by Kitty Neale
‘Oh, I’m sorry. That must have been awful for you.’
‘No, not really. I was in there from when I was a baby so it’s all I knew.’
‘So you haven’t got a family, parents?’
‘No, but I’ve got the next best thing. I live with an old girl called Ethel, and she’s become like a grandmother to me.’
‘That’s nice, I’m glad to hear that. Right, I’d best get on. Those tables won’t clear themselves.’
Mary sipped her tea, her eyes on Helen as she worked. She liked her, thought her very pretty and hoped they could become friends. She loved Ethel, but it would be nice to have a friend of around her own age.
Constance stayed with Ethel until gone two, but rather than make matters worse by not doing her chores, she cycled home.
‘Where the hell have you been?’ Albie shouted as she walked in the door.
It was the first time he’d been there during the day, and, unprepared, she said the first thing that came into her head. ‘I’ve been for a ride on my bicycle.’
‘What, since nine-thirty this morning? And you needn’t deny it ’cos Penny saw you leave.’
‘Oh, so she wasn’t with you then?’
‘No, of course not. What makes you think that?’
‘Because neither of you have jobs, but you both seem to disappear all day.’
‘You soppy cow. That doesn’t mean we’re together.’
‘So where do you go every day?’
‘If you must know, I’ve been helping a mate to fix up his house.’
‘Really? If that’s the case, why do you never come home looking dirty?’
‘’Cos I wear overalls, not that it’s any of your business.’
‘Albie, why are you so cold and hard towards me? What have I done?’
‘You don’t show me any respect. Instead you enjoy showing me up, and that started on the day after our wedding.’
‘I don’t understand. How did I show you up?’
‘You acted superior and corrected me, said that you’d have called our Sunday dinner “lunch” instead.’
‘But I wasn’t correcting you. It’s just that what I call lunch, you call dinner. It was just one of the differences I noticed, that’s all.’
‘Yeah, well, it didn’t come across like that. I know you’re better educated than me, but I don’t like it when you make me look like a fool. It gets my back up.’
‘If you feel like that, I’m sorry, but honestly, Albie, I can’t go on like this. You … you’re hardly here and when you are you’re so unkind.’
‘I suppose I might have been a bit hard on you, but you still ain’t told me where you’ve been today?’
‘I told you, for a ride.’
‘There you go again, taking me for a mug, expecting me to believe that you’ve been riding around in the cold for five hours.’
Constance decided that attack might be the best defence and said, ‘You don’t tell me where you’re going when you go out.’
‘I told you I’ve been helping a mate out.’
‘What about in the evenings?’
‘I’m sometimes in the pub, or the snooker hall, and like I said, it’s none of your business.’
‘In that case, where I’ve been is none of your business.’
‘You’re my wife, and you will tell me where you’ve been.’
‘Oh, so you’re acknowledging the fact that we’re married now, but it’s a sham of a marriage that remains unconsummated. Am I that repulsive to you?’
‘Look, if you must know you’re carrying a kid and it puts me off.’
‘It’s your child, Albie.’
‘I know that, but I just can’t get it up while you’re pregnant.’
Constance was surprised. She hadn’t realised that pregnancy could put a man off. ‘I … I didn’t know.’
‘Yeah, well, now you do and I’m still waiting to hear where you’ve been today.’
Constance had tried to avoid this, changing the subject, but Albie always came back to it. ‘When I lived with my parents, they were very cold and distant. The only person who was kind to me and showed me any affection was Ethel. I grew very fond of her and that’s where I’ve been today. I went to see your gran.’
‘You fucking bitch! I’ve told you how I feel about my gran and I forbid you to see her again!’
‘You’ve never said why both you and your mother feel such malice towards her.’ Albie was going to speak but she held up her hand. ‘It’s all right. Ethel told me herself today, and though what she did was awful, she’s suffering for it. She’s lost her daughter and you, and deeply regrets what she did.’
‘So she should,’ Albie snapped.
‘It’s the only bad thing she’s ever done in her life and I wonder, when you get to her age, if you’ll be able to say the same. She loves you, Albie, so much, your mother too. Surely it’s time to let go of the past and forgive her.’
‘No way! I’ll never forgive her,’ Albie yelled and before she got a chance to say any more, he stormed out of the door.
Constance flopped onto a chair. Just when she thought they were getting somewhere, that Albie had softened, she’d ruined it. She hadn’t expected to care that Albie didn’t want her, she had welcomed not having to share his bed, but conversely she found she craved his affection, if only to be held in his arms.
Constance sat like that for a further five minutes, wishing she’d been able to come up with an excuse for being out for five hours, but she’d never been any good at telling lies. With a sad shake of her head she got up and dashed around tackling the housework. The ironing could wait until tomorrow, and thankfully it was only fried left-overs for dinner. Soon, the beds were made, the front room dusted, and the kitchen clean.
When Dora arrived home, she kicked off her shoes and signed with relief, before saying, ‘Hello, love, have you had a good day?’
Unwilling to admit that she and Albie had rowed, she just said, ‘I expect you’d like a cup of tea.’
‘Can a duck swim?’ Dora quipped.
Constance was about to go into the kitchen when the front door opened and Albie stormed in.
‘Have you told her? Have you told my mother where you’ve been today?’ Albie yelled. When Constance remained silent, he continued, ‘No, I thought not. But she’ll hear it from me.’
‘All right, there’s no need to shout,’ Dora said placatingly. ‘Let’s sit down and tell me quietly what this is all about.’
Dora sat, but Albie didn’t. He paced the small room as he spat out where Constance had been.
Dora reared to her feet, her face pinched with anger. ‘I’ve taken you in, Connie, treated you kindly, and this is how you repay me. You’ve been going to see my bitch of a mother behind my back.’
‘Please, listen to me. I know what she did was wrong,’ Constance protested, finding her voice, ‘but your mother isn’t a bitch. She’s a kind old lady who is desperately sorry for what she did, and you should find it in your heart to forgive her.’
‘What gives you the right to tell me what to do? It wasn’t your life she ruined, it was mine – and as for forgiving her, forget it.’
‘I’ve forbidden Connie to go there again,’ Albie said, his voice quieter now.
‘I should think so too.’
‘You’ve got no right to forbid me to do anything.’
‘As long as you’re living under my roof he has,’ Dora spat. ‘You’re my son’s wife and you will do as he says.’
Constance hardly recognised the harridan who now stood glaring at her. She’d thought she had Dora on her side, but by going to see Ethel she’d ruined the fledgling relationship. She nodded as though in agreement, but in truth, nothing was going to stop her from going to see Ethel. She’d just have to be careful to make sure that, in future, Albie and his mother didn’t find out.
Chapter 23
Despite being determined to see Ethel, Constance couldn’t risk going to see her very often, and close to the end of March she was so dee
ply unhappy that she rarely spoke any more. She did the housework, cooked the meals – though never to Dora’s satisfaction – and there had been little softening in her mother-in-law’s attitude towards her.
She was now seven months pregnant, and had been told by the doctor that everything was coming along nicely. She didn’t want it to come along nicely. She wanted to rip this baby from her body. If she hadn’t been pregnant she wouldn’t have been forced to marry Albie, and every day she desperately sought a way out. She had even considered going to see her father and begging him to allow her to come home, but he’d made it clear that she wouldn’t be welcome there. And so she was trapped, and the only thing that kept her from sinking into despair was her determination to one day escape this drudgery.
Constance twirled a strand of hair as she looked out of the small living room window, hoping to see that the coast was clear. She had seen Penny go out earlier, and if her mother Ivy did the same, she could sneak out and go to see Ethel. She knew that Ivy watched her, ready to report to Dora if she left the house for any length of time. She had liked Ivy, was grateful that the woman had stood up for her, but now she felt like a prisoner, with Ivy her jailer.
She hadn’t seen anyone approaching, so jumped when there was a knock on the front door. Constance wondered who it could be as she went to open it, and was surprised to find a young woman with a pram, smiling at her. ‘Err … hello,’ she said tentatively.
‘Hi, my name is Jill – Jill Black – and I live at number nineteen. I’ve seen that you’re having a baby and I wondered if you could make use of these,’ she said, holding out a bag. ‘My baby is eight months old and he’s outgrown them.’
Constance peeped into the bag to see it full of baby clothes and said, ‘Oh, how kind. Please, do come in.’
‘Blinkin’ ’eck, you’re as posh as I’d heard,’ Jill said without malice as she lifted her baby from the pram.
‘I’m afraid it doesn’t seem to go down well round here.’
‘Yeah, I’ve heard some of the old crones giving you a rough time, and it’s another reason for popping along to see you. I thought you could do with seeing a friendly face in Kibble Street.’
‘I certainly could,’ Constance agreed.
‘I should have come to see you before this, but to be honest I feel a bit awkward. You see, a couple of years ago I went out with Albie – not for long though, just until he found another girl.’
‘There’s no need to feel awkward. From what I’ve heard, a lot of girls have been out with Albie.’
‘Yeah, that’s true,’ Jill said smiling wryly, ‘but to be honest, with me he was a proper gent. Unlike most boys he didn’t try anything. Anyway, enough about Albie. I thought you’d like to know that the old crones have found someone else to gossip about.’
‘I hope that means they’ll leave me alone.’
‘They’re sure to, ’cos they’ve just found out that Penny Nelson is up the duff.’
Constance’s legs nearly collapsed under her but somehow she pulled herself together enough to say, ‘Please, Jill, do take a seat.’
‘Thanks, I won’t say no.’
‘Can I get you anything? A cup of tea?’
‘No, I’m fine, thanks.’
‘Goodness, I hadn’t heard but I can’t believe Penny’s pregnant.’
‘It’s only just come to light.’
Constance voiced her fears. ‘Do … do they know who the father is?’
‘No, but there’s lots of speculation. She’s been seen with a Jamaican boy who lives a couple of streets down, and if that’s the case I reckon her mother will have a fit. Ivy is very prejudiced.’
Constance slumped with relief. It was only speculation, but at least Albie hadn’t been named. The baby began to cry and Jill stood up and began rocking him back and forth. Constance couldn’t help smiling when she saw the scene. With red cheeks, a mop of dark hair and chubby little legs, he was adorable. ‘Oh, he’s gorgeous,’ she gushed.
‘Meet Andrew, or Andy for short,’ Jill said, ‘though my hubby calls him the Michelin Man. Mind you, with those legs I ain’t surprised. Andy loves his food. He’s such a happy contented little chap, and I reckon when he starts walking he’ll lose all the fat off his chubby legs.’
‘When do you think he’ll start to walk?’
‘Not just yet, but he crawls everywhere and is into everything. When is your baby due?’
‘In two months, and thank you so much for the baby clothes.’
‘You’re welcome. I’ve sorted out all white and pale yellow things, but if you have a boy, I can give you some more bits and pieces.’
‘You’re very kind.’
‘Think nothing of it. We haven’t got much round here, but we look out for each other. Don’t judge us all by that nasty bunch who’ve made your life a misery. At least they’ll back off now.’
‘Oh, I hope so. I dread going out and running into them.’
‘Listen, instead of being cooped up all day, why don’t you put your coat on and come out for a walk. It’s lovely in the park this time of year with the spring flowers on display, and by the look of you, a bit of fresh air will do you good.’
‘Oh, I’d love to,’ Constance said, daring to hope that she had made a friend.
On that same Tuesday morning, Ethel was growing concerned. She hadn’t seen Constance for what seemed like ages, and hoped she was all right. The last time she’d seen her, Constance had told what had happened, that Dora and Albie were furious that she’d been to see her and forbade any further contact. It had surprised her when Constance said that, despite that, she would still visit. The girl was made of sterner stuff than she’d realised.
It was a lovely spring day, and with her legs so much better now, Ethel decided to go to the market for some shopping, and afterwards call in at the café for a cup of tea. She enjoyed watching Mary waiting on the tables and had seen her grow in confidence. She was another one who’d surprised her and wasn’t as daft as she’d thought.
‘Morning, love,’ one of the costermongers called. ‘How about some nice spring cabbage, fresh in today?’
‘No thanks,’ Ethel called, and then further along the market she stopped at a stall selling wool. She wanted to knit something for Constance’s baby, but as she was very out of practice, it would have to be something simple like a pram blanket.
She found a book of patterns, and seeing what she was looking at, the stall-holder said, ‘Don’t tell me Mary’s in the family way.’
Ethel smiled. In such a short time everyone seemed to know Mary. ‘No, of course she isn’t. I’m looking for something simple to knit for a friend.’
‘Well, then, when you’ve found a pattern let me know and I’ll show you some wool.’
Ethel nodded, and soon afterwards she left the stall with the pattern, wool and needles. She then headed for the café, pleased to see that the morning rush had died down and few customers were sitting at the tables.
Mary grinned when she saw her. ‘What have you been buying?’
Ethel told her, then ordered a cup of tea and a currant bun. She sat at a window table and soon Mary put the tea and bun in front of her, saying, ‘Percy is so funny. He said this morning that a crook who stole a calendar got twelve months. He’s always coming out with little jokes like that.’
Ethel chuckled and then said, ‘I wonder how old he is.’
‘Helen said he’s forty-two.’
‘Is he married?’
‘No, Helen said he lived with his mother until she died and then inherited her house. He now lives over the café and rents the house to a young married couple.’
‘Well, he’s no oil painting, but I’m surprised he isn’t married. With his own house and this café, I’d have thought a gold-digger would have snapped him up. Anyway, changing the subject, I’m worried about Constance. It’s been ages since she’s been to see us.’
‘If she still hasn’t turned up on Sunday, I could go to see if she’s all right. Hopefull
y Albie will be out, but even if he isn’t, he’s got no reason to be funny with me.’
‘Constance told both him and my daughter that you’re living with me, so I can’t see them letting you over the doorstep.’
‘Your daughter has never seen me,’ Mary said.
‘Yeah, that’s true, and if you go when Albie is likely to be having a pint before Sunday lunch, you’ll have a good chance of talking to Constance.’
‘Right, that’s settled then. If Constance doesn’t turn up by Sunday, I’ll be going to find out what’s happened to her.’
Ethel hoped Mary didn’t run up against Albie, but she was desperate for news of Constance and felt it worth the risk.
Constance, unaware of Ethel and Mary’s concern, returned from her walk with Jill feeling happier. The park had looked lovely with its beds of spring flowers, the bright yellow daffodils and red tulips lifting her spirits. She and Jill chatted as if they’d known each other for ages, and when they parted Jill invited her to her house the next day. Connie readily agreed, looking forward to a change of scenery, and wondering if in time she could confide in Jill about being forbidden to see Ethel.
If Jill agreed to the ruse, she could go to her house, making sure that Ivy saw her going in, then once inside she could sneak out the back door. She wouldn’t be able to stay at Ethel’s for long, maybe an hour, but then she’d return the way she left, with Ivy none the wiser. Of course she wouldn’t be able to ride her bike, but as her tummy was so large now, it was probably for the best. Albie had stopped giving her any money, but she still had a little left and would willingly use that for a taxi and chance to see Ethel.
Connie sighed. She’d had big ideas about showing Albie that she wasn’t going to be the obedient little wife, but instead she’d allowed both him and his mother to dominate her. If she had somewhere else to go, some means to support herself and her child, she’d leave, but with hardly a penny to her name and nowhere else to live, she was trapped.
She walked into the kitchen and began to prepare dinner, knowing that no matter what she cooked, it wouldn’t be good enough for her husband. Huh! Husband. Her marriage remained unconsummated, and though she had once craved affection, she now felt nothing but indifference towards Albie. One day, no matter what, she’d get away from both him and his mother, and she prayed that day wouldn’t be too long in coming.