling her into my chest. She came willingly and I took that as another win. She may say she wanted to keep us a secret, but Lucy wanted me.