Writer's Retweet

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by Piers Anthony

She took his arm. Together they accompanied Deron and Dulce to the chamber.

  The dinner was absolutely scrumptious, a virtual banquet. Edith stuffed herself, yet somehow did not become uncomfortably full. But more important, she was not too subtly testing the Chef's imagination, as well as verifying the actual taste of the entries. Her requests were culled from her memory of old comic strips, fairy tales, and childhood imagination topped with egregious puns.

  She ordered Roast Rump of Tree-Dwelling Elephant with Ecstasy Sauce, Lunar Escargot, Raga-Muffins, and Green Holy Cowslip Wine. For dessert she had Sinfully Rich Chocolate Mousse Cheesecake with Cruelly Whipped Cream and Unrequited Passion Fruit topping. Lithuanian Loquat Liquor to savor in conclusion.

  Meanwhile Kent settled for a hamburger, fries, catsup, and garden-variety beer.

  All of it was absolutely delicious, and tasted exactly the way her invented entries should. That Chef was really good. "You win."

  Chef appeared by the table. "Thank you. It was a pleasant challenge. Unlike some." He glanced darkly at Kent, who was oblivious.

  Deron and Dulce, at an adjacent table, smiled. They had surely seen this sort of thing before. Their own entrees were modest.

  After the meal, their guides took them out on the town. They rode in a sport car whose make awed Kent, though Edith drew a blank. Kent drove, delighted to tool it around curves. The car accelerated smoothly and powerfully, seeming to have no upper speed limit. It was dusk, and the city lights were appearing, marvelously colored. There was little other traffic. "How come?" Kent asked.

  "We are able to get where we're going without driving," Deron said. "We drive only for pleasure, and in time even that palls."

  "I'll never get tired of this. What a machine!" They did not argue, but Edith wondered. Why drive at all, if you didn't need to?

  A sign appeared before them YACHT CLUB. "Oh, I'd like to try one of those," Kent said, seeing the marina. "But I can't afford it."

  "Oh, but you can," Deron said. "Nothing is beyond your aspiration. Drive on in and select a yacht to take on a tour."

  "What, now?"

  "Indeed now. They are all awaiting your pleasure."

  "Wow." Kent cruised along, peering at the anchored ships. One had a figurehead. He pulled to a stop. "That one. The Eager Lady." For the figurehead was a well-endowed bare-breasted mermaid with a piercing gaze.

  "An excellent choice," Deron said enthusiastically. Edith exchanged a glance with Dulce, who made half a shrug. Men were like that.

  They boarded the yacht and Kent took the helm. Edith wasn't sure how real yachts worked, but this one was made for amateur control. Soon they were coursing rapidly across the darkening sea. The wake made by the ship glowed with pastel-shaded phosphorescence.

  They approached another yacht. This one had buxom girls in bikinis scampering around the deck, pursued by a middle aged man. "I wonder whose wish-fulfillment dream that is?" Edith muttered with heavy irony.

  "Mine!" Kent and Deron said almost together.

  "Why don't we sensible folk go below while the men gawk?" Dulce suggested. Edith was glad to agree. Evidently dreams differed.

  Below-decks was spare but comfortable. They sat and sipped lattes as they gazed out a porthole. "A man thinks a harem will fulfill him forever," Edith remarked.

  "The way a child thinks that owning a candy store would be eternally great," Dulce agreed, smiling.

  "And the poor man thinks that a million dollars will cure all his ills," Edith said.

  "Fantasies are fine," Dulce said. "But they need to be tempered by realism."

  "What realism is there here in Lusion?"

  "That depends on how you see it. When I was mortal..."

  That was an invitation. Edith accepted it. "Yes?"

  "I was the wife of an abusive alcoholic. I had no economic escape, as he knew."

  "I know the type," Edith said sympathetically. "Mine wasn't abusive, but he was a loss, and I divorced him."

  "I could not do that."

  "Religion?"

  "Yes. I believed in Hell, and did not want to go there. Then a demon contacted me and offered me Heaven."

  "Lusion!"

  "Lusion," Dulce agreed. "I was so desperate that I made the deal without even questioning it. And it turned out better than I may have deserved. I have been happy here. No one can threaten me physically or economically. I am my own mistress. My own Queen."

  "With powers beyond those of any earthly queen," Edith said. "Yet—"

  "I wonder how the demoness who took my place handled it?"

  "Your abusive husband?"

  "Yes. Because she had my body, my mortal situation. She knew what she was getting into. Yet she was glad."

  "She must have had mental or emotional resources you lacked," Edith said.

  "Yes. I think she was a martial artist." Edith laughed.

  "That would do it. She backed him off and made her own life. Still, it seems that you got the better deal."

  "It was right for me."

  "I'm still not clear why she wanted to leave Lusion. Is making a difference that important?" Dulce nodded.

  "To some of us it is."

  Edith wasn't satisfied, but was unable to formulate a relevant question. Then she heard Kent calling. "Eden! You must see this!"

  They went back deckside. Light was blazing. "It's the evening fireworks display," Deron explained. "Really worth watching."

  He was right. It was a phenomenal exhibition, with rockets exploding into multi-hued expanding spheres. Some formed designs. Others formed moving faces. Some faces even smiled. Taken as a whole, it was the best such display Edith had ever witnessed.

  Finally it subsided. "You will want to turn in now," Deron said. "Big day tomorrow."

  "What is it?" Edith asked.

  "A surprise."

  "But first, the dance," Dulce said.

  "Oops, I forgot," Deron said. She elbowed him. "Well, you're a man. You miss what's important."

  "Yeah? You deserve to be spanked, you impertinent maven."

  "Only if we both get bare."

  "And embarrass our guests? Not right now."

  "Chicken." Fun dialogue, but Edith wondered how much of it was staged for their benefit. Their guides were trying almost too hard.

  They changed effortlessly for the dance, which was in the castle ballroom. It was billed as informal, so the women were in blouses and double-circle skirts, the men in plaid shirts and jeans. The music was lovely and compelling, played by an enthusiastic band. Edith realized that skilled musicians liked to exercise their trade for an appreciative audience, just as the Chef did. Why not?

  Couples moved out. Kent gazed at the dance floor uncertainly. "I'm not sure I know how," he confided. Edith had a similar doubt.

  "Be not concerned," Dulce told him. "All you need to do is stand there." She led him onto the floor, took his hand, and spun.

  Kent did just stand there awkwardly, but Dulce moved so well around him that it looked as though he were actively participating. She twirled so that her skirt flung out, flashing her fine legs right up to the panties. Then she wrapped his arm around her and leaned back as if being dipped. She held him tightly and turned them both about so that it looked as if he were swinging her. They really were dancing, in their fashion. Edith had to admire the technique, but she was also slightly jealous of its seduction. How close, how long could Kent remain to this lovely young woman without feeling the considerable allure of that flexing body?

  Then Deron took Eden by the hand and urged her to the dance floor. "Just follow me," he murmured, taking her firmly in his arms. And they were dancing more competently than Edith had ever danced before. His technique was flawless and tuned to her, making her sparkle like a turning diamond. She twirled, flashing her own thighs. She saw her reflection in a wall mirror. She was lovely! She absolutely loved it. She had never been this graceful or sexy even when she really was 25. She was breathless and exhilarated.

  The dance ended and they returned
to the sideline. Deron and Dulce brought them cake and punch. "You did well," Deron said.

  Both Kent and Edith laughed, knowing that anything they had done was owed to their expressive partners. "I wish I really could dance like that," Edith said wistfully.

  "Oh, you can, once you learn," Deron said. "Magic is great, but some things still do have to be done the old fashioned way, like learning new skills and honing the imagination. But in time you really can do them."

  "I did not know how to dance when I came to Lusion," Dulce said. "But I learned. Just as I learned how to flirt and make love."

  "And I learned to paint and handle a boat," Deron said. "There is time and opportunity here for anything. Anything at all."

  Edith found that very interesting. These folk did not have to work for a living, and could develop artistic skills. She liked that.

  Then the music started up again. It was time to dance. They went into it with a will, improving with each one. What a fling!

  Hours later, pleasantly exercised, they retired to their lofty suite. "We should make passionate love and go to sleep," Edith said.

  "Sounds good to me," Kent agreed. "After dancing with Dulce, I'm thoroughly charged up."

  "I have something else in mind," she said.

  "Oh, crap! Can it wait until after love and sleep?"

  "No, we need to do it now, while they won't be watching us."

  "They won't?"

  "Because they will be sure we're safely accounted for. They have their own lovemaking and sleeping to do now."

  "Yeah."

  "So now is the time to sneak out the back way and find out what's really going on with Lusion."

  He nodded. "I am hearing you."

  "Everything so far has been a show to impress us," she continued. "And they have impressed us. But why are they trying so hard?"

  "Why indeed," he agreed. "We're just ordinary folk, especially without the magic. What do they really want with us? Fresh meat?"

  "Not literally, I think," Edith said. "For one thing, they don't eat. I talked with Dulce, and she comes across as a real person."

  "And one sexy dancer," he said appreciatively. "But then what is it? We're just not all that special."

  "That is the question."

  "That is the question," he echoed seriously. "But you know they won't tell us. How do you figure to find out the real story?"

  "By sneaking out the back way and looking behind the facade."

  He frowned. "Eden, we're fifty stories high. There is no back exit."

  "You forget the magic. We can fly."

  "Well I'll be," he said, surprised. "That's so. But is it safe?"

  "If it's not, let's find out."

  "We do need to know, either way," he said. "Better to take a fall than be deluded."

  "That was my thought," she agreed, grimly.

  They turned out the lights as if about to make love and sleep. Then they opened the rear window and floated out. They didn't fall.

  It was dark. "Make night vision," Edith said, focusing. Now they could see well enough in the darkness, thanks to the magic.

  "Now what?" he whispered. "It looks the same."

  Edith was unsure. "I visited Florida once, on a vacation. I discovered that behind the tourist beachfront facade there was a regular city, suburbs, oak and pine trees, and swamp. Ordinary, just like my hometown."

  "So let's fly to the Everglades," he said. "Which way?"

  Edith considered. "Let's parallel the coast so we don't fly in circles."

  They flew above the winding beach. The landscape soon changed, becoming dark and menacing. But she refused to turn back just yet. Then they heard a kind of swishing in the air ahead. "Uh-oh," Kent said. "I think we'd better conjure weapons. Something's coming."

  "I don't know how to use a weapon," she protested.

  "Can of pepper spray," he suggested. In a moment he had a sword, she a can.

  Huge dark shapes loomed close. "Bats!" Edith exclaimed, horrified. She had always foolishly feared them, and these were giants.

  The bats circled around them as if considering what to bite off first. She held her can, terrified, ready to spray. Would it work?

  "Maybe if we drop down close to the water they won't follow," Kent said, nervous despite his formidable sword.

  "Maybe," she agreed.

  They dived, plummeting toward the dark sea below. The bats circled, following. Then they saw the big shark fins slicing the waves.

  "Maybe the beach," Edith said desperately. They arrowed toward the beach—and saw monstrous crabs sidling along, orienting on them.

  "I see a cave!" Kent cried. "This way!" He flew toward it, Edith following. The crabs scuttled after them, huge pincers waving. But they had the advantage of surprise, and zoomed to the cave entrance before the crabs could cut them off. The crabs veered off.

  "They're afraid of the cave!" Edith said breathlessly.

  "But why?" Kent asked. "I don't trust it. What would scare off a big crab?"

  There was a vicious growl from deep within the cave. "A cave bear!" Edith said, horrified.

  "And we're trapped here," Kent said.

  Then Edith got a flash of genius. "We can change forms! Let's be bears!" Immediately they changed to two hulking surly bears. Not only did that back off the cave bear, it altered their perspective. "Hey, she's a pretty good-looking creature," Kent said.

  "Well I should hope so," the lady bear responded. "I worked hard to get it right. To what do I owe the honor of a mortal visit?"

  They stared at her, dumbfounded. "You—you're a person!" Edith said.

  "A person in a private retreat," the bear agreed. "What else?"

  "We were just trying to see the other side of Lusion," Edith said. "To avoid all the showcasing. Then the bats and crabs came."

  The bear laughed. "The bats are tame. The crabs are illusion. This is the realm of illusion. Hence its name. You didn't know?"

  "Maybe we should have known," Edith said, embarrassed. "We were perhaps a bit, well, paranoid."

  "It happens," the bear agreed.

  "We apologize for intruding on your retreat," Edith said. She turned to Kent. "I think we should quietly return to our suite."

  "We should," Kent agreed. "We've made fools enough of ourselves for one night." They turned around and padded out of the cave.

  The crabs were waiting on the beach. Edith nerved herself and approached one. It held its ground. She walked to it—and through it.

  It was, indeed, illusion. The cave bear had spoken truly. Then the pair of them flew up into the dark sky. The bats did not attack. They flew back to the turret, and scrambled back inside the suite. Then Edith realized that they were bears. She hastily changed.

  "Maybe let's not mention this tomorrow," Kent said, also reverting to human form.

  "Let's not," Edith agreed. "We were idiots."

  “Now let's make out," he said. She sighed inwardly. He did seem to have a one-track mind. But she didn't want to make a scene.

  So they made love, and slept. Or Kent did. Edith lay awake a while, pondering things. Did she really want this? She loved being young and vibrant, but she did not want to be a chronic sex object. And what about Lusion? Even if it was for real, was it for her? But mainly she still had trouble fathoming why the folk of Lusion, who had everything they wanted, literally, wanted mortality. To make a difference, they said. But hardly any one person on Earth really made much of a difference. It was highly unlikely that anyone taking the place of Edith or Kent would accomplish anything spectacular or significant. They were simply too ordinary. So that rationale did not seem sensible. That left her floundering in search of something that did make sense. Where was the catch?

  Finally she drifted off to a troubled sleep, wondering in passing why anyone even needed sleep in a realm of pure imagination.

  She woke to find Kent kissing her. He wanted more sex. Maybe she shouldn't have let herself sleep in the Eden body. Too late now. But in another half day it would b
e over, as they returned to mortal Earth. So she obliged him, and actually this body did like it. It was Edith herself who was the old dowdy. And of course she could change that forever, by moving to Lusion. Did she want to? There was the question she couldn't properly answer. Her life as a mortal was pretty much nothing. What did she have to lose?

  "I can hardly wait to see what the restaurant has for breakfast," Kent said eagerly. Which was another question. Why bother to eat?

  Deron and Dulce were waiting for them outside the door. "Half a day left," Deron said. "Let's make the most of it." Kent nodded.

  Dulce took Edith's hand as they rode the escalator down. "You seem pensive, again."

  "I just can't make up my mind," Edith said.

  "Perhaps today will clarify things. We have a full schedule."

  "Perhaps it will," Edith said, feeling as she had with Kent: balked.

  It was a delightful breakfast, with every kind of cereal, pastry, eggs, beverages and more. Edith hardly noticed what she ate.

  "Now it's time for our surprise," Deron said as they went to the ballroom. "Behold!" And there was a festive array of decorations.

  "What is it?" Kent asked. "It' a party," Deron said.

  "What's the occasion?"

  "Your unbirthdays."

  "Our whats?"

  "Unbirthdays."

  "I don't get it."

  "Well, it's not your birthday, so it must be your unbirthday. We are celebrating. There's food, games, gifts."

  "You evidently like parties," Edith murmured to Dulce.

  "Any pretext will do," Dulce agreed.

  "Okay," Kent said, getting into it. "Where are the dancing girls?"

  "Right here," Deron said, gesturing to a huge model of a cake. The lid and the sides opened. A platoon of nearly nude dancing girls emerged, stepping smartly, kicking toward the ceiling.

  "For pity's sake," Edith muttered.

  "This is not to your taste?" Dulce inquired.

  "That's right," Edith said hotly. "If this is all Lusion has to offer, count me out."

  "I will make you a deal. Give each of us one hour with each of you to make our case, and then we'll leave you alone. Fair enough?"

  "Deal!" Edith agreed gladly.

  Dulce caught Deron's eye, then snapped her fingers. The scene froze in place, dancing girls and all.

 

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