by Kat Brookes
“Jaundice occurs when a baby’s blood has more bilirubin than it can get rid of,” the young nurse said calmly.
“Is it serious?” Hannah asked, her heart pounding.
“It can be,” she answered honestly. “But not in most cases. This type of jaundice is quite common in newborns because their organs aren’t able to get rid of the excess bilirubin very well, giving them a tinge of yellow to their skin coloring and to the whites of their eyes. The lights you see above your son are able to pass through an infant’s skin and break down the bilirubin into a form that the baby can eliminate. That’s why we have him lying there in only his diaper. To expose as much of his skin as possible.”
“How long will he have to be under these lights?” Hannah asked, trying not to let her fear show.
“Typically, twenty-four to forty-eight hours. At that point, the newborn’s liver can usually handle the bilirubin itself.”
“And if it can’t?” she heard herself asking, unsure if she really wanted to know the answer.
“Depending on the severity of the jaundice, the infant could require a blood transfusion. Sometimes, they just need more time under the lights and plenty of hydration.” She moved to stand next to Hannah. “But your little one’s case isn’t severe. So try not to worry.”
If only it were that easy, she thought with a frown. “I’m his mother,” Hannah said, still mentally trying to come to terms with that fact. “It’s my job to worry over him. Wouldn’t you if you had a child hooked up to all these wires and tubes, and now this?”
Jessica nodded. “I would, and I did.”
“You did?” Hannah repeated.
“I know firsthand what you’re going through,” the young nurse answered, her gaze settling on Hannah’s son. “My son was born six weeks early. There were complications with my delivery and I nearly lost Dustin. But my son is a fighter, thank the Lord, and stubbornly clung to life while being hooked up to all of these tubes and wires. Just as your son is now,” she noted. “He struggled to breathe. His body couldn’t regulate its temperature. Like Austin, he was jaundiced and had to lay for days under the bili lights.” She looked to Hannah. “Today my son is a healthy, happy seven-year-old.”
“Thank you for sharing that with me,” Hannah said with a grateful smile. Knowing that Jessica had gone through what she was going through now, and that her son had grown into a healthy little boy, helped to calm her fears.
“I wanted you to know that I truly do understand what you’re going through right now, beyond the knowledge I’ve gained as a medical professional. In fact, my son is the reason I decided to get my GED and then pursue a degree in nursing, my focus on neonatal care.”
That meant Jessica hadn’t graduated from high school. She had to assume it was because of the baby, because she didn’t look to be much more than twenty-five and she’d said that her little boy was seven. It was so hard to think of children having children, but Jessica had made something of her life for the sake of her son. Her story was a reminder to Hannah that she wasn’t alone when it came to surviving life’s hardships.
“I’m so glad things turned out the way they did for you,” Hannah said with a soft smile.
“If they hadn’t, I would have spent the rest of my life blaming myself for it,” Jessica admitted as she reached into the incubator to check Austin’s vitals. “When I found out I was expecting, I spent months in denial when I should have been having prenatal visits and taking vitamins, and putting my baby’s needs first.”
“You were young,” Hannah said sympathetically. “I’m twenty-seven, and discovering that I was going to be someone’s mother was more than a little overwhelming for me. It’s something you know is destined to change your life forever.”
Jessica nodded in agreement as she adjusted the position of Hannah’s sleeping son. “More than I ever imagined. However, I wasn’t as blessed as you. Dustin’s father wanted nothing to do with us, unlike your son’s.”
Her son’s father? She had to be referring to Garrett. There had been no one else there for her. The memory of seeing Austin cradled ever so tenderly in those big, strong arms came rushing back. Watching the cowboy’s worried expression fade away, to be replaced by one of awe and wonder, had touched her deeply.
“Garrett isn’t Austin’s father,” Hannah explained, and then added sadly, “His father is dead. He and my sister, Heather—Austin’s biological parents—were killed in a car accident a few months ago. I had offered to be a surrogate mother for them, because Heather couldn’t carry a baby to term.”
Jessica’s expression changed instantly. “I’m so sorry. I just assumed...”
“Please, don’t apologize,” Hannah said. “I can see where you might have gotten that impression, seeing as how Garrett brought me to the hospital and has been here with me every day since I was admitted. But he and I only met a few days ago.”
Surprise flashed across Jessica’s face.
Hannah went on, “Garrett rescued me from a flash flood I got caught up in while driving through Bent Creek, after which I went into full labor. If not for him, my son and I might not be here today.”
“That had to be so frightening,” Jessica said, a hand pressed to her chest. “I’m so glad he was able to reach you in time.”
“My prayers were definitely answered that day,” she said.
“Morning,” the other nurse said from a small desk near the doorway.
“Good morning,” a familiar male voice replied, immediately drawing Hannah’s gaze.
With a warm smile aimed in her direction, Garrett crossed the room to where Hannah stood with Jessica.
“Morning,” Hannah greeted, surprised by how happy she was to see him. Maybe it was seeing a somewhat familiar face when she was feeling so alone. All she knew was that Garrett’s presence seemed to wrap around her like a security blanket, instantly soothing some of her growing fears. Realizing she was still staring up at him, she turned her attention back to her son, who looked so incredibly small and fragile inside the lamp-lit glass enclosure.
“I need to go update your son’s records,” Jessica told her. “I’ll be back in a little bit to look in on him.”
Garrett moved to stand beside her when Jessica walked away. “How are you holding up?”
“Not well, I’m afraid,” she admitted, wrapping her arms about herself. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to leave him.”
“I know it won’t be easy,” he said, his tone filled with compassion, “but he’s got to stay here and grow strong. You’ll see him every day until he’s ready to come home with you.”
She nodded. “I know.” But the thought of leaving Austin tore at her heart.
“We don’t have to leave just yet,” he told her. “I don’t have anything I need to be doing today.”
Hannah fought the sudden sting of unshed tears. “If it’s all right with you, I’d like to stay for a little while longer. Austin’s had a setback.”
With a worried frown, Garrett looked down into the incubator. “What’s happened?”
“He’s jaundiced,” she answered. “That’s why they have him under these special lights.”
He gave a nod of understanding. “It’s not uncommon for a newborn, especially one that was born prematurely, to have issues with jaundice.”
Hannah sniffled softly, fighting to hold back the tears. “A mother is supposed to be able to make everything all right. Because that’s what I am now, aren’t I? His mother? But my son is so tiny and helpless, and there’s nothing I can do to help him.”
His hand moved to wrap around hers. “You are his mother, Hannah. And you need to stay strong for him. Don’t let your fears push your faith aside. Trust in the Lord to heal Austin and give him the strength he needs.”
“I’m trying, Garrett,” she said with a soft sob, clinging tightly to the hand holding hers, as if doing so would help
give her the strength she would need to get through this. “But sometimes it gets so overwhelming, and I feel so alone.”
“I know,” he said, giving her hand a sympathetic squeeze. “But you’re not alone, Hannah. You have me, and you have my family here to support you while you are going through this. We’ll weather this rough patch together. I promise.”
She was not alone. Garrett hadn’t abandoned her. A woman he didn’t even know, had no obligation to. No, he’d come back to check on them. Offering her comfort and support. He was a good man. The kind a woman dreamed of coming into her life someday. Only, her life was far too complicated now, and that “someday” had been pushed aside by the need to focus solely on the baby she would be raising on her own.
When Garrett’s hand left hers, Hannah found herself wishing he hadn’t pulled away. His gentle touch was comforting, giving her a strength she couldn’t seem to find on her own right now.
“Have you eaten?” he asked.
“They brought a breakfast tray to my room this morning.”
“But did you eat?” he pressed.
Hannah shook her head. “No. I wasn’t hungry.”
“I figured as much,” he replied. “Hannah, you need to eat to keep your strength up, or you won’t be any good to your son. Tell you what, how about you and I take a walk down to the cafeteria?”
“He’s right,” Jessica said, joining them once more alongside the incubator. Reaching inside, she shifted Austin slightly. “You need to keep your strength up. Trust me, I know. Go on and get yourself something to eat. I’ll be here to watch over your son for you.”
She had no doubt that her son would be in capable hands, but it was still hard to walk away. But Garrett and Jessica were right. She needed to keep up her strength. For Austin’s sake, if not her own. “Thank you,” Hannah said. “We won’t be long.”
“We’ll be here,” Jessica replied with a smile as she cast a glance toward Hannah’s son.
Garrett escorted Hannah from the room, a supportive hand placed at the small of her back as they made their way down the corridor. “Should I get you a wheelchair? It’s a bit of a walk to the hospital’s cafeteria.”
She glanced over at him with a grateful smile. “I don’t think that will be necessary. As I said yesterday, they prefer me to be up and moving about. Even if a bit more slowly than my normal pace.”
“I’m sorry,” he replied with a frown. “I do remember you mentioning that. Truth is, I don’t have much experience with this kind of thing. There’s a big difference between a horse and you giving birth.”
Much to her surprise, a soft giggle pushed past her lips. “I would hope so.”
Color flooded his tanned cheeks. “That didn’t exactly come out the way I meant it to. What I was trying to say was—”
“You don’t need to explain yourself,” Hannah said, cutting him off. “This is all new to me, too.”
They stopped at the elevator doors and Garrett reached out to push the down button. “Fortunately, my mother has a lot of experience with having babies. She’ll be able to help you navigate this new part of your life. Even Autumn will be able to answer a lot of your questions. She helped with the raising of Blue for most of her young life.”
The elevator doors slid open and they stepped inside. “Blue?”
“My niece,” he answered as the doors closed. He jabbed at the floor button that would take them to the cafeteria. “Tucker eloped with Autumn’s sister back when he was riding the rodeo circuit. But they were young, and things didn’t work out the way he thought they would. In fact, Summer walked out on him without even a note of explanation, and it wasn’t until just recently that he learned of his daughter’s existence, when Autumn came to tell him of her sister’s passing. Blue’s five now.”
“She kept his daughter from him all those years?” she said, her heart going out to Garrett’s brother.
“Summer had her reasons for doing what she did,” he said. “Not that I agree with them, but then, I didn’t grow up in a broken family the way she had. My brothers and I were raised with the love of both parents, who are still happily married today.”
“I can’t even imagine what it would have been like to grow up without two loving parents.” Like her son would have to do, she thought sadly. But she would do everything in her power to make certain he always felt loved. Something else struck her at that moment. Looking to Garrett, she said, “So your brother married his wife’s sister?”
“Her twin sister,” he answered as the elevator arrived at their floor. “While they grew up together down in Braxton, Texas, Autumn and Summer are, or I suppose that should be were, two very different personalities. Autumn is a better fit for the man my brother has grown into. And she loves his daughter, her niece, as if Blue were her very own.”
Just as I will love my nephew, Hannah thought to herself. He would never doubt her. She’d make certain of that.
* * *
Garrett’s worried gaze slid over to Hannah who was seated in the passenger seat of his truck. “You doing okay?”
She hesitated before nodding her reply. “A little tired. That’s all.”
“I think that’s to be expected,” he assured her, his attention returning to the road ahead. “You’ve been through a lot these past few days. And hospital beds aren’t known for inducing the most restful night’s sleep.”
“To be honest, I am looking forward to spending the night in a real bed again,” Hannah said, looking out the passenger side window. “I just wish...”
“That Austin were here with you,” Garrett finished for her, his tone gentle.
“Yes,” she replied with a heart-wrenching sigh.
“It won’t be long,” he said. “And I’ll take you back to see your son after supper.” The hospital was in the next town over, so the drive wasn’t overly long. Twenty-five minutes at the most.
“I’ve taken you away from your responsibilities enough for one day,” she said, looking his way.
“Right now, you’re my responsibility,” he said, wondering the second the words left his mouth where they had come from. While he had every intention of helping Hannah out while she was there, a position he had set his mind never to put himself in again after losing Grace, he would do so without any sort of emotional commitment. Cut and dry was how he preferred things when it came to his emotions. It was safer that way.
“As soon as I can arrange it, I’m going to have a rental car delivered. That will allow me to travel to and from the hospital without having to impose on you or your family.”
A frown tugged at his mouth. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? Driving so soon after giving birth? I know I’m a vet, but I would think your body would need a little healing time before doing so.” Steering a car used abdominal muscles which had to be weakened from carrying a baby. Not to mention all the physical strain a body went through giving birth.
Her lips pressed together.
“Hannah?”
“It might be a little sooner than the doctor suggested,” she confessed, avoiding his gaze.
“I thought as much,” he replied with a sigh. “Look, I know you don’t want to have to depend on others to help you with things you’ve always been able to do on your own. But this isn’t a normal situation. Your car was totaled in a flood. You went into labor sooner than expected. Your son requires additional medical care. Your father is sick and unable to help you out right now. Let my family help you through this. Let me help you.”
Garrett couldn’t take the words back. He wanted to help Hannah. It was the Christian thing to do. And there was no risk of getting emotionally caught up in the situation as he had with Grace. His heart would have to do more than beat for that to happen, but the organ had been numb for pretty much half his life.
“You’re a stubborn man, Garrett Wade,” Hannah told him with a small smile.
“Determined,” he countered with a grin.
She sighed softly. “I suppose there will be plenty of time to practice being self-sufficient once Austin and I go home. And you needn’t worry about us financially. My insurance will cover most of our care, and, besides the money I have put away in my savings, we have the life insurance Heather and Brian left to me, along with the sale of their house.”
“What if your insurance doesn’t cover Austin’s care?” he asked.
“It will,” she assured him. “With no surrogacy contract between my sister and her husband and myself, something we felt no need to have, and with their passing, I can legally claim him as my own.”
“And what about your sister’s husband’s family? Do you think they’ll try and fight you on this?”
She shook her head. “Brian didn’t have the best home life growing up and hadn’t been in contact with his family since leaving home at seventeen. Heather and Brian had made their wishes clear to me, that if anything were ever to happen to them they wanted me to take over the raising of their child, or children, if the Lord saw fit to bless them with more than one.”
“You might not need help financially, but you might find yourself in need of other forms of assistance while you’re here. So, until you’re able to go home to Colorado, consider yourself tucked securely beneath the Wade family wing.”
Moisture filled her eyes. “Thank you.”
He looked away, not wanting to see the tears pooling in her eyes. Hannah’s tears had a way of getting to him, making him feel things he’d just as soon not feel. Like connected and vulnerable and protective, all at the same time. “You’re welcome.”
Silence fell between them for several minutes. Hannah’s attention was fixed on the land that stretched out around them. His family’s land. While Garrett struggled to focus on anything but the woman beside him. He’d never felt so distracted.
“That’s my place,” he announced as they drove past the barn-style ranch house that sat off in the distance. “The smaller building next to the house is my vet clinic, not that it gets used too often. Most of my work is done on-site, rather than having my customers transport their cows and horses.”