Too depressed to be able to concentrate well, I decided to go hunting and to push to the suburbs where the Andrews live, to check that everything was all right. I kept getting the feeling that the letter in which I informed them of my salvation could be dangerous in some way, both for them and for me. I didn't want to show up, but things went differently and I was happy about it. Finally, there was someone happy to see me. Not far from the underground station, I killed a vagrant to quench my thirst, then I took the train that would take me to them. It was quite late, I realized, but I only had to take a quick look. I didn't want to disturb them.
When I arrived at the gate of their lovely garden, I bumped into Jim, looking for his cat in the midst of Alice's famous hydrangeas, a sign that there was no urgent or dramatic matters to shake them. I could have kept going, but I felt the need of a friendly voice, though I didn't know how they would react seeing me reappear in their lives. So, I showed up in a somewhat theatrical way, it seems that I just can’t help it. I have quite a talent for communicating with animals. They usually obey my commands. I just had to concentrate on the image of the cat transmitted from Jim and here it comes out, peeping from the small woodshed and pouncing in my arms, purring and rubbing against me. Jim was staring at me with a puzzled expression, but I could read in his mind that he didn’t recognize me yet. Dark eyes and a short cut didn’t help either.
"It's amazing! Lotus is the grumpiest feline of England, if not the world... You must be a magician!"
I handed the cat to him over the low fence and smiled at him, waiting. Humans are slow on the uptake, one must have patience.
"Thank you. Uhm... are you looking for someone?"
"I've already found him, Jim. Nice to see you in good shape. What about Alice and your wonderful little girl?"
"Who... How do you... "
His eyes widened in surprise and he had to cling to the fence to avoid ending up on the ground.
"Raistan?" he chirped. "Raistan, the vampire? Oh my God..."
His reaction could indicate either terror or surprise. For the moment, there was no pleasure, I was sure of this. "Just me. I just wanted to be sure that everything's fine with you. Have you received some strange phone calls in this last period?"
"No, we haven’t. Why? Is there any problem? You were the one on TV, weren’t you? Alice was shocked when she saw you. Do you want to come in? Ellie is sleeping but Alice is still in front of the TV trying to figure out what happened last night."
I walked through the gate and walked with him towards the house. Jim stretched out a hesitant hand and gave me a quick pat on the shoulder, wondering if it was offensive to people like me. It's not. We’re just not used to being touched. I still appreciated his gesture of affection anyway.
"Wait, we'll make it a surprise for her," he said, making me smile. The naiveté and the goodness of these people are amazing. Even a beast like me can't help being touched by it. He opened the French doors and I heard Alice's voice asking, sounding a bit sleepy: "Did you find him?"
"He's here. And I found something else too!"
"What?" she asked. At that point, I came in right behind Jim who was enjoying it a lot; I saw my savior and I smiled at her, waving my hands.
"I noticed that your hydrangeas are in good shape, Alice..."
Her eyes widened to fill most of her face but, unlike her husband, she didn't care about any vampire’s customs and overwhelmed me in a very tight hug, which seemed she didn’t want to pull away from. I felt a pang of jealousy from Jim and, even though it wasn't that kind of embrace, I managed to detach her from my waist.
"I'm happy to see you too, Alice, thank you," I said, laughing. She took me by the hand and dragged me towards the sofa without taking her eyes off me. Then, she put her hands on my shoulders in a gesture that was familiar to me and persuaded me to sit down. That's when I noticed the obvious swelling of her belly. Incredibly, I've never found myself in the presence of a pregnant woman in three hundred years and this arose a series of different emotions in me, even a desire for protection. Silly, sentimental vampire.
"Alice, are you..."
She smiled and she caressed her belly.
"Fifth month."
"Congratulations, I'm happy for you."
At that moment, I sensed her desire to call the unborn baby Raistan if it was a boy, but she didn't have the courage to reveal this to her husband. It was obvious that my previous intrusion in their lives had brought a trail of problems that I didn't consider. Alice was infatuated with me, but she didn't admit it even to herself. Now that she was beginning to overcome it, I showed up to throw her off balance again. Good timing, very good...
"Can you explain what happened in Paris, please? Can't you just lead a peaceful life?"
"To tell you the truth, I was being successful at it. I even had a girlfriend then, suddenly, I found myself sucked into a vortex of madness from which I'm still trying to get out, but it won't be easy."
"Wolves again?"
"No, humans, this time. It's the only thing I know about them."
"That's why you came back to England?"
"Yes, that’s right. I have to make some inquiries and wanted to make sure that everything's fine here."
"Why? Is there any connection with us? Who knows about us?"
"I don't know Alice, but experience has taught me not to discard any possibilities. Those people are well informed. If, I say if, you were to receive any suspicious phone calls or see some stranger around here, I'd like you to inform me. Here's my e-mail, it’s the safest and quickest way to contact me; I check it every night. Ok?"
They both nodded, serious and courteous as always. I could feel their concern, especially from Jim while she was happy for she had the opportunity to contact me any time. I noticed she was wearing my Diurnal armband, the one I dropped in their garden as a token of my gratitude: I was very pleased and told her so.
"Oh, she has never taken it off ever since..." he commented with a hint of bitterness in his voice. It sounded a bit like a scolding so Alice threw him a corrosive glance. The embarrassment of the moment was interrupted by a little voice coming from the top of the stairs.
"Mom, who are you talking to?"
"Ellie, come and see who has come to visit us!" Alice said, heading for her. I know it will sound ridiculous, but I was nervous. I would have been sorry if my little friend had shown fear or indifference. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs in her pink nightgown, her omnipresent stuffed mouse tight in her hands, and looked at me for a moment, confused, then she looked up to her mother, frowning. I was very different from the last time she had seen me. I bowed down my head and took off my dark lenses, then I looked back at her and smiled.
"Good evening, Ellie. I woke you up again, I'm sorry..."
Her eyes widened too - it must run in the family - then she ran towards me.
"Mr. White! You're back!" she shouted and threw herself into my arms. Anything but scared and indifferent! I returned her grip, moved, and watched her wriggling to make herself at home on my knees. She took my arm to put it around her like a pillow, then she curled up against me with a satisfied expression.
"Brrr, you're cold like last time. I don't have the pajamas with bears anymore, I’m bigger now. I have one with rabbits; do you want to see it? Do you know that I will have a little brother or sister?"
"I know, Ellie. Isn't it amazing news?"
"Oh, yes... do you think it will steal my mouse?"
"I’m sure it won't. Your mom and dad will buy him one of his own."
She was adorable. She gave off an irresistible scent and was so small and so warm... the contrast of that moment with that little more than an hour before when I ripped open the throat of the homeless was jarring. I took the blanket from the sofa and wrapped it around her. I could have stayed there forever, but I had to go back to my unpleasant tasks.
"Now I have to go to bed too, but I'll be back soon and I'll bring you a nice present. What would you like?"
&n
bsp; A vampire in a toy store. This, probably, has never been seen by anyone.
"I'd like... Barbie's kitchen. Can't you stay a little longer? Five more minutes... Do you want to see my room, Mr. White?"
Alice looked at me. She looked moved and very sweet, while Jim was alternating from one foot to the other with a faint smile. I realized that seeing his child in the arms of someone like me made him nervous and I couldn't blame him.
"Would you…would you do her this favor, Raistan?" Alice said my name with an uncertain familiarity. Given what had gone through in that living room and the hell I had made them live through, I thought that some kind of intimacy was not inappropriate.
"The pleasure is mine, Ellie. Let's go."
I tried to put her down, but she clung to my neck and pointed to the stairs.
"Carry me… carry me!"
"Do you want to fly, Ellie?" I asked her. She seemed to like touching my skin and couldn’t take her eyes off me. She found attractive the things that caused great repulsion in others. Children are indeed a mystery.
"Fly? Yes, yes!"
"Hold on tight!" I said, then I climbed across the whole staircase in a single bound at my usual speed, tearing screams of joy mixed with some fear and then laughter, the most beautiful sound in the world. I heard Jim stifle a curse and Alice laugh as they climbed the stairs behind us, then I walked down the hallway and reached Ellie’s room while holding her over my head to give even more the illusion of flight. For the next half hour, she showed me every single doll and toy she owned as I lent ecstatic exclamations about them under the amazed gaze of the two adults. In the pretty room with painted pink and light blue walls, I could pretend that all was well and that there were no legions of assassins out there ready to take advantage of my first misstep. It was a precious moment.
"Now you really must go back to bed, Ellie, it's very late. Thanks for letting me see your beautiful room."
I saw her lower lip begin to quiver and her face flushing. Now, not being practical with the outbursts of children, it was I with his eyes wide opened as I stared at her, puzzled.
"I don't want you to go away... you won’t come back again!"
"Of course I will, I promise. I have to bring you your present and, then, I want to come see your little brother or sister when he's born."
"Do you really promise?"
If she had known how few certainties I had right then, she would have cried. They all noticed my hesitation and Alice came forward to save me from embarrassment, but Ellie's eyes, fixed on mine, were relentless.
"I’ll do everything possible, little one, believe me."
"Come on, Ellie, it’s time to go back to bed."
"No! He has to take me there; you go to the other room."
"He has to go, dear..." Jim said, but she was quick to pout.
"I can stay a few more minutes, provided that you are all in agreement."
"Of course!" Alice said, as if it was the most ordinary thing in the world that a vampire put to bed someone’s child. Jim hesitated, then nodded and followed Alice out of the room to the bathroom in the front. I knew he didn't want to distance himself too much and I couldn’t blame him. He takes his duty to protect his family very seriously and that’s why I admire him. I laid the little girl in her bed and tucked her in tight, her duvet decorated with colored little hearts.
"Will you sing me a song, Mr. White?"
She might as well have asked me to expose myself to the August sun!
"I'm afraid I don't know any, Ellie..."
"Why, didn't your mom use to sing to you?"
"Maybe she did, but a long time has passed and I can't remember anymore... but maybe..." A U2 song came to mind, one I used to listen to willingly some years ago. I always thought it was a beautiful lullaby and would have liked to have sung it to the children I'll never have. That was maybe my only chance, so I sat on the armchair beside her bed, immersed in the twilight, and let my voice gush at a volume just a little louder than a whisper.
Sleep, sleep tonight
And may your dreams be realized
If the thundercloud passes rain
So let it rain,
Rain down on you…
Let it be, so let it be.
Sleep…sleep tonight
And may your dreams be realized
If the thundercloud passes rain
So let it rain, let it rain…rain on you.
Her rhythmic breathing implied that she had fallen asleep. I sat still for a few more moments with a lump in my throat heralding my desire to cry, then I stood up, touched the child's cheek with a caress, and went out of her room in silence, half-closing the door behind me. Alice and Jim were in the corridor, embraced. She smiled and looked at me with tears in her eyes; there was no need to say anything. We descended the stairs, each lost in his/her own thoughts.
"I really have to go now. It’s been a great pleasure to see you, really."
"It's been great for us too. Thanks for what you did upstairs. It was... incredible."
"I'd say so, too. Please, don’t forget to let me know about any problems. And, if we do not hear from each other before, let me know when the baby comes. I care. I hope that by then things will get better. Worse is difficult."
"Will you be careful? I never want to see you on TV with bullets in your head."
"I don't want to get them neither, you can be certain about that. They give me a headache..."
We all three snickered, then I gave them a quick little bow and asked Jim to walk me out. I avoided Alice's embrace on purpose even if I'd have liked to have received it. Jim was transmitting jealousy and diffidence in worrying doses.
"See you, Raistan."
"You'd rather say goodbye, wouldn’t you, Jim?"
"She..." he lowered his head, struggling to put into words the thought tormenting him and that I had already sensed, "I think she's in love with you. I know I can't compete and this hurts me a lot. Did you notice it, too?"
"I felt something. Something, excuse the brutality, telling me she'd like to have sex with me. But it's normal, you know. We have that effect on both men and women. It helps us in our... uh, work. Nothing personal. You gave Ellie to her and this new life. I'm the one who can never compete with you. Take it easy Jim, and enjoy your beautiful family."
"If you wanted to, you could have them both. You saw Ellie; you're God to her..."
"You seem to forget an essential detail: I'm dead and I kill people to survive. I just killed one tonight, before coming to your home. I'm not your opponent, Jim, my world will never be this. If you don't want me to come around anymore, just tell me, even if it would cause me great sorrow. The family's yours, you decide, and I'll accept your decision. You can bet on it. You're the man."
He seemed a little reassured by my words. His male pride was flattered to the right point.
"Neither one of them would forgive me for that, so I guess I can't stop you. But, try not to be so damn charming..." He reached out to shake my hand, almost in defiance, his eyes saying, "You can't back down on your words if you're a man."
"I’m not a man anymore and vampires don't shake hands with anybody, Jim. Goodnight."
I vanished in a second and left him in the middle of his garden a bit relieved, I hope.
He'll never know how much it cost me.
It was the only moment of serenity until today. I spent the rest of my time stuck to my computer, analyzing every single contact of this year, especially those proposals that I rejected for some reason. I've always been very precise and prudent and I never deleted a thing unless decades have passed. When I wasn't going over files with a fine toothcomb, I was on the phone with informants or acquaintances in the three worlds (human, werewolf, and vampire) trying to get on top of the mystery, increasingly irritated and frustrated with each passing hour.
Eventually, I narrowed the possibilities to some particular contacts, two Arabs and one American whom I denied my services because they were in the "let's blow anything within
three miles" category. One of the two Arabs wanted me to exterminate half Jerusalem with gas. He had been very insistent; continuing to bombard me with emails even when I made it clear to him that I wasn't interested. He even raised his offer of ten million euros to nearly seventy before I threatened to use the gas in his house rather than in Israel. It could very well be him: our last contact was two months ago. Now the problem is to be able to trace his identity through the only thing I have: an email address. I'm not bad with computers even though I'm an old man, but I need something more here. The only one I know who would be able to do it is Nathan, a lycan I've been collaborating with for many years. He's a technological genius, the one who solves my troubles related to IT or weapons. He must also find the leak in my security system which I believed to be inviolable. What had happened must never occur again. Today, I also got an email from Chen, sounding rather forlorn.
From: [email protected]
Object: Vincent
He doesn't even want to hear about forgiveness. He says that you'd better surrender now or he will command all the vampires on earth to capture you by any means and he ensures that you won't be crucified. He'll impale you. I'm sorry, my Lord, I tried, but he appeared to be a raving lunatic. Why don't you ask your maker to intercede on your behalf?
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