by Kate Rudolph
His new quarters were nothing to be excited about and he was sharing them with a particularly slimy alien who belonged to a race he didn't recognize. It was perfect.
Deke waited until the ship took off to pull out his communicator and send a message to his brother. His heart broke as he typed it out.
I'm sorry. I can't go back yet.
Chapter Two
One month after leaving Honora Station
Deke stretched his arms wide as he stepped off the small ship he'd called home for the last month. Engine grease was embedded under his fingernails and he hadn't had a proper shower since the last time they'd docked in a large space port.
His pay rate was terrible and the work was back-breaking. Even worse, he hadn't snatched a full night's sleep since he'd left Brax and the others at Honora Station.
Did he regret it?
Yes.
No.
His mind was all mixed up with emotions and he couldn't tell. Why was he doing this to himself? A picture of Manda flashed in his mind. She didn't smile much, and her eyes were haunted, always haunted. Years as a prisoner of vicious aliens would do that to anyone, especially a kid.
He'd made the right choice. Being here meant he wasn't screwing up anything for her. He was giving her the space she needed to grow up and recover from the travesties she'd experienced. He'd turned off his communicator and stuffed it deep in the bottom of his bag. He didn't want to think of the messages that his family was leaving for him. They had to be freaking out.
"NaZade!" Captain Yonees called. He was standing on the ramp, a short alien with two antennae coming out of his head and skin as white as paper.
A sense of dread crept over Deke. The captain didn't look too happy, and he'd always been jovial enough. The ship had a small crew, they were just a freighter.
Deke jogged back up the ramp. "What's up, captain?" He tried to sound optimistic, but optimism didn't come easy these days.
"I hate to do this..." Captain Yonees was shaking his head.
Deke's stomach sunk. "Do what?"
"You've been a good mech, kid, but our old mech wants her job back. She knows this ship better than anyone and I'd be a fool to say no. I'll put an extra hundred credits in your pay pack and give you the names of a few captains who usually hire out of this base. But I need you off the ship in an hour." Yonees did look regretful.
Deke's breath whooshed out. "Surely there's another job I could do."
Yonees just shook his head.
Deke wanted to argue, but what was the point? He headed back on board and packed up his things. His communicator notified him of a deposit in his account and he saw that the captain was good to his word about the extra credits. There was also a list of names that had been messaged to him.
Deke didn't say goodbye to anyone. The old him was great at making friends. The guy who'd run away from Honora Station? Not so much.
He considered finding a ride back to Earth. He really thought about it. But all his problems still existed. Going back now would only make things worse.
A quick consultation of the station directory showed Deke that only one of the names on the list Yonees had given to him was at this station. He headed towards the ship; he didn't want to miss out on a desperately needed job. This station was much smaller than Honora and there wouldn't be as many opportunities to join a crew.
The new captain was the same kind of alien as Yonees, with antennae and snow white skin. His name was Yargon.
"Don't need a mech," he told Deke.
"Do you have any other jobs? I pick things up fast."
Yargon studied him for several moments. "Can you fire a blaster?"
***
Two months after leaving Honora Station
The blaster was heavy in Deke's hands, but the other members of the security team had been teaching Deke well over the past month. Unlike his first job, Yargon's ship was more than just a freighter. They took on all kinds of work.
Mercenary work.
Deke wouldn't call himself a merc, but he was holding a blaster and had been hired to protect this tiny outpost from bandits. What did that make him?
"Look chipper, sunshine," Shaohn told him. He was an Oscavian who always seemed to have a smile on his face and a knife in his hand. His partner, Oktavia, was the silent type.
Deke gripped his blaster tighter. "This job feels different than the others."
Oktavia scoffed.
"What?" he asked.
Shaohn grimaced. "Captain's gone easy on you, wanted to get you trained up. You could call this your graduation."
Deke wasn't sure he liked the sound of that. At least this job paid better than the last.
"Incoming," said Oktavia, sitting up taller.
Deke put on his goggles to get a good look at the distance. The attackers came on them fast, half a dozen well-armed thieves.
Shaohn and Oktavia shot them with cool precision. Deke could barely raise his blaster. Could he really shoot to kill? Their blasters were modified for fatality.
Oktavia took care of one attacker, then another, and Shaohn took out three. Deke thought they were all gone until one popped up right behind Oktavia, ready to kill.
He shot first.
The attacker dropped, chest sizzling from the deadly shot.
"That all of them?" Shaohn asked.
Deke looked around. It looked like it. He nodded.
"Good job," said Oktavia.
Deke vomited.
***
Six months after leaving Honora Station
He was on another new ship. Yargon seemed happy to guard slave ships, and Deke couldn't stand for that. Of course, having principles made it difficult to find work.
But he made do.
This crew was decent, though he wouldn't call them friends. Right now he and a team of six other mercs were guarding a payment that was due to be delivered in a matter of hours. It was also a huge target.
Gems always were.
So when he heard the engines he was ready. And when he saw the attackers on the horizon he raised his blaster and started firing.
The fight was over before it begun. He walked among the bodies and noted that they were all dead.
Job well done.
***
Eight months after leaving Honora Station
He hadn't called home since he'd left. The guilt was starting to eat at him. His family couldn't even know if he was dead or alive.
Maybe Naomi was keeping psychic tabs on him. He wanted them to know for sure that he was safe.
He pulled out his communicator and paused. Real time messages were spotty this far away and, honestly, he wasn't sure he wanted to face their censure. But he wouldn't be a total coward. A total coward would just write out the message. They, at least, deserved a video.
Deke let it record and spoke from his heart.
"Hey. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get in contact. I've..." He didn't want them to know all the things he'd done. That would make it even worse. "Things have been busy. I've been working for the same outfit for a few months now. Work is safe. Steady. I'm not sure when I'll be home. But I promise I'm coming back someday."
The communicator beeped, warning him of an upcoming meeting with the captain.
"I need to sign off now. I'll call again." He sent the message before he could think better of it. Then his finger paused over Manda's contact information. He'd sent the message to his brothers and their mates, but not to his own... to Manda. Should he say something to her?
No.
Not yet.
That would only make things worse.
He put his communicator away before he could do anything even more stupid.
***
One Year after leaving Honora Station
"What are you doing, Butch?" Deke had his blaster out. This job was easy enough. Keep a warlord's money safe so he could spend it on evil things. Deke didn't like it, but he'd earn his credits fairly.
Butch grinned at him, flashing s
harp teeth in his purple face. "Credits are credits, D. Now step aside."
Deke couldn't do that. He fired and Butch went down with a grunt.
At least the credits were safe.
***
Eighteen months after leaving Honora Station
"Get down!" Deke yelled at the woman he was guarding.
She dropped to the floor as he leveled an uncompromising burst of las fire at the target. Shots stopped for a second, but he knew he hadn't hit when they started up again.
"Where's our support?" he yelled to one of the mercs he was working with. He was new to this crew and still wasn't sure of their names, especially when they were in armor.
"En route," said the merc.
"They're not going to make it in time." He passed a blaster to the woman beside him. "If they get close, shoot until you run out of charge. Don't let them take you."
"Deke, you're crazy!" the merc yelled at him as he shifted his position.
Crazy, but determined. He crawled out from his cover just enough to level the area in front of them with las fire. He could hear the scream of his target going up in flames from a dozen meters away.
But the firing stopped.
Eventually he made his way over to check that the man was really dead. His heart stuttered. He recognized that face.
Shaohn.
Dead.
But he'd done his job. He'd kept his charge safe.
***
Two years after leaving Honora Station
Manda looked a little older than she had the last time he'd seen her. Deke knew he was dreaming. He was on the other side of a galaxy, holed up in his bunk on another merc ship.
But in the dream he stood under the bright sunlight.
She hadn't noticed him yet. He drank the sight of her in. She looked happy. The shadows he'd seen in her the last time they spoke were gone.
Was she healing? Or was that the dream?
He hated to think of what he must look like now. The years of merc work had hardened him, and he had a darkness of his own dwelling in his heart.
He wanted to talk to her. Wanted to beg her to let him come back. But he was staying away for her. How could he even think it?
Manda spotted him and a smile bloomed on her face. "Deke?"
He should say something. He needed to make this right.
Instead he turned away and forced himself awake with a gasp.
***
Three years after leaving Honora Station
His chest hurt and the beeping was enough to drive him mad. Deke groaned as he tried to turn over, and a steady hand stopped him.
"Don't you dare undo my hard work," said Doc. At one time the alien might have had another name, but the entire crew just called him Doc.
"What happened?" Deke couldn't remember. One job blurred into the next, one crew just the same as any other.
Doc grunted. "You almost died. Had to sew you up the old-fashioned way. If Dart hadn't thought fast, you'd be a goner."
"What was it that hit me?" he asked.
"A knife."
"Huh." Deke didn't remember a knife, didn't remember getting that close to anyone. He'd have to be more careful next time.
"You got a death wish, kid?" Doc demanded.
"No." He had something to live for. When the time was right.
"Then stop acting like it. Attitude like yours gets a guy killed quick."
***
Three years and 10 months after leaving Honora Station
"I told you I didn't want to see you like this again," Doc said as Deke rose from unconsciousness.
His leg hurt and his chest burned like it was on fire. "What was it this time?" He'd been with this crew longer than any in his nearly four years of being a merc. And he'd been under Doc's care more times that he could count.
"Modified blaster. Should have killed you." Doc jabbed something into his arm, and it must have been medicine rather than a pain killer since none of his injuries stopped hurting.
Deke let his head sink into his pillow. "Maybe it should have." He didn't realize he'd said anything out loud until Doc smacked him on the forehead.
"You're going to die, kid."
"What? Now?" That at least concerned him a bit.
"That death wish of yours. You saw what happened to Dart." Doc eased back into his chair and scowled at Deke.
Dart had saved Deke's life months before. But two missions later he'd ended up blowing himself up in a stupid move that had nearly tanked their mission.
"I'm not like Dart."
"He spiraled faster than you are," Doc admitted. "But you ain't special. Tell me honest, do you want to die out here for some cause you don't believe in? Paid in a rich man's money to play his little games? Mercs all got the same end, kid. Get out while you still got all your parts. You've got the scars." He pushed himself up and ambled to the door, but before he left he turned back to Deke. "Think on it."
Deke didn't have much other choice. He knew his family missed him. He'd sent the occasional message, but it was never enough. And then there was Manda.
His mate.
Dying might solve a problem for her, but would she really want that? He didn't want to be her burden.
But he also didn't want to die in battle.
A few hours later, Doc came back into the room to check on him. "You think about what I said?" Doc asked.
Deke nodded, even though it hurt. "I need to talk to the captain."
It was time to retire his blaster and think about going home.
Chapter Three
The leather cracked under Manda as she shifted in the seat. It was dark out and she was parked as far away from the nearest streetlamp as she could manage. She didn't want anyone to notice her. Especially not the Detyen she was stalking.
She'd been tailing him for two days now, and so far he hadn't done anything interesting. That was good for him, but it was driving her out of her mind with boredom.
For the past year and a half she'd been taking on simple surveillance jobs for Amy and Kyla. Their private detective agency was responsible for keeping track of the remaining soulless Detyen warriors. They couldn't watch the emotionless former soldiers twenty-four/seven. They were only three women, after all. But a mix of spot checks and interviews had done the job for the past few years.
Some soulless had died. One had gone up to the edge of crazy before he was knocked back. But most of them were living the shadows of lives that they could manage. They were even living longer than they had before the Legion had come to Earth.
It would probably make her a better person if she had taken this job out of some care for them. Instead she took it because she knew Amy. Amy was like a big sister to her at this point, and it got her out of the house in a way that her parents could not complain about. She was twenty freaking years old. What gave them the right to complain in the first place?
She really didn't want to think about her parents right now.
The soulless she was tracking walked down the street. He had the same wariness she had seen in a lot of soldiers, and he looked around as if expecting an enemy to appear somewhere.
She didn't know what he was doing here. The soulless didn't usually go to restaurants. They had all their needs provided for by the Legion. They couldn't have any wants.
But he entered the bar down the street, which made her even more curious.
Manda got out of the car and followed him. As far as she knew, the soulless didn't usually drink. They didn't feel emotion. What use was alcohol?
She had his file memorized. There was nothing wrong with him. But an aberrant trip like this would definitely go in his file. She made it to the door when a bouncer stopped her.
"ID?" he asked.
Manda almost rolled her eyes. She was twenty. This place was a twenty-one and up establishment. But if someone piled up all her life experience, she had to have lived for a couple of centuries by now. She pulled out a fake ID and showed it to the bouncer. He scanned it and let her in. I
t seemed a waste if she wasn't even going to drink, but she was on the clock.
Besides, she didn't like the floaty and loose feeling that alcohol gave her. She had worked so hard to gain her control back. She would never give it up again. Black thoughts threatened at the edge of her consciousness, wisps of memories she'd been fighting for years. She pushed them away. They didn't control her. Not anymore.
The soulless was sitting alone in a booth in the corner. A server droid came up to him and set a drink down in front of him. She couldn't tell if it was alcoholic or not.
Manda took a seat of her own where she could keep the soulless in sight and ordered a soda.
It was just as boring as sitting in the car, but at least she wasn't breathing the same stuffy air and getting overheated.
Manda glanced away for a moment, and when she looked back the soulless was no longer at the table. Fuck. She couldn't fail. She didn't want to see the look of disappointment on Amy and Kyla's faces.
But when she looked again, he was settling his bill and leaving out the back.
Manda did the same.
But before she could catch up to the soulless, a human man crossed her path. He was older than her, probably in his thirties or forties, with greasy dark hair and the kind of grin that made her know he was up to no good. In the bad way.
"Leaving so soon, baby?" he asked with a sickly smile.
Manda wasn't supposed to fight. She knew that. It would only draw attention to herself, and technically the guy hadn't done anything wrong yet. But she was well-versed in predators and this guy practically had the label stamped on his forehead.
"Yes, I'm leaving." She kept her voice as flat as she could. She didn't want him taking any encouragement from it. For a second, she thought it had worked. The guy didn't seem to know how to react to her tone. All he had to do was step out of her path and this would be fine.
He didn't move.
And then he did. Stepping closer. He laid a hand on her arm and she almost snapped. Dark thoughts swarmed the back of her mind, the kind that dripped blood and tasted like ash.
She had worked very hard over the past five years to come to terms with the things that had been done to her when she'd been kidnapped by aliens, and to come to terms with the things she'd had to do to survive. She knew she would never be completely free of the memories. But things were better now.