Although I'd never admit it, I was a little worried about my aspiring vampire; as soon as I woke up around seven o’clock, I got ready to meet her. Half-asleep the last hours of my sleep, I had figured out a solution that would allow her to change her life without having to make the definitive step as the transformation. It was so straightforward that I reproached myself for not having thought about it before, rebuke that would soon turn into remorse, seeing as how things have gone. She would quit her job; I'd buy an apartment for her and would provide a monthly amount to fulfil her needs. If she wanted to travel, I'd let her. She wouldn't be my property like my private whore. If she found the right person, she could go with him without any debt of gratitude towards me. Money had never been an issue even then as I just needed to look at someone in the right way to induce him or her to give me all his or her money with no recollection of the event.
I still felt weak, but a little less than the previous day; nevertheless, I hurried to go out and join her at the brothel. As soon as I entered, I noticed something strange. Madame Lescaut wasn't at her usual position in the hall, the room where clients chose the girls was empty, and I could hear a lot of commotion coming from upstairs with screams, shouts, and cries. I climbed the stairs with a certain amount of apprehension. Isabelle's room was at the end of the corridor and that's where the turmoil seemed to be coming from. Many girls in tears stood by her doorway and I couldn't see what was happening inside, but I knew something serious had happened and wished I could run away to avoid having to face reality. Not again, not so soon after the death of Monique. Not my fault…
I muscled my way through the group gathered around and went in. Madame Lescaut, a girl, and the two security guards were leaning over Isabelle, unconscious on her bed.
"What happened?" I asked, a question that I was repeating too often recently. The woman raised her eyes full of tears and gave me a withering look. "She must have poisoned herself, monsieur,” - this time it was she who made the title sound like an insult - “her breath is weak and we can't wake her. What did you do to her last night? What did you say to her to reduce her in this state? Jean Claude told me that you brought her back here unconscious. What did you do to her?"
"Get out of the way, let me see."
I shoved her, forcing her to move aside, but the two men came between me and Isabelle, creating a barrier of tight muscles and crossed arms.
"Get out of here, you monster. You had better leave, we're not afraid of you."
"The last one who called me monster had a bitter end, you know that, Pierre? I'm trying to save her, get the fuck out of the way! If she poisoned herself, I can try to suck the poison away; but, if too much time passes, I won't be able to do anything! If you've got problems with me, we can talk about that later. Now let me do what I have to do in order to save her!"
The two gorillas looked at each other for a moment, hesitating, then took a step in opposite directions opening a passage in which I was able to slip in. Isabelle was very pale, bathed in sweat, already very cold, but still breathing, although with difficulty. I took my jacket off and sat on the bed beside her; I leaned over her and gently bit her neck. I meant to drain some of her blood and then give her some of mine. I was sucking for a small number of seconds when I raised my eyes and noticed two little bottles on her night table. Feeling incredulous at first and dismayed soon after, I read the names of the substances which they contained: absinth and laudanum, the only tinctures poisonous to us vampires. Shibeen told me about them and made me taste a drop so that I could recognize their flavor, immediately stopping to drink if I tasted them in a victim's blood. Now that I was paying attention to it, I could discern a slight anise aftertaste with a tinge of bitterness in Isabelle's blood. Drops at the bottom of a glass could be enough to intoxicate us in a very serious way, in some cases even killing us. I detached myself away from her in an instant, in a manner so abrupt that all the people in the room recoiled in fear. It was then that I started to feel a strange tingling running through me and realized with increasing terror that my body was struggling to respond to impulses sent from the brain, as if all the connections were severing. I tried to get up, but I collapsed on the ground with numbed legs like they were dead. The girls around me screamed and so did Madame Lescaut, stunned.
"Absinth... poison... put me in the dark, please. Put me in the dark..." I gasped.
Lying there, conscious but completely paralyzed except for my eyes, I witnessed the violent discussion about my fate. The two men wanted to throw me out on the street, but not before stabbing me with a silver dagger in my heart, just to play it safe. Some girls, those who had always been afraid of me and considered me some sort of demon, agreed with the two men’s solution.
Others, however, remembered how I had always been kind to them and how much Monique and Isabelle had always been fond of me. Madame Lescaut, who ultimately held my fate in her hands, hadn't spoken her mind yet. She was still taking care of Isabelle whose condition, despite my attempt to revive her, was rapidly getting worse.
I had the feeling of swelling inside. I felt like my eyes nearly popped out of my head, my tongue so engorged that it overcrowded my mouth, and every inch of my skin as if it was rising. Above all, I was furious at myself for not having noticed that unique taste in time. Yet, all I could do was lie down at the foot of the bed, my body shaken by strange spasms, waiting for them to decide my fate.
"She... she's dead..." the maîtres said, her voice breaking with tears. I felt myself drowning even further into dejection and willingly accepted the deluge of kicks I received from Pierre, the bouncer. He was right; it was all my fault. I underestimated Isabelle's unhappiness and sentenced her to death with my inability to interpret her feelings. If I had taken her back to my home the night before, I could have calmed her down as she regained consciousness. Waking up in her squalid room in the House, she must have thought that I had abandoned her like a heavy burden; and thus she was left in despair. So, go on, Pierre, keep on hitting me. Bravo, that pop was the sound of my nose breaking into pieces. That other crunch was my ribs cracking ... Go on, I deserve everything!
"Stop it now! Pierre, Jean Claude, pick him up and take him to the cellar. We’ll deal with him later. Now we have to dedicate ourselves to our Isabelle.... My poor little one...”
They lifted me by my arms and legs and I was carried down by the main staircase through the hall and beyond a door to the kitchen; there another door lead to the stairs that went down to the cellar.
"Go down by yourself, you bastard," snarled one of the men, after which I was thrown down to the bottom of the steps, breaking some more ribs which would heal soon enough; but, I would still have to endure the agonizing pain as I restored.
The door above me was shut closed and I found myself alone in the dark, lying in an awkward and unnatural position with an arm constrained under my body and my nose pressed against the ground, unable to do anything to move. I had no idea how long that horrible condition could have lasted; it was very grave not only for humans but above all for a vampire.
I just had to hope they decided to behave like human beings with me who was not.
Some hours passed before the door reopened and I heard steps coming down towards me; I heard the voice of the maîtres and the two men. They turned me on my back and Madame Lescaut's plump and heavily painted face came into my view.
"How can we tell if this asshole is dead or not?" one of the two guys asked.
"Can you hear me, monsieur? Close your eyelids once, if you can hear me. Can you do that?"
I could try. I didn’t know if I had succeeded until I saw her nod.
"Very good. I need to know if you caused Isabelle's suicide."
I lingered for a long time so that the woman thought I didn't hear and was forced to repeat the question. Another kick in my ribs made me answer more promptly. I blinked once and then another.
"You mean yes and no?"
Another blink.
"I appreciate your sincerity,
monsieur. Now I want to know if your present condition is reversible."
I really hoped so. A blink.
"Will it last long?"
How the hell would I know? No blink.
"You don’t know?"
Two blinks.
"It must be embarrassing and frustrating for you, isn't it? A creature used to having the power to dispose at will the lives and deaths of others is now totally at the mercy of some human being..."
What could I say? A blink.
Did you abuse Isabelle last night? Did you drive her away causing her malaise?"
Two blinks. Perhaps I did something worse, but it was to save her human life. Another kick, this one in my face. My nose shattered again, more pain.
"Liar! I don't believe you! She cried all day in her room, you must have done something to her!" Pierre shouted. I realized then that the man loved her and hated me with all his heart for the feelings the girl had towards me. He would had done anything to destroy me, now it was clear, no matter what the woman decided. I was really in trouble.
Two blinks. Pause. Another one.
Madame Lescaut was confused.
"We can't go on this way. I'll keep you here, monsieur, until you recover and are able to explain what happened. I don't know if there's something to accelerate your healing and I don't care. I hope indeed that you're suffering at least a bit. Are you?"
Pause. Kick. A blink.
"Fine. I'll come back tomorrow. Don't try to escape, the door is much sturdier than it looks and the consequences would be worse for you. Have I made myself clear?”
Another blink.
The trio proceeded to climb the stairs, but the good Pierre couldn't resist the temptation to give me another kick in the face, breaking my nose for the third time.
At some time during that difficult night, I felt my body was starting to escape numbness. I could weakly flex my fingertips and turn my head, but a long time had to pass before I would be able to stand and move with my usual deftness. However, I was coming out of it, which was something. With a little luck, the following night I would be able to explain to my captors what had happened to the girl. I fell asleep and dreamt about snakes with their coils blocking me down and preventing me from moving, or even from screaming.
Afternoon. A terrible light assailed me and tore me from my sleep. I was in the phase of sleep when it was possible. I tried to crawl away, but there was nothing I could do, not even scream. Every sound was imprisoned at the back of my throat. The natural light coming from the top of the stair faded a little as the door was ajar, but I could see one of the men standing with his hand on the bolt and knew what the next game was going to be and who would have lead it.
"Do you feel better, monsieur? Can you talk now?"
Two blinks. A hail of light, a pathetic squeak trying to come out of my mouth. Two blinks, two blinks, two blinks... dim light.
"You're not lying to me, are you, monsieur? Because we could also forget the door open..."
Two blinks, oh God, two blinks.
You bastards, you will pay for this, I will tear this damn place down and I will kill you, I promise. And, dear Pierre, I'll get even for every single kick with interest. If you were smart, you would kill me now, for...
Kick, my jaw dislocated, now that’s a novelty, as if I had spoken my thoughts out loud. Something metallic was placed around my neck and I could hear the click of a lock and the rattling of a chain on the floor. I got my wrists locked into something too, but this was burning as hell. Silver! If they had left it on me until morning, the metal would penetrate deeply in my flesh, risking to separate my hands from the rest of my arms.
"God, that sucks, smoke is coming out of him! Do you like your new bracelets, freak?"
"I'm sorry, monsieur, but I read that silver weakens you and we don't need a sprightly vampire when you recover. I promise you we'll set you free as soon as this unfortunate misunderstanding is cleared up. Do they hurt you?"
My trembling hands and the sores increasingly widening on my wrists bore witness to the contrary, but I closed my eyelids twice and stared at the woman with a murderous look.
"Very well, then. See you tonight, Mr. Van Hoeck. By then, I hope to find you fit and willing to talk. Pierre, let's go."
My friend pressed his hand on my shackles making them penetrate deeper into my skin with a grilled meat-like sizzle while his smile widened like that of an alligator. At that moment, I realized that I wouldn’t have come alive out of that cellar, by hook or by crook, not without somebody's help. Something had gone wrong, the situation was worsening and what should have been a plain ascertainment of the truth had turned into some kind of abduction for vengeance. They had already given their verdict. They wanted a guilty party for the death of Isabelle and they had one ready-made right there, a kind of animal for which no human jury would have ever condemned someone to pay.
Evening.
I could feel it from the quality of the dark, pure and perfect. I could move. I could scream, but I held my tongue, even though the burning pain in my wrists was driving me crazy. I raised my hands in front of my face and glimpsed the whiteness of the bones in the depths of the wounds. I waited. And waited. And waited. Nobody came, not that night. I laid awake listening to the little noises around me, tormented by agony and thirst, without being able to stand up to stretch my legs because the chain restraining me to the wall by my neck was too short and left me little freedom of movement. I tried to tear it off from the wall, but I was still too weak and uncoordinated. Every time I got up on my knees, I fell back to the ground like a rag doll. I finally resigned myself and laid back down, crouching with my legs to my chest with my arms embracing them tightly in an attempt to suffocate the pain and the desire to scream in rage.
Afternoon.
That was the game. The light caught me in full, burning like the silver that was tearing my wrists to pieces. Footsteps. Voices. I crawled into the darkness. Now I could.
"Oh good morning, monsieur, I see you're better even though I realize this is not the best time of day to have our tête a tête. How are your wrists?"
Holed up in the dark, dazed and exhausted and exasperated and, and, and (I could go on endlessly to describe my tragic situation)… I didn't want to answer because I couldn’t anticipate what the tone of my voice would have been, but a new terrible assault of blinding light forced me to do so even though I wasn't sure about what would come out of my mouth.
"I'll kill you all, after what you've done to me, I swear."
The light again, made more vivid by the torches the men were holding. There was no dark corner to escape to, the room was flooded with light and it was burning. I writhed on the floor like a worm in agony. I know I screamed. I know I crouched down with my face buried to the ground and my hands over my head to protect my eyes, wondering when the time would come when I'd dissolve in a blaze, fearing it and yearning for it at the same time.
"Enough, Pierre, I forbid you to burn him again. We're not here to torture anyone, we just want to find out the truth about Isabelle's death. Please forgive him, Mr. Van Hoeck, our Pierre was very fond of Isabelle and blames you for her death. Now you have the chance to change his mind, I recommend that you take advantage of this opportunity. Can you please tell us what happened the night before the tragedy, monsieur? We're as eager as you to put an end to this unfortunate misunderstanding."
From the darkest spot I could find, I resigned myself to tell them about Isabelle's request, my attempts to discourage her, even about my extreme tactics to change her mind, and about the stroke that caught her soon after that. Finally, I was silent and closed my eyes, resting against the wall, indifferent to what would have happened to me. I was too exhausted to care.
More fire on my skin and an irate Pierre shouting his disbelief; the woman, however, silenced him and ordered him to step back. I had slipped with my back on the floor, my eyes lost among the cobwebs on the ceiling. Looking back now, I realize that the only other occasion when I found m
yself in a situation of such extreme helplessness happened at the hands of the most powerful Clan of the werewolves in Western Europe led by the terrible Greylord. It was ridiculous that his predecessors had been a fat woman and two individuals who had just become men, albeit aided by the green fairy of absinthe.
"Is this the truth, monsieur? If so, why did you confess to feel partly responsible about her death a few days ago?"
"I should have... taken her... at home... with me... to explain to her... I want... thirst... I'm burning... steun mij..."
"What the fuck is he saying?"
"I guess he's speaking in his own language. As far as I am concerned, I believe him. I'd like to let him go, but I'm afraid he's going to come back to avenge himself. Mr. Van Hoeck, can you hear me?"
I nodded slightly.
"I believe you and thank you for having tried to convince Isabelle not to follow your path. I'd like to set you free, but I don't trust you. I know you’ll want revenge for what we've done to you and that brings us to a standstill. What should I do? Despite of my profession, I try to be a good Christian. I don't want any life on my conscience, not even the one of somebody like you. Tell me what I should do."
"I'll tell you, Madame, let's burn him and throw him in the river."
"Shut up, I want to hear it from him. Monsieur, a little effort, it will be over soon anyway. Will you come back for revenge?"
"You can't trust his word, Madame. The hell with it, I'll do it."
"Nooooooo!" I shouted, before flames got to me. I cannot remember anything after that, at least, for a while.
Sometimes fate can be really merciful.
13 - MY NAME IS NOBODY
I fluctuated in the dark, in the cold, in the water.
Water, so dark and muddy, protected me against the light, allowing my battered body to find itself again and start to heal. I didn't know who I was anymore, what I was, why I was in that place so extraneous to my nature. I just knew I was thirsty and water wouldn't have been able to quench my thirst. I felt life forms that I had never considered moving around me in the dark, an absolute darkness even for my eyes used to it. Life meant blood, blood meant relief. I grabbed strange creatures darting around me and fed from them, then sank again into water and in myself, lost and not yet found. I was a nucleus of woe and thirst at the center of that liquid universe that was not mine. There were moments of vague luminescence, others of total darkness, alternating in a sequence that I still couldn't get the logic or the trend. Time didn't exist anymore, it was a concept I had no memory of. It didn't matter. My body just craved blood, darkness, silence, and the end of pain, but for that I'd have to wait for a while.
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