by Namita Singh
much stronger than I had made out. Duato again tries to get free of my hold and swats his free hand, which is not held by Francis, behind me. I push against him forcefully, making his back bang at the wall. He looks startled by the sudden jolt and turns his glare at me. He grips my arm that is keeping him at bay and motions to pull it off him in anger.
“Don’t.” I snap at him. My tone comes out ruder than intended.
Duato halts, surprised. Then he sneers at me, “What the hell?” he screeches in my face, “You’re siding with that bastard?”
I feel the aura of the supposed ‘bastard’ right behind me. Even in flight it is overwhelming, not allowing me to focus on Duato’s weak aura. I feel Neal’s aura taking a step closer behind me.
“Maybe because,” Neal starts from behind me, “most people know that I do not lie. Definitely not in my paper.”
Duato squirms in my hold as he glares at Neal.
“Stop it.” I say, turning my head a little towards Neal. My tone is far gentler to him than it was to Duato.
“Let go of me, you traitor!” Duato shouts.Apparently, he notices my change of tone as well.
I sigh, “You need the nurse.” I tell him, loosening my hold a little. He tries to take advantage of my loose hold, making me tighten again.
“You’ll regret your actions, Stephens!” Duato says, still looking at Neal.
I feel Neal’s aura moving backwards, away from me, “In a much lesser form as compared to you.” He says quietly and I feel him walking away.
When I feel Neal’s aura disappear from the corridor, I let go of Duato. In anger, he pushes against me. His push is useless obviously. Noticing that his strength is far inferior to mine, he angrily turns away and walks towards the other end of the corridor. The crowd lets another five minutes pass in stupor. Francis, Ray and our other friends say nothing. They let the event sink in their minds. The warning bell rings and everybody starts to disperse. Ray, Francis, Aakir, I and two of our female friends start walking together towards our class. Now they all are expressing their views on what just occurred. For the life of me, I can’t make myself concentrate even tiniest bit on their conversation. Eventually my walk slows down and I let my friends walk ahead.
I believe myself to not be over the shock as of yet, as I can hardly comprehend my own thoughts. I feel, than see, Aakir’s aura lagging behind with me.
“I know you’re shocked.” He mutters as we increase the distance between ourselves and our friends. Aakir suspires, “I know that I am shocked. Neal doesn’t seem as strong at all as he just displayed. I really want to read what he wrote in The Plutocracy this last Monday.”
I can care less about Neal’s strength as of now, and even less about his paper. I have more pressing matters.Maybe something like, I don’t know, that I have found my partner to be a guy?
The knowledge finally sinks in.
My partner is a guy. A guy?
I panic.
I turn around and bolt towards the opposite direction. I hear Aakir calling me but I do not respond. Have I mistaken? Is it even possible for us therians to commit mistakes? There is no doubt in my mind that that aura belongs to Neal. It practically vibrates when Neal speaks. But…maybe it is a mistake. I recall the commencement of it all, but cannot figure where I could have wrongly guessed my assumptions. His aura is definitely attractive to me, to the point that I can assuredly state that it is the aura of my partner. But isn’t your partner supposed to be your better half? How can it be a guy for me? How can it-damn it!
I reach the boy’s toilet and lock myself in a cubicle. The bell for the first class goes off, but I can care less about it right now.
I rub my eyes, trying to get rid of the jumbled thoughts. Ineluctably, I start to think of Neal. Particularly his aura. Through my panic-stricken state, I yearn to sense it again. And that thought alone has me on edge. What the hell is happening? This is not right. This shouldn’t be right. The same sex people becoming partners?That is unheard of. My cult maybe small, but I have read various historical books concerning therians. And not even in one was anywhere a mention of such a situation. And why would it be? It simply wouldn’t, because it shouldn’t. It’s not natural for two people of the same sex to be together. It’s instinctive to be partnered with the opposite sex, considering the romantic inclination it disposes.
But then I wonder…is this ‘partner’ thing of therians even supposed to be romantic? Everybody says that your partner is chosen based on the compatibility, the congeniality between the two. It solely depends on our ability to live in harmony with that one person. Nobody ever said it is supposed to be romantic…but partners do end up as each other’s better half, in the romantic sense.
Finding one’s partner is supposed to be joyful, something that is celebrated in my family. Even Gwen aunt’s addition to our family upon Terry uncle finding her was celebrated. Thinking of the expectations of my family, I panic some more. What will they think? Would they have an answer as to why my partner is a guy? Maybe…maybe it is all a gaffe. But I still find myself yearning to sense Neal’s aura again.
Shakily, I fumble with my pocket and take out my cell phone. I dial the number of the first person I can think of, my father. I do not even pause to consider his reaction. If…if inevitably Neal is my partner…then will my father accept it?
I freeze on the question lingering in my mind. I do not freeze in shock because I expect my father’s disapproval. I feel astonished that I do not even pause to question, that before anybody else do I myself accept Neal as my partner?
I am not gay; have never felt even slightly inclined towards men.I see no reason why I should be comfortable with the thought of another guy being my partner. But then again…bond between partners doesn’t necessarily have to be romanticized…right? I do not have any example to support my hypothesis. In fact, my subliminal attraction towards Neal’s aura speaks volumes against my hypothesis.
I hit the call button on my phone.
Father picks up on the third ring, “Hello?” his tone sounds neutral, as it always does. But being with him as long as I have been, I can sense the concern lining his undertone.
“Dad?” I say, my voice shaking a little.
“Josh? What happened?” he pauses, “You should be in class right now.”
I check my wrist watch to see it’s a little over eight AM. My father must have been getting ready to leave the house for his job as well.
“Dad…” I start, not really knowing where to start off.
“Is something wrong?” he asks.
I do not know how to respond to that question.
“Josh?” my father asks with a little alarm in his voice.
“My…” I clear my throat around the sudden lump, “My partner is a guy.”
“…What?”
I never thought I’d see the day when I’ll be able to make out that my father is shocked. But his tone, so unlike his usually stoic tone, expresses large amounts of stupefaction. Something I never thought I’ll ever witness.
“I sensed the aura of my partner today.” I explain shakily, “The aura belongs to a guy.”
I hear nothing on the other end. The silence continues for so long that I think father has disconnected the call. I pull my cellphone away from my phone to see that father is indeed still on the line.
“Dad?” I say.
“Yes?” father says, as if he wasn’t silent in shock a mere moment ago.
“I am not gay.” I blurt out like an idiot.
My father remains silent for another moment. That sole moment feels so long that I start to get agitated.
“Where are you?” father asks in a neutral voice.
“Boy’s toilet.” I mumble.
“He is in your school?”
I nod even though he can’t see me, “Yes,” I say.
“Alright.” Is his simple reply.
Another bout of silence commences and I don’t know what to make of my father’s response. Is that it? His reaction? It would h
ave been so much better if he had expressed anything, even it is disappointment. He doesn’t even express that I might have made a mistake.
“Is it possible?” I find myself asking him.
He remains silent, apparently having no answer. After a moment he says, “Attend your classes. Don’t skip them.”
With that he bids me a goodbye and disconnects the phone.
I let my distress overpower me. Not only because once more my father has denied me information but also at the letdown that I am imagining in his ignorance. A parent always expects the best from his own child. I can’t help but feel that I fail my father every time, even if I don’t do it intentionally. I rub my face with the palm of my hand and notice another presence a little distance away from me, but definitely inside the boy’s toilet. I feel power in the aura and know immediately that it is Aakir. It is a little distracting, not to mention disappointing, to not be able to guess since when is he exactly standing there. My disorderly thoughts are making me attention deficit. I sigh and open the door of the cubicle I am into step out. There he is, standing next to the mirrors on the other end of the toilet. He has an unreadable expression on his face, but his bizarre eyes are flickering with shock. It’s obvious that he has heard my conversation with my father.
He sighs at my sight and after a long moment says, “Who is it?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I tell Aakir, my voice sounding helpless to even my own ears.
Aakir nods understandingly and sensibly gives me the space that I am seeking.