Misha’s mind whirled. There was so much he wanted to say, yet of course he couldn’t utter a word of it. What was Dev like as a little boy? Do you have pictures? Videos? Did he always love peanut butter and banana sandwiches fried in a pan? Can I meet the rest of your family? Did he cry when he got that little scar on his elbow as a small boy? Did—
“Here you are, then.” Mrs. Avira pulled a silver chain from her purse. The tiny jade elephant hung from it. “It’s his good-luck charm. I know this isn’t a competition, but he lent it to me, and I think he should have it back.” She held it out.
Misha carefully took it from her. “I’ll give it to him right now.”
She smiled stiffly. “Well, thank you. I should go find my husband. Have a good show, Mr. Reznikov.”
“Please, call me—” He broke off. “Mikhail.”
“Then you should call me Jolly.” She nodded. “Thank you for delivering my little package. Now I will get going before this young man has palpitations. I’m such a dangerous person, you see? Can’t allow me backstage.”
“I don’t think you’re dangerous!” The guard’s face was beet red.
She tsked. “I’m just teasing. So sensitive!” With that she was gone, the jangle of her bracelets echoing as the door thudded shut.
The guard grimaced. “Thanks for your help, man.”
“Of course.” Misha hurried back with the charm in his hand. His heart raced, and when he spotted Dev with Bailey and some other skaters near the entrance to the rink, nausea flowed through him.
He came to a stop near them and opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He knew he must concentrate on his job, but his breath came shortly, like the wings of a bird were flapping against his ribs. He clutched the necklace, the elephant digging into his palm.
Eyes wide, Dev grabbed hold of Misha’s shoulders. “What happened? Are you okay? Are you dizzy?” He turned to Bailey. “Get the medic!”
“Nyet.” Misha waved her off. “I…we must speak.”
One of the PAs hovering nearby cleared her throat. “Twenty-one minutes to showtime. If you want to use the office there, it’s empty.”
Misha tried to smile his thanks to her as Dev led him inside. It was a small, barren room with a desk and a few chairs. The gray cement walls were undecorated but for a calendar featuring a picture of a tongue-wagging German shepherd.
“Sit down.” Dev guided him to a chair. “I knew you should have rested more.”
But Misha shook him off and remained standing. “It is not that.” He held out his hand. “Here. From your mother.”
Dev blinked. “My…what?” He took the silver chain and caressed the jade elephant. “You saw my mother?”
“She wanted to give it to you, but the guard would not allow it. I told her I would. She insisted you have it back for the show.”
“Oh. I…” Dev shook his head. “Thank you? But why are you so upset? Did she say something to you? Whatever it was, I’m sure she didn’t mean it. She says a lot of things! It’s just the way she is. Her heart’s in the right place, I swear.”
“It was nothing she said.” His throat was bone dry. “It was what I could not say. Vassenka, I cannot go on like this.”
Dev’s voice was barely a whisper. “What are you saying?”
“To live in fear is to not really live. My father agrees. We spoke earlier. He…” Misha took a deep breath and blew it out. “We agree that the time has come to be truthful. Things are changing in Russia. Perhaps if the people know who I really am, they will look at homosexuals with different eyes. Perhaps I can show my country that we are not the enemy.”
“So…what does that mean?”
“I thought I could do this. That I could keep living in secret. But it was different then. I was training in Moscow, and I had no lovers. It was easy to hide. But now there is you, and I don’t want to pretend. I want to tell everyone. I want to go to dinner together. Hold your hand on the street and no longer be afraid.”
“I do too. God, so much. But we both know the reasons we shouldn’t. I don’t want things between us to change. I don’t want to lose what we have.” He swallowed hard. “I’m afraid. Misha, I—”
A sharp knock on the door made them both jump. The PA’s voice rang out. “We need all cast members by the tunnel.”
They stared at each other in silence.
“Hello? Sorry, but they want you there now.”
Misha bit his tongue to avoid screaming a curse at the innocent girl. There was nothing left to do but perform their best.
In the main area, Kisa, Bailey, and the other skaters waited.
Kisa gazed at him anxiously and reached up to fiddle with his hair. “You are all right?” she asked quietly.
“Yes,” he lied, praying it would become true.
Beside him, Dev fumbled with the clasp on the chain, cursing under his breath as he dropped the charm on the concrete.
“Here, let me help you,” Bailey said.
“I’ve got it!” Dev snapped as he snatched up the necklace. He closed his eyes. “I’m sorry, B. It’s not you.”
Bailey nodded as she smoothed the skirt of her golden dress, the same that all the women wore for the first number. She glanced at Misha. “Okay. It’s cool. We’re all cool, right?”
Misha nodded.
“Yeah. It’s going to be a great show.” Dev tried to smile. He reached around his neck again.
Without thinking, Misha covered Dev’s hands with his own. “Let me.”
With a shiver, Dev dropped his hands to his sides. Fingers brushing against Dev’s neck, Misha did up the clasp and reached around front to tuck the elephant beneath Dev’s shirt. Dev gripped his hand almost painfully. Breath frozen, Misha leaned his forehead against Dev’s curls.
I can’t lose him.
“Okay, everyone! It’s almost show time!” Alice clapped. “Remember what I told you…”
As she rattled off her last-minute directions, Misha stood back, and Dev let go of his hand. There may not be medals on the line, but they had a job to do.
Chapter Seventeen
“Happy holidays, Boston! Are you ready for a night of world-class skating?”
As the arena announcer warmed up the crowd, Misha stretched his arms over his head and rolled his neck gingerly. The cast waited in the tunnel created by curtains that exited onto the ice in one of the corners of the rink. They were in line in their places, Kisa at his side and Dev and Bailey in front of them. A PA walked the line.
“We’ve got a full house tonight, and remember, we’re live.” She walked on, clipboard clutched to her chest.
Bailey snorted. “They do realize that every competition we’ve ever skated in was live, even if it wasn’t televised, right?”
A voice rang out. “Twenty seconds to air!”
“We got this,” Bailey declared.
“Sabrina, you’re going on three, two, one—go!” A crew member operated a pulley that dramatically swept open the curtains by the ice.
Little Sabrina skated out, and one by one they all followed, Misha and Kisa hand in hand as always. Misha smiled brightly and let his mind go into automatic mode, his body doing the choreography easily. The skaters all wove in and out around each other in an intricate pattern as Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You” filled the arena.
Song after song, the show flew by. Misha and Kisa’s solo earned a standing ovation from the audience. Despite himself, Misha was able to lose himself in the performance. He smiled and meant it, giving the people the show they deserved.
The arena buzzed, and when Misha, Kisa, Dev, and Bailey took the ice for their group number, the crowd roared. The girls wore white-and-red Santa dresses, with Misha and Dev in black pants and red silk shirts.
As “Up on the Rooftop” played, they performed trick after trick, alternating partners and also gliding down the rink in unison. The grand finale was a lifting sequence, and Misha’s back twinged as he pushed Bailey over his head and then turned around
to meet Kisa and do the lift again. The audience whistled and applauded, and the four of them took their bows.
Kisa and Bailey skated forward to curtsy while Misha and Dev bowed behind them. As he straightened up, Misha felt a tug on his hand. Heart thumping, he looked at Dev, joy filling him. Dev squeezed his fingers, a smile creasing his beautiful face. Just to hold Dev’s hand with everyone watching made a laugh bubble from Misha’s chest.
With a grin, Bailey took Dev’s other hand, and Kisa skated to Misha’s free side. In a line across the ice, they skated back to the tunnel, hands clasped.
Back beyond the curtains, Caroline squealed. “That was so cute! I love it.”
One of the producers appeared. “You were supposed to alternate at the end—boy, girl, boy, girl.”
“Oops!” Bailey shrugged. “Sorry! Guess we forgot.”
Misha and Dev still held hands and stared defiantly until the producer scuttled away, muttering into her headset.
Andrew rolled his eyes. “God, whatever. It’s not like you guys made out. What year is this, anyway?”
Surging forward, Bailey planted a kiss on Andrew. “You really are a cool guy, you know that?”
“I—I—” Andrew sputtered, his mouth agape.
Bailey slapped his shoulder and grabbed Dev. “Gotta change for our solo!”
With a squeeze of Misha’s hand and a hopeful smile, Dev followed. Andrew stood frozen. Then he lifted his hand to touch his lips.
“It’s a Christmas miracle.” Grant smirked good-naturedly.
“This American Christmas really is the most wonderful time,” Kisa noted. She hugged Misha around his waist and murmured, “That was a beautiful statement, was it not? A good sign. Perhaps there is no need for tears, Misha.”
Misha’s mind whirled. Was it? Had Dev decided to come out along with him? Was it possible? Or had it only been a fleeting moment? After all, holding hands during a bow was not exactly unheard of. The audience would surely think nothing of it. What did it mean?
“Costume change! Mikhail, you have nine minutes,” a PA reminded him.
Again he shut off his brain. The rest of the show was over before he knew it, and Misha found himself milling around in the arena’s backstage area. They’d all changed into jeans and sweaters and jackets, but Dev was running behind since he and Bailey had been called away to film a Merry Christmas message for the local station.
Everything will be okay. Be brave. Be brave. Be brave.
“Great show!” said one of the PAs walking by.
Misha nodded and smiled. He took a sip from a bottle of water, and just then, Bailey appeared. She ran past him, and he turned to see her throwing her arms about Mrs. Avira. Misha’s pulse rocketed, and his calm evaporated.
“Ma!” Bailey hugged Dev’s mother tightly.
Misha searched for Dev, swallowing hard when he was still nowhere to be found. Kisa appeared, giving him a pat and whispering for him not to worry. Caroline and Grant stood nearby with their parents and shared a meaningful glance.
Bailey took Mrs. Avira’s coat and folded it over a nearby chair before hugging Dev’s father. “So glad you guys are here.”
“You were marvelous! Simply marvelous,” Mrs. Avira exclaimed.
The stout man beside her nodded. He was balding and wore glasses and a neatly pressed suit.
“So beautiful out there.” She turned to Caroline, Grant, and their parents. “Didn’t she look a picture? I’m so proud. I’ll never have a daughter-in-law, but I have my Bailey, so I don’t need one.” She patted Bailey’s cheek.
“Ma, you guys remember Caroline and Grant? And their parents?”
Dr. Avira nodded. “How lovely to see you all again. Children, you were wonderful. We hope to see you win Nationals next month.”
Mrs. Avira’s gaze landed on Misha and Kisa hovering nearby, and her smile froze. At that moment, Dev appeared, and Misha was sure everyone would be able to hear his heart hammering. He clutched his water bottle, the condensation wet on his skin.
“Ma, Dad.” Dev hugged them both. “Thanks for coming.”
His mother tsked. “As if we would miss such an event, Devassy.”
Shoulders tense, Dev turned to Misha and Kisa. “I don’t think you guys have all met. Ma, Dad, this is—”
“Of course we know who they are!” Mrs. Avira laughed nervously. “Kisa and Mikhail. Mikhail and I spoke earlier.” She nodded politely, as did Dr. Avira.
“No,” Dev said. As all eyes swung to him. “I mean, yes, you did, but…” He stepped closer. “Ma, this is Misha.”
Frozen, Misha didn’t dare blink. Everyone stood motionless, as if in a tableaux. Dr. Avira tilted his head while his wife stared blankly.
Dev cleared his throat and barreled on. “This is the Misha I’m seeing in California. More than seeing, actually. We’re renting a house. We’re living together. I’m in love with him. Which I should have told you. And probably in private. Maybe we can go somewhere and talk.”
“In love?” Misha blurted.
All activity backstage had halted, and in the silence, Dev laughed uncertainly. “Yeah. I should have told you. Once again probably in private. Definitely in private. But yes, Misha. I’m in love with you.”
Misha could barely breathe. The water bottle creaked in his grip.
Dev’s gaze skittered away. “Um, I guess this is a shock, and there’s no pressure if you don’t feel the same. Anyway, I should probably—”
“Of course I feel the same.” Misha strode forward, the bottle tumbling to the floor as he threw his arms around Dev. The words flowed like warm honey over his tongue. “I have so much love for you, Vassenka. More than I ever dreamed possible.”
“Misha, I’ve been so wrong.” Dev clutched him.
Misha wasn’t sure how long they’d been holding each other when they stepped back and faced Dev’s parents. In the silence, Mrs. Avira swung her startled gaze to Dev and then back to him, and Misha could hear the blood rushing in his ears. He wondered if he should say something, but any more words were trapped in his throat.
“Ma, Dad, I know this is a shock, and I’m sorry.” Dev took Misha’s hand. “I should have told you months ago, and I guess I couldn’t wait a minute longer.”
Dr. Avira spoke quietly. “When did this come about, Devassy?”
“In Annecy. Well, first in Kyoto at the Grand Prix Final, but—”
A chorus of gasps rang out, and Misha realized their audience had grown, with other skaters, families, and production crew all gathered behind him, watching avidly. Mrs. Avira clutched her chest.
“Whoa,” Andrew whispered nearby. “Since then? That explains so much.”
Bailey addressed Dev’s parents. “Okay, so your minds are blown right now, and I totally get it. Been there, done that. But they are really good together. It’s totally crazy, but it works. You know I wouldn’t give my stamp of approval to just anyone. Misha earned it. That whole cold, imperious thing? He’s really not like that. And he makes Dev so happy.”
As the Aviras took this in silently, Misha thought his heart might explode.
After a deep breath, Dr. Avira held his head a little higher and extended his hand. “Well, then. Good to meet you, Mikhail.”
Misha took it gratefully, able to breathe again. “And you, sir. Call me Misha, please.” He turned to Dev’s mother. “Mrs. Avira, I am very glad to meet you.” He held out his hand.
For an endless moment, she stared at it. Then, with a heavy sigh, she batted it away and yanked him into a hug. “I said to call me Jolly.”
She was a short woman, and Misha stooped, his back aching, but he didn’t care. She smelled of jasmine and cloves, and he held her tightly. When she stepped back, she nodded decisively.
“You will come for Christmas tomorrow.” It wasn’t a question. She looked to Kisa. “When do you return to Russia?”
Kisa smiled tentatively. “Uh, the twenty-sixth.”
“Then you will come tomorrow as well.” She turned to her husban
d. “We must tell Sara not to bring the cardiologist. He’ll probably get called into work anyway. Who needs him?” To Dev, she added in a stage whisper, “He isn’t very handsome anyway. Not like your Misha.” She clucked her tongue. “Even with the bruise. You should protect that face.”
Dev kissed her cheek. “I love you, Ma.”
“Of course you do. What boy doesn’t love his mother? Now, you tell us all about what has been going on in California from the beginning, Devassy.” She glanced around at the assembled crowd. “All right, the performance has finished.” She shooed, bangles jangling. “Merry Christmas!”
As if a spell was broken, their audience dispersed, the crew going back to work and others saying farewell until only Kisa and Bailey remained with them. They talked quietly off to the side, heads close.
Dev’s mother patted her son’s cheek. “You are in love, eh? It is about time. I was just saying to Susan Auntie the other day, wasn’t I?” She looked at her husband, who nodded.
Misha spoke up. “I truly am in love also.” It was so wonderful to say out loud that he felt like laughing at the top of his lungs.
Mrs. Avira nodded vigorously. “Well of course you are in love! Who would not be in love with my son? You would have to be crazy.”
“Certifiable,” Dr. Avira said. “He is a fine boy.”
“He is,” Misha agreed.
“I did not know you were also a homosexual, though.” Mrs. Avira scrutinized him. “I wouldn’t have guessed. What do your parents say? Have they met Devassy? Tell us about them,” Mrs. Avira commanded.
“Not yet. My family will visit this spring.” Misha glanced at Dev. “Perhaps you could visit as well?”
Dev nodded. “That would be great. Dad, can you take some time off?”
“Of course he can! When did your father last take a vacation? So long ago I can barely remember. Let the other surgeons do some work for a change.”
And just like that, they made plans for the future, with talk of Disneyland and the Santa Monica pier, and Misha smiled so much his face hurt.
By the time he and Dev left for the hotel after seeing the Aviras off, Misha was pleasantly worn out, the adrenaline high after performing fading. Bailey and Kisa climbed into the transport van outside, but Misha enjoyed breathing in the frosty air. “Can we walk?” he asked Dev.
Cold War: Figure Skating Gay Romance Page 18