by Briann Danae
Afraid that the shower may wake him up, Astryd slipped out of her clothes, tossed on a big t-shirt, and climbed in the bed after relieving her bladder. Slowly, she scooted under the covers and laid her head down. After five minutes of laying there completely stiff, she closed her eyes. She was expecting the worst to happen from disobeying his orders, but tonight was her lucky night. With her only thoughts on D'Haven and the way she felt in his arms tonight, Astryd drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
The following morning, instead of Astryd's alarm waking her up like she planned for it too, Ashlee was her alarm clock. Stomping her little feet across the wood floor in her parents' room, Ashlee stood at the side of her mother's bed and gently shoved her shoulder.
"Mommy."
Astryd didn't budge. Shoving her harder this time, Astryd stirred from her inebriated sleep.
"Mommy wake up. We have to get ready for my recital."
Groaning, Astryd rolled over on her side and peeled her heavy eyelids open. After a few blinks, she smiled softly at her baby girl.
"What time is it Pumpkin?" she questioned.
"Time to get up. It's my big day."
With glee, Ashlee did a few twirls and gave her mother a huge grin. Dancing had been her favorite pastime, and Astryd was more than willing to see to it that she stuck it out. It was hard on her at first being the youngest of the group, but her age didn't matter. Her instructors praised how she was more skilled than the older girls.
When Astryd lifted her body from the bed, confusion settled on her face. When Ashlee gave her the same expression, Astryd knew something was incredibly wrong.
"Whoa," Ashlee said in amazement. "You cut your hair, Mommy."
It wasn't a question but more of an observation. Astryd's lungs restricted, preventing her from speaking. Her tongue lied heavily in her mouth and hands violently shook as she brought one up to touch her now, bob length hair. Tears sprang to her eyes as she shot to her feet and ran to the bathroom. Inside, she gasped loudly and collapsed against the sink.
As her hands clenched the white porcelain, she stared at her reflection in disbelief. Choppy, uneven layers of hair were what she had now. Gone was the luscious grade of hair she was so proud to call her own. It was a staple inherited from her mother. Her eyes blinked a few times before large tears dropped onto the sink.
"You don't like it?"
The sound of Alonzo's voice made her jump like always. Lackadaisically, he was leaned against the frame of the door with an evil smirk on his face.
"I think it's pretty!" Ashlee squealed, squeezing past him and standing next to Astryd at the sink.
Only because of her daughter, did Astryd not lash out at Alonzo. The smirk on his face was making her sick to her stomach. Her being hurt behind his repulsive action brought him joy. The tears staining her cheeks and gaze she held with him through the mirror made his dick hard. He got off on seeing her defeated. If she thought staying out all night had no repercussions, Alonzo quickly reminded her who the fuck was in charge.
"I don't," Astryd replied lowly.
Before she could take her next breath, Alonzo grabbed her by the back of her neck and squeezed so hard Astryd began to choke.
"Daddy!" Ashlee yelled, terrified.
Unmoved by her yelling, he squeezed down harder before shoving Astryd so hard, her body practically flew across the room. Not wanting Ashlee to see this type of behavior, Astryd quickly caught her balance and rushed to her. Through muffled words and an aching throat, she spoke slowly and carefully.
"G-Go to your room okay, baby?"
With fear and confusion in her big eyes, Ashlee blinked a few times. "You sure?"
Astryd nodded. It was the only thing she could do. If she tried speaking again, a cry would escape her lips instead of words. Guiding her to the door, Astryd tried to soothingly rub her back to calm her down, but it didn't work. Ashlee's heart was beating so fast, and she wanted to stay to protect her mother. When she looked toward Alonzo, he didn't even have the balls to face them. He was a coward for putting his hands on Astryd, to begin with, but to do it in front of their child was something Astryd wouldn't tolerate.
When Ashlee was out of their bedroom, and the door was locked, Astryd's body moved swiftly back into the bathroom.
"You walking in here like you about to do something," Alonzo chuckled. "Don't make me beat your ass."
"H-How could you do that? Why would you do that in front of her!" she hissed, as her words came out in a high-pitched tone.
"Why would you have another nigga all over you? Where the fuck did you go last night, and you better not lie."
"I told you where I went!" she screamed, unable to hold her anger in.
BAM!
The punch to her jaw caused Astryd's head to bang against the wall with force. Stars danced behind her eyelids as Alonzo's hand wrapped around her neck. Her feet dangled from the floor as he held her up against the wall.
"Bitch, who you think you talking to? Huh?" He spat, slamming her body into the towel bar. "You must want me to kill your hoe ass in here. Is that what you want?"
Without delay, Astryd shook her head from side to side.
"You been getting really bold lately. I don't know what nigga got you smelling yourself, but you better pipe the fuck down before your kids be raised by another woman and visiting your grave."
His threat was cold and stabbed Astryd right in the heart. Alonzo of all people knew how she felt regarding the subject of her mom and he used to it wound her. Tears rolled down her cheeks as he released her neck. Gasping, Astryd sucked in a deep breath. Air filled her aching lungs as Alonzo's words rang loudly in her ears. Her jaw was tender to touch, and the slight move from it was unbearable.
When Alonzo pulled her over to the sink, stood behind her, and tugged downward on her shorts, Astryd began to tell him not to even think about touching her, but she couldn't. Her beating would be much more brutal if she had.
"Now, I'ma ask you again. Where the fuck did you go last night?"
"Monarch," she said lowly, unable to raise her voice.
Alonzo nodded and forced her to bend over on the counter. "See, I already knew that, but you just had to lie huh? You had to come home with your fucking hair smelling like another niggas cologne and expect me to just let it fly?"
The tip of his dick against her flesh made Astryd cringe. She didn't want to answer him. No answer would be good enough. Roughly, he snatched her head back by her short, disheveled hair. Her roots were begging for him to loosen up some.
"Answer me!"
"No," she cried out. "Lonzo, please. Don't do this. I'm not even in the mood."
"You think I give a fuck about what mood you're in? When I want some pussy, my pussy, I'ma take it. Now arch your fucking back, and you better take all this dick."
Crying silently, Astryd bent over, and he roughly slammed into her unlubricated center. She was so turned off by him and everything he stood for, she didn't even care about letting him hear her cry. The harder he shoved into her, working up a sweat, the quicker his nut approached. Alonzo thought this was okay. He thought raping the mother of his kids and abusing her would make her love him. The days of loving him were long gone and had been for a while.
Feeling his nut creep up, Alonzo pulled out, yanked Astryd to her knees and ejaculated all in her hair. Going the extra mile, he rubbed the tip of his dick through her head and grinned.
"I bet you'll think twice before fucking around on me. Clean yourself up, and you better have my baby to her recital on time."
He didn't need to say or else, and she knew it. Had she gone against his orders this time around, Astryd was sure he'd go to extreme measures to degrade her even more. Pulling his shorts over his ass, Alonzo waltzed out of the bathroom and out their bedroom. Greeting him at the door was Ashlee. She had a hopeful look on her face as she stared up at him.
"Is Mommy okay?" she asked softly.
Alonzo gave her a smile and nodded. "Yes. She's in the shower."
"Why'd you push her?"
He wasn't expecting her to ask that question, but of course, he had an answer.
"I was mad, but I didn't mean to. It won't happen again, okay?"
She nodded. "Okay."
"You forgive me?"
She nodded again. "Yes. Can I still go to my recital?"
"Sure can. Go get dressed and be ready in twenty minutes."
"I'll be ready in ten!"
The excitement was back in her voice, and Alonzo was happy for that. He had blacked out for a second and held no regard for Ashlee seeing him in action. Him asking her for forgiveness and she willingly accepting it was the start of something disastrous.
In the shower, Astryd scrubbed her body before scratching her scalp so roughly, she was sure to have sores later. Every inch of her frame felt disgusting. His touch felt like a million tiny ants were crawling on her, burning her inside and out. Her thoughts ran rapid of his erratic, abusive behavior and how him hitting her started to happen more frequently. It was a behavior she didn't like at all. His statement on killing her and leaving her kids behind made a hyperventilating cry escape her lungs. Clinging onto the wall, Astryd cried from the depths of her soul. Though Alonzo claimed she was okay to Ashlee, she was everything but.
She was broken. Broken by a man who had provided her with a lifestyle and love so pure in the beginning, that when it started to turn sour, she just simply tolerated the acidic emotion. Astryd became immune to the hurt. There was no more begging him to love her right or asking him to respect not only her mind but her body as well. Stripping her of her confidence and pride, Alonzo had brought Astryd to her lowest. Remembering the look on her daughter's face is what made her rise from the low pit.
Lifting her head from the tile shower wall, Astryd peeled her eyes open and inhaled a deep breath. Today, she was going to make a change. The shift she had been waiting for was happening now, and she had no choice but to take advantage of it before it was too late. For her girls, she'd risk her life, but if she could keep it and them safe, she knew what she had to do.
Chapter Five
"Where are we?"
Ashlee's sleepy voice echoed through the entrance of the doorway they stood in. It had been three days since the incident in her bathroom, and far too many days since Alonzo first abused her. On a whim, no plan of action other than leaving her abusive relationship, Astryd picked her girls up from daycare before following the instructions given to her by an advocate.
Sunday morning, the day after Ashlee's recital, Astryd did a Google search on "Domestic Violence Shelters." To her surprise, many resources popped up. Even with Alonzo having been gone since Saturday morning after his assault, she still felt like he could see everything she was doing. Knowing it was her paranoia, Astryd wrote down a few of the numbers and called around to see what their programs were like.
Leaving Alonzo was the hard part. Finding a safe place to escape his wrath was even harder. He knew where everyone she was affiliated with stayed except for Greigh. She'd never place her friend's life in danger, nor her family, so she found the courage and reached out to shelters. When Monday rolled around, she had a list of three she was contemplating on calling again. On her lunch break today, Tuesday, she did just that. When she was accepted into one, Astryd left work early and sped to her home. Thankfully, there was no sign of Alonzo having set foot in the house since Saturday and Astryd thanked God for that.
Hastily, she packed she and her girls enough clothes without making it seem like she was gone. Though he'd see she was gone whenever he returned, she didn't want to make it too visible. After picking Ashlee up from daycare, she stopped by her Grammy's house to get Ashlynn.
Lola immediately noticed her uneasiness. She was surprised by her new cut on Saturday at the recital but was lost for words when her granddaughter revealed the truth about her and Alonzo's relationship. Like Astryd knew she would, Lola offered her to stay at her home, but she declined. Leaving was one thing, but her putting her Grammy in danger wasn't going to happen. Before she left to head to the shelter, Lola prayed with Astryd right there in the middle of her living room floor as her granddaughter cried hard.
After promising to call her once she was at her destination, one she couldn't reveal, Astryd and her girls headed to their new home. Now, here she was a ball of nerves with a hyper two-year-old ready to terrorize, and an inquisitive five-year-old by her side. It wasn't close to their bedtime at all, and with them being in a foreign place Astryd hoped they wouldn't be up half the night.
"Are you all hungry?" Lex, the advocate on duty, asked.
"No. We're fine."
"Okay. Well, let me show you around, and then we can start on your intake process before you get settled in. Is that okay?"
Astryd nodded as they walked through the hallway. "Yes."
Inside the office, Lex gave the girls coloring sheets and markers to keep busy while she and Astryd went over the necessary paperwork. As she filled out her information, she blinked back tears as she answered some of the questions regarding Alonzo. Not because she felt sorry for him, but because she couldn't believe the shit he had really put her through. The questions were hard to answer, but she got through them. Her babies needed her to be strong right now and looking over at them as they colored and talked to each other, Astryd made a promise right then to them and herself. She wasn't going back no matter how hard things would get.
"Okay, I'm done," she sighed heavily.
"Great. Let me look through it, and then we'll head to your room."
After making sure all of the pages were filled out and answered, Lex showed Astryd and the girls to their room. She brought in three sets of towels, basic necessities, and blankets for them. It was a vast downsize from their rooms back home, but it was safe. That's all Astryd cared about.
"You need anything else before I head back to the office?" Lex asked.
"When can I meet with one of the case managers you mentioned?"
"More than likely tomorrow. They get in at nine. You could meet after you take your girls to school."
Astryd scratched her head. "I'll more than likely keep them out for a few days. This is a big adjustment for us all, and I want to make sure they're comfortable."
"Of course. I understand completely. I'm here overnight if you need anything, even if you just want to talk, okay?"
Giving her a soft smile, something she hadn't done all week, Astryd nodded. "I will. Thank you so much for everything."
"You're more than welcome. Have a good night."
When the door closed, it seemed as if the walls of the room began to cave in. Sitting down on the bed, Astryd took in deep breaths to calm her nerves. She had left him. She didn't think this day would ever come, let alone happen. Their relationship taking a turn for the worst wasn't what Astryd had in mind when Alonzo first approached her. She saw them being together forever, at least in her mind and getting married. Living happily ever after like a fairy tale movie played in her mind back then as well, but their story didn't seem to be following the plot. Nothing about her life had been happy for a while now. The only thing that brought a smile to her face were her kids.
"Mommy?" Ashlee called out.
"Yes, baby?"
"Are you sad?"
Astryd choked back on a cry before placing Ashlee on her lap. "I was, but not anymore."
Ashlee gave her a big hug and kissed her cheek. "You don't have to be sad. It's okay. You have me and Ashlynn to cheer you up."
That brought a big smile to Astryd's face. "Of course, Pumpkin. You guys always cheer me up."
"Does Daddy cheer you up?"
He used to but not anymore, is what she wanted to say but opted not to. Regardless of the image he decided to show them, Astryd would never bad talk Alonzo to the girls. If they grew up despising him, it'd be from his own doing.
"Sometimes, yes," she replied as Ashlynn lifted her arms to be picked up.
"Okay."
Astryd's simple answer cured her curios
ity for the moment, but she knew there'd be more questions where that one came from. The thing was, Astryd didn't know if she was ready to answer them. She could only hold herself accountable for her own actions. Her decision to flee her situation was the best one yet, too.
As Ashlynn nestled her face against her neck and yawned, Astryd rubbed her back and thanked God for granting her the strength to leave. Closing her eyes for a brief second, she thought what their days ahead would be like. She thought about her friends and how she'd finally explain to them the hell she had been living in for the last few years. It wasn't something she was proud about, but her escaping it reminded her of how brave she was. How strong she was to leave and how proud her mom would have been of her.
Astryd wanted everyone else to feel proud of her, but first, she had to be proud of herself. She needed to learn to love herself and remember the young woman she used to be before Alonzo selfishly tried to destruct her image. Learning to love herself more than anyone could was going to be the tough part, especially with the secrets she'd been harboring. In record speed, she had become an entirely different person and desperately wanted to get back to her old self. The process wasn't going to be easy, but she was going to trust it. That's all she could do.
Strolling into work with her iced coffee in one hand, and phone in the other, Honey mentally prepared herself for the day. Walking into the main office, she greeted Lex with a smile.
"Good morning Sunshine," Lex greeted standing to her feet.
"Good morning. You look ready to go," Honey laughed.
She hadn't worked an overnight shift in so long, she was sure she'd be beyond tired once morning rolled around, too. Though she was a case manager, she covered the main hotline office for a few hours on Wednesday mornings, until the regular staff showed up at nine.
"I am. I'm hungry first of all," Lex chuckled.
"You should've texted me. I would've brought you some food."
"I'm heading straight home after this, so I'll grab something on the way. Let me give you an update so I can get out your way."