It was October 15.
It'd take another month to find you. Seamus and Cinàed had come back and lent themselves to my incessant pursuit of you without protest. Maybe my fervor had persuaded them too, or maybe they just loved me, I don't know, I must remember to ask them someday. In any case, with them also by my side, I felt more determined than ever.
I had the last flash, the one that lead us to the right path, three days before we found you.
The new vision of the city, this time, was accompanied by the euphoria of blood. We were skirting the Seine and it was pouring. It was also very cold. My heart was weeping knowing that you were out there alone, hurt and lost. I was certain it was all true. When the vision occurred, I screamed and almost fell off my horse, but I concentrated as I had never done before, trying to stick every detail in my memory, to rebuild it from life. The city walls... I could see them too in the distance, through the rain, but it wasn't the right perspective: the palaces and the monuments weren't what you were seeing!
"We have to move, he must be on the north border or the south, the Seine isn't in his sight."
"North or south, great, can't you be more precise? What monuments did you see?" Seamus asked.
"I don't know! I can't see anything with all this rain!"
"I propose that we divide and we each patrol a different zone. We will meet here in two hours and, if someone sees something, give a whistle. After, we go back home. We'll resume tomorrow; I'm turning into a sponge!"
I had to agree, even though I wanted to go on until dawn. It was better not to abuse too much the patience of my brothers if I didn't want to be left alone again.
That night ended up with nothing accomplished. We had skirted the whole town but there was no trace of you. Thinking back, it was a good thing because it allowed us to organize ourselves more properly and to come back with the carriage and the coffin. Given your condition, it would have been unwise to carry you on a horse and enter the town.
From the day after, we used the same strategy we used that night, dividing methodically the territory around the city. Aoidh drove the carriage and was bored to death.
Suddenly, I got a mental message from Faithleann telling us to gather at the city’s northern gate. Not being far away, I spurred on the horse at its maximum speed, trembling with emotion.
I found him hunched over a body turned face down on the ground. If I were human, I'd have undoubtedly fainted. For a moment, I feared that it might have been you. My illusion faded when my brother turned the corpse, discovering an anonymous face with eyes wide open.
"He's still warm” Faith said "And has teeth marks on his neck. He must be here somewhere. Come on, let's find him. This must end."
"What if another vampire did it?" Seamus the killjoy asked.
"Then we also find him and ask him what he is doing outside the walls. I'm fed up."
A noise behind us, like the snap of a twig breaking, caused us to turn abruptly.
A ghostly figure stood on the edge of the vegetation, staring at us. How can I explain the emotion that came over me when, approaching him carefully so as not to frighten him, I recognized you? I just wanted to hold you and never let you go; but, the closer I came towards you, I noticed the way you looked, your suspicious and simultaneous concerned expression, imposing me to keep my composure. One false step and you'd have run: how could I bear it? I started to talk to you the way you do to a frightened kitten, commanding my brothers to stand absolutely still. You allowed me to come closer; you seemed mesmerized by my sight and my voice, although you did not answer me and gave no sign of recognizing me.
I feared the worst, I must confess. For the first time, the word "revenant" appeared in my mind. It wasn't your appearance, even if I wanted to scream in despair. The most frightening thing was your complete absence and immobility. For a moment, I thought that I was facing a ghost, even though, in 700 years, I have never seen one. I had to touch you, it was essential for my sanity.
I sensed your shame, my love. The language of your crouched body was enough to tell me you couldn't stand to be looked at. We nearly lost you when you sought to bury yourself underground to escape my scrutiny. If Seamus and Aichlinn hadn't stopped you, we'd have lost you again. From how you were shaking and flinching when we laid our hands on you, I understood how far away you were with your mind from that person who you once were. My Raistan never shivered nor did he stand hunched over, his head down, in front of anybody. He was the one who told the Lord of the Diurnals to fuck off after he fought a lycan tall as a mountain. The rage I felt in seeing you reduced in that state, to see your beauty so violated and broken, made me cry. And when tears started to stream down my face and you reached out to touch them like you'd never seen them before, I knew that I had to start all over again, but nothing could have stopped me until I got you back to who you were before. I solemnly vowed this to myself right then.
My determination wavered when it came to take you away, carrying you on the carriage. I was hit by such a violent and uncontrollable wave of fear that, at first, I didn’t understand why I had to feel like this and to have, as my sole desire, to escape. Then I understood. I was again feeling what you were feeling. And it was intolerable: soon, the both of us would have run screaming in opposite directions. With a tremendous mental effort, I succeeded in keeping you out of my perceptibility, the only way to complete my mission. Hearing you scream like that, being forced to drag you to the carriage, detaching your hands by force from all the handholds you were able to find - in one case I heard the snap of your fingers clearly being broken - wore me out. I know that it was also very hard for my brothers, especially for Aoidh whom you are quite fond of. I even considered leaving you if taking you away was resulting in the loss of that spark of consciousness that still animated you. Once again, I thank God for their presence and Seamus’ and Cinàed’s determination who never wavered in their dedication. At that moment, I reasoned less like a vampire, all my coldness evaporating like snow in the sun. I was a mother who saw her son suffer and who wanted to die rather than inflict that kind of torment towards him.
We traveled in silence, with no sign of that euphoria I had imagined to feel when I'd found you. Your screams, stifled by the lid of the coffin but still audible, didn't even allow us to think. And when they grew dim, turning into an inarticulate moan of a trapped animal, it got even worse. Vampires don't shiver. As far as I know, given my millenary experience, they don't even get goose bumps. But, when I looked at the skin of my arms, I saw it wrinkled, with my peach fuzz standing like the spines of a hedgehog. I had the feeling that something, like a burst of electric current, was flowing beneath my skin. I turned to look at Seamus driving the carriage: he was keeping a straight face, but I could see a muscle twitching in his jaw and realized that he was very shaken too by what he was hearing. In short, we all were and each of us was showing it according to his/her disposition.
"It's going to be all right. He'll be back. He's a tough one. Stupid, but tough. Soon you'll be able to have a roll in the hay again like you used to!"
"Raistan isn't stupid!"
"Then he's much more human than vampire and that makes him more of a moron. He constantly gets in trouble because there's mom Shibeen out there always ready to save him. How old is he? Ten? Eleven? At this rate, he won't even be able to come of age!"
"He doesn’t plan to get into trouble, it’s just that things happen to him because he's incapable of not getting involved in situations that he shouldn’t be involved in. Stop criticizing him, it gets on my nerves, you know."
"I’m sticking to my opinion and would like to remind you that I don't want you to be alone with him, not even for a second until he comes to his senses. He's dangerous, did you see the way he bit me? I hope he didn't pass on some disease to me!
"Come on, Seamus! You're a vampire, you're dead, the dead don't fall ill! And you are claiming that he’s the stupid one?!"
"Careful, little sister..."
"No, you, be care
ful. And try to be kind to him in the coming days, or you're going to have to take it up with me."
"Of couuuurse, don't worry! I'll take him out to do his business on the street like a nice little puppy!"
They burst out laughing and I realized that the anger that Seamus elicited from me had the valuable effect of giving me a shake and giving me back my determination. That's what brothers are for, even if they're fools like my Seamus.
"Why doesn't he understand me, Seam? Why isn't he speaking?"
"You can't know what he understands and what he can or cannot do. At home, we'll have the chance to examine him better. Sorry if I made you angry. It was the only way to shake it off you; you were scaring me more than him."
"I know, asshole. Thanks."
"Anytime, Shee."
"Do you really think he's stupid?"
"I think he's someone who attracts danger like bees to honey because he can't keep his big mouth shut. But... no. I don't think he's stupid. I wouldn't have taken on all this mess for him if I thought he's stupid. I hate stupid people.”
I gave him a kiss. When we got home and unloaded the coffin, I was in a completely different frame of mind.
I called Vincent several hours later when, after an assault to the door with howling-like cries and scuttles under the bed, I wasn’t able to establish any sort of contact with you. The few words I was able to distinguish from among all those shrieks sounded Dutch, but I couldn't be sure. He knows all the European languages, even yours. The only language in which you could tell him to fuck off hoping that he wouldn’t kill you is perhaps Maori. He was the only one who could do something. I counted on his power of enchantment that no one could resist, neither human nor vampire. I just hoped that he was in town and would accept to intervene, given how things went the only time you two met, fucking madman that you are.
It wasn't easy, I confess. Vincent is a vampire too old to be tolerant of those who lack respect, although in your case you had every reason. The strict military discipline didn't contribute to soften his character. I was lucky enough to find him in the mansion that I knew and to be received immediately. I burst in his room and threw myself at his feet, surprising him with my impetuousness.
"Shibeen, my dear, what's wrong? Why all this haste? Did something happen to your brothers?" he asked helping me to get up, or at least trying to. It was better to remain prostrate for what I was going to ask.
"No, father, they're fine. It's Raistan. I need your help, I beg you."
"Who?"
"Raistan Van Hoeck, my protégé, my son. You met here some years ago, remember?"
I heard him inhaling with anger from his nose. I looked at him. His lips were a narrow slit and his green eyes were ablaze. Not a good start...
"I don't even want to hear about it. That insolent little bastard, I hope he's dead!"
He pulled away and shot to the opposite side of the room, a huge circular chamber - we were in the tower of his palace - where the only pieces of furniture were his coffin, an elegant wooden desk with carved legs and a gigantic inlaid armchair in front of the monumental fireplace, where huge logs were burning animatedly. The walls were lined with dark wood paneling making the ambience rather dark if not for the chandelier hanging from the ceiling which lit the room with its candles.
Inside of me, panic was threatening to take over. Vincent was my only hope to bring you back. I couldn't give up. I stood up from the ground and joined him, bowing down again at his feet even though what I really wanted to do was scream and remind him his responsibilities in the failure of that meeting.
"Please athair,[1] please, at least listen to what I have to say. He means everything to me, I beg you..."
He had turned his back on me, as stiff as a pole in front of the window.
Eventually he sighed and gave me permission to speak.
I explained everything to him, telling him about your exposure to the sun and our recovery of you that night. I was crying the whole time at the memory of the terrible times we had passed. At the end, I renewed my plea and was silent, awaiting his decision. He stood motionless in front of the window without ever moving a single muscle. You could have mistaken him for a black mantled statue.
"What am I supposed to do exactly? His mind is lost, he probably had turned into a..."
"No!" I shouted, interrupting him and immediately repenting it given his glare. "Forgive me, father, but I can't even think. If only I could talk to him... the few words I have heard him say were in his scraping native language... you know it, you could... I have never asked you anything, you know that. Now I'm begging you to save the person I love the most in the world, apart from you and my brothers, or at least to try to. Do it for me, not for him. I know he offended you but let's face it..."
Ok, it just slipped out of my mouth. Vincent could have killed me.
His eyes narrowed to two burning slits. "Say what? Come on, talk, and tell me what you are thinking. Don't you always do it?"
"You tried to have him torn to pieces by a werewolf, come on! What would have you said if someone pulled a trick like that on you?"
"I did not try to have him torn to pieces, I just wanted to test those amazing skills that you had talked so much about. The dog wasn't even poisonous; he just bit him a little..."
"A little? He was sick for weeks after thanks to that bite! Father please, I need to know. Will you try to save him? I must warn you of one thing, though: our future relationship will depend on your answer. I'll accept your decision even if it’s a negative one, but it would mean that you will never see me ever again, I swear.”
I saw various emotions flashing on his usually impassive face: anger, humiliation, and something resembling pain.
"This is blackmail, my child," he said.
"I'm desperate, father. I don't know what other weapons to use. I'm sorry, forgive me..."
I started to cry again and buried my face in my hands. I could sense his extreme embarrassment for all those human feelings I was revealing with no reservations, but I wasn't able to stop. I was exhausted both physically and mentally, an odd thing for our race, as you know.
"Alright, alright, stop it! You are staining my carpet! I guess I have to go with you... the fellow wouldn't be too happy with another journey, would he?"
"If you don't mind..." I wanted to hug him for joy, but Vincent is not fond of any displays of affection so I restrained myself, just taking his hand and kissing it.
"Of course, I do mind. I will have to take with me my whole court of miracles, as I can never go out alone for security reasons. But, you don't care about that, do you?"
I raised my eyes to him and, incredibly, he winked at me with a smirk on his face. I smiled back at him, eager to leave.
"Let's go before I change my mind..."
He left the room with his cloak billowing behind him. Three huge vampires soon joined him and he seemed very small among them, even if his powerful aura surrounded him like a wonderful invisible armor. His three blond guards also strutted with lightning pace while I tried to keep up with them, but I couldn't and was left behind. It was not rudeness from his part, as you have said somewhere as well. It was just a habit, very unconscious, like breathing for humans. After an endless series of doors, we found ourselves in the garage containing four carriages, all black and huge. Three of them were quickly prepared for the travel.
"Why three? How many are we?"
"Just you and me plus my loyal Eric, Lothar and Sven, who are present here. Two of the carriages go out empty, taking different directions: security procedures, nuisances to which I have to conform despite myself. Please, my dear, your horse will follow us suit.”
He held out his hand to help me get in, then he sat down in front of me while his three huge bodyguards took place up in the driver’s box as other vampires, almost identical, replicated the image by arranging themselves in the same manner on the other carriages. Being able to identify the right one the first time for any eventual attackers would have been impos
sible unless you have received the precise information in advance or just have plain dumb luck.
We didn't talk much during the travel.
Neither one of us seemed to be in the right mood to do it. I was in pieces while Vincent seemed more thoughtful than usual.
"You really wouldn't have wanted to see your father again if I didn't come to help you?"
"That's what parents have to do: support their offspring in times of trouble, the way I'm trying to help Raistan through any means. If you had refused, what would you have done further to have made you my father apart from having shared your blood with mine a long time ago?"
He was silent and I did the same until the arrival. Everybody was in turmoil in the house, my brothers as well as the servants. They hadn't seen Vincent a lot longer than I and they knew the Master rarely paid a visit to someone’s home. He was giving us an honor and we were very aware of it.
Personally, I wouldn't trade a single moment of my life with his. Two thousand years of immense power yet he had no ounce of freedom. He'll never be allowed to go out alone, even to walk the streets of the city just for the sake of walking the way we do. In this, the Lycans had already been successful: it is as if he's already their captive, though just not physically. I'm glad you left behind that madness of wars and battles for power. You gained back your freedom even if the Clan lost its best General ever.
When we arrived in front of your room, Vincent ordered his three guards to wait outside and not to intervene unless he himself called for them. They answered with a nod and lined up in front of the door like gigantic gargoyles. We went in and closed the door behind us.
"Where is he?" he asked, looking around.
"He must be under the bed. He's terrorized and doesn't want to come out."
"Ok, I got it, let's see..."
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